


Crime and Punishment

by luckylyanna



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Arguing, Arranged Marriage, Barebacking, Blood Drinking, Blow Jobs, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bottom Jace, Cake, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Dissociation, Execution, Fantasizing, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Flirting, Floor Sex, Forbidden Love, Hurt/Comfort, Kink Negotiation, Laughter During Sex, M/M, Magic, Magic being used during sex, Mental Breakdown, Mentioned Magnus Bane/Luke Garroway, Mentions of incest, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Obsession, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Parabatai-in-love, Past Abuse, Politics, Praise Kink, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sexting, Sharing Clothes, Sub Jace, Subspace, Temporary Character Death, True Love, Val is a terrible Father, Violence, Vomiting, no actual incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-08 23:20:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 142,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7777624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckylyanna/pseuds/luckylyanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You love me, so? I love you too, Alec. We’re parabatai. Of course I love you the most,” Oh no. Was this the part where he said they were brothers? Alec started regretting ever wanting to talk to Jace about this.</p><p> </p><p> “You ever doubted it? Doubted me?” Jace asked, angrily. His expression changed in a matter of seconds. He went from smiling to looking like he was either gonna punch Alec in the face or cry. Before Alec could reply Jace was in his personal space. They were standing so close to one another that Alec could feel his parabatai breathing.</p><p> </p><p> “Jace, look--” Alec was interrupted by Jace’s voice rising.</p><p> </p><p> “Listen,” he said and looked up at his best friend with such intensity that Alec wondered how he could’ve ever doubted him. Jace caught the collar of Alec’s shirt in his hands, and brought him down so they were at the same eye level. “You can doubt whatever you want. Doubt The Clave, doubt Clary, and doubt my stupid plans. You can doubt that the sun will rise tomorrow, Alec, but don’t ever doubt you’re the one I love the most, the one I need the most-my other half.”  </p><p> </p><p>aka Alec's life changes completely when he learnes that he is indeed the one Jace loves the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doubts and Promises

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ
> 
> 1.I just want to warn you:this will probably be a long one.Initially, I intended it to be 5000 words at best, but here we are
> 
> 2.Given the nature of the relationship between these two, the love I've described here is rather intense and at times it can seem dramatic.But this is how I believe their relationship might have gone if they were given a chance by CC.
> 
> 3.This is a Jalec fic.Although relationships with others are mentioned (and in one scene we see one of them with someone else) rest assured that in the end they will (spoiler alert!) end up together.I'm saying this, because there are way too many fics marked as Jace/Alec that end up not being what they promise.Just putting that out there.
> 
> 4.This fic deals with a very serious mental disorder.Namely, Borderline Personality Disorder.If Jace's actions (spoiler again!) seem unreasonable to you, that's the reason.Mental illness is not reasonable.
> 
> 5.As a mentaly ill peron I feel like I need to say this:Alec's love for Jace, not matter how strong and genuine, will NOT cure him.In later chapters we'll be exploring said illness.
> 
> 6.I have included parts of poems in my native language, which have inspired me when writing this fic. However, as it is almost always the case they do not sound well in English.But if you're intrested I'll gladly translate them to you.
> 
> 7.This is not a BDSM fic, although some BDSM elements will be included.
> 
> 8.Last, but not least I'd like to say a huge THANK YOU to @mia-zeklos and my dear friend Emily, who supported me through the whole time and listened to me ramble.
> 
> I really, really hope you guys enjoy this. I worked very hard, because I know how disheartening the lack of Jalec fics is.
> 
> HAVE FUN!

_“There are only to ways of life: to rot or to burn”_

 

 

 

 By the time Alec Lightwood had turned eighteen he had already come to terms with the fact that he was gay. Despite living in a homophobic world he never did manage to understand what was so wrong about loving someone of the same gender. But like with all bigotry, Alec found there was no point in trying to find reason behind it.

 

 He had also accepted the fact that he was in love with his parabatai. Only, loving Jace came as naturally to him as breathing so there was nothing for him to accept. All his smiles were Jace’s. It was Jace’s eyes he looked for in crowds. And Alec swore (silently, at night, and only before Raziel) that if you were to rip his heart out from his chest, you would find Jace there. He was Jace’s – pure and simple. He was Jace’s, but Jace wasn’t his. Not truly. Not the way Alec wanted him-whole and raw, pure and dirty. All of their touches, hugs, smiles, gestures meant the world to Alec, but for Jace they were just ways to express his brotherly love. _Brotherly_ , Alec wanted to scoff at that word.

 

 He had to remind himself it was for the best. It was better to love Jace from afar and never have him than to receive the only thing he had ever wanted in this world just so it can be ripped away from him moments later. To Alec, an entire life with Jace would seem like a moment passed too quickly. People wiser than him had said that you never suffer for something you’ve never had. But Alec did. He suffered every time he saw Jace leave with some random girl after a mission. He suffered, because other people, unworthy people, got everything he’s ever wanted so easily only to tarnish it once they were done taking from Jace  the only thing they wanted. He suffered so much and so deeply that sometimes the parabatai rune on his hip would burn him so hard, that he thought he was dying. And in those moments Alec wanted to dig his fingers into his own skin and scratch until there was nothing left of that damned rune. For it was a blessing and a curse. The one thing that made him Jace so close (as close as two people could get, according to their ancestors) and how funny that it those same ancestors who made the love between them a crime. They were one soul split in two bodies, and yet the love that the rune had put into their hearts was never meant to reach the lips. _How fucking stupid was that?_

 

 And while The Clave was sometimes willing to turn a blind eye on such misguided acts as fucking someone of your own gender  (as long as it was kept under wraps) they would never turn a blind eye on parabatai who dared to fall in love.

 

 The only explanation Alec could find for it was that love was dangerous business. It made people reckless and selfish. Because of that, it had no place in the life of a Shadowhunter. But for two parabatai who already shared a bond stronger than anything mundanes had, it could even prove deadly. Parabatai- in -love would burn the world to the ground if it meant they could be together.

 

That made them prone to rebellion. And if they were to stand together against The Clave they wouldn’t just be dangerous-they would be unstoppable.

 

 For that reason The Clave made sure two parabatai never fell in love with one another. And for those poor souls who had the audacity to disobey, the Inquisitor had only the cruelest of punishments. Alec had heard the horror stories about what happened to those who were guilty in the eyes of the Clave.  Parabatai who were convicted of High Treason weren’t even buried in the City of Bones and their families were dishonored for generations to come.  The Clave needed to ensure people (Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike) submit.  And fear was the surest way to do it.

 

 Alec knew it was all wrong. He wasn’t some mindless drone who followed orders without question or hesitation. He knew the Clave was wrong about their treatment of Downworlders as well. _The whole system is wrong,_ Alec wanted to say, but never dared to utter a word. Because The Law was hard, but it was The Law, and one person was not capable of changing it, no matter how badly they wanted to.

 

Sometimes, though, The Law felt not like a piece of paper written thousands of years ago, but like chains, wrapped  around Alec’s arms, legs, and throat, that kept him in place, and didn’t even allow him to breathe. Alec wanted nothing more than to break out of those chains, and run. He dreamt of running, and not even looking back. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. Not when he had his family relying on him. Alec didn’t want them to pay the price for his freedom. Many people couldn’t afford to follow their hearts, so Alec tried not to dwell on it.

 

When Alec realized just how impossible his love for Jace was he did what every teenager with feelings for their best friend would do. He stayed quiet and hoped it would pass. Surely his love for Jae wouldn’t last forever. He longed for the day when he’d wake up and his first thought wouldn’t be of Jace. But it never happened. Love did not come with a switch, as Alec had come to learn. He couldn’t turn it off no matter how hard he tried. Alec was convinced he’d stop breathing before he stopped loving Jace.  

 

He knew his love for Jace made him dangerous to be around and weak. He felt it the most when they were in battle. Every time Jace would find himself in danger during a fight with demons the only thing Alec wanted to do was abandon all else and help his parabatai. He knew Jace didn’t need his protection, but that knowledge did nothing to stop his heart from skipping a beat whenever Jace looked like he was about to lose the fight. Alec was afraid that someday Jace would get himself seriously injured and Alec would be so devastated that everyone would be able to tell exactly what he was feeling. 

 

 So Alec built a wall around himself that no one could penetrate. Not even his little sister who he was sure would understand him. It hurt to see her try and act as if they were still children-the three of them and as if nothing had changed. But it was better this way. He preferred everyone to think of him as a heartless prick than to know about the fire that burned him from the inside every day.

 

  

  By the time Alec Lightwood had turned nineteen he thought he already had everything under control. He had learned to keep his emotions on a leash and had acquired a stoic expression that his sister often referred to as ‘Grumpy Cat’ (whatever the hell that meant.)

 

  But just as he had suspected Alec never stopped loving Jace. Hearts were not obedient creatures, as Alec had come to find. No matter what he did his love for Jace always stayed at the back of his mind like a silent flame, ready to burst at any given moment and burn his life down. But other than that their lives stayed normal (by Shadowhunters’ standards anyways).They went on missions daily, killed demons ,and then debriefed. Alec shared an opinion with his sister that it was getting boring.

 

 

   But then _she_ showed up and made Alec swallow his words. Clary Fray.  Or Clary Fairchild. Alec didn’t care.  She’d come into their lives, turning everything upside down while simultaneously managing to enchant everyone around her. Including Jace.  Alec was both thankful for her and wished she’d leave as quickly as she’d appeared.Maybe her presence would be what  made Alec move on. Maybe seeing Jace with someone else would finally kill that twice– damned love his heart.  Or maybe it would strain the relationship between the parabatai forever. The latter was more likely. Alec had noticed that ever since Clary had come into their lives the fights between him Jace had become more and more frequent. He hated raising his voice at Jace, but it was the only thing he could do as he felt his parabatai slip between his fingers. And in those moments Alec hated Clary Fray. Perhaps it was not her he hated, but the fact that he was no longer the only person Jace put all his trust into.

 

 _Don’t ever doubt me_. Alec had asked, but Jace still did. That hurt even more than knowing Jace would never be in love with him, because for Shadowhunters trust was more important than love.And with every word against Clary Alec could feel his parabatai was getting further and further away from him, and Alec knew that if one day Jace had to make a choice between him and Clary he would choose her in a heartbeat. Alec knew this would happen eventually. He knew someday Jace would find a girl he wanted to marry and spend the rest of his life with, but he had never expected it to happen so early and so suddenly.

 

  After each fight they had Alec thought he could feel their bond weakening. He was afraid that someday, in the midst of yelling and harsh words it might break.

 

 

Still in search for Jocelyn Fray, the three-and- a -half Shadowhunters found themselves in Magnus Bane’s lair. In order for Clary’s memories to be restored she had to draw some sort of rune on the ground and then they all had to stand in a circle and part with a memory of the person they loved the most. _Fuck_. Before he had even caught the other’s hands Alec knew what would happen. And soon enough, Jace’s smiling face was looking at him from above. Even after everything that had happened Jace still remained the person he loved the most.  Alec couldn’t do this. He couldn’t watch his parabatai’s face shift as he came to a realization about the other’s feelings. It was over. Jace knew. And everyone in the room did too.

 

But just as Alec was about to let go he saw his own image fly up in the air. Alec was the person Jace loved the most. Not Clary, not their parents, not anyone else. _Alec._ The knowledge made him feel giddy and excited and new.

 

Alec didn’t know what happened after that. Did Clary regain her memories? Did Bane continue to flirt with him? He didn’t care. The rest of the night passed in a blur for him. He only recalled his sister telling him to stop smiling like an idiot while he was standing in the corner. But Alec couldn’t help himself. He felt the same way he did when he first discovered the true meaning behind his feelings for Jace-like he could do anything. Though his mind was quick to remind him that ‘the person he loves the most’ didn’t necessarily mean Jace was in love with him.

In truth, Alec didn’t know why this newly-acquired knowledge had brought him such unexpected joy. Perhaps it was the reassurance that even after everything that had happened he’d still remained the person Jace loved the most.Or perhaps it was something even more treacherous. Hope. It was the sort of hope that Alec had not allowed himself to have in a long time. The sort of hope, that caused rebellions. The sort of hope that got people killed.

 

If Jace loved him then that would change everything.

 

A long time ago Alec had spent many long nights imagining what would happen if Jace came to him and confessed his love. He imagined taking his parabatai’s hand and leaving it all behind. If they were together nothing would stand in their way. _Let them try,_ Alec would think. In his wildest fantacies Jace and he were the ones who put an end to The Clave’s tyranny so no parabatai would ever have to suffer the way they had. But those were only a child’s dreams, and Alec had quickly outgrown them.

 

The oppoprtunity to talk to Jace presented itself the very next day. Alec knew it would be easier to just go and talk to Jace, but The Institute wasn’t the right place for it.It was too intimate of a subject, and Alec didn’t want to risk being heard. If they talked about it in The Institute Alec would feel like the whole Clave had their eyes on them.

 

So when his Mother came back to The Institute, and assigned him as Clary’s babysitter while Izzy and Jace were on a mission, Alec knew he couldn’t wait for a perfect moment to happen. He had to make it happen.

 

Alec stepped into his Mother’s office, and stood up straight with his hands behind his back, the way he had been taught to do when talking to someone superior.

 

 “Mother, I-I ,” Alec swallowed thickly,and then continued “Mother, I think you’re going about this all the wrong way.”

 

“Excuse me?” Maryse Lightwood got on her feet and looked at her son as if he was crazy.She hated having her decisions questioned.

 

  “Wouldn’t it be a better idea if we sent Izzy and Clary to talk to Meliorn? They both have a way of talking Downworlders that Jace and I don’t. I’m the leader of this team and I’d prefer to be the one to carry this task out, and my parabatai will be there to back me up. Besides, imagine if we were to catch Valentine. The honor it would bring to our family name. And would you really trust Valentine’s own daughter to go after him? No matter what happens he’s still her father,and blood calls to blood.” Alec doubted Clary would ever join her insane father, but he was willing to say anything just so he could talk to Jace in private.

 

 “Well then, it seems that you’ve made your decision. There’s no point trying to stop you. Just be careful.”

 

 “Yes, Mother.”

 

 

 Magnus Bane had given them the address of an abandoned warehouse where he thought Valentine and his minions could be hiding. When Jace had found out there was a chance they could be facing Valentine directly he had been so excited, he’d even forgotten to take his jacket and left The Institute wearing only a black tank top. He’d claimed his Seraph blade was the only thing he needed, but Alec was sure the rain that was pouring outside was going to prove him wrong.

 

Two things had become clear once the parabatai had reached their destination. First, the inside of the warehouse was freezing cold. So much so that Alec  could feel  his parabatai shiver beside him. He heard Jace sneeze as they stepped further into the building.Somehow Alec found the sound adorable.

 

“Bless you,” Alec said, smirking, but what he really meant was _I told you so._

 

“Shut it,” Jace responded, glaring. He brought his hands together, and started rubbing them in attempt to get warm.

 

 Alec had advised Jace to go back to The Institute and get his jacket.If Valentine was really there he could wait for a few minutes.Stubborn as ever though, Jace had insisted that he’d get warm once the fight broke out.

 

The second thing they discovered as soon as they’d burst in through the doors, was that Jace wouldn’t be getting warm anytime soon since the warehouse was empty. Of course it was. Valentine wouldn’t be hiding in a place that was so close to one of the biggest Institutes in the world. Not for a long time anyway. It was likely that Valentine changed his hiding place often.

 

 Despite this, Alec knew they hadn’t come here in vain. Before Jace went for the exit Alec called out and stopped him.

 

 “Wait! We need to talk,” Alec said and got closer to his parabatai. He put his hands on Jace’s arms and started rubbing them up and down in attempt to help warm them up. It didn’t seem to be helping since Jace began shivering.

 

 Jace tilted his head in a way that reminded Alec of a confused puppy. “What is it?” he seemed worried about what Alec might say. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No, no just,” to talk about it was proving more difficult than Alec had ever expected. Just then he noticed that his parabatai was positively freezing. Alec shrugged off his jacket and put it over Jace’s shoulders, hoping it would provide at least some warmth. The jacket was a tad too big for him, but it was fine for the time being. Jace looked good wearing it, cute even.

 

 “Just what? Whatever it is you can tell me,” Alec  certainly hoped so.

 

  “Yesterday at Magnus’s… Your image up there and then mine ...” Alec had thought long about what he wanted to say and yet he couldn’t utter a word right now. All he could do was stare at Jace and hope he understood.

 

“You love me, so? I love you too, Alec. We’re parabatai. Of course I love you the most,” _Oh no_. Was this the part where he said they were brothers? Alec started regretting ever wanting to talk to Jace about this.

 

 “You ever doubted it? Doubted me?” Jace asked, angrily. His expression changed in a matter of seconds. He went from smiling to looking like he was either gonna punch Alec in the face or cry. Before Alec could reply Jace was in his personal space. They were standing so close to one another that Alec could feel his parabatai breathing.

 

 “Jace, look--” Alec was interrupted by Jace’s voice rising.

 

 “Listen,” he said and looked up at his best friend with such intensity that Alec wondered how he could’ve ever doubted him. Jace caught the collar of Alec’s shirt in his hands, and brought him down so they were at the same eye level. “You can doubt whatever you want. Doubt The Clave, doubt Clary, and doubt my stupid plans. You can doubt that the sun will rise tomorrow, Alec, but don’t _ever_ doubt you’re the one I love the most, the one I need the most-my other half.” Jace let go of Alec’s collar and threw his arms around him, resting his head on his parabatai’s shoulder.

 

 Alec wrapped his arms around Jace and let himself enjoy the moment. He couldn’t help but notice that Jace was till shivering. Was he really that cold?

 After a while, he spoke up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to doubt you; I... just,” Alec wasn’t brave enough to finish the sentence. 

 

 Jace pulled back from the hug and looked at Alec, smirking. “It’s cool, man,” Jace replied. “You’re fine,” And they were done. The moment was gone.

 

After a moment of awkward silence Jace spoke up.

 

“We should probably look around and see if Valentine left anything behind before he left.”

 

  Alec doubted that an evil mastermind like Valentine would make such a stupid mistake, but nodded in agreement. He hadn’t realized just how vast the werehouse actually was until he’d gotten the chance to look around. But then again, he had better things to look at. What did Valentine need all this space for anyway?

 

“I’ll see you later then,” said Alec who was ready to be left alone with his regrets. “Just don’t do anything too stupid,” he couldn’t stop himself from making the remark, though he smiled when he said it.

 

“I was just about to say the same thing. Hey, just so you know, I’m keeping the jacket. It’s really comfy. And it looks better on me anyway. “  

 

Indeed, Jace looked simply gorgeous like this. He was now fully wearing his parabatai’s jacket with a smile upon his lips and a gleam in his eyes that made him resemble an angel even more.  Alec would give the last piece of clothing off his back to see him like this always.

 

“Don’t worry; they sell them in kids’ sizes as well.” Once again Alec’s brain-to-mouth filter had refused to work. Eh, whatever.

Jace gave him the bird before they parted ways. Still, his parabatai looked happy with their little banter and that was the only thing that ever mattered to Alec.

 

After Alec had made sure that the werehouse was empty (or at least the parts he’d searched) he went to find Jace, wanting only to get the hell out of this place. They’d spent so much time here and acompished almost nothing. Their Mother would be furious.

 

Alec walked through the werehouse, staring at the ground and regretting his poor life choices when suddenly he felt the air leave his lungs and his throat tighten. What the hell was going on?

 

_Jace._

Something was wrong with Jace. Jace was in danger. Not sooner had that thought formed in his brain, than Alec began running without direction, or a plan with only a sort of a mantra sounding in his mind. _Save Jace, protect Jace; give your life for Jace, if you must._

 

“Jace!” he yelled, hoping his parabatai would answer, but he didn’t.  Of course he wouldn’t.  By the pain Alec felt in his own body, he judged that Jace was probably severely wounded, or perhaps even dying.

 

 _No._ He couldn’t allow himself such thoughts. Not when these thoughts made him feel like the little boy he sometimes thought he still was. Not when Jace needed him to be strong.

 

Alec kept running until he heard noise coming from ahead of him. It wasn’t the sound of blades clashing that was for sure.It sounded more like a wild animal. It was most likely a Forsaken.  Valentine had been using the werehouse to make himself a brand new army.  _Bastard,_ Alec felt only pity for those poor creatures, because they were nothing but slaves, robbed of their right to choose.

 

  Alec knew that just going in and attacking mindlessly wouldn’t be a good idea, especially since he hadn’t brought his Seraph blade. Then again, having his blade with him didn’t seem to have helped Jace.

 

Sure enough, as Alec got closer to where that noise had come from, he saw that a Forsaken was holding Jace by the throat. Jace’s slender body was in the air and he looked like he was about to pass out.  Anger spread through Alec’s body like wildfire.  He wanted to screw all else and single-handedly destroy whoever or whatever had dared to hurt Jace. Had he been a weaker man, he would have done that. But he was Alec Lightwod, a Shadowhunter and a man of reason. He prided himself on always listening to his mind rather than his body. Luckily, right now both his mind and his heart were working towards the same goal.

 

When Jace saw his parabatai emerge silently from the shadows, a gleam of hope appeared in his eyes.He looked like he was about to say something, but Alec put a finger on his lips, signaling him to stay silent. Jace turned his eye aside making Alec look too. There, a few feet from the Forsaken, Jace’s blade lay on the ground. Thankfully, the Downworlder was unaware of it, and probably of what was happening literally behind its back, too.

 

Alec quickly shot three arrows, hitting the Forsaken in its back and legs. It fell to its knees and let go of Jace.Alec heard Jace’s body hit the ground. He didn’t witness it all happening, because he‘d ran to pick up the blade as soon as he’d shot his arrows.

 

Only when Alec felt the weight of the Seraph blade on his hand did he allow himself to unleash his true anger. He thought he’d feel good if he stabbed the Forsaken a few times, but that’s not what happened. He realized exactly what he’d done only when he heard the sound of the creature’s head hitting the ground.

 

_He had beheaded a Forsaken._

 

It was by far the most violent thing Alec had done in his life. He didn’t actually remember doing it, but he knew he’d felt satisfaction in the act. It was the kind of sick satisfaction that Alec assumed Valentine felt, and it made Alec feel sick to his stomach. He dropped the blade as if it burned him.

 

Alec then got closer to Jace and tried to help him stand up, but it seemed like he wasn’t ready to do that just yet. So Alec did the only thing he could think of. He bent down in order to be at the same level as Jace and gathered his best friend in his arms.

 

“You’re okay now,” Alec whispered softly, holding his parabatai’s face. “It’s gone. It can’t hurt you again.”

 

Alec felt Jace’s tears on his shoulder, but was unsure what he ought to say. So he just held Jace tighter and hoped it was clear what that meant. He thought he should feel guilty for enjoying this moment so much, but he didn’t. It was his right, his duty to comfort his parabatai. Who could blame him for doing just that?

 

Jace however showed no signs of getting better and just continued sobbing silently. Alec couldn’t watch him fall apart, not here anyway, so he thought he should do something.

 

“Look at me, Jace!” he ordered. Surprisingly Jace did just that. “There we go,” Alec wiped the tears from his eyes, but was unsure of what exactly he wanted to say so they ended up staring at each other once more. Jace’s eyes were glassy and it seemed like he wasn’t really aware of what was actually happening. He was beautiful nonetheless. God, Alec wanted to kiss him.

 

Alec was never good with words. Actions were his thing, for actions always spoke the truth. That’s why when he was unable to console his parabatai; Alec said the only thing he knew to be true in this deceitful world.

 

“You’re safe now. As long as I live you will never have to fear again.I won’t let anyone hurt you.I swear it,” he kissed the back of Jace’s palm as if to seal the deal. He hadn’t planned it, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

 

Jace looked he he was about to cry again.

 

“Do you trust me?” Alec asked.

 

“With my life,” Jace responded through tears and surged forward to bury his face in Alec’s neck. “I love you,” he whispered in his parabatai’s ear.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

 

When their Mother had seen the bruises on Jace’s throat she’d nearly started crying. Alec suspected she had, but only in the privacy of her own room. Once Jace’s wounds were tended to she had pressed her son’s head to her chest like she done so many times when he was young, and had not let go of him until she was sure he was fine.

 

Izzy was the only one who had paid Alec any mind.

 

“I’m proud of you, big bother. What you did was heroic... and fucking cool!”

 

She’d then demanded to know all the gloomy details of her brother’s so-called heroic deed.

 

 

Alec thought his Mother was done when she finished yelling at his Father. She wasn’t.

 

She summoned him in her office and ordered him to give a full report of the situation.

 

Alec was just about done with his report when the door of the office opened and Magnus Bane entered.

 

Maryse arose from her seat and walked towards the Warlock.Alec did not know what to expect.

 

“You’re here. Good. I want you to secure the Institute just in case Valentine decides to try something,” she commanded.”One can never be too prepared.”

 

“Will do,” answered Magnus, who already looked like he wanted to get the fuck out of here, though he wore a polite smile. “If there’s nothing else, I’ll be getting to work.”

 

“Just one more thing, Magnus,” she smiled and Alec knew that wasn’t a good sign. “If you put my son at risk again, I shall personally escort you back to Hell where you came from.”Alec had never heard his Mother’s voice sound so cold.She then left the room.

 

“Your Mother is charming as always,” Magnus said as he was pouring himself a drink. “I don’t usually drink while I’m at work, but I just wanted to have a toast to today’s hero,” he gave Alec a glass as well.

 

“Uh... thanks, Magnus, but I’m no hero. I just did what anyone else would do.”

 

The Warlock laughed. “One deed doesn’t make you a hero. “ Magnus sat down and took a sip of his drink. “A hero is someone who always puts others first. A hero is someone who doesn’t expect payment for what they’ve  done,” He looked up at Alec and added, “And you, my dear, certainly are a hero.” Alec had no idea how to respond to that, so he sat down and watched Magnus finish his drink.

 

After the Downworlder was done he got up and started writing something down on a piece of paper.

 

“Here’s my number, in case the life of a hero gets too lonely, or if you just want a drink,” he left without another word.

 

 

 

Alec had not had the chance to talk to his parabatai ever since they had come back to The Institute.  He knew they couldn’t talk about _everything_ , not without raising questions (those damned cameras followed them everywhere) but he still wanted to make sure Jace was okay.

 

So as soon as he was free of all his tasks of the day, Alec rushed for the stairs that led to Jace’s bedroom.He feared what he might find there. Was Jace still upset? Did he he curl up into a ball and let the pillow soak up his tears? Was he waiting for Alec to come and take the pain away?

 

No matter what insane scenario Alec had ran through his head nothing could have prepared him for what was actually happening in the room. He opened the door and was met with the view of Jace on his back and Clary on top of him. They were kissing. Making-out. Jace didn’t seem to be in any sort of pain, quite the opposite, actually.

 

Alec had never witnessed Jace actually _being_ with someone. It came like a cold shower to him. He felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. He’d been worrying about his best friend while Jace was using his apparent trauma to finally get into Clary’s pants.That felt like a weird metaphor for their entire relationship. Enough was enough, though.

 

Both of them were half-naked, but Alec didn’t cover his eyes in disgust, although that was exactly what he was feeling. He wanted to see, to see and remember.  He’d remind himself of this everytime he dared to think of Jace as more than a best friend.

 

Clary quickly got off Jace and covered herself, clearly embarrassed.Jace, however was not that modest. He did try to reach Alec though, but Alec stopped him before he’d had the chance to say anything besides his parabatai’s name.

 

“Alec,” he tried, but Alec took a step back, and gestured for Jace to stop with his hand.

 

“Don’t,” he said and slammed the door shut behind him.

 

 

The next morning Alec dialed a new number.

 

“Uh...hi, Magnus…about that drink you offered…”

 

 

 

Alec expected that after the Bedroom Accident (as he’d started calling it in his head) they would stop talking to each other for a while. He expected awkward silence and questioning looks from his sister, as well as behavioral lectures from their Mother. After all, that was hardly the first time they’d had a serious fight. Sometimes they would need to stop talking to each other for a while after saying something they didn’t mean. It would never last long. Eventually they would always find their way back to one another.  This was different, though.It was worse. They kept talking to each other, but only when the situation required it. Their conversations consisted of battle and other work-related topics. They shared no smiles, no lingering looks and no gentle touches. As if they we mere aquaintances and not part of each other’s soul.

 

Isabelle, however, was Isabelle and when she had seen what was happening between her brothers she couldn’t stay silent.

 

“You’re both too stuborn for your own good.One day you’ll regret those petty fights of yours. I just hope it’s not too late. For both of you.”

 

In the end, it was Alec who gave in first.

 

Alec was getting ready for a get-together with Magnus.He wasn’t sure if it was a date or not. Still, he made sure to look at least presentable, wearing a button down shirt and a pair of dark skinny jeans. The only thing missing from this whole outfit was… a jacket. _Damn it._ It had been three weeks and he still hadn’t mustered up the courage to ask for it back. Perhaps it was because he knew what would happen if he did. It had to happen someday, though.

 

As Alec walked to Jace’s room Izzy’s words echoed in his mind. He knew he was being stubborn, but he couldn’t stop himself

 

Alec had learned his lesson and this time he knocked before he entered his parabatai’s bedroom. He found Jace laying on the bed, this time alone, playing with his stele. As soon as he saw Alec enter he got up and approached him.

 

“You’re here,” he breathed out. “Did you finally forgive me?” Jace beamed and his smile resembled the Sun. Alec could not allow himself to fall victim to that smile like he had done countless times before. He knew better now. He had to look away so he wouldn’t lose himself in Jace’s eyes and forget ever being at odds with him.

 

“Actually, I’m here to pick up my jacket. I borrowed it to you a few weeks ago. You never did return it so I thought you might have forgotten.”

 

Jace’s face fell. “Don’t be silly,” his voice sounded hurt, “Of course I haven’t forgotten.”

 

“Where is it, then? Alec looked down at his watch, “I need to be somewhere in twenty minutes.”

 

“Where are you going? I thought we were done with missions for the day,” Jace was still searching through his closet. “Damn it, I don’t even remember where I put it. I have the memory of a goldfish. ” Jace laughed at his own joke. The sound rang through Alec’s ears, and he suddenly realized how much he’d missed it.

 

_Jace still wore his jacket?_

 

Yet that did not stop the poisonous words from leaving his mouth, “I can’t wait for you forever,” his tone was harsher than he had intended it to be, “I have a meeting with a friend of mine,” Jace seemed shocked at the revalation, “Believe it or not, you’re not the centre of my world,” Not for the first time in his life Alec Lightwood wished he hadn’t given in to his anger and said the first thing that came to his mind.

 

Jace scoffed, looking at the ground. “You’re such a fucking liar!” he accused.

 

“Excuse me?” Alec tilted his head so he got a better view of Jace. Only now did he notice how hurt his parabatai actually looked.The bruises on his neck were not yet healed and though he was now looking at Alec, his eyes were full of tears.

 

“You promised you’d never let anyone hurt me, and yet that’s exactly what you’ve been doing for the last month! Are you enjoying yourself? Does torturing me feel good?” Alec wanted to scoff at Jace’s dramatics.

 

“You think you’re the only one who’s hurting?” Alec yelled back, aware that they were probably being watched, “I wanted to be there for you, but you didn’t need me.”

 

“Of course I needed you,” Jace yelled yet again.”I always need you,” his voice was much softer now. “Sometimes I feel like I need you too much. Like I’m too much. The last thing I want is to be a burden to you.” Alec’s heart swelled as he listened to Jace’s confession, but at the same time he couldn’t believe he’d made his parabatai feel this way. He wrapped his arms around Jace, unable to be parted from him any longer. He buried his face in Jace’s neck and breathed in his scent. The world felt right again.

 

 They stayed like this a little longer. When they separated Alec took one good look at Jace’s face, and realized something he’d probably known his entire life. This is how he wanted to die. Looking at Jace’s face. Seeing himself in those beautiful mismatched eyes. No matter what cruel and painful death awaited him, he’d die happy if the last thing he saw was Jace’s smile.

 

Alec placed one hand on his parabati’s cheek, and watched as Jace closed his eyes and leaned into the the touch, content.

 

“How did everything get so messed up?” Alec asked himself more than Jace.

 

“I guess we just stopped talking to each other,” Jace said, smiling. “Let’s not do that again.”

 

“Okay. Never again,” Alec promised.

 

They sat down next to each other on Jace’s bed, and talked about everything that came to their mind in attempt to catch up on the things they’d missed.

 

“Does it hurt still? Alec asked looking at Jace’s fading bruises.

 

“A bit, yeah. I try not to think about it. Pain is just part of life.”

 

It hurt to hear Jace say that. To know that he considered being in a state of constant pain to be ‘normal’ made Alec angry, mostly because he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t reprogram Jace. It was no secret that Michael Wayland had been abusive towards his son, treating him more like a soldier than like a boy. Yet Jace still missed his Father. Perhaps it was because he believed he still deserved the pain and punishment inflicted upon him. Alec, however, was more than glad that monster was no longer in Jace’s life. His only regret was not being the one to send him back to Hell.

 

“Can you swallow?” Alec asked, trying to change the topic. It took him a moment to realize how that had sounded and he was quick to correct himself. “I-I mean, do you have problem eating?” he dared not look at Jace, embarrassed.

 

“I’m fine. You need to stop worrying so much, Alec.” Jace said, smiling as he put his arm over Alec’s shoulders, pulling his best friend close.

 

“One of has to worry. God knows you don’t,“ the archer responded smiling in return, and finally looked at his best friend. Their faces were only inches apart, and Alec wondered what would happen if he were to move forward a little bit. He’d only get a taste. He wouldn’ linger on it--

 

_No. He couldn’t do this._

Alec knew very well that one kiss wouldn’t be enough. It could never be. If he started kissing Jace he wouldn’t stop until he’d completely devoured him. If Jace was willing he’d take him right there, on this very bed, wild and uncaring if anyone heard. And if The Clave was watching he hoped they’d enjoy the show.

 

Alec shifted a bit, not trusting himself to be this close to Jace, and it seemed to go unnoticed as his best friend continued to talk.

 

“That’s right,” Jace said nodding.“I never worry about anything,” they both knew that was a lie, but Alec let him continue, enjoying this playful side of his parabatai,”You know what means, right? It means I’ll outlive you.”

 

“Good,” Alec replied with a smile on his face. He did not want to spend even a moment in a world without Jace. “Although, I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you.I’m not the one who’s starting to forget things,” to Alec’s surprise Jace didn’t laugh. He just bowed his head as if unable to meet his parabatai’s eyes.”Jace?”

 

“I wanted to keep you here,” said Jace, still staring at his hands.”I knew you’d leave as soon as you got the jacket so I pretended not to know where I put it.It was stupid, I know,” Jace finally looked at his parabatai, searching for a reaction.

 

“Bring it then,” Jace got up reluctantly and went to the bathroom. After a while he came back carrying the jacket.

 

“Here it is,” he handed it over.”It has some stains on it, but I’ll fix it.I’m sorry”

 

“You really like this jacket, don’t you?” the question was rather rethorical, but Jace nodded nonetheless.

 

Alec handed it back to its rightful owner. “Keep it then,” Jace looked up, his eyes full of disbelief.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,I mean, you clearly like it more than I do.I’ll buy another,” he smiled,gesturing for Jace to put it on. “Go on then, wear your jacket.”

 

Jace happily did as he was told.

 

“You see, I told you it looks better on me.Honestly,I did you a favor by taking it,” they both laughed.

 

“Okay then, next time I’m buying a jacket I’ll bring you along to make sure it looks hidious on you.Now I’m scared you’ll steal all my clothes, and I won’t be able to go out anywhere” as they continued to laugh Alec suddenly remembered why he’d come here in the first place.

 

_Magnus._

“Oh, fuck,” the archer cursed as he quickly took out his phone and dialed the Warlock’s number.

 

“Alec, what’s wrong? Jace asked, clearly feeling his best friend’s distress.

 

“I was supposed to meet Magnus for a drink,” when the Downworlder finally picked up Alec ignored Jace’s further questions. “Magnus, I-I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to. I just…” he looked at Jace who was sitting on the bed, worried.Alec knew there was no excuse for what he had done, but still he couldn’t bring himself to regret  clearing things with Jace, instead of possibly getting drunk in some bar.

 

Magnus was patient and understanding as always, explaining that things like this happened once in a while, but still reminding Alec that he’d owe him a drink.

 

 

 

The next morning Jace and Alec learned that while they had been solving their issues, there had been some sort of breach in the Insitute’s system. Nothing had been stolen, but for a while all cameras had stopped working. When Alec had heard about it, he’d felt as though a heavy weight was being lifted off his shoulders. It’s not like they’d done anything too incriminating, but he liked knowing no one had witnessed their reunion. Those precious few moments were theirs and theirs alone.

Alec didn’t need to think hard to figure out who he had to thank for this. He knew his Guardian Angel always walked covered in fairy dust.

 

 

 

The Bedroom Accident had been the last straw for Alec. The night after it had happened he’d sat on his bed, barely holding back tears and feeling betrayed. After he’d calmed down he’d felt childish for it. Here he was crying and throwing a tantrum, because things hadn’t gone the way he’d wanted them to. In reality, Jace had done nothing wrong.He hadn’t cheated or lied to his best friend. The feeling of betrayal in Alec’s gut was unjustified. Because Jace wasn’t in love with him. It hit Alec then that he’d spent all this time nursing a love that simply wasn’t there. At least not on Jace’s part. And like all things in half, half of love was nothing.  It was meant to die eventually, right?  Only after realizing all of this did Alec decide that he couldn’t keep living like this. He couldn’t wait around for scrabs of Jace’s affection while his parabatai got to love someone for real, and be loved in return.

 

Either his love for Jace would end, or his life would.

 

 

_Аз не живея: аз горя. Непримирими_

_в гърдите ми се борят две души:_

_Душата на ангел и демон. В гърди ми_

_те пламъци дишат и плам ме суши._

_И пламва двоен пламък, дето се докосна_

_и в каменът аз чуя две сърца..._

 

 

 

Alec had thought that moving from Jace for good would mean that the fire that burned inside his chest would slowly start to die out, but he was wrong. It didn’t. It only got worse after that, because now he was burning in a fire of his own making. Alec had not realized that trying to turn his back on Jace would feel like his heart was being torn apart from.Lately, it seemed like he was being two people at the same time.He felt devided, as if he had two souls instead of one.

 

One was the soul of an Angel. It pushed him towards him being the good son, brother and Shadowhunter he’d always strived to be.This side of him looked at Magnus and saw a future.A future of love, prosperity and fulfilment.It embodied everything Alec was supposed to want to be.

And then there was the soul of a Demon that symbolized a part of him, which Alec had always tried to keep at bay.It, represented his hidden selfishness (something a Shadowhunter couldn't afford to have) and his most filthy desires.It was, all in all, that nasty side that everyone had to them.For the Demon in him, Jace was the only person in the world who mattered.

 

Alec tried so hard to listen to the voice of the Nephilim in him, but all it took was one smile from his parabatai, and the Demon within him would be unleashed.Even the smallest sign of affection from Jace could make Alec forgo all the vows and promises he’d given himself.Those obscene thought he’d gotten during his completely innocent conversation with Jace in the bedroom the other day were further proof of that.Alec had been ready to have his way with Jace without even caring what the consequences of his actions would be.

 

Not that he’d given up Jace, the archer felt like he’d completely lost control over his own life.

 

Good and evil constantly battled inside of Alec and he had no idea what to do with himself.

 

 

Magnus’ presence definitely helped. He was an easy distraction to help take Alec’s mind off of all the drama that was happening. For the first time in his life Alec felt like he knew someone who truly understood him. They didn’t talk about his personal life often, but it was clear that Magnus had had his fair share of heartbreak over the years. Around him Alec felt like he was getting to know parts of himself he didn’t even know existed. And yet something was missing. It always was.

 

 

 

The week following their ruinion was peaceful. They all got the rare chance to enjoy themselves. Alec went out with Magnus while Izzy and Clary were on one of their girl dates. Alec knew better than to ask what those involved.  He was aware that this prolonged silence from Valentine was no good sign, but it was Jace who truly worried him.

 

Ever since the occurances in that warehouse Jace had isolated himself from everyone, completely focusing on increasing the strength he apparently thought he’d lost. That was undoubtedly good for his body, but not so much for his mind. In the end, it was Jace’s pride that was wounded the most in the fight with the Foresaken. Though no one blamed him for what had happened then, Jace obviously thought himself lesser after almost dying at the hands of a Forsaken. Perhaps he thought of himself as a liability.

 

Alec wanted to reach out and tell him that they were equal. That they were _one_.That one could never be worse or better than the other. But he couldn’t do that, not if he ever wanted to get over Jace.

 

Of course that serenity couldn’t last long. Soon enough the team found themselves in a battle again, this time alongside Downworlders. Luke Garroway had tried to protect his daughter and gotten hurt pretty badly in the process.

 

That is why the three Shadowhunters were once again in Magnus’ lair. Izzy, thankfully, had stayed in The Institute. Their Mother didn’t need more reasons to give her a hard time. Magnus assigned Jace and Simon to bring ingredients for the potion he had to make while Alec and Clary helped treat the warewolf’s wounds.

 

Eventually Magnus saved Luke’s life (thanks to Alec’s powerful Shadowhunter energy.) Plus Luke was now an alpha, so Alec considered it to be a good day. He stayed behind to help clean Magnus’ place and provide any further help if it was needed.

 

“You’ve unlocked something in me,” Magnus told him while having a much needed drink. Alec was sure the Warlock would kiss him then but he didn’t. He must have felt Alec’s heart wasn’t in it.

 

If Alec could punch himself in the face, he would. Here he was, standing so close to a gorgeous and witty man, who was _actually_ into him, yet Alec had doubts about kissing him. Perhaps Alec did deserve to die alone with only with his damned love to keep him company.

 

 

The next morning when Alec got back to The Institute he found Jace at his usual spot at the training room, battling with a punching bag. By the looks of it the bag was winning. Sweat was dripping from Jace’s body, and his hair was a complete mess. He’d likely been doing this all morning, all night even. Still, the view of Jace so fierce and powerful made it difficult for Alec to think with his head.

“Jace, you need to rest,” Alec said, but Jace kept at, punching the poor bag even harder as if to defy Alec.

 

“What about you? Where were you all night?” Jace asked, panting. “I don’t suppose you slept.”

 

Alec bowed his head as if ashamed to admit where he’d been. “I stayed with Magnus’ loft to help tend to Luke’s wounds.”

 

Jace kept punching and punching until he finally went out of breath and was about to collapse, but luckily Alec caught him. The archer took his best friend by the arm and made him sit on one of the chairs nearby.

 

“Drink,” he ordered, handing him a bottle of water.”You need to stop this before you hurt yourself,” Alec tried not to show how worried he actually was, but failed miserably.

 

Jace took a sip from his water. “I can’t. Not until I’m strong enough to defeat Valentine,” he kept drinking until the bottle was empty.

 

Was Jace serious? Did he really think _he_ had to be the one to kill Valentine?

 

“We’ll defeat him together, but this isn’t the right way to do it.”

 

Jace shook his head. “You don’t understand, Alec.That monster murdered my Father. It has to be me.It’s personal,” Jace got up from the chair, ready to leave, but Alec stood in his way, preventing him from walking away.

 

“He’s killed hundreds of fathers, Jace. How exactly are you gonna avenge yours if you pass out from exhaustion while you’re fighting him?” Jace didn’t seem to have an answer to that so he just continued to stare at his parabatai.

 

“That’s right,” Alec crossed his arms over his chest, pleased with himself.”Look, if it’s so important to you, we’ll practice together until you think you’re strong enough, but not for too long. We’ll do everything in moderation.”

 

Jace smiled, if only a little, “Okay.”

 

“Take this day for yourself. Go upstairs and have one of your long baths.I know how much you love them.”

 

Indeed, Jace loved his long baths, and so did Alec. He fucking lived for them. Freshy-bathed Jace was a sight to behold.Whenever Jace would come out of the bathroom after bathing himself for nearly half an hour he’d look so tranquil that it would make Alec feel at peace as well. He’d wear an easy smile on his face as if all his cares were abolished. He’d look so sensual in a completely innocent way as he moved at lay on the bed, ready to fall into deep sleep.

 

One of Alec’s favorite smells in the world was that of Jace’s lavender shampoo. Inhaling it always felt like coming home.

 

“What about you? What have you got planned for today?” Jace sounded genuinely curious.

 

“I promised Magnus I’d meet him for breakfast, and then maybe check up on Luke, but nothing too special. Why, do you need me for something?” if Jace needed him then Alec was willing to cancel whatever other arrangements he had.

 

“No, no I was just asking. Okay then, have fun,” Jace left before Alec was able to say another word.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alec went to bed early that evening just because he could. He didn’t get to do it often so he indulged. He did not expect to be woken up by the annoying sound of his ringtone. Alec swore he’d destroy the madman who dared to call at this hour…Until he actually saw who was calling.

 

“Jace?”

 

“Aleeeeec,” Jace yelled. “How are ya, buddy?” he slurred the last few words and yup, Jace  had most likely had his fair share of drinks.Alec had never seen him drunk before. Not even when they’d gone behind their Mother’s back and tried adult champagne for the first time during one of her lavish New Year celebrations. Alec had felt tipsy after only a few sips while Jace had managed to stay the same even though he had emptied half the bottle.

 

He must have drunk a lot this time to get this shit-faced.

 

“Jace, what is this about? Why are you calling me at—“  he looked at the clock on his phone just to be sure. “--at one-thirty in the morning? Is everything alright?”

 

“I’m _fine,_ ” Jace sounded annoyed now. “I just wanted to talk to you,” _Oh._ Alec gave up all hope of going back to sleep after that.If Jace needed to talk then damn right, he’d stay awake and listen. That’s what friends were supposed to do, right?

 

Alec sat up ont the bed and rubbed his eyes. “Okay then, what do you wanna talk about?”

 

“I don’t know… just stuff.How was your day?” there was a moment of silence and Alec assumed Jace was taking a sip from whatever he was drinking.”Mine sucked”

 

“It was great…until Max decided to take my phone ‘only for a minute’” Alec used air quotes even though he was sure Jace couldn’t see him. “He dropped it and now the screen’s cracked. I think it was revenge for not helping him get his stele back.That little devil,” Alec smiled at the memory of Max’s expression when he’d given the broken phone back to his brother.

 

Alec expected Jace to laugh as well, but all he heard were sniffles from the other side of the line.

 

“Jace? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

 

“No, I’m not fucking okay, Alec,” Apparently too much alcohol made Jace touchy. He started crying even harder.

 

“Well then, what’s wrong? Please, Jace, tell me.I’m trying to help you here,” it always hurt to hear Jace cry. Whether it was because he’d been attacked by a Forsaken, or just because he’d gotten drunk, Alec could not stand it.

 

“I-I lost my phone, Alec.I’ve checked everywhere and it’s gone.Will you help me find it?” Alec could not help himself. He started laughing. Jace had sounded so upset, but Alec was beside himself with laughter.

 

“It’s not fucking funny, Alec,” Jace said between sobs. “How am I gonna play Candy Crush now? I had such a high score!” Alec kept laughing until he realized that if Jace had such a hard time locating his phone; it probably wouldn’t be easy for him to find the Institute.

 

“Okay this is what we’re gonna do,” Alec said after his laughter had died down. “You’ll tell me where you are and I’ll come get you, and then we’ll find that damned phone together,” Alec spoke calmly like he knew you were supposed to do with drunken people.

 

“What do you say, buddy? Are you ready to come home?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

 

 

 

Jace was at the Pandemonium, of course he was. Of course he’d get drunk in a club that was full of Downworlders and possibly even Circle members. Hopefully, they wouldn’t run into any problems while they were here.

 

Alec walked swiftly through the sea of bodies on the dancefloor in search for his parabatai. Based on their conversation he’d assumed that Jace would still be upset and would probably be drinking somewhere alone in the corner.

 

He wasn’t.

 

Alec found him dancing between two guys. Perhaps dancing wasn’t the right word. He was grinding, and looked like he was having the time of his life. He’d apparently forgotten all about his ‘lost’ phone.Jace’s body moved skillfully in the same rhythm as the music. Surprisingly enough, he didn’t spill even a drop of his drink. There was a bit of sweat on his brow, but he didn’t seem to mind. And neither did his dance partners. The guy from behind (tall, dark, muscular, quite similar to Alec) thrust up. He then started sucking on Jace’s neck. _Jesus, was this guy a vampire or something?_

Alec thought he’d never wanted to be someone else so badly. He’d treat Jace better, too. He wouldn’t just lick his neck like some thirsty dog, he’d kiss gently and slowly, the way Jace deserved to be kissed. Even in an overcrowded club he’d make Jace feel like the only person in the world.

 

Alec’s wishes weren’t of importance right now. What mattered was getting Jace away from these guys.

 

“Jace!” he called out as loud as he could, hoping that his parabatai had drawn a hearing rune on himself as well and would hear him from where he was standing at the bar. When that finally happened Jace broke away from the other two and immediately flung himself into his best friend’s arms. Alec hugged back, closing his eyes only for a second.

 

“Alec!” he grinned. “You came!” he sounded surprised as if he hadn’t believed Alec would actually show up.

 

“Of course I did. I’ll always come for you,” Alec declared. “And now it’s time to leave.” He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.

 

“Noooo” Jace whined. “You just got here. You can’t leave without dancing even once!”

 

Alec rolled his eyes.  He needed to make sure Jace never got drunk again. “You know I don’t dance.”

 

“Oh, come on,” Jace insisted. “There’s a dancer somewhere in you, I know it,” he took a quick look at the men he’d been dancing with a moment ago. They were sitting at the bar obviously tired. “I bet you can last longer than them.”

 

Alec knew a challenge when he saw one.

 

“One dance. Just one. Then we’re leaving. I’ll drag you out of here if I have to, but we’re leaving once the next song is over.”

 

Jace nodded enthusiastically. “One dance and we’re out.I promise.” He took Alec’s hand in his and led him to the dancefloor.

 

Obeying Jace’s drunken wishes proved to be a bad idea after all, because one dance turned into two, and then three, and then four.  Sure enough Alec found himself dancing awkwardly to songs he’d never even heard before. He danced uncaring of who saw him and how he looked. Music had that effect on people. The whole time he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing.  Was he supposed to move his whole body, or just his hips? And where were his arms supposed to go? He didn’t know.

 

Beside him, Jace didn’t have any such problems. He seemed to have completely lost himself in the moment and had become one with the music. It was like he was moving on pure instinct. Whenever a slow or a particularly sexual song would play he’d just _go off_. His body would move so skillfully and sensually, like he was making love and not just dancing.

 

 _God,_ he was so gorgeous. Even in his fairly modest attire (denim button-down and a pair of black skinny jeans) Jace looked positively sinful. The first three buttons of his shirt were undone, showing off that lovely chest of his. From time to time he’d smile at Alec when he noticed that his parabatai was watching him.

 

Alec had to wonder what he had done to deserve this kind of sweet torture.

 

A new song started playing.

 

 

_What if_

_What if we run away_

Alec took a step towards Jace, feeling brave.

 

 

_What if_

_What if we left today_

He took another. Logically, Alec knew they had pobably been dancing only a few feet from each other. At yet it felt like it had taken him hours to reach Jace.

_What if_

_What if we're hard to find_

Another step and he was there.  He stood opposite Jace, holding his gaze for what seemed like the longest moment in history.

 

“Hey,” Alec said, because he could not find other words.

 

“Hey yourself,” Jace smiled and wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck like a lover would.

 

At this point the archer was sure he had dreamed the whole thing. This could not be happening. It couldn’t be real. It was probably a sick, twisted dream and he’d wake up any minute now.

 

Except that didn’t happen.  Jace kept looking up at him and the song kept playing.

 

_What if we lost our minds_

_What if_

_We let them fall behind, and they're never found_

Alec debated whether or not he should put his hands on Jace’s waist, but decided against it, because he couldn’t come back from that.

 

“I can let go, if you want,” Jace suggested. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. “

 

“It’s okay.I’m just a bit overwhelmed by all of these people here,” It was only half a lie.

 

 

 

_The truth so loud you can't ignore_

_My youth, my youth, my youth_

_My youth is yours_

 

“Thank you for this,” Jace continued. “Not only for coming, but for staying, too. I don’t deserve you,” He bowed his head as if ashamed.

 

“Hey,” Alec lifted Jace’s chin up, making him look up. “Don’t ever say that again! Don’t even think that,” It was beyond Alec how Jace could consider himself somewhat unworthy of him.

 

“You got it? Don’t you even dare repeat that,” Jace nodded silently.

 

“Put your hands on me, Alec,” Jace urged.”Don’t worry; I don’t think any members of the Clave would ever come to a club like this.” Alec did as he was told. _By the Angel_ , if only Jace knew what he was asking for.

 

They were standing there pressed close (not as close as Jace and the other guy had been, but still close.) They weren’t dancing or anything, just standing in the middle of the dancefloor, talking, like some assholes.

 

The look Jace gave his parabatai after that little tirade was breathtaking. He seemed ready to do anything and everything the archer might ask for. All it took was for Alec to give him a sign. He just had to lean in and—

 

_No. Fuck no._

Another man might have done it. Might have taken Jace at the back of the club, and made him fulfill all his filthy fantasies, but not Alec. Not even in his darkest and most desperate hours, had Alec thought to take advantage of his parabatai like that.

 

Because sex between them could never be only about getting off. It would always be about love.  It was love that led them in everything he did together. Whether in a romantic or a platonic way- they loved each other. And there was not a single ounce of love in an act such as rape.

 

Besides, Alec wouldn’t want the first time he got Jace all to himself to be like this. Though very hypothetical and probably existing only in his mind-it had to be special. It couldn’t be just a quick fuck over the bathroom sink at some club (they’d save that for later.)

 

If it was up to Alec he’d spend their first time declaring that love he hadn’t dared to speak of with soft kisses abd gentle touches. He’d make sure there wasn’t even a drop of alocohol in Jace’s blood so that he might know exactly who was taking him apart. It would probably never happen, but Alec could dream.

 

_My youth is yours_

_Run away now and forevermore_

 

“Wanna get out of here?” Jace offered.

 

Alec nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”

 

 

_Oh, oh, oh_

_My youth is yours_

 

It took them ten minutes to actually _leave_ the club, because Jace had to find his bottle that he hadn’t finished. _Jesus Christ._

Once outside Alec could finally breathe easy again.  No more loud music and cigarette smoke. It was time to find out what had brought them here in the first place.

 

“So,” Alec started as they walked down the street.It was unusually quiet and it felt like it they were the only two people awake at this time of night. “I think we should talk.”

 

“About what?” Jace asked. “You want some?” he offered after taking a sip straight from the bottle himself.Alec declined.

 

“I think you’ve had enough for one night,” the archer said. “Or for one week, you’re gonna be so hangover tomorrow.”

 

“Good,” Jace answered. “At least that way I’ll feel something.”

 

This was definitely more than just the Valentine issue. Something had happened today and it had hurt Jace deeply.

 

“Aren’t you gonna tell me what’s got you so upset?”

 

“Nope,” Jace shook his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it. If I do, that just makes it real.”

 

“Avoiding the problem isn’t gonna make it go away,” Alec told him. “And we did promise not to keep things from each other,” he was aware that he sounded like the overly-responsible stoic everyone thought him to be, but quite frankly he did not how to be someone else. He had forgotten how to.

 

“For fuck’s sake Alec, I said I didn’t wanna talk about it,” Jace yelled.  “Just leave it alone for once. I don’t need your counselling!”

 

_Ouch. That hurt._

 

“If that’s what you want,” Alec started walking faster. He quickly surpassed Jace and walked on his own.

 

They walked in silence a few feet from each other for a while until Jace spoke up.

 

“Alec, wait,” Alec, however kept walking, though at a slower pace. “Alec, don’t leave me again, please,” those words made him turn around to see his parabatai crying once more. _Damn it,_ If he didn’t know better, he’d think Jace was doing it all on purpose. Because every time’d get that look on his face-the look that he had on right now, something inside Alec would _snap_.  That look would always wake up the selfish and protective side of Alec, and he’d start acting like there were only two people who mattered in the world-him and Jace.

 

In the end, Alec would always give in the the need to help his best friend. He liked to think that he was probably the only person who saw the legend Jace Wayland this vulnerable, but he most likely wasn’t.

 

They embraced once again, and Alec reminded himself to enjoy it now, when the night was their only witness, because tomorrow, while under The Clave’s watchful eye, they wouldn’t be able to get away with such blatant affection.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jace murmured. “I’m really sorry. I’ll tell you everything just… just stay with me, please.”

 

_Fuck fuck fuck._

Alec had felt that he should stay with his parabatai this morning, but he had ignored that feeling in favour of eating with Magnus. The guilt he felt was justified.

 

“Just don’t do it again, okay?” once they pulled away Alec found himself missing the heat from Jace’s body and scent of his very expensive cologne (albeit now mixed with that of equally expensive alcohol.)

 

“Alec?” Jace asked all of a sudden. “Can we sit somewhere? I feel like my legs are finally giving up on me,” he laughed a little, though that was no joking matter.

 

Alec helped his parabatai sit down on the sidewalk, though the archer himself stayed up.

 

“I guess I owe you an explanation for waking you up in the middle of the night,” Jace started.

 

“You don’t owe me anything,” Alec quickly interrupted. “I just don’t want you to carry the burden alone. Whatever it is you can tell me.”

 

“It’s Clary,” oh here we go again. “She…um… she broke up with me,” Alec needed to sit as well after hearing that. And to think he had gone to bed believeing it’s gonna be a quiet night. Right now it seemed more like a rollercoster. Something new came up at every corner.

 

“I’m sorry,” Alec stated, because that was what you were supposed to say when your best friend just told you his heart had been broken. Even if you’ve anticipated this moment for a long time.

 

“No, you’re not,” Jace said,” he wasn’t wrong.

 

“I am,” the archer insisted. “I’m sorry that you’re hurting,” he continued. “I wish I could do something about it,” If Clary Fray was what Jace needed to be happy then Alec would gladly roll his eyes while they made out in front of him. Just as long as there were no more tears in his parabatai’s eyes.

 

“I know you are,”Alec held his best friend close while Jace cried silently into his chest. “She said she needed to to focus on finding her Mom, and couldn’t afford any distractions,” that was pretty reasonable. Far more reasonable than anything else Alec had heard Clary say.

 

“Maybe you’ll get back together when we find Jocelyn,” Alec tried.

 

“I doubt it,” Jace croaked. “Do you know what’s fucked up, though?” it was clear he didn’t expect an answer.

 

“What?” Alec inquired.

 

“I don’t feel anything,” Jace said, his voice sounding numb. “I thought she was the love of my life, but now that she’s gone from me, I don’t want her back. It’s like we’ve never been together at all,” Alec couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but kept silent, not wanting to interrupt Jace when he was finally opening up. “I feel like,” Jace muttered. “Like there’s a hollow space where my heart is supposed to be,” he touched his chest to illustrate.”I’m so empty that I’ve started rotting from the inside,” he cried.

 

_Oh dear God._

 

From the moment Alec met the boy who’d later become his other half for the first time, he’d known that despite all of Michael Wayland’s inhumane training methods, Jace had never managed to become the emotionaless monster everyone expected him to be. He’d tried to, Aleck knew, but never quite got there. He’d stayed soft and kind at heart, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

 

Since then Alec had always wanted to shield his parabatai from the outside world so that he may never change, but the archer had failed to realize that the real battle happened _inside_ Jace, and all Alec could do was watch Jace fight without ever being able to help him win. Love was a sweet distraction from the pain, but it was not capable of healing all wounds.

 

“Shhh,” Alec whispered, stroking Jace’s hair in attempt to soothe him. It worked, because Jace seemed to be calming down slowly.Trying to be helpful, Alec decided to say a few reassuring words.

 

“You’re okay. I’m here now.You won’t have to go through this alone. Everything will be okay.” Jace, however, didn’t seem to appreciate his parabatai’s efforts, because as soon as he heard the last part, he pushed Alec away rather violently and rose to his feet.

 

“Nothing’s okay,” Jace shouted.”I’m tired of hearing the same useless cliché all the time.It’s not helping so stop saying it, Alec,” he looked down at the ground for a second and then up at Alec as if coming to a realization. “You just don’t understand what that’s like, do you?”

 

He was right. No matter how much Alec had suffered because of his feelings for Jace, he’d always felt _something_. He’d burnt in Hell’s deadliest fires, but he’d also known the warmth that came only from love’s ever-growing flame. Alec could never imagine what it must be like to feel _nothing_ .That fact only made feel more powerless.

 

He didn’t have the patience to sit anymore. “Make me understand then,” Alec demanded sharply as he too got to his feet.”I want to understand you, Jace, but you’re not helping me. One minute you ask me to hug you and the next you run away from me. I can’t figure out what you want from me.”

 

His tone only seemed to upset Jace further. “You’re mad at me,” his face twisted like he was about to cry again. Alec wondered how he even had tears left it him. “You’re mad at me and you’re gonna leave me again,” he stated with certainty.

 

Hearing Jace say that made Alec feel even guiltier. His stubbornness had caused Jace to believe that Alec could leave him at any given moment. _Fuck._

Alec walked up to his parabatai and caught the sides of Jace’s face with his hands. “Never,” he declared. “Never again. I’m sorry about that. It was stupid and childish and it won’t happen again,” Alec promised. “As long as you lock your door,” he joked.

 

Jace let out a little laugh. However, there were still tears in his eyes threatening to fall.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong now?” Alec asked gently.

 

“Nothing, you’re just so,” he sniffled. “You’re so _you_. I called you in the middle of the night and you came to a club to pick me up, even though you hate clubs. And then fucking danced with me, pretty good, too,” Jace smiled. “Though we have to work on those movements you make with your arms,” he waved his hands in they air like Alec had done a while ago. And he was right. That did look very very embarrassing. “And now you’re just standing here watching me cry and complain, and you’re not even laughing at me,” he shook his head. “ _I_ would laugh at me if I could.”

 

“I’m holding it all in,” Alec said, smirking.”Tomorrow at breakfast, me and Izzy are gonna have a good laugh at your expense.Just you wait.” They both laughed, because they  knew that woul never happen. Neither Alec, nor Isabelle would laugh at something if it could hurt Jace.

 

Afer a while their laughter died down and Alec watched Jace take a deep breath. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” he asked.

 

“Not much,” Alec answered, amused. “But I did plenty to deserve you.”

 

“Bullshit,” Jace quickly responded. “I could live for a thousand years and I still wouldn’t be worthy of you,” That statement seemed to hurt him more than anything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

 

“Jace, don’t say—“Alec could not finish the sentence, because Jace spoke over him.

 

“I’ve been a horrible best friend and parabatai these few months,” he admitted. “I’m sorry, but I know there’s no excuse for what I’ve done.But I’m trying my best, please know I’m trying my best.” Jace begged.

 

Alec started stroking Jace’s cheek in attempt to calm him down _._ He seemed to like that, because he leaned into the touch and closed his eyes briefly. “I do,” Alec whispered. “I know you’re trying.I know you’re doing everything you can,” He assured his parabatai.

 

“Then why isn’t it working? Jace asked. “Why am I always hurting you and pushing you away? Why isn’t my best good enough?”

 

 _Fuck,_ Alec thought. This wasn’t an issue from today or even from yesterday. It probably had something to do with Michael Wayland’s parenting tactics. His abuse of his son must have ran deep if even a decade after his death Jace couldn’t talk about it. And Alec had thought he was an expert in hiding his true feelings.

 

“I want to be the person you deserve to have at your side, watching your back,” Jace claimed. “But I always end up saying shit I don’t mean and it drives you away,” he continued. “I’m scared that one day I’ll push too hard and you won’t come back.” Jace confessed at last.

 

If Alec was honest, some of the stuff Jace said did hurt him, but they were never the real reason why he wanted to distance himself from his parabatai. He was well-aware in that the end it was actions that mattered, not words. It was fear that made him try to run away from Jace. Fear of what might happen in moments like these. Fear that someday one of their prolonged hugs or lingering looks would be the straw and he’d lose it. He’d do what he'd longed for since before he knew that wanting something like that is wrong.  And he woudn’t even regret it. It was not the actual kissing that scared him, but rather the possible aftermath of it. How would Jace react? How were they supposed to act after it happened? Would he ever be able to kiss another man without missing the taste of Jace’s lips?

 

“I think you’re forgetting something,” Alec began, amused. “We’re parabatai,” he reminded, smiling. “We’ll never be rid of each other, no matter how hard we try,” And wasn’t that the the ultimate truth. Jace pulled back to look at Alec.

 

“That’s the point, Alec,” Jace stated firmly. “We’re parabatai. We’re supposed to always be there for each other, but I turned my back on you because I was horny and weak and selfish,” Alec was glad that Jace was willing to admit he had been wrong, (even if he was drunk while doing it) but he did not like where this conversation was going.

 

“Jace, you’ve apologized already.You don’t have to keep doing it,” Alec assured him.

 

“No! You have to let me finish otherwise I never will,” he insisted. “You know how bad I am at apologizing so shhh,” he put his index finger on Alec’s lips in order to make him stay silent.

 

“As I was saying,” he started, but seemed unable to continue. “Fuck!” Jace swore loudly. “I completely forgot what I was gonna say,” Alec watched him try to remember by rubbing his forehead, but his attempt was unsuccessful.”I had a whole speech ready, but now I can’t remember a damn thing.I guess I do have the memory of a goldfish,” he chuckled.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Alec laughed and wrapped his arms around his parabatai’s body so that he was capable of resting his chin on Jace’s head.

 

“Just,” Jace whispered, “Just never let me go, Alec,” he pleaded as he pressed his face further into Alec’s chest while simultaneously holding onto his middle. “I know there are at least a hundred people in the world who are more deserving of this, but I’m the one who needs it the most,” Jace confessed. “I don’t know what would happen if I woke up in a world where you aren’t my parabatai anymore.”

 

“Never,” Alec promised. “I chose you as my parabatai before I even had an idea what that actually meant, and I’d do it again. I’d choose you again and again, a thousand more times if I have to.Over anything and anyone.Over myself, even,” he vowed.

 

And there it was the honest to God truth. There was no point trying to hide it anymore, not even from himself. Alec couldn’t think about this right now.He was worried that if this conversation kept going he’d end up on his knees, begging Jace to love him back. He just couldn’t let that happen. He’d humiliated himself enough for one night.

 

“Do you really mean that?” Jace asked his voice full of disbelief.

 

“With all my heart,” Alec said, as he rested his forehead against Jace’s. He liked this position. They were close enough that Alec was able to feel Jace’s breathing on his skin, but they were not kissing just yet. Anything could happen.

 

“I forgive you, by the way,” he informed. “It doesn’t matter to me that you’re impulsive and arrogant, and really grumpy in the mornings. Even if everyone else thought you were the worst guy in the universe, you’d still be good enough to me,”Alec proclaimed.

 

“I-I’m good?” Jace repeated, but it sounded more like a question. He pulled back a little to look at his parabatai, and his eyes full of shock “You really think I’m good?” It seemed that he needed the reassurance, and Alec was happy to give it to him.

 

“The best for me,” Alec affirmed, bringing their foreheads together once more.”The only one for me.I wouldn’t want anyone else. No one else.”

 

“No one else? “ Jace smirked, obviously pleased with what he’d heard. “You sure about that? You’ve never wanted to replace me? Not even when I was being a total jackass?”

 

“Nope,” Alec replied truthfully. Yes, in his darkest moments he’d wanted to get rid of their bond, but the wish to share it with some else other than Jace had never even crossed his mind. “And why would I? You’re the fastest, strongest and fiercest,” Alec stated, kmowing Jace always loved hearing that kind of praise for himself. “And you’re also my favorite part of me,”Alec breathed out. _Oh God._ How come Jace was drunk, but Alec was the one who ended up making a complete fool of himself?

 

“ _God,_ Alec, the things you say,” Jace muttered. “I almost can’t believe you,” he added.

 

“Well, you better believe it,” Alec stated. “ ‘Cause it’s the fuckin’ truth.  You know why’s that, right?

 

“Why?” Jace asked smugly. “Tell me why that is, Alec,” he insisted. He knew the answer damn well, but wanted to hear his parabatai say it. _Oh here we go,_ Alec thought.

 

“It’s ‘cause I love you,” the archer confessed. Only it wasn’t a confession, if everyone already knew it. “All of you, with all your flaws and faults and sharps edges.I love you. There is no one else for me,” Tomorrow, Alec would probably kick himself for all this sappy stuff  that was spilling out his mouth, but right now it seemed like the only right thing to say.

 

“You love me?” Jace pulled back to look at his parabatai’s face. There was a strange look on his face, which Alec had never seen before. His pupils were dilated, and Alec didn’t think he was imagining Jace staring at his lips.

 

“That’s right,” Alec verified. “I love you so get used to it. ‘Cause it will be like this always. Just you and me against the whole fuckin’ world,” he took one of Jace’s hands from where it was resting on his shoulder, and put it on his own chest where he assumed his pounding heart was located. “Until my heart beats…and after that,” he vowed softly.

 

“For fuck’s sake, Alec,” Jace swore suddenly. “Just fuckin’ do it already,” he snapped.

 

When he saw the confused look on his best friend’s face, he snickered.

 

“You think I’m that stupid? “ he asked rethorically.Since Alec just kept gaping at him, he decided to elaborate. “I might be drunk, but I still see the way you look at me. I still remember your face when you saw you were the one I loved the most, too.I still know what ‘I love you’ means,” he clarified. “So come here, and show me if your lips taste as sweet as your words sound,” he demanded.

 

Alec just shook his head, refusing to believe his ears. This could not be happening.”Jace, you’re drunk,you don’t know what you’re saying,” he took a step back,trying to get away from _that._

“You surprise me, Alec,” Jace teased. “I never would have pegged you for one of those guys who could only talk about love, but never make it” he challenged.

 

“No, no, no we can’t,” Alec kept saying, because they couldn’t. It was impossible. Just a dream, a fantasy. He was sure that he’d wake up any minute now, only to realize that just like always, none of it was real. Only it was real. He wasn’t drunk or asleep. His brain could process everything very clearly, and yet it still seemed unreal to him. Like he was watching it all unfold from the outside, instead of being an active participant.

 

In his attempt to escape Alec had ended up with his back against the wall on one side of the alley, while Jace had not moved from the spot where they’d both been not too long ago. There was a strange _look_ in Jace’s eyes. A wild one, that promised only trouble.  It was similar to the look that Jace got whenever he was fighting demons; only this one was filthier. His pupils were still big, still so fucking big. Like he didn’t fucking care that they were technically still at a public place and could be seen by anyone.  Like he wanted to trade places with Alec so that he may bent over with his hands against the concrete, allowing his parabatai to take him from behind. They wouldn’t need words then. The sounds that would fill the dark alley as they took their pleasure together would speak volumes.

 

 _Fuck,_ Alec was getting hard just thinking about it.

 

“Say it,” Jace requested softly. He took a single step towards his parabatai. “Say that you don’t want this. That you don’t want me, and I’ll back off,” he looks at his best friend, not expecting an answer.

 

“T-The Law,” Alec tried, but couldn’t even finish the sentence, since he didn’t even know what point he’d be trying to make.

 

Jace frowned. “Oh, enough with that Law bullshit, Alec,” he took another step, but stopped so he can continue what he was saying. “We both know better than this,” he was right. Right now, at this exact moment couldn’t give a fuck about The Law, even if he tried.

 

Jace sighed deeply, dropping his shoulders. “If it’s gonna make you feel better, it’s all on me,” he said. _Huh?_  What did that even mean? “It’s my sin, not yours,” he took yet another step forward. “I’ll bear whatever consequences there might be of this so you won’t have to,” Jace explained further.  “Just let me feel what it’s like to be with someone who actually loves me,” he pleaded, voice sounding desperate. Alec had never been able to resist his begging.

 

Jace took one more step, then another, and suddenly they were standing close once again. This time it was Jace who drew their faces together so that their foreheads and noses were barely touching.

 

“Last chance, Alec,” Jace warned. “You can still stop this, if you —“

 

But Alec didn’t let him finish. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to think about stopping, not when he’d come this close. He gathered every bit of bravery in his body and leaned in. Subconsciously, his fingers found their way into the back of Jace’s hair, burying themselves in the soft silky hair there. His other hand rested on Jace’s hip.

 

It was happening. They were kissing.

 

_Finally._

Whatever expectations Alec might have had before, they were thrown out the window the second their lips touched. _Nothing_ could have prepared Alec for this kind of sensation. He’d never known that he was capable of feeling this way. _We’re supposed to be doing this,_ was the only thought Alec could form right now. Why the hell had they denied themselves this for so long?

 

It was just a shy peck at first, but as their lips stayed locked, Alec started gaining confidence and allowed himself to relax into it.Their mouths moved together slowly, but with great passion.

 

Alec had no idea how long their first kiss had lasted, but in the end, it left them both panting.He tried to pull back so he can take a breath only for a moment, but Jace wouldn’t let him.

 

“Don’t fucking stop,” Jace whispered softly before giving his parabatai a very brief, but no less sweet kiss.

 

Another kiss followed after the second, and then another, and another, until they both lost count.

 

Alec knew he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to.

* * *

 

 

 

 

For a brief moment everyting went quiet. If he didn’t know any better he’d say the world had stopped at the moment their lips had touched for the first time. He became deaf to all else besides the barely audible, but steady sound of their hearts beating together as one. Even the stentorian voices in his head had been silenced, if only for a while.

 

He had to wonder if that was just one of his many imaginings that he sometimes got while he was drunk or high or just really down in the dumps.  This one, though, this one wasn’t just a fantasy. Not when he could feel Alec’s solid presence against his body. He let his hands roam free all over his parabatai’s torso just to be sure… and because he wanted to feel all that hard muscle Alec was hiding underneath that grandpa clothing of his.

 

Though he had been a little clumsy at first, Alec was ever the dedicated student, and quickly learned what he was supposed to be doing. When he tried to pull back Jace quicky drew him back in, unable to stand his absence.

 

Jace liked that even in kissing their movements were synchronized. With his previous experiences kissing at first had seemed like a small battle-who would lead and who would follow. With Alec it wasn’t like that. They moved together rather than against each other.

 

 _This is how it should be,_ it occurred to him. _This is how it should have always been._

When trying to fill the void inside himself he’d resorted to sex and alcohol and even drugs, failing to realize that what was missing was literally a piece of his soul. A piece of his soul that he’d been told he shouldn’t want like _that_. Alec. Sweet, gentle Alec who’d always been there, but Jace hadn’t seen him, because he’d taken him for granted, and only felt his real importance when he’d almost lost him.

 

Jace had always hated parting ways with people who’d meant a lot to him, but he’d realized that in the end only the loss of his parabatai could break him beyond repair.

 

With each kiss they shared Jace felt fire spread through that dried up heart of his, which he’d thought long dead.

 

 

 

 

The first thing Jace felt after waking up the next morning was the pounding headache that was bound to appear after the drinking spree he’d had the night before. Not wanting to deal with it just yet, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to fall asleep again.

 

After awakening for the second time for the day Jace refused to open his eyes at first, because he didn’t want to face the consequences of his actions from the night before. He groaned into his pillow and spent additional thirty minutes in bed doing nothing.

 

He felt disgusting-his clothes reeked of liquor and cigarette smoke (the familiar smell of a club, which was only pleasant while you were actually at the club) and he was pretty sure that brushing his teeth hadn’t  been a priority when he’d come home after one of hs drinking sprees.

 

_Shit._

 

He was at The Institute. And so were his family and many other Shadowhunters. Jace wanted to believe that he hadn’t completely embarrassed himself in front of all of them by showing up drunk in the middle of the night, but he wasn’t that naïve.

 

He covered his face with his hands in frustration, and groaned pathetically.

 

He wanted to get up and take a shower so that he may get rid of that stench that made him feel even worse about himself, but he just didn’t quite have the energy to do so.

 

 _Fuck everything, honestly,_ Jace thought.

 

This sort of shit hadn’t happened to him before. He’d always managed to cover his tracks so that no one, absolutely no one, not even his parabatai would know about his ‘impulses’.

 

Jace had always kept a bad boy persona, but that had never hurt his pristine image. As far as everyone else was concerned, Jace was a guy who hated rules, but would ultimately do anything to uphold The Law. No one had an idea who he truly was. No one knew the man behind the perfectly crafted mask. That both excited Jace, and made him feel like he was the single most lone person in the universe.

 

But then Clary came along and she _saw_ him. She’d looked at him and seen him when she wasn’t supposed to, and he mistook that as a sign that she was the one for him. Looking back on it, it made him feel stupid, but it was hardly anything new. He’d always been one to fall in love quickly, and get impossibly attached to whoever gave him any sort of attention or affection. The worst part was that he’d ended up hurting his parabatai-his Alec-in the process. And for what? Their relationship had ended just as quickly as it had started.

 

 

When Clary had broken the news to him, Jace felt as though the world around him was crumbling. After they’d finished talking he’d dragged himself back to his room, and only let the tears fall once he’d heard the door slam shut behind him. He’d cried and cried until his eyes were completely dry. In those moments all he wanted was to be comforted. He wanted to be weak and not feel guilty about it. He wanted someone to wrap their around him and just hold him and never let go. But no one was there. No one was coming for him.

 

His instincts told him he should call Alec. Who better to comfort him after a break up, if not his parabatai? And yet he’d stopped himself halfway through dialing his best friend’s number, because he’d remembered Alec’s words.

 

 _“You’re not the centre of my world,”_ Alec had said. He might have not meant it, but it was still true. Although they were parabatai, Jace had no right to demand Alec be there for him, especially not when Jace himself hadn’t been there when his parabatai had needed him.

 

Lately Jace had felt as though his friendship with Alec was hanging by a thread. Yes, they’d reunited and apologized for hurting the other, but there was still a wall standing between them.

 

These days Alec was hanging out more and more often with Magnus Bane. Jace never thought himself to be prejudiced against Downworlders, but the knowledge that his parabatai was spending so much time with the High Warlock of Brooklyn made him feel uneasy in a way he couldn’t quite explain.

 

An hour later while still sitting on the floor of his bedroom, Jace decided he need to take matters into his own hands and deal with the problem in the only way he knew that worked.

 

That was his first mistake.

 

The surest way to forget the bitter taste people had left in your mouth was to replace it with the one  of alcohol. Jace had been so focused on getting out of The Institute was fast as possible that he’d forgotten to draw a Sobriety rune on himself.

 

That was was his second and biggest mistake of the night.

 

He’d also decided to wear his favorite shirt and that special pair of jeans that made his ass look even curvier in case he got lucky. A hot, hard fuck with a stranger was what Jace had thought he’d wanted.

 

Fotunately that was neither what he needed, nor what he got.

 

Only he didn’t know that.

 

Jace woke up with no memory of what had happened to him after he’d had his fair share of drinks. It was all blank to him. Whatever had happend it was gone. Jace hoped it hadn’t been something too important to forget.

 

Just as Jace had started rubbing his temples in attempt to soothe his headache, he heard a knock on the door.

 

“Come in,” he called out way too loud for his own ears.

 

“Hey,” he heard Alec say as he stepped into the room. He couldn’t see his parabatai since his eyes still hurt too badly to open, but he was pretty sure Alec was smiling.He sat down on the bed next to Jace’s helpless body.

 

 “You’re finally awake,” he said. “I was starting to think you’d gone all Sleeping Beauty on me and I’d have to wake you up with a kiss,” Jace snorted at that, because it was funny. But Alec wasn’t usually funny. He almost never told jokes. What was up with that? “I left you an Aspirin and some water here, but I see you haven’t even touched them,” he stated.

 

“I was busy being in pain, Alec,” Jace defended himself.

 

“Aww poor you,” he said sarcastically.”Now get up already. C’mon, rise and shine,” Alec urged.

 

“Noooo,” Jace whined. “Don’t wanna. It’s too early anyway.”

 

“Jace, it’s almost two-thirty in the afternoon,” Alec informed.

 

_What?_

That made Jace open his eyes. The first thing he saw was his prarabatai’s face. Alec’s features were illuminated by the sunlight that came through the blinders. It seemed to Jace that today he was seeing his best friend from an entirely different angle.

 

“Hey,” Alec repeated, smiling again. Once Jace set himself upright, Alec handed him a glass of water and an Aspirin as promised.

 

“Why me?” Jace whined.

 

Alec placed a hand on top of Jace’s, but removed it quickly. “It’s okay,” he assured.

 

“I missed briefing today, didn’t I?” Jace asked. They were suppodsed to be discussing strategies about handeling Valentine.

 

“Yeah,” Alec answered honestly. “And also team practice and some sort of family meeting,” he went on.”And also Mother’s little tantrum because of the cameras not working again.”

 

Jace groaned, dropping his forehead against his parabatai’s shoulder.”This cannot be happening,” he said with disbelief. “How much trouble am I in?” Jace asked, expecting the worst.

 

“Relax,” Alec advised. “You’re not in trouble. I took care of it,” he claimed.

 

“How?” Jace asked, completely puzzled.

 

“Told Mother you’ve really been exerting yourself lately and haven’t been sleeping,” he recalled. “Didn’t even have to lie,” Alec continued. “She has no idea about… the other part, obviously,” he finished.

 

“R-Really?” Jace asked; now back to looking at his parbatai’s face. He couldn’t believe his luck. Actually, he couldn’t believe he had someone as good as Alec watching his back.

 

“Yup, I covered that up as well,” he said smugly. “With a liitle bit of help,” he winked.

 

“A-Alec I don’t know what to say,” Jace confessed. “I owe you so much.”

 

Alec frowned. “Don’t be ridiculous.We are in this together,” he put his hand on the back of Jace’s neck, and brought their foreheads together. “Untill my heart beats...and after that,” Alec whispered softly as if it was a secret.”Right?” he grinned.

 

Jace liked this. This kind of proximity to his parabatai brought him certain warmth, that he wasn’t used to.But he still he had no idea what Alec was talking about.

 

“I don’t understand.What does that mean?” he asked, but maybe he shouldn’t have, because as soon as he heard the question Alec pulled away. “Did I miss something?” Jace questioned, still oblivious.

 

Alec looked stunned. “You don’t remember,” he said, his voice trembling. Jace saw him swallow a lump in his throat. Though he tried to to hide it, Jace didn’t miss the look of utter disappointment on his face.

 

Alec had always had that sort of aristocratic countenance on him that made him seem like he was above it all. Like he was above weakness and pain and like he wouldn’t give up no matter what life sent his way. But his parabatai’s words seemed to have shattered that appearance. Jace had never seen him look so broken before.  As though he had lost everything.

 

“Forget about it,” Alec said, quickly getting up. “I should probably leave. You need your rest, and I have a thousand things to do today,” he forced himself to smile, even though Jace was sure there were tears in his eyes.

 

Before Jace could even utter a word, his parabatai was at the door. Before leaving, though he looked at Jace from over his shoulder one last time.

 

“Just,” he started. “Just remember your heart’s where it’s supposed to be,” he went on.” It hasn’t gone anywhere and it’s still beating, no matter how hurt you are right now,” well that was clear as day.

 

“Alec, what are you saying? Why are you being so fucking cryptic?” he asked, raising his voice.”And why are you leaving me with no explanation?”

 

“I will **never** leave you,” he emphasizeed. “You will always have me,” his words were comforting, but no less confusing. “Until my heart beats…and after that,” he swore. “But I can’t be here right now,” with that Alec left the room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Защото аз съм птица устрелена:_

_на смърт е моята душа ранена,_

_на смърт ранена от любов..._

 

 

Walking out of Jace’s room and ending up in the hall had taken him mere seconds, and yet Alec found himself out of breath. When he’d heard Jace’s confused tone after he’d uttered _those_ words...the words…their words Alec had immediately felt claustrophobic. Like the room had suddenly become too tight and the four walls were closing around him, forcing the air out of his lungs.

 

Breathing seemed to be the only thing he was capable of doing right now as he was trying to come to terms with what he’d just learned.

 

His worst fear had just become reality and Alec didn’t know what he should do with himself.In a matter of hours he’d gotten everything he hadn’t dared to hope in a thousand years. For a brief moment in time Jace had been his just as he had been Jace’s. At last, all the masks had fallen and their real selves had managed to meet each other halfway through the mess that were their lives right now, just so they could be parted again in the blink of an eye.

Sharing gentle touches and loving kisses they had not even noticed the Sun coming up and only gone home, because they hadn’t wanted to raise questions. That night had left its permament on Alec’s soul, but for Jace it had practically never happened.  He didn’t remember it so for him it didn’t exist.

 

 _Of course he didn’t remember it,_ Alec thought. Jace had been drunk out of his mind when he’d called. That should have been the first red flag for his parabatai, but he’d ignored it. He should have just said no when Jace had asked him if he’d really wanted it, but he hadn’t, because he’d been weak and selfish, and overall a shitty liar.Not even the taste of alcohol on Jace’s tongue had managed to push him away, because he’d **wanted** it. He’d craved it for so long that when the time came to finally have it, he hadn’t been noble enough to give it up. He’d taken all of Jace with all his right and wrongs, and given himself in return. And now Jace had no memory of it.

 

Come to think of it, Alec started feeling guilty. Yesterday Jace had been intoxicated, but he hadn’t. Everything he’d done had been with a clear mind-from picking up the phone to calling Izzy at six-thirty in the morning and asking her turn off the cameras so he can smuggle Jace back into The Institute. She hadn’t asked questions, but Alec was sure she knew. She always did.

 

But what hurt Alec the most was the nagging doubt, that despite his words, Jace hadn’t actually _wanted_ it. That it had been the alcohol talking, and not the real Jace. And worst of all, that if he ever remembered it, he’d come to regret it. Alec shook his head, unable to stand that thought. He’d rather Jace never learned about it, than face the possibility of his parabatai hating him because of it.

 

Alec wondered if that was the punishment he ought to bear for his crime-for breaking The Law. To pretend for the rest of his life that the most wonderful and magical night he’d never had had never happened, even though he re-lived it everytime he closed his eyes. If that was the case, then Raziel was more ruthless and cruel than all demons of Hell combined.

 

Later, as Alec sat on his bed, his chest still heaving with grief, he came to the conclusion that Jace not remembering their night together was a good thing at the end of the day-a sign of sorts. Everything happened for a reason, right? That’s what Alec tried to convince himself otherwise he was sure he’d fall victim to his own sorrow.

 

Jace’s forgetfulness had saved them both a series of complications, hurts, and even potential death. Alec aimed to keep it that way. He vowed to take this secret with him to the grave. For everyone’s sake.

 

How hard could that be?

* * *

 

 

 

 

People often blame alcohol for what they consider their most extrinsic doings. But the fact of the matter is that no matter how strong or expensive, alcohol can never change a person’s nature.  It simply gives that final push towads the end goal.

 

 

Jace managed to muster up the courage to come downstairs only after he’d had a long shower and made himself presentable.

 

Alec had been right. No one knew about what had happened last night. Most of the people in The Institute didn’t even spare him a glance when he walked past them, too busy with the tasks they at hand. Jace found himself relaxing only when he joined his team at the briefing table. They all tried their best to put him into the picture and before Jace knew it, it was dinner time.

 

Dinner was nothing special, but as Jace ate his food silently and listened to the others talking, he found himself once again thanking Raziel for bringing the Lightwoods into his life. Despite their reputation for being cold and heartless, for him they represented the warmth of home. They were his family, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Clary was at the table, as well. She had slowly become a part of their family _. He_ ’d made her part of this family, but even now he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

 

Throught the day as they were forced to interact with each other Jace noticed that his stomach no longer twisted every time he looked at her.  It was as though all his feelings for her were gone. Yesterday he would have clawed his heart out, and given it to her if it meant she would stay. Today he couldn’t care less. He simply didn’t feel anything.

 

It was far more different than how he’d felt the day before, however.  If yesterday he’d been half dead, today it seemed like he’d woken up in a completely different world.

 

But had the world really changed, or had he?

 

While he had been in the shower Jace had remembered Alec had told him earlier and subconsciously pressed a hand to his chest to check if it was true.

 

 _“Your heart is still beating, no matter how hurt you are right now,”_ Alec had reminded him.  Jace had closed his eyes and allowed himself to listen to the steady beating of his own heart. It was _there_. It was doing its job, pumping bood and keeping him alive. It was not dead and rotting like he’d assumed it’d be after yet another explosive break up.

 

And yet Jace’s mind kept going back to something else Alec had said.

 

_“Until my heart beats…and after that,”_

Though he did not know what exactly Alec had meant when he’d uttered those words, they still made Jace’s heart skip a beat.  They sounded like a promise; a vow and hope for the future.

 

Jace thought he was able to pinpoint the exact moment when he’d felt thewhole world crumble around him. It happened after he got out of the shower and sat on the bed to check his phone only to discover that last night he’d called his parabatai at one-thirty and they’d talked for almost forty minutes.

 

_Fuck,fuck,fuck._

Jace started thinking about all the possible ways he might have embarrassed himself and felt the need to know what exactly had happened and possibly apologize for it.

 

That’s why, after dinner he found himself in Alec’s room ready to clear things up.

 

“Hey, buddy,” Jace said as he stepped into the room.

 

“Hey,” Alec was sitting at his desk, looking at his laptop, but as soon as he saw his parabatai he gave him his full attention. “What’s up?”

 

“Alec, about last night,” Jace sighed. “What ever I did then, whatever I said, I’m sorry about it, okay?”

 

Alec immediatedly tensed up. “You-you remember?” there was a look of pure horror on his face.

 

“No, I don’t,” Jace answered.  “But I have a feeling I fucked up big time,”

 

Alec relaxed at that. “Don’t worry, you did nothing wrong,” he assured.

 

“Then why are you acting so weird all of a sudden?” Jace asked. ”I thought we were fine,”

 

“We are fine,” Alec insisted. He got to his feet and touched his parabatai’s arm, but removed it very quickly. “I’m just a bit tired,”

 

“I thought we agreed to tell each other everything,” Jace was hurt by the fact that even after everything that happened in the past-all their issues that could have easily been avoided, Alec was still trying to hide things from him.

 

“There’s nothing to tell,” Alec stressed.

 

“But you helped me get home, didn’t you?” this time Jace was just guessing. He wanted to get as much information out of Alec as possible.

 

“I did,” Alec affirmed. “But nothing else happened,” he insisted. “Nothing worth remembering, anyway,”

 

Jace sighed once again. “If you say so.”

 

Alec nodded. “I do.”

 

Jace left the room in silence.

 

Alec’s vague answers had done nothing but raise more questions for his parabatai.

 

What exactly was Alec hiding?

 

Why was he hiding it?

 

Could it be so bad that Alec didn’t even want to remember it?

 

Jace spent a week torturing himself trying to find the answers to these questions, but was unsuccessful.

 

In the end he decided that his best bet would be to try to recover his memories. That would be easier than convincing Alec to tell him what he needed to know. And he knew the right man to help him with that.

 

 

 

 

On a fairly peaceful Friday night Jace found himself once again walking the streets of his beloved Brooklyn. Nothing suggested that this night would be extraordinary. Except it was.

 

He knocked on the Warlock’s door and was quickly ushered inside.

 

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Magnus asked sarcastically.

 

“I… uh... sort of need your help,” Jace admitted reluctantly. He hated knowing that he was somehow dependant on the Downworlder, but he had no other choice.

 

“Of course you do,” Magnus smirked. He sat down in his chair still clutching a glass of whiskey in one while making expressive gestures with the other. “You wouldn’t happen to know where your parabatai is, would you?”

 

“That depends,” Jace said. “Will my answer influence your decision whether to help me or not?” In reality, Jace had no idea where Alec might have gone off to, but right now bluffing was his only option. They’d both deliberately avoided each other for the past week, and Jace was looking forward to confronting his best friend once he learned the truth about what had happened that night.

 

“Not really,” the Warlock frowned. “He was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago, but he’s unusually late,” Magnus sounded worried.

 

“Hey, I’m sure he’s fine,” Jace assured. “Do you think I’d be capable of having this conversation, if he wasn’t?”

 

“You have a point,” the Downworlder seemed to relax in his chair.

 

“Does that mean you’ll help me?” Jace asked and his face lit up.

 

Magnus sighed. “Sure I’ll be happy to help,” he said. “Seems like lately I’m only working for you and your family anyway.”

 

Jace allowed himself to feel victorious, if only for a second.  The hard part was done, now it was time for the embarrassing bit. He took a deep breath and started explaining.

 

“I have a whole night that is completely blank to me,” Jace confessed. “I want my memories back now.”

 

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “What’s with Shadowhunters and their memories lately?” he asked.  “Did someone steal yours, too?”

 

“N-no,” Jace lowered his head. “I-I… got really drunk and now I can’t remember anything that happened on a particular night,” he felt his face going red. “And I think it might have been something really important.”

 

As soon as the Shadowhunter finished his story Magnus started laughing wholeheartedly. That made Jace feel even more uncomfortable. Luckily, the Warlock noticed and did his best to stop.

 

“I’m sorry, dear boy, but there’s no memory demon that could help you in this situation,” he stated, his laugh slowly dying down.

 

“No, I know that,” Jace claimed. “But I was told you had a book that contains all the runes there are,” he explained.He’d consulted with Izzy before coming here, needing the support and reassurance of his sister. “All I need to do is find the one that helps to recover memories and I’ll remember everything, right?” his voice sounded hopeful and naïve. Magnus could tell he hadn’t done full research.

 

“Ah, yes” said the Worlock as he got to his feet.  “I’d completely forgotten about that book.”

 

“Well?” the boy asked. “Will you borrow it to be for a second?”

 

Magnus seemed to consider it for a moment. A second later he muttered a spell under his breath and the book appeared in his hands.  Jace reached out to take it, but the Downworlder pulled it away quickly.

 

“Not so fast,” he adviced. “It’s not as easy as you think,” Magnus pointed out. “It’s best if you do this in my bedroom,” Jace gave him a confused look. “Once the memories start coming back, you’ll probably need to lie down. You might experience headache and disorientation. Are you sure you want to go through with this?” he questioned.

 

Jace nodded. “Absolutely,” he wasn’t giving up when he so close.

 

“Okay then,” the Warlock handed the book over. “Good luck.”

 

 

 

It turned out that the most tedious task of all was actually finding the damned rune in this giant book. Jace felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of runes that he did not know. He wanted to learn them all, but kept reminding himself that now was not the right time. His eyes kept skimming through the pages in search for the rune he needed.  When Jace finally found it he breathed a sigh of relief. He was so focused that he missed the doorbell ring. He was too busy tracing the rune with his fingers. That one was unlike any other rune he’d ever seen before. It was Alec’s voice coming from the living room that pulled him out of his trance.

 

 _“Is Jace here?”_ he asked, panting.  After Magnus gave him an affirmative answer Jace could hear his parabatai’s steps towards the room.

 

It was now or never.

 

Jace quickly drew the rune on the exposed skin of his wrist right where his pulse could be felt best and…

 

Memories hit him like a tidal wave.

 

He was suddenly deaf to all else but the voices in his own head. Scenes from that night started playing out like a movie.

 

_“I’d choose you again and again, a thousand more times if I have to.Over anything and anyone.Over myself even,”_

 

His heart was pounding in his chest, even though he hadn’t moved an inch.

_“It will be like this always. Just you and me against the whole fuckin’ world,”_

Remembering those words made Jace feel the same way he had when he’d first heard them-like he was capable of doing anything.Like nothing could stand in his way as long as Alec was beside him.

 

_“Until my heart beats…and after that,”_

Though his vision was a bit blurry, Jace felt like his eyes had been opened for the first time in ages. A sudden feeling of warmth washed over him. If before he had been full of hate and resentment, as well as confusion, it was all gone now. Because there was no feeling in the world that could outweigh love.

 

_Love. Oh, yes. Love._

That was what he was feeling right now.  The feeling itself was indescribable. Jace didn’t think even the greatest poet in the world would be able to explain it. For it was not a thing to be written down, but rather felt with one’s entire being. Only those who had known it in its true form would be able to recognize it.

 

Jace’s high expectations of his lovers were due to the fact that he was in turn ready to give them anything they wanted. He had always been one to love too hard, too much, and too quickly. He considered it one of his many flaws since it often turned out to be too much for most people.

 

Not for Alec, though.

 

When Jace had first heard his parabatai’s vow he’d felt like he had been floating.

 

_He loved and he was loved._

 

Was there a feeling greater than this?

 

Everything that was happening in Jace’s mind was reflecting on his body, because his hands and legs were shaking.  Strong arms caught him before his body could hit the floor. His head rested on a solid shoulder, but he was so dizzy he could hardly register anything. All he knew was that he was being carried and the placed on a bed.

 

“Jace?” a voice said.”Can you hear me?” it whispered. _Alec_. It was Alec. He’d know him anywhere.

 

_Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec_

That was the only thought he was capable of forming right now.

 

His eyes closed against his will.

 

 

Jace woke up sometime later and the first he could see was a very well decorated ceiling.  He could hear talking from the living room.

 

 _“How long do you think he’s gonna be like this?”_ Alec questioned.

 

 _“I can’t be sure,”_ the Warlock answered.

 

His instinct was to search for his parabatai. “Alec?” he called out as loud as he could. “Alec, are you there?” he tried to get up, but only managed to sit up on the edge of the bed.  It frustrated him to no end. He was still weak and he hated it. Not even a minute later, though the door opened and Alec entered with Magnus in tow.

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Alec asked in a gentle voice. “You going somewhere, buddy?”

 

“I…uh... I was trying to find you…” he tried to explain still feeling dizzy.

 

“Well, I’m here now, so lie back down,” Jace did as he was told and was happy when his parabatai came to sit beside him. He wanted to reach out and grasp Alec’s hand, but couldn’t with the Downworlder still in the room. It took one look and Alec understood him.

 

“Magnus, could you…could we have a moment, please?” he asked politely.

 

“Of course,” the Warlock answered and exited without a question.

 

As soon as he was gone Jace sat on the bed once more, but this time wrapped his arms around his parabatai’s neck.

 

“Tell me it’s real, please tell me it’s real,” he begged quietly. Alec, however, pulled away from the hug, which made him feel even more discouraged.

 

“What have you done, Jace?” he asked, his face twisted into a deep frown. He looked worried.

 

“You never wanted me to know,” Jace concluded. It all made sense now. That’s why Alec had been so weird and refused to talk about it. He’d most likely been hurt that Jace hadn’t remembered their night together, but he’d also wanted to keep it a secret. “Why, Alec?” Jace asked. “Why would you keep such a thing from me?”

 

“It doesn’t matter now,” Alec vaguely answered. “You got what you wanted. You know what happened that night. What do you intent to do with that knowledge?” Jace couldn’t understand why Alec was acting the way he was. His tone was cold and collected as if he was talking to a mere acquaintance and not to the man he was in love with.

 

“What do you mean what I’m gonna do?” Jace questioned, trying his best not to get angry. “We’re in this together, Alec,” he put his hand atop of Alec’s, needing the contact. “It’s _us_ from now on. Just us against the whole world, remember?”

 

Alec smiled shyly. “Okay then, what are _we_ gonna do?” he asked.

 

“How about this?” Jace leaned in and gave his parabatai a slow, passionate kiss. _God,_ it still felt like their first one. Jace hoped that never changed. “How does this sound?” he whispered against Alec’s lips. “Good?”

 

“You know it is,” they exchanged a few more kisses until Alec decided it was enough. “By the Angel, Jace, do you even realize what this means?” the archer asked.

 

“What?”

 

“ _This_ ,” he gestured between them with one hand.The other one remained underneath Jace’s. “This changes everything. Nothing will ever be the same,” Alec explained.

 

“Good,” Jace replied. “I don’t want to go back to how things were before,” he couldn’t go back to how things were before even if he wanted to. After he’d known what it’s like to have his heart back that familiar emptiness, which didn’t bother him before, because he was just used to it, would be worse than death for him. He intertwined his fingers with Alec’s just to make sure his parabatai would stay. “I don’t even want to remember what it was like to live without your love,” Jace confessed.

 

“You’ve always had my love, Jace,” Alec said. “You just didn’t notice it,” Alec was right. He’d spent years loving his parabatai, but Jace had failed to see it, because he was a selfish idiot who only cared about himself. He’d appreciated Alec only when he’d realized that a life without his parabatai would be impossible for him.

 

Jace remembered wanting Alec there with him while he was getting drunk, but reminding himself that he shouldn’t call him. He wasn’t use to no having his parabatai’s full and undivided attention. He had imagined a hundred and one ways in which Alec could be having fun without him and hated it. He’d hated Magnus, because in his drunken haze he’d suspected that the Warlock was trying to steal his parabatai away from under his nose. Back then he hadn’t allowed himself to give it a thought, but right now he was sure that it was jealousy he was experiencing. It had been a toxic feeling, indeed. And it had all stemmed from his own insecurity and self-hatred.

 

 _“I just want you you to need me as much as I need you,”_ he’d whispered as he’d looked at a photo of Alec he’d taken without the archer noticing.

 

After his fifth drink Jace had realized that he no longer felt the pain in his heart from losing Clary. He’d simply felt nothing. It occurred to him then, that despite all the loss and heartbreak he’d been through in his life, only Alec’s abcense would break him beyond repair. He would be able to bear the numbness that his past lovers had left in him, because numbness was nothing. It meant he didn’t feel anything, which was preferable in his job. But losing Alec would be a whole different matter. The damage would be so vast that he would never be able to recover.  The pain would run so deep that he would be reminded of it in all his waking moments.

 

How could he live without a part of himself? Peope couldn’t exist in halves, could they?

 

Thankfully, Jace didn’t need to think about all of this since they both had a long life ahead of them.

 

“Rest for a bit,” Alec advised as he got up from the bed, letting go of Jace’s hand. “I’ll just talk to Magnus real quick and then come get you. Lay down now, okay? I’ll be back in a minute,” Jace did as he was told, but still reached for Alec, unable to let him go without asking for one more thing. 

 

“Kiss me,” Jace demanded without shame. Alec bent down and pecked his parabatai’s lips gently.

 

 

 

They ended up arriving home around midnight. This time their parents were waiting for them. Jace could feel Alec tense up as soon as they both saw their Mother’s stern face so he too it upon himseld to save them both.

 

“And just where have you two been?” she asked. “I’ve had it with both of you leaving the Institute without explanation or permission. Explain yourselves immediately.” Maryse demanded.  Their Father just stood there with his arms over his chest.

 

“It’s my fault, Mother,” Jace confessed, his head bowed low. “Magnus Bane offered to show me something awesome and I accepted. Alec came with me for safety reasons,” Jace knw what his Mother’s opinion on Downworlders was, so he was sure that something like this would appear reasonable to her.

 

“And what is tthis ‘awesome thing’ that Bane showed you?” she questioned in a much calmer voice.

 

“Oh, Mom, you won’t even believe it,” he said excitedly. “He has this giant book that contains all the runes that exist,” he explained using his hands. They were almost off the hook.”There were so many runes I hadn’t seen before. I want to learn them all,” he could hear the determination in his own voice.

 

Their Mother’s face softened. “I’m glad that your friendship with that Warlock is fruitful, but next time you decide to leave in the middle of the night, at least warn me,” she requested. “I don’t want you wandering around when we still have no idea where Valentine is.”

 

“Yes, Mother,” Alec said.

 

“There’s something else we wanted to talk to you about,” their Father told them. “Your Mother and I are leaving for Idris in three days, along with Max,” he continued. “We want you, Alec to take temporary control over the Institute while we’re gone,” Robert announced. Pride bloomed in Jace’s chest. There was no one more deserving of this than Alec. Jace hoped to one day see his parabatai running the Institute for real. “Are you ready for this responsibility?”

 

“I am,” Alec replied. “I hope I won’t disappoint you, Mother,” Jace was sure that could never happen.

 

 

 

Ever since he was a little boy Jace had always believed that love meant suffering. It was one of the first lessons his Father had given him.

 

 _“To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed,”_ he could still hear Michael Wayland saying. Over the course of the next few days, though, he learned that the truth was much different. Love-real love should never hurt. It’s supposed to make the world a brighter place and bring out the best in those who shared it. Alec taught him that.

 

But the best thing about true love was the sense of togetherness and stability that came with it. Knowing that he was loved made Jace feel a lot more grounded and hopeful for the future. It wasn’t perfect of course; they still managed to drive each other crazy sometimes.  It wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough.

 

Jace tried not to let the fact that they had yet to have sex bother him. He knew logically that sex wasn’t everything in a relationship, and besides now was hardly an appropriate time to try and sneak out of the Institute so that they could fool around. Alec had more important things to do on his mind, like proving himself to to be worthy of leading the Institute.

 

And yet whenever Jace would see his parabatai sitting at the desk that was meant for the Head of the Institute the only thing going through his mind would be how good it would feel to to be pressed face- down against that very desk.

 

But maybe Alec wouldn’t want to see his parabatai bent over. Maybe he’d prefer to have Jace kneeling under the desk with his hands on his thighs and without even a stich on. Maybe Alec’s pants would be unbuttoned just enough to get his cock out (he had a nice cock, Jace had seen it on several occasions and he could only imagine what it would look like erect.) Maybe secretly having his parabatai’s lips wrapped around him would be the only thing keeping the archer and future Head of The Institue sane during an exhausting day of boring work.  Maybe during lunch break he’d indulge and allow himself to mercilessly fuck said parabatai’s mouth without even letting him move, much less come. And Jace would love it. He’d fucking live for it. The very knowledge that they were doing something so forbidden where anyone could see them, and yet hidden from everyone else’s eyes, would be enough to bring him over to the edge, but he wouldn’t even think about coming, not unless Alec ordered him to.

 

Indeed, Jace wasn’t too shy to admit that being bossed around turned him on. Despite what people might assume about him, he often enjoyed giving up control and letting go in the bedroom.  The idea of being someone’s plaything aroused him immensely. The idea of being _Alec’s_ plaything made him feel like his place was forever between his parabatai’s legs. Some nights, the restless voices in Jace’s head would whisper that that was the only position his Alec’s life he was worthy of, but he’d ignore them, because he knew that Alec would never even think that.

 

Witnessing his parabatai openly being the man he was supposed to be-controlling and exigent, but also gentle and forgiving made Jace weak in the knees.  Sometimes he’d be so focused on his own thoughts and fantasies, that he wouldn’t even hear what people were telling him. He’d catch Alec looking at him from the corner of his eye, and wonder if his best friend knew exactly what Jace was thinking.

 

 

 

 

Between training for his battle with Valentine and trying to keep his libido in check (and failing) Jace had a lot of time to reflect on his relationship with Alec. Come to think of it, they weren’t _in_ a relationship quite yet. They weren’t exactly lovers, but Jace supposed _lovers_ was too weak of a word to describe what the two of them shared. They were parabatai. Theirs was the strongest bond known to mankind. They didn’t need any other labels, but they did need to talk.  Alec wanted it, too Jace could tell. They just needed to get creative about finding the time to do it.

 

Jace knew he couldn’t give himself to Alec fully before he’d uncovered himself completely.

 

Two weeks after their parents had left for Idris Alec decided to set his duties as a deputy Head of The Institute aside for a while, in favor of helping his team retrieve the Mortal Cup.

 

After Clary had gotten her hands on the Cup, Izzy’s necklace had started signaling for the presence of demons around them. They’d all tried to kill as many as they could, but the demons just kept coming. They’d been forced to retreat to a secret tunnel, but the demons were quickly catching up to them.

 

“Go,” Alec ordered all of a sudden. “I’ll slow them down. Get the Cup to safety,” Isaballe and Clary had no problem doing what they were told, but Jace was not having it.

 

 “If you’re staying then so am I,” he insisted stubbornly as his teammates were trying to find their way out.

 

“Are you refusing to obey an order from the acting Head of The Institute?” Alec asked, displeased with having his authority challenged.

 

“No,” Jace answered.  “I’m refusing to let my parabatai get hurt, despite his stupid order,” Jace refused to give in. He saw an opportunity in this.

 

“Our only job right now is to protect the Cup,” Alec wouldn’t surrender easily, either.

 

“You protect the Cup, but who protects you, Alec?” the archer had no answer to that so he kept staring at his parabatai.

 

Izzy’s voice of reason came next. “We do _not_ have time for this,” she knew exactly what was going on. “Come on, Clary,” they made their way to the exit, leaving the parabatai to gaze into each other’s eyes.

 

“We fight together always,” Jace smiled a little, despite knowing that the demons were coming for them. “Don’t ever forget that,” he got into position and squeezed the handle of the blade, ready for a fight. Alec shot his first arrows and it was on.

 

 

 

By the time Jace killed his last demon the thrill of the fight was long gone. His shirt was soaked in sweat, even though it was a chilly night out, and he was covered with demon blood. He was exhausted and hungry and he just wanted it to be over. When he pierced through the demon’s body, he felt that sort of satisfaction that people get when they’ve pushed themselves and done something they hadn’t wanted to.

 

Alec was not much better. He also seemed tired when he came to face Jace and put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Good work,” he panted. “I think that was all of them. I’m not mad at all that this is over,” he tried to smile, despite being tired. “Thank you for staying,” that brought a smile on Jace’s face as well. He knew that sometimes his parabatai was afraid to admit that he needed help. “Seriously, I-I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

 

“Hey,” Jace said, intertwaining their fingers together. “Until my heart beats, right?”

 

“And after that,”Alec finished.

 

This was his chance. He was still high on adrenaline and Alec was in a good mood. They’d have excuse if someone in the Institue started asking questions.

 

It was finally time to relevel himself-all of himself to Alec.  Jace wanted the last barrier between them to fall so that he may finally learn what it meant to be Alec’s.  He no longer cared for words. He wanted to let their actions speak for themselves.

 

It was now or never.

 

“We should probably head home,” Alec suggested.

 

“I have a better idea,” Jace announced. “Do you love me?” he asked, wanting to hear it.

 

Alec let out a small laugh. “That’s a very unfair question.”

 

“Answer me,” Jace demanded, looking down. He didn’t want Alec to see the fear in his eyes.

 

Alec lifted his parabatai’s chin, making him look up. “I love you,” he vowed and kissed Jace sweetly. “What else do I need to do to prove it to you?” he asked.

 

“Nothing,” Jace responded. “I just… What if one day I did or said something and you stopped? What am I gonna do then?”

 

Alec laughed again. “That’s unlikely. I’ve tried to stop loving you enough times to know that it doesn’t work,” he saw the disbelieveing look his parabatai was giving and decided to explain himself. “To give you up would mean giving myself up. Believe me when I say it’s not something I want to experience again,” he squeezed their fingers together making Jace feel safer than ever. Alec loved him. Everything was gonna be okay, because they had each other.

 

“I believe you,” Jace whispered. “That’s why I want to show you something,” there was no turning back now.

 

“Oh, really?” Alec exclaimed, obviously taken aback. “And what’s that?”

 

“It’s something no one else knows about,” Jace replied. “A part of me I haven’t shown to anyone else,” he aded. “But I want you to see it, because I love you and I trust you.

 

“Okay,” Alec said slowly, trying to process all the information he was given. “I’m ready to see it whatever it is,” he assured. “I love you, too.”

 

“Okay then,” Jace smiled. “Let’s go,” he stared pulling his parabatai towards the end of the end of the tunnel.

 

“Where are we going?” Alec asked, puzzled.

 

“Away,” Jace answered mysteriously.

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ‘Away’ turned out to be a small building in Brooklyn.They’d taken the  subway to get here, and while sitting on the train in silence, Alec had tried to prepare himself for the worst. When he’d seen the tiny establishment he’d allowed himself to relax. Jace, apparently had a place there that he’d told no one about.As long as he wasn’t trying to reveal that he had been using the fridge in his secret accomodations to keep the body parts of his numerous victims, Alec reckoned everything would be fine.

 

 Jace unlocked the door to one of the apartments of the fourth floor and was soon as they stepped in; he was all over his parabatai. Alec’s back was pressed against the door and surrendered himself to Jace’s vigorous kisses. That was definitely unexpected. Not that Alec was complaining, though. They pulled back only when they both felt like they needed to take a breath, otherwise they’d pass out. As much as Alec liked their gentle, slow kissing, he had to admit that he didn’t mind this type of approach, either.

 

Free of his lover’s grip, the archer was able to regain his senses and look around. Though, he wished Jace would have at least taken care of the ‘problem’ he’d created, when he’d decided to press himself impossibly close to his best friend, and let him know just how excited he was to be showing him this.

 

 

The inside of the apartment was nothing like Alec had expected. Actually, Alec hadn’t known what to expect when he was dragged into this, but he would’ve never imagined that. At least it was certain that he wasn’t in a mass murderer’s lair.It looked _normal_. It was also really messy. There were a few colored graphic t-shirts (nothing like Jace’s usual attire) thrown all over the place and the most dangerous thing in the room were some chopsticks from a Chinese, that Jace had never finished eating. Was this Jace’s ‘secret’ side? He liked to pretend to be a mundane? A sloppy mundane?

 

Jace had claimed that Alec was the first person he was sharing this with, and yet the archer’s practiced eye didn’t miss the few items in the apartment that couldn’t be his parabatai’s. Like a single white pearl earring he’d almost stepped on, or the pair of boxers that was a size too big. But what shocked Alec the most were the fluffy pink handcuffs he’d seen when he’d left his quiver on the hanger. He couldn’t have foreseen that in a million years. Before Alec could jump to any conlusions, though, his thoughts were interrupted by his parabatai’s voice.

 

 “You should stop sulking and take your clothes off,” said Jace who was smirking at his own joke and was doing just that. He had a point though;the battle had left them both sweaty and dirty and disgusting .The rain that had started pouring the second they’d gotten out of the subway hadn’t helped either.

 

 Alec’s jacket (the one that was technically Jace’s now)  was neatly placed on the arm of the couch and Jace wasted no time getting rid of his own black t-shirt. Alec knew he’d been mad about something a moment ago, but it’s all gone now. Upon seeing Jace in all his shirtless glory Alec gulped down, and thought he might have forgotten how to breathe again.

 

Jace moved in order to kiss his parabatai. “It’s okay,” he whispered against Alec’s lips. “You’ll get used to it,” he promsed.” Eventually,” Alec sincerely doubted that. Before he could respond though, Jace began unbuttoning his shirt. His fingers were slow, deliberate, practiced and when they were done he began moving them all over Alec’s hard abdomen. “Do you know what a body shot is, Alec?” he asked,voice full of curiosity. When Alec shook his head Jace just smirked.“Excellent.”

 

 

  Alec felt like the places Jace had touched were on fire. The slightest movements sent electricity through his entire body and in one part in particular.

 

Jace moved them both to the couch and did not hesitate to sit on his parabatai’s lap. They started exchanging open-mouthed kisses and the last bit of focus Alec had in him was gone. Kissing Jace always made his mind feel hazy, and his body like it was burning from the inside.

 

Alec had come here with the intention to talk. They needed to talk. It was probably not healthy to just jump into this before they’d talked it out. But as Jace began pulling off the dress shirt from his shoulders so he can press hot kisses there as well as all over his chest, it became clear that talking was not a priority for either of them.

 

Alec’s body had slumpled down on the couch, making Jace get to his knees and allowing his eager mouth to explore his parabatai’s torso. He seemed to have fascination with Alec’s abs as well as his navel, because every so often he’d place small, hungry kisses around it.

 

The air in the room was too tight. The only sounds that could be heard in there were Alec’s heavy breathing and the occasional muffled noises Jace would make against his parabatai’s skin as he kept kissing it with adandon.

 

For a moment everything was perfect and Alec’s mind took that as a sign it was time to turn against him.

 

“Can I ask you something?” the archer blurted out without even meaning to. His hips kept thrusting up involuntarily, because he wanted Jace to go _lower_ and just get straight to business. He had no idea what he even wanted to ask.

 

“Anything,” Jace whispered in a husky voice. “Ask anything of me and it’s yours,” he said, and went back to kissing his parabatai’s lower abdomen. Feeling Jace’s hot breath so close to his aching cock made Alec arch his back and squeeze his eyes in anticipation.

 

“W-When did you find out you were in love with me?” Alec barely managed to ask as he was running his fingers gently through Jace’s hair in attempt to show him how much he was enjoying this. That was a question that had been bothering him in a while, but he didn’t know why he’d raised it now.

 

Jace stopped immediately and readjusted himself on his lover’s lap so that he may look at Alec’s face. “Where did that come from now?” he laughed. He sounded surprised, but also amused.

 

“Dunno,” Alec responded. “Guess I just want to know,” Alec himself couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he’d fallen for Jace. That always seemed to be a part of him, but it would be interesting to find out when Jace had discovered he’d felt the same.

 

Jace let out a dreamy sigh. “It took me a while, actually,” he laughed. “I think for me it was more of a process. It happened more than once. I just kept falling in love with you little by little,” that made Alec smile as well. He brought his hand to Jace’s face and started stroking his cheek.

 

“Tell me more,” the archer requested. He wanted to know everything.

 

Jace laid his head down on Alec’s chest and started.

 

“First, it happened while I was at that bar,” he recalled. “I so lonely, Alec, so, so lonely,” he placed one small kiss on his lover’s sternum. ”I was hurt and lonely, and I was dying to call you, but I didn’t, not at first, at least,” he smirked. Alec gave him a confused look. “I knew you were with Magnus and I didn’t want to ruin it for you,” Jace explained. “But I hated him then, Alec, I really did,” the archer didn’t know how to react to that. “With each glass I had I realized more and more that you were the one person I couldn’t afford to lose,” that confession warmed Alec’s heart up.

 

“I think I know what happened after that,” he informed, making them both laugh. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it,” his tongue itched to add _unlike you,_ but that wasn’t fair on Jace.

 

“I was so surprised when you actually showed up,” he went on. “I was ready to do anything to keep you there.”

 

“And then I started making a complete idiot of myself,” Alec chimed in.

 

“ _And then,_ ” Jace told him. “You kept doing and saying all those things as if I was the most precious being in the universe--“

 

“You are to me,” Alec interrupted, making his lover beam at him.

 

“And when you said those last words…” Jace added. He sounded somewhat shy.

 

“Until my heart beats…and after that.”

 

Jace nodded. “You made me feel like I was the single most loved person in the world,” as far as Alec was concerned that wasn’t too far from the truth. “No one had ever managed to do it before,” Jace revealed.

 

“I’m glad,” Alec smiled, because he was. He wanted to be the first and only person the make Jace feel this way.

 

“For a second there I thought the alcohol was making me imagine all of it,” Jace went to explain. “That’s why I wanted you to kiss me,” he took a deep breath. “To make sure that it was real.”

 

“Keep going,” Alec encouraged him.

 

“And then when you finally kissed me,” he stopped to take a deep breath. “When it happened everything just seemed to click into place. Through that kiss I could feel how much you loved me,” his voice got a bit shaky. “How could I not love you back after that?”

 

That was not exactly what Alec had expected to hear. It was nice, but for some reason it left him feeling uneasy. He did not have time to dwell on it, because his lover had plans of his own.

 

Jace suddenly removed his head from Alec’s chest. He remained on his knees, but this time his torso was upright.

 

“Get up, “ he ordered and Alec did just that. Now the archer was standing between the couch and his parabatai’s captivating body. It didn’t help that Jace was looking up at him with eyes full of lust.

 

Standing up allowed Alec to see his best friend from a totaly different angle. He was now able to appreciate how absolutely alluring Jace actually looked.There was only a tiny bit of color left to his irises and Jace’s normally flawless hair was now completely disheveled, he didn’t seem to mind, though.His body was shiny with sweat, and yet Jace looked like he was burning from the inside.His luscious lips were parted slightly as if inviting Alec to put his cock between them.

Jace was ready for the taking. It didn’t take him long to catch on exactly what was on his parabatai’s mind.

 

“I’m yours, Alec,” he purred. “Take me,” he begged and smiled sweetly, but Alec knew he wouldn’t want it sweet. ”Oh, Alec, your body is a dream,” he moaned and began unbuttoning Alec’s jeans.  “You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted this,“ he whispered and went back to doing what he apparently liked most-kissing around Alec’s navel and along his happy trail. He stopped only when he managed to shove Alec’s pants down to his knees (Jace was an expert at multitasking, apparently.)

 

Seeing the outline of his parabatai’s cock trough his boxers left Jace gawking. Alec felt his whole face heat up, but he took his best friend’s reaction as a compliment. It was obvious that if wasn’t for the undergarments standing in his way, he’d be trying to suck his lover’s soul through his dick by now.

 

Without a warning Jace nuzzled himself against Alec’s crotch. And Oh, that was the biggest surprise yet. Alec didn’t even know people did that kind of thing, let alone that some enjoyed it. Jace, however, seemed to love it, because he just kept pressing his face further into the fabric of the underwear. His whole body was shivering and the archer noticed that he had a hand down his own pants. 

 

“Stop that,” Alec ordered sharply. “You wouldn’t want to come before it was time, would you?” he would have apologized for his tone had he not seen Jace do exactly as he was told.

 

“You’re right,” he answered obediently. “I’ll come when you say it’s time,” Alec had never seen him so pliant before. It was intoxicating.

 

“Look at you,” the archer breathed out. “Listening to every word I say,” Alec added.”Wish you were like that when we were on missions, too,” Alec joked.

 

“I can be,” Jace guaranteed.”I’ll do anything you ask of me,” he vowed. “Just wanna be good for you,” Jace keened.

 

“You already are,”Alec assured him. “You are the best for me,” he reminded, gently running his fingers through Jace’s hair. He’d never get tired of saying it. Despite all his jagged edges, Jace was always perfect in his parabatai’s eyes. “My good boy,” he praised. That last part slipped without Alec having to think about-it came naturally to him. He’d never allowed himself to think of Jace as his before, but now that he was, a strange sense of possessiveness washed over him. He got irrationally jealous and hurt that he wasn’t the first to have Jace like this.

 

When Jace heard it, however, he had a slightly different reaction. A sinful moan left his lips and fuck if that wasn’t the hottest thing Alec had ever heard. He wanted more of it. He was prepared to work until the only sound Jace was capable of making was that moan.

 

“You like this,” Alec concluded. “You like being praised and having someone else make all the discisons for you, don’t you?” Alec had heard a thing or two on the matter. Some people (especially those who had to maintain a tough persona) enjoyed giving up control and being taken care of in bed. He found the whole thing enchanting. He was interested in being the one to provide care and protection and whatever else was needed for the person he loved-for his parabatai.

 

Jace simply nodded, now looking down.

 

“Answer me,” Alec demanded, lifting Jace’s chin and making him look up. “Do you want this?” he needed to make sure. “Do you want this from me?”

 

Jace nodded again. “I do,” he admitted. “I want this from you.Only from you,” he panted. “Please, Alec, I need it,” he begged.

 

 

_By The Angel._

 

 

“My good boy,” Alec repeated in a whisper and started stroking Jace’s lower lip with his thumb. The sensation had Jace close his eyes and tilt his head to the side. Jace’s lips were slightly parted and Alec could feel his parabatai’s tongue reaching to lick at the tip of his finger.

 

“What do you want now, good boy?” Alec asked gently. Though Jace was on his knees, it was pretty clear tha he was the one calling the shots in the situation. And Alec wouldn’t have it any other way.Doing something without Jace’s consent or approval wasn’t an option.It just wan’t.The thought of doing something that could make his parabatai uncomfortable, or God forbid scare or traumatize him, terrified Alec. If Jace wanted to give up control, it would happen only on his terms.

 

“You,” Jace breathed out. “I want you.”

 

“Be more specific,” Alec urged. “Where do you want me?”

 

“In me,” Jace whispered. “I want you in me.” Well, he was nothing if not straightforward.

 

It hit Alec then just what they were about to do. They were going to have sex. Oral for sure, judging by Jace’s enthusiasm, and later maybe even with penetration.Jesus fucking Christ. Alec had never done that. He’d never done any of that.He suddenly felt self-conscious. What if he did something really awkward and it turned Jace off? Or what if he tasted weird? Or what if he came way too fast before he’d even had the chance to enjoy himself? Alec had no idea sex would be stressful.

 

He had no time to come up with other embarrassing scenarios, because he felt Jace’s eager, but gentle fingers just barely caressing the length of his cock throught the boxers.Once Jace realized just how much his parabatai was enjoying this, he got bolder and decided to press his palm against the the dick he had in front of his face and squeeze.

 

It was just the slightest touch, but it made Alec let throw his head back and groan. He knew Jace well enough to know that the reaction he got had him smirking. That clearly wasn’t enough, though, because a second later his nimble fingers were reaching to pull his parabatai’s underwear down. Alec, however, was quicker and stopped him reluctantly.

 

“No,” he said firmly. “We need a condom,” he wasn’t risking Jace’s safety. Not that Alec could give him anything, but herpes was still a thing.

 

 “Oh, come on,” Jace whined, but got up all the same, knowing there was no point trying to argue with Alec on this. 

 

He pushed his parabatai on the couch and kissed him passionatelly one last time. “I’m gonna grab everything we need real quick, and when I’m back you better not be wearing those grandpa clothes of yours ,” Alec wanted to be offended, but he was way too turned on for that.” Oh, and don’t plan on sleeping tonight,” Jace whispered and and disappeared into the bedroom.Sleep was overrated anyway.

 

  With Jace out of the room, everything went suddenly quiet, and that gave Alec the chance to think.He reckoned his brain was finally being supplied with blood again, because he was able of forming coherent thoughts. At the end of the day that turned out to be not such a great thing.

 

The feeling of uneasiness he’d had earlier returned suddenly.

 

“ _Through that kiss I could feel how much you loved me_ ,” Alec would have been okay with hearing just that, but it was the statement that followed, that set his teeth on edge. “ _How could I not love you back after that?_ ” it had sounded as if Jace had felt a sort of obligation to love his parabatai back.

 

But maybe it was even worse.

 

Maybe Jace was not in love with him at all.

 

“ _We are all better at fooling ourselvs, than we are at fooling other people_ ,” Alec remembered Hodge telling him once.

 

Was it possible?

 

_No.No.No._

 

All those touches they’d shared, all the promises whispered between them; they couldn’t all be born out of an illusion, could they?

 

But then again, why not?

 

The break up had left Jace so devastated, that he willing to latch on to any source of affection he could get.

 

It was love Jace longed for, in truth, not Alec himself.

 

The archer was convinced that a Seraph blade through the heart would hurt him less than the conclusion he’d just come to.

 

He felt humiliated, cheated and above all-alone.Now he truly understood what it was like to feel alone.

 

Unable to sit still anymore, he got up and started putting his clothes back on.His mind was hazy with grief, but somehow it all started making sense.The clothes all over the place, Jace’s eagerness, and the fact that he had everything he needed at a moment’s notice here. This was where Jace brought people to fuck. He was sad that things with Clary didn’t work out, and wanted Alec to fuck it out of him. Sex was Jace’s coping mechanism, and Alec was just the tool he was using today to help him with that.Who was to say that tomorrow he wouldn’t set him aside for someone else?

 

Alec knew he couldn’t stay there anymore. He didn’t care about anything anymore.Not even about Jace’sreaction when he found out that his parabatai had left without saying a word.He just wanted out.He needed to calm down and think clearly on this, otherwise he was afraid he might do something he’d regret for the rest of his life.

 

He was just at the door, ready to leave when he heard soft footsteps caming closer towards him, and the sound of several small objects hitting the ground followed.

 

“Alec?” Jace called out from behind him.It was his tone that made Alec stop. He sounded scared. Never in his life had Jace been so insecure (or at least that’s Alec thought.)

 

 _Fuck it._ He couldn’t wait.It was now or never.

 

Alec was ready to demand an explanation, but when he turned around---

 

  _By the Angel._

 

Jace was standing there, naked like the day he was born. He apparently had wasted no time, and shed all his remaining clothes in the bedroom. The absence of clothing showed Jace off in all of his true beauty. He was fit, sexy and manly, but he also looked breakable and vulnerable.And in that moment Alec saw him as something that needed to be both protected and worshipped; He saw him as a masterpiece. All of Jace’s imperfect parts came together to form a perfect body; a perfect Nephilim.

 

 “What’s going on,Alec?” Jace asked, trying to sound calm,but Alec knew better.

 

 Alec remained silent and did the only thing he knew was right in this situation. Jace seemed perplexed with his parabatai’s actions, but did nothing to stop him as Alec covered him with his jacket (It’s Jace’s jacket now, Alec had to remind himself once more.)

 

 Alec realized he had made a strategic mistake when he took a step back and was able to see Jace looking up at him.Enveloped in Alec’s enourmus leather jacket, Jace looked even more vulnerable than he did when he had been bare, but no less beautiful. Wearing his parabatai’s jacket made Jace look even smaller than he already was. He’d never admit it to anyone, but being the bigger one of the two, was a huge turn on for Alec. He liked that despite Jace’s ‘tough guy’ persona  it was so easy to have him manhandled and pinned to the mat when they sparred. Alec  concluded it would be even easier to have Jace pinned to the bed. He wanted to be the one to do that. Suddenly, that possessiveness Alec had felt awhile ago came back. _Mine.All of you is mine_ , he thought.

 

 Alec’s mind began filling with a thousand images of Jace being fucked while wearing the jacket he was wearing now. Only the jacket. _Oh god yes_.The one he liked the most though, was the image of Jace riding him slowly while they kissed and their chests were so close they could feel their hearts beathing with the same rhythm.

 

 Alec only realized he had been lost in thought, and forgot to answer the question when he saw Jace lower his head and stare at the ground. He looked particularly sad in that position. A stronger man would be able to resist him and leave once he had learned the truth behind Jace’s intentions, but Alec was not a strong man. Not when it came to Jace anyway. All it took was one sad look, or gesture from him, and Alec couldn’t be angry anymore ,because whenever Jace was hurting it was Alec who suffered the most.

 

 “Look at me, Jace,” Alec requested as he got closer to his parabatai. When Jace refused to do so, Alec was forced to shorten the distance between them even more, and  they were once again standing a breath away from one another.

 

“What is going on,Alec?” he asked, and Alec thought his voice sounded odd.”Did I do something wrong? Should I have waited for you to undress me?” Finally, he looked up, but Alec wished he hadn’t.

 

”Do you not want me anymore?”

 

 Alec always wanted Jace.Always.To prove his point Alec pulled his parabatai into a hug, and didn’t release him until he was certain Jace had calmed down.

 

“You okay, baby?”  

 

The nickname rolled off Alec’s tongue without him having to think about it. Alec never thought he would be using it to address anyone.  It was too cheezy and generic for his liking, but just like with everything else, it semed right with Jace. His parabatai seemed to like it as well, because he smiled brightly,showing off the dimples Alec loved so much.Though out of each other’s arms, the parabatai stayed close to one another, and pressed their foreheads together.

 

 “Of course I want you.” Alec kissed his parabatai’s forehead and Oh. This one was different from all their other kisses. It was more innocent, but felt like the most intimate yet. “I want you, Jace.More than you know,” He whispered the words against Jace’s forehead, as if they were a secret, but they weren’t, not anymore. “But I can’t do this,”Alec claimed.”Not right now. I need some time.”

 

 Jace seemed to be very displeased with what Alec was saying, because he pulled back as soon as he heard him and Alec could tell he was getting angry.

 

“Time for what, Alec?” Jace questioned. “Have we not waited long enough?”

 

“I can’t just jump into this,” Alec responded. “I need to think about it.”

 

“To overthink, you mean,” Jace said, far too amused. “What is there to think about, Alec?” he asked. He was clearly angry now. There was no mistaking it. “It’s not like we met two hours ago,” he began ranting. “We’ve known each other since we were little kids, Alec. We’re parabatai, for God’s sake,” he kept going.”We know everything there is to know about each other.”

 

“And yet I had no idea about this little love nest of yours!” Alec raised his voice. He had to admit that was a low blow.

 

“Is this what this is really about?” Jace questioned. “I told you you were the first person I’m sharing it with,” Alec didn’t call him out on his lie yet. He wanted to see how far he was willing to go.”But if this-“he gestured expressively around himself. “-is what makes you doubt me, then you don’t really believe in our love, Alec,” Jace accused him.

 

It should be noted that Alec was a very rational man who didn’t normally let little things get to him, but sometimes certain words or actions would trigger reactions from him, which he couldn’t believe were actually his.Even though he took full responsibility of the next words that left his mouch, he didn’t think he was himself when he said them.

 

“Our love?” Alec mocked. “This is not our love,” he yelled, suddenly unable to control himself. “It’s my love!” there was no turning back now. “Mine. Do you hear me? It’s MINE.” Alec felt like he was on the brink of madness now.Only Jace could make him feel like that.

 

“Alec what—“Jace tried to ask, but couldn’t even finish.

 

“I’ve loved you for an eternity,” Alec began explaining.”I suffered for you. I burned for you,” he admitted, hand on his chest.”And you knew. Don’t even try to tell me that you didn’t. There’s no way you didn’t know,” he was out of breath already. “You knew and you ignored it, because it worked for you,” Alec spat out. “You kept me on your leash by giving me leftovers,” he felt the tears in his own eyes, but for the first time in a while he didn’t take them as weakness. “You came home to me after letting others have you, and you acted like nothing had happened.Like you didn’t know how much it hurt me,” he sniffled. He hadn’t dared admit that even before himself, so actually saying it aloud felt very freeing.

 

“A-Alec,” Jace barely whispered. “Is that how you really feel?”

 

“Well, how else am I supposed to feel?” the archer asked sarcastically. “You said you were lonely and jealous that night at the bar while I was with someone else.Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling for half my life,”Alec confessed. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to burn with desire for someone who can never be yours? Do you know what it’s like to feel like you’re frozen in time and forced to spend your life watching them love someone else-anyone else but you?” he asked again, not expecting an answer. “Huh? Do you?” the tears were now freely running down his cheeks, but he refused to wipe them.

 

“I’m so so sorry, Alec,” Jace apologized, voice trembling.

 

The archer interrupted him, however, because he wasn’t done yet. “But then the clock started ticking for me again,” he began again.”I found someone who understood me, and liked me for me, and I started moving on slowly,” he went on. “But you couldn’t have that, could you? You had to make sure I was still your loyal dog so you finally gave me what I wanted,” Goddamnit, he was spilling it all, wasn’t he? “How generous of you!” Alec shouted.

 

“No,” Jace shook his head. “You’ve got it all wrong,” he proclaimed. “That’s not how it is,” he kept persisting.

 

Alec scoffed. “You don’t love me, Jace,” he reported.”You love that I love you,” he concluded. “That’s how it is.”

 

“How can you think so little of me?” Jace asked. “How can you even assume that I would use you in such way?”

 

“I don’t blame you,” Alec informed him. “Not fully, anyway.You were traumatized and I acted without thinking,” that happened a lot while he was around Jace. “I can’t place all the blame on you,” he said, now slowly calming down. “But I won’t be your puppy; either.I just can’t keep doing it anymore.”

 

“Do you hear yourself? Jace was furious. His eyes were not dry and seemed almost empty, and now there was only white, hot anger left in him. “I’m not traumatized and you’re not a puppy,” he yelled. “Look, if you got scared and you want a way out just say it, but don’t act like you’re the victim here, parabatai.”

 

Alec couldn’t believe what he was hearng. He’d just spent twenty minutes pouring his heart out, and Jace had understood absolutely nothing. Or maybe he just didn’t care enough to make an efford to understand.

 

“Go,” Jace pointed at the door.”Go back to your Warlock and tell him how mean I’ve been to you,” he mocked. “Play house with him all you want. Marry him if you think you must,” Jace took a step towards his parabatai. “But you and I both know whose name will be on the tip of your tongue everytime you’re on the verge of an orgasm,” _Deny it,_ Alec thought, but he couldn’t. All he could do was stand there and gape like a fish. “I’d recommend fucking him with the lights on to avoid any awkward accidents,” Jace smirked. He was having fun with this. “But don’t forget,” he whispered, looking up at his best friend. “I’ll always be here waiting for you,” he caught the back of Alec’s left hand with his right,and started drawing patterns on the palm of it, which Alec recognized as their parabatai rune.”I’ll always be ready to give you my body whenever you want it,” he muttered, sounding hopeful. “My soul, well, it’s yours by default.” Oh, he was playing dirty, trying to tempt Alec into fucking him, because that was the only thing he cared about.Jace would use any means to achieve his goal, but no one was better at playing dirty than Alec.

 

“Aw, you don’t have to wait for me,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m sure you’ll find someone to call you ‘good boy’ in no time,” the look of absolute devastation on his parabatai’s face told him he’d really struck a chord. Jace’s eyes got glassy and his bottom lip started trembling. “After all, it doesn’t really matter, right?” Alec stated more than asked. “Whether it’s your parabatai who’s fucking you or some random dude you were grinding on ten minutes earlier, it makes no difference to you, does it?” more silence from Jace.Good. One more hit and he’d win, but he’d get no price from this victory. “You’re so desperate for it you’d give yourself to just about anybody, wouldn’t you?”

 

Alec thought that having the last word in an argument with Jace for once would come with some sort of great satisfaction, but he was wrong. Only pain followed. That sort of pain that came only from hurting the ones we love most. But also physical pain, because as soon as he was finished talking, Alec felt Jace’s fist on his jaw. The hit was so hard and so fierce that it almost had Alec falling to the ground. Thank God for the balance he’d developed after all those years of training. He was certain he’d find a giant bruise there tomorrow, but he supposed it was the least he deserved after hurting his parabatai so badly.

 

“Get out,”Jace screamed, pushing his (probably ex) best friend friend towards the door. “I never want to see you again,” he opened the door and pushed Alec violently outside. “You are dead to me,” with that the door was shut right in front of the archer’s face.Alec let himself rest against it for a minute. Jace’s sobs, which were  coming from the other side were deafening to his ears.

 

 

 _God,_ he was such an idiot.

 

 

Alec walked alone through the dark streets of New York, not even feeling the rain soaking through his clothes. He was too busy playing the whole night again and again in his own mind like a movie.It had started so well, how did it get so messed up so fast? Alec felt like he’d completely lost control over his own life right now.Nothing was going the way he’d wanted it to go. And he had no one eklse to blame but himself.

 

It was like that since that first night at Magnus’s loft when he’d found out he was the person Jace loved the most. Right now, he doubted his parabatai felt anything else but resentment for him.

 

_By The Angel._

 

He should have stayed quiet like he always did when it came to his feelings for Jace. But no, he’d acted without thinking just like he always did around his parabatai. On more than one occasion, he’d showed with actions and words exactly how he’d felt about his best friend. It was only natural that Jace would notice. 

 

He wondered what his life would have been if he hadn’t taken Jace’s call that night. Would he be in Magnus warm embrace right now instead of standing alone in the cold rain? He got the sudden desire to run to the Warlock and give him all that unspent passion that was left in him after tonight’s events, but he quickly gave up on that idea. It just wouldn’t be fair to Magnus. As much as he hated admitting it, that little bastard had a point.His was the only face Alec would be seeing, even as Magnus’ cat eyes looked up at him, full of passion and adoration.

 

When Alec finally got to his room in the Institute he didn’t even bother taking his clothes off before throwing himself face down on the bed. The sheets under him were wet, but he didn’t have the energy to care.

 

_Душата ми е стон. Душата ми е зов._

_Кажете ми що значат среща и разлъка?_

_И ето аз ви думам: има ад и мъка -_

_и в мъката любов!_

That night, the rune pained him more than it had ever before.He was able to feel his own agony as well as Jace’s.Alec had never felt that sort of pain before.He assumed it was the bond between him and Jace breaking.His eyes were full of tears and he had to use the pillow to muffle his wails, otherwise the whole Insitute would have heard him. Each tick of the clock Alec imagined as a step further into Hell.It seemed to him that this torture would never end.He wondered if Jace felt the same.

 

 _“What sort of love is this?”_ Alec asked himself.What sort of monstrocity was this so-called love, that nothing-absolutely nothing had managed to kill it.Not reason, not mutual heartbreak, not even Magnus Bane’s gentle promise of a better future had lessened Jace’s grip on Alec’s heart. The archer was now sure that not even death would be able to do that.

 

 

 

Three days passed.Three days since he had last seen Jace or heard anything of him. Alec had spent those three days working, and those three nights giving into all the thoughts he wouldn’t allow himself to have while the Sun was up.

Today was different, though. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate on the reports in front of him, Alec’s mind kept going back to Jace (so nothing new,really.) He wondered what had become of his parabatai.Was Jace safe? Was he okay? Had he cried for a long time after Alec left that night? Well, of course he had, his mind supplied.The more Alec thought about that, the guiltier he felt.Imagining Jace crying all alone in the apartment with (probably) no one there to comfort him and tell him everything was gonna be okay, made him feel like he was being stabbed in the heart with a thousand needles. Jace probably wasn’t eating, either.

 

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

 

Alec was the only one to blame for this mess.It all happened because he’d spoken without thinking, and then hadn’t even apologized. That might have been his biggest mistake.Jace obviously needed to feel loved and appreciated. He needed reassurance, praise and above all else to know that there was someone who was always gonna be there for him.By leaving Alec had ruined all his chances of proving to his parabatai, that he was the one person who could give it all to him.He could probably not even imagine the true damage he’d caused. Fuck, why did he always let his actions (or in this case his words) contradict his true feelings?

 

“Alec?” someone called out harshly and pulled him out of trance.It was Isabelle, of course it was, but she’d spoken to him in such a rude way before.

 

“Izzy, is everything okay?”

 

“No, it’s not okay,” she responded, only managing to confuse him even more.”What have you done?”

 

“What do you mean?” he asked her.”I’ve been in here all day.I haven’t done anything but look at reports,” he defended himself.

 

“To Jace,” Izzy clarified. “What have you done to Jace?” oh, she was angry.

 

“W-What about Jace?” Alec was suddenly very worried.”Where is he? Is he okay?”

 

She sighed. “I don’t think so, big bother,” she was obviously worried. “I just spoke to him and he sounded so hurt.You can’t even imagine,” Alec thought he might have an idea.

 

“Is this about that night?” Izzy asked.”Did I make a mistake when I told you he was looking for that book?” no, he couldn’t blame this on his little sister.

 

“No, Iz, this one’s on me,” he admitted. “I said some shit I didn’t mean and he got really upset.”

 

“Well, you better go and fix things, “ by her tone he understood it wasn’t a suggestion. “Because he’s leaving.”

 

“What?” Alec was out of his chair in a mere second.”Where is he going?”

 

“After Valentine,” she answered. “And it looks like he isn’t planning on coming back,” she continued. Alec buried his face in his hands out of frustration. “He told me to give his love to Mom, Dad and Max.”

 

“Did he say anything about me?” Izzy’s silence was telling.

 

“Do you know what your problem is, Alec?” she asked him.

 

That made him look up at her. “What?”

 

“You’re both too stubborn to talk to each other,” she stated.

 

“We do talk to each other,” Alec insisted.”Talking is what got us in this mess!”

 

“Yeah, talking shit,” she declared.”When was the last time you two sat down and talked to each other like adults instead of assuming that you know how the other feels?” Izzy asked him. He had no answer.”That’s what I thought;” she crossed her arms over her chest.”Go,” his sister urged him, looking at the door.”Go and bring my brother home,” Isabelle ordered.

 

 

 

 

Alec was ninety-nine percent sure Jace was still in his apartment so he didn’t bother checking anywhere else.On his way there he had time to think about his sister’s words and discovered that she was completely right.They’d avoided talking about everything that had happened, thinking that they can postpone it, and it had resulted in that mess.Enough was enough, though. Alec wasn’t going to let his parabatai kill himself because of his poor communication skills.

 

After ringing the bell a few times Alec was just about to give up when the wooden apartment door opened slowly, and Jace’s form appeared in front of him.

 

 _God_ , he’d missed him.

 

Alec’s heart squeezed in his chest as soon as he laid eyes on his parabatai.

 

“What do you want?” Jace asked sharply.

 

As much as he tried to give the impression that he was doing just fine, his whole aura betrayed him.The gleam in Jace’s eyes was gone, and he looked like he hadn’t smiled in days.There were dark circles under his eyes and he was wearing the same clothes he had been three days ago.That included Alec’s former jacket.It almost seemed like a suit of armor over Jace’s smaller frame.A strange sort of hope awakened in Alec.Jace still wore his jacket. He hadn’t thrown it away or burned it.On the contrary, he had made the conscious decision to once again put it over his shoulders.That was a good sign, right?

 

 “I came here to talk,”Alec informed him.

 

“Was I not clear enough?” Jace snapped.”I don’t ever want to see you again.Goodbye,” he tried to close the door, but Alec stopped him.

 

“Izzy sent me,” the archer said.”Do it for her, if not for anyone else.Please,” he begged.

 

Jace’s face softened and he let Alec in.

 

The apartment was even messier than Alec remembered it.There was a bottle of whiskey on the coffee table and tissues all over the floor.No sign of food.

 

“You came here at your sister’s request,” Jace concluded bitterly.”How generous of you!” he mimicked Alec’s tone and even his posture from when he’d said the same thing.

 

“Izzy’s not the only reason I’m here,” the archer told him.”I wanted to come sooner, but I thought you wouldn’t want to see me,” he revealed.  

 

“You thought right,” Jace shot back, glaring.”Now say what you came here to say and leave,” he ordered.”I have things to do.” He sat down on the sofa and tucked his feet under himself.Alec found it adorable.

 

Alec let out a deep sigh.This wasn’t going according to plan.In his mind he’d played out exactly what he wanted to say and even predicted what Jace’s reactions to his words may be, but reality was much harsher.

 

“Well? Aren’t you gonna say something?” Jace asked.”I have so many other things I could be doing right now.”

 

“Like going after Valentine?” Alec blurted out.He noticed a big backpack sitting next to the couch.

 

“What I’m doing is no longer any of your damned business,” Jace declared.

 

“You’re wrong,” Alec told him.”You’re still my parabatai and if we want to keep fighting together we have learn to communicate with each other,” Jace have him a confused look.”Don’t you see?” the archer asked. “Almost all of our problems stem from the fact that we constantly hide things from each other,” it was something they’d both been taught in their childhood.Show no emotions.Don’t let others know who you truly are.Always keep a part of yourself hidden.Those were only a few of the rules that a Shadowhunter was supposed to follow.But Alec was sick and tired of following already.

 

“I came here to clear things up between us,” the archer said.

 

“Talk then,” Jace urged them.

 

“May I sit?” Alec asked, already eyeing the chair opposite the couch.

 

“No.”

 

Jace was really gonna make him sweat for it, wasn’t he? “Fine then,”he could do it on his feet, too. “Jace, you know you can’t defeat Valentine on your own.Not even the fastest,strongest,fiercest Shadowhunter can go alone against a whole army,” Alec wanted to apologize, but he dicided that talking his parabatai out of this insane idea was slightly more important.

 

“Nothing Valentine could ever do to me would hurt me as much as you have,” he stared off into space, voice sounding empty.

 

“Be reasonable, Jace,”Alec insisted.”You know going after Valentine now would be a suicide mission.You know you won’t get your revenge and you’ll die for nothing,” Alec did his best to sound convincing.

 

“I can’t stay here,” Jace confessed.”I need to get away from all of this.”

 

Alec just nodded.”That’s okay.You can go back to Idris or even to another Institute for a couple of months…or however long you want,” they’d never been away from each other for more than two weeks, and Alec didn’t know how he would cope with not being able to see his parabatai for an extended period of time, but if was what Jace needed then he’d have to learn to stand it.

 

“Fine then,” Jace said suddenly.”Tomorrow I’m leaving for Idris and while I’m there I’ll ask to be transferred to a different Institute,” he decided.

 

Alec instantly realized that he’d failed.Yes; Jace wouldn’t be going after Valentine, but he wasn’t coming home either. It would probably be months until they saw each other again.And when they did, everything between them would be different.They would have changed way too much to be able to go back to how things were before.

 

There would be no more long hugs between them.They would have probably acquired new habits as well as new scars thanks to this war that was probably coming.They would be completely new people by the time they met again.Alec felt fear spread through his entire body.Jace-a part of him would be living thousands miles away.It would be as though he had lost a limb.Who would shield his back in a fight now? How was he supposed to live in half?

 

But Alec wouldn’t be the only one to feel Jace’s loss. He imagined his Mother’s reaction when she found out her most beloved son would be leaving her.She’d try to hide it under that mask of hers that she used when she talked politics, but underneath it all she would be devastated just like every mother who was forced to be parted from her child. His Father would suffer in silence, too and Max would probably cry for days.He was too young.He didn’t know yet that Shadowhunters weren’t supposed to do that.And Izzy…Izzy would probably resent him for the rest of her life because of this.After everything she’d done for him the only thing she’d asked for in return was to bring her brother home. A simple request and yet he’d failed to fulfill it.Alec had involuntarily torn their family apart and now he had no idea how to fix it.

 

“If there’s nothing else I’d like to be left alone, please,” Jace requested.He wasn’t a Lightwood by blood, but he had certainly learned to act like one.

 

Alec took a deep breath.

 

"Actually, there is something I want to say before you leave,” this was it.This was his chance. This was the last straw that could either bring Jace back to him (to them, Alec tried to say) or push him away forever.He squatted down next to the sofa (so that they were on the same eye level) and gently put a hand on Jace’s knee.His parabatai didn’t move away.”I’m sorry Jace,” he apologized at last.”I didn’t mean any of that shit I said,” he went on.”Using something so intimate to hurt you  was very vile of me,” he swallowed the growing lump in his throat and continued.”I will never forgive myself for hurting you that badly,” he squeezed his eyes shut and finally let the tears he’d been holding back fall.”My only hope is that wherever you decide to go in the world, you will be able to find someone who will treat you better than I have.” Alec didn’t even want to think about Jace being with someone else, someone better, but at the end of the day, Jace’s happiness was what mattered to him the most.

 

“You’re apologizing for calling me a whore, but not for saying that I was only using you and that I didn’t really love you?” Jace got to his feet quickly.He seemed irate.”I know what I am, Alec,” Jace proclaimed.”I like sex and I’m not ashamed of it,” he sounded so brave and confident.”But what you said and the way you said it,” he stopped for a second.”Hearing it made me feel like my heart was being pulled out of my chest inch by inch.” Tears had started running down his cheeks as he’d been speaking.

 

_Fuck._

 

“Jace, I’m so sorry.I could never express just how much.”

 

“Does that mean—“ Jace stopped himself for a second.”Is there still a chance for us?”

 

Alec hadn’t thought about that.He hadn’t assumed Jace would want to have anything to do with him in that way after everything that had happened.Now that he thought about it, the answer was clear as day.

 

“No,” he told his parabatai. “It’s just never going to work.It’s always the same thing, Jace,” he began ranting.”We get a couple of minutes of happiness, followed by what seems to be an eternity of misery,” he stopped to take a break.”Only an idiot would keep making the same mistake over and over again.It not healthy,” maybe if he said it enough times he’d even believe it.”It will ruin us both and maybe even get us killed.”

 

“This is it, then?” Jace asked.”The end…The end of everything?”

 

It felt more like the beginning of the end for both of them, because life without the other could only mean prolonged death.

 

Alec could only manage to nod.”Yes, I suppose it is,” he offered his hand for Jace to shake, but unsurprisingly he refused to do so.

 

Alec took one last long look at his parabatai, trying his best to memorize every bit of his face, and then went to the door.

 

He was already leaving when Jace’s voice stopped him.

 

“You can’t leave before you’ve heard my side of the story, Alec,” he called out, but Alec wasn’t having it.He didn’t want to hear anything anymore. He just wanted to go home and cry in peace.

 

“I love you, Alec,” Jace declared.”I’m shit at expressing it, but that doesn’t make it any less true,” he knew that wouldn’t be enough for his parabatai, so he continued. ”Everything I said that night is still true,” he insisted. “I only realized I was in love with you when you kissed me, but only because I’d convinced myself that it was impossible,” he revealed.”I always knew what the consequences were for parabatai, who dared to fall in love, so I promised myself I’d never let it happen to us,” Jace went on.”I’d pushed the idea of having any romantic feelings for you so far up in my mind that I couldn’t realize what was happening to me.I was in love with you and I didn’t even know it.”

 

Alec didn’t interrupt him.He couldn’t.The whole time he imagined little Jace telling himself not to fall for his parabatai. For some reason he saw Jace sitting on his bed at night with his fists clenched and a determined look on his face, vowing to Raziel that he will not break The Law.It would have been cute if it wasn’t heart-breaking.

 

“I had spent years of my life feeling like I was alone in the dark with no purpose or direction.It was like something had been taken from me and I didn’t even know what it was.But I was sure something was missing from me, because there was an emptiness where it had once been ,” he took another deep breath.”You do not get to judge me for trying to fill that hollowness in any way I could, Alec,” Jace warned.

 

The archer’s heart broke.Jace was afraid that his parabatai would once again try to shame him for the ways he dealt with his trauma.To be fair, Alec was indeed apprehensive about the fact that Jace had been using sex and alcohol (and maybe even drugs) to help him feel better, instead of turning to healthier methods for dealing with such issues. But he supposed that was only one of the many things thay had to talk about if Jace did decide to stay after all.His little rant gave Alec the faintest hope that it might happen.

 

“But then you kissed me and… “ his voice trailed off.Alec turned his to the side and saw that Jace had his eyes closed and was touching his lips.And what a sight that was. “Oh, God, Alec you can’t even imagine how that felt,” he whispered. Alec thought he might have an idea.”It was like I was suddenly touched by…by this light that brought everything beautiful back into the world,” he exhaled deeply.”And then something became very clear to me,” Jace revealed.

 

“What’s that?” Alec questioned.

 

“They say we all carry parts of those we love in our hearts, don’t they?” Jace asked rethorically.”Well that’s no always true,” Alec had no idea where this was going.”You are not in my heart, Alec,” he proclaimed.”You _are_ my heart,” the archer felt his pulse quicken even more. “Go, if you think you should, but please don’t doubt that it’s the truth.”

 

Alec’s mind was in a state of pure bliss after hearing all of that. His feelings were indeed reciprocated, to the fullest at that.What more could he ever ask for?

 

He was no longer in control of his own actions.

 

He spun around and quckly walked up to Jace, caught his parabatai’s face between his hands and kissed him passionately.Soon, the kiss had them both panting like wild beasts and neither of them could get enough.

 

“ _Let go of me_ ,”Alec begged against his parabatai’s lips.”Set me free.”

 

“Never,” Jace promised and kissed him again.”We’re parabatai, remember?” _(Kiss.)_ “You are bound to me just as I am to you,” _(Kiss.)_ “We we never be free of each other, not even in death.” _(Kiss.) (Kiss.) (Kiss.)_

 

When they finally broke apart pressed his thumb against the bruise he’d left on Alec’s chin, making his parabatai wince and said, “I love you, Alec, but if you ever do this shit to me again I’ll fucking kill you,” he threatened.”And then I’ll kill myself, because I wouldn’t know how to live without you,” he pressed his face into his parabatai’s shirt and inhaled deeply.

 

“Talk,” Alec barely managed to murmer. “We need to talk now,” he insisted.

 

Jace let out a soft groan.”Okay let’s talk.”

 

This time Alec sat on the couch while Jace took aseat on the chair across from him.

 

“So,” Alec started. “We love each other… that’s kinda nice,” he blurted out.He really didn’t know how he was supposed to do this.

 

Jace rolled his eyes.”Really, Alec?”

 

“Hey,” Alec whined. “I’m trying, okay?”

 

“I know you are,” Jace assured him. “How about we start with questions,” he suggested.”I know I’ve got a lot of those.”

 

“Okay,” Alec agreed.That sounded pretty reasonable and quite easy.

 

“I’ll start,” Jace said. “Why didn’t you want me to know we’d kissed?”

 

 _Wow_. He just went straight for it, didn’t he?

 

Alec sighed.

 

“You wanted this, Alec,” this parabatai reminded him. “You can’t back down now.”

 

He was right.Alec owed this to him.

 

“That morning after we kissed for the first time I’m pretty sure I woke up with a smile on my face even though I only had like four hours of sleep,” Alec started.

 

He remembered the feeling that had possessed him that morning.He had been unable to stop smiling, because the memories of the night before had been fresh.Alec had felt so light, almost as though his feet weren’t touching the ground.

 

“I was truly happy, perhaps for the first time in my entire life,” he went on. “But then something happened,” of course it had.The world just couldn’t allow him to be happy for too long.”Mother called me in her office after our little family meeting.She started talking to me about honor and duty and how we should uphold the Law,” Alec hadn’t paid much mind to his Mother’s words, too busy worring about Jace while simultaneously going back to every little detail of their night.”I didn’t really care, but then you didn’t remember anything and I took that as a sign.”

 

Jace looked at him like he was an idiot.”What sign?”

 

“A sign that this—“  he gestured between them. “Should never have happened and, that I was supposed to choose my duty over my own happiness.”

 

“Signs are bullshit,” Jace declared.”Tell me, Alec, if Raziel didn’t want us to fall in love why did he link our souls together for all enernity?” he asked.”We were literally made to be together forever,” he continued.”How could one of us exist without the other?”

 

Alec had asked himself those questions as well, but he could never find a reasonable answer.

 

“How could The Angel think that love as pure and as genuine as ours is a sin?”

 

“I don’t know,” Alec replied truthfully.

 

“That’s just what they want us to believe so that they could keep us all on a leash,” Jace spat out.”How is our love worse than the resentment we’re all taught to have for Downworlders since childhood?”

 

“I don’t know,” Alec repeated.

 

“I do,” Jace said.”It’s ‘cause love makes you free while hatred is a prison in itself,” Jace’s eyes were full of fire and resentment.”They need to keep us all caged so that they can bend us all to their will like puppets,” he seemed to be very passionate on that topic and that’s why Alec decided to stop him.They could both get arrested for such talk.

 

“Okay, I think you’ve critiqued our social system enough for one day,” the archer joked.”I have a question as well.”

 

“Shoot.”

 

“Why do you think you need this type of…treatment from your sexual partners?” Alec asked.

 

Jace blushed and made a weird noise.He was reluctant to talk about this.

 

“This is serious, Jace,”Alec told him.”If we want to have a stable, healthy relationship we can’t keep secrets from each other,” he hated how formal his voice sounded, but he forced himself to continue. ”I need to know everything so that I can take care of you properly,” he said gently.

 

“Are you saying we won’t have sex until we’ve talked about this?”

 

“Yes,” Alec confirmed. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

 

Jace let out an almost child-like whine. “But, Alec…” the look on his parabatai, however, discouraged him from further attempts to run away from this.

 

He took a deep breath.”If this is what will make you happy…”

 

“It will,” Alec nodded. “It will make me very happy,” he gave his parabatai a reassuring smile.

 

“I guess I just… “

 

“Take your time,” Alec told him. “Take as long as you need.”

 

“When I’m in bed with someone and they make all decisions for me it feels like all the responsibility has been lifted off my shouldes for once.” Jace confessed, looking art his hands.”I always worry whether or not I’ve made the right decision during a fight or something like that, but when I’m following orders this fear disappears.”

 

“You like your partner having complete control over you?”

 

“No, not complete control,” Jace stated.”I sometimes like being spontaneous like changing positions and stuff like that.It's nice when they listen and don’t act all threatened.”

 

“Has this happedned before?” Alec asked. “Has someone refused to do something you asked them during sex?”

 

“A few times, yes” Alec could not imagine denying Jace anything in a situation like that.

 

“You also like being called a ‘good boy,’” Alec simply stated.It wasn’t a question.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And why’s that?”

 

“God, Alec,” Jace groaned. “You and your questions.”

 

“Just answer, please.”

 

“I like being appreciated for the things I do, and like I said, I often worry that I might not live up to the expectations others have for me so it’s nice to hear that I’m doing good.”

 

That was a real shocker.”You feel like you might not be good enough?” Alec was truly surprised at first, but the more he thought about it the more it made sense.

 

Jace was the fastest, strongest and fiercest of all Shadowhunters in his year, and he was also the pride of his family.That brought him glory most people could only dream of, but as he said himself it also came with a lot of responsibilities ad expectations of who he was supposed to be and how he was supposed to act.And then there was Michael Wayland’s abuse.These things coupled together had made Jace fear failure like nothing else.That explained why Jace was so upset about Alec saving him from the Foresaken.He probably believed that receiving help meant he was weak and weakness was synonymus with failure.

 

“Most of the time, yes.”

 

_Fuck this.Fuck everything._

 

“Oh, Jace, that’s not true,” Alec assured him.”You are good enough.Come here,” he extended his arms, indicating for his parabatai to come to him.Jace did so and gladly.He sat in the archer’s lap and put his head on his shoulder.

 

“I also just like being called a ‘good boy’ for the fun of it, ya know,” he admitted with a smile.”Makes me feel real good when I hear it, almost like I’m floating.”

 

“I understand,” Alec said, because he did.

 

He’d actually done additional research and found out that relationships involving power exchange were more common than he’d thought.He’d learned that Jace’s preferences would classify him as a Submissive, but he wasn’t sure if he could call himself a Dominant.

 

“You’re good, Jace,” Alec reassured his parabatai.”Real good.”

 

Jace let out a content sigh and closed his eyes against Alec’s shoulder.

 

“Have you eaten anything today?” Alec asked.

 

“Just cereal.” Jace mumbled.

 

“Jace, you can’t do that,” Alec scolded.

 

Jace shrugged. “Didn’t feel like eating today.”

 

“Does this happen often?” Alec was getting more and more concerned with each word he heard.

 

“Only when I’m upset or if I have too much on my mind.”

 

“Fuck, Jace,” Alec swore.”This is serious,” he reiterated.”You can’t just not eat.”

 

“I know, I know,” Jace said.”And how many times are you gonna use the word ‘serious’ in one one conversation, Alec?”

 

“As many times as I have to, in order to make you realize just how serious this is,” they both laughed lightheartedly.

 

“Do you have any food here?” Alec asked.

 

“Just some berries and maybe some leftover yougurt.”

 

“That’s nice,” Alec said.”Go and have some of that,” Alec ordered. He actually liked that. He liked taking care of Jace when his parabatai wasn’t able to take care of himself.This role fit him better than any other.He was made to do this.

 

Jace got up from his parabatai’s lap and went to the kitchen.He returned a few minutes later, holding a small bowl and quickly occupied his previous spot.

 

“Good,” Alec nodded after Jace had finished eating his fruit and yougurt and placed the bowl carelessly on the coffee table.”I don’t want you skipping meals anymore, okay?” Jace nodded, somewhat hesitant. “I’m serious, Jace,” Alec repeated for the millionth time.”I’ll handfeed you if I have to.” Something told him Jace wouldn’t mind that at all.

 

“Okay, Alec,” he agreed. ”I’ll do my best, but be patient with me, please.”

 

“Of course,” the archer kissed his parabatai’s cheek. “Take as long as you need.”Alec wasn’t naïve.He knew such drastic change wouldn’t happen over a night.They’d have to work long and hard to build a stable relationship.Luckily, they were together in this and they had their whole future ahead of them.

 

“I just need one last thing from you,” Alec whispered.

 

“What’s that?” Jace shifted aside in his parabatai’s lap so that his back was no longer pressed against Alec’s chest.He was now able to gaze adoringly into the archer’s eyes, their faces only inches apart.

 

“Don’t hide how you feel from me,” Alec pleaded.”Even if you think it’s something insignificant. I want to know evenything,” he professed.”If I do something you don’t like, I definitely want to know.I don’t want you to do something you’re uncomfortable with just because you think it will please me.”

Jace simply nodded, doe-eyed. “Thank you, Alec,” he pressed a quick kiss on his parabatai’s lips. “Seriously, thank you so much.You’re just so—“

 

“Enough,” Alec interrupted him.”I’m supposed to be doing this.There’s no need to thank me every five seconds.Nothing pleases me more than making you happy,” he smiled at Jace.

 

“I love you so much.” Jace whispered.     

                                                            

“I love you, too, so so much,” Alec told him. “So there’s something else we should probably talk about.”

 

Jace groaned.”But I thought that was the last thing,”he complained.

 

“Oh, hush, you’re gonna love this,” he assured. ”Now that we’ve established that you like to be called good boy, I’d like to know what else you enjoy doing in bed.”

 

“What, you mean besides sleeping?” Jace joked.

 

Alec snorted.”You know exactly what I mean. C’mon, no need to be shy right now.” He encouraged.

 

“I’m willing to try everything at least once,” Jace shared.”But like I said before I enjoy being controlled the most, and sometimes that involves playing a bit rough.”

 

 _Oh._ oh, fuck yeah.

 

“W-What do you mean?” Alec barely got the strength to ask.It was getting more and more interesting by the second.

 

“I don’t know…just fast and hard and with a bit of…force…” his voice trailed of.

 

“Force? You mean like—“Alec stopped suddenly, returning to a memory from a few days ago.”Something like spanking?” he asked, almost breathless.”Do you like being spanked, Jace?”Alec whispered against his parabatai’s ear.

 

Jace let out a soft moan and arched his back, pressing down against Alec’s own growing bulge.

 

_Oh, he liked it._

 

“Imagine this,” Alec suggested in a husky voice. “You, lying down on your belly in a big bed, your ass proudly presented for me to look at, and the only thing on you are those fluffy pink handcuffs, which I’ve used to tie your hands behind your back,” it was strange for Alec to be saying all these things aloud.He’d never allowed himself to share his fantasies with someone else.It was also very liberating.All the entustiastic sounds his parabatai was making let him know that he wasn’t alone in this.

 

“Yes, yes, yes,” Jace panted and leaned in to give Alec a heated kiss that left them both out of breath.The archer liked the taste of youghurt mixed with berries on his best friend’s tongue.

 

“M-Maybe I’ll have you suck my cock while you’re like that,”Alec continued.”It’s gonna be tricky since you won’t be able to use your hands, but  don’t worry, I’ll hold you by the hair and guide you,” Alec was so turned on he could barely breathe.”I know you’ll like it, baby.You’ll work so hard just to make me come, won’t you, sweet boy?”

 

 

“Yeah.” Jace whimpered. “I will, Alec, I’ll work so hard just to make you feel good,” he was grinding against Alec, trying to get some fricktion, but it wasn’t enough.

 

“I’ll stop you midway, though.I wouldn’t want to waste my come in your mouth,” he informed.”Can you guess what I’m gonna do next, Jace?”

 

“F-Fuck me?” the poor soul tried. He was already halfway gone.All he needed was a word from his parabatai and he’d be over the edge.

 

“Nope,” Alec smirked, which made Jace groan in frustration.”I’ll spank you until I’m happy with how your ass looks and then,” he paused for just a second.”I’ll come on you.” He breathed out.

 

Jace let out a series of short breaths.He was barely holding back now.

 

“Red and white go so well together, don’t you think?” Alec taunted.”Your little ass will look so beautiful by the time I’m done.Almost like a form of art,” he declared.”My kind of art.

 

“What about me?” Jace whimpered.

 

“Hmm,” The archer considered. “Maybe I’ll let you hump a pillow or something.But only if you’ve been extremely good for me."

 

Jace nodded enthusiastically.”I will be.”

 

“You close for me, baby?” Alec asked and Jace of course nodded once again.”Do _not_ come!” he ordered.”Do you hear me? Do _not_ come.”

 

“But…But you said…” Jace almost sobbed.

 

“What did I say?” Alec brushed Jace’s sweaty hair back so that he may see those beautiful eyes.

 

“You said to always tell you how I feel.”

 

“That’s right,” the archer confirmed.”And how do you feel right now, sweet boy?”

 

“Horny,” Jace admitted shamelessly. “I’m horny and I’m ready,Alec,” he said. “Please,let me have it now,please.”

 

As if Alec was able to deny him anything.

 

Luckily, Alec had enough mind to draw stamina runes on both himself and Jace, but as soon as he was done, he felt his parabatai was on him again, wrapping his legs around the archer’s waist and demanding to be carried to the bedroom, while simultaneously kissing all over his parabatai’s face.

 

Alec, of course had no choice but to obey.

 

 

For someone who wanted to be controlled, Jace got really bossy once the bedroom door was shut behind them. He released the archer from his grip and told him to sit in the chair that was in the corner of the room.

 

Their roles were suddenly reversed and Alec found himself at his parabatai’s mercy.He just sat there and awaited Jace’s next move.

 

For a while they did nothing but stare at each other and Alec had to wonder if that was payment for his previous actions.They stayed close to each other, with Jace standing in front of Alec and watching him from above.

 

“You want to touch me, Alec?” he asked and yup, it was definitely revenge.

 

“Oh God, yes,” he reached out to pull his parabatai back into his lap, but Jace moved way quickly.

 

“Not yet,” Jace told him.”I think for now you should just watch me.”

 

“Watch?” That was ridiculous.Why would Jace want them both to wait even longer?

 

“That’s right,” he said.”Just watch me, Alec,” he purred, his eyes never leaving Alec’s.

 

Jace shrugged off his (Alec’s) jacket from his shoulders first and carefully placed it on the other chair that stood near by.Once he returned to his place; though he gave his other clothes no such treatment.He lifted the hem of his shirt over his head and carelessly left it on the ground.

 

But when he got to the pants though…

 

He got rid of the belt first.As the leather garment hit the floor, Alec could think of a hundred and one ways he could be using it now instead of passively sitting in that chair.

 

Next was the single button of Jace’s jeans.After that he lowered the zipper and proceeded to slide the pants down his thighs.His moves were graceful and yet teasing.They were meant to slowly bring Alec to madness and they did so successfully.

 

Alec could only gape as Jace stepped out of his jeans and stood there in just his underwear.

 

“Do you like what you see, Alec?”

 

Alec nodded, his eyes wide.

 

“Oh,” Jace exclaimed.”So you’d prefer it if I stayed like this, is that it?”

 

Alec shook his head.

 

“Answer me, Alec,” Jace demanded.”Do you want those—“ he tugged at the waistband of his boxers.”—on or off?”

 

“Off,” the archer replied.”Off, please, off.”

 

“If you insist.” He removed his underwear quickly and—

 

_Oh._

 

Alec hadn’t imagined it, then.Jace really was that gorgeous. Even from up close his skin was still flawless and beautiful and so so touchable.

 

“This is what is gonna happen,” Jace started.”You’re gonna sit here, in this chair, and you’re gonna watch me finger myself and you’re gonna stay completely quiet,” the order had Alec squirming in his seat.”That’s what you get for teasing me earier,” Jace smirked.”Just until you get the hang of it, okay?”

 

 Alec nodded.”Yeah, okay.” That was a good plan.A perfect plan, even.Alec ad been hesitsnt about doing all those new things that he had no experience with, but Jace had obviously anticipated his worry and came up with a way to help him.He really was perfect.

 

Jace turned around; allowing Alec to get a good view of that cute little bottom of his.He went to the nightstand and grabbed a small tube of lube.He then proceeded to lie on his back, in the middle of the bed.Once he got comfortable, his legs in the air, slightly parted and showing off his little—

 

_Holy shit._

 

They were actually doing it.For real this time.There was nothing standing in their way.No more secrets, lies and pretenses. All the armor had fallen and only their bare selves had remained.They were themselves and they were the other.Alec was convinced there was no greater happiness than this.

 

 

Alec watched Jace finger himself for a while.In order to restrain himself the archer had to grip the sides of the chair tightly and remind himself to breathe.

 

Not long after Jace had inserted the first finger inside himself, he added another; obviously growing impatient and probably regretting his decision to wait so long.The breathy little moans he’d let out from time to time had all of Alec palming himself through his pants from time to time.

 

Jace’s fingers moved in a steady pace and yet it was evident that something wasn’t right, because every now and then he’d let out a frustrated groan and his fingers would slip out of him.

 

“What’s wrong?” Alec asked, as he watched his parabatai’s face twist in annoyance.He had two fingers shoved up to knuckles inside himself and yet he seemed to be in more pain than pleasure.

 

“I can’t,” he complained.”I can’t find it.It’s been a while and it seems like I’m kinda out of pactice.”

 

 _Oh_.So that was it.Jace had trouble locating his prostate.He trying to play it cool, but it was obvious that he was nervous.Alec could see that his other hand (the one he wasn’t using to finger himself) was shaking.

 

“Let me try,” Alec offered, finally getting up from that chair and going to the bed.

 

He squeezed a generous amount of lube onto his forefinger and suddenly had to take a deep breath, because By The Angel, this was happening.

 

Not letting himself think too hard on it, Alec pushed his digit gently against Jace’s opening right next to Jace’s own fingers.At first it felt…weird, unfamiliar and hot, so fucking hot.

 

Alec’s single finger was longer than both of Jace’s, so naturally it was able to reach deeper and when he pushed it a bit further he immediately got a reaction for his parabatai.

 

“Holy sh—“Jace arched his back.”How the fuck did you do that?”

 

“I’m a marksman, Jace,” Alec reminded smugly.”When I shoot for something I do not miss.”

 

That actually made Jace laugh a little.Alec wasn’t sure if people were supposed to laugh during sex.

 

“Whatever,” Jace grunted.”Just keep doing that, please,” he begged and left himself in Alec’s hands.

 

Their fingers moved in tandem after that, bringing Jace closer and closer to the edge, but Alec was far from done torturing his parabatai.

 

When Jace felt the gentle grip of his lover’s hand on his cock his lips parted, but no sound came out.That’s how far gone he was. Alec was sure he’s finish right then and there, but he didn’t, because he wasn’t given permission.

 

“Good boy,” Alec praised his eyes never leaving Jace’s while he worked him slowly on both ends.”I think you’re ready, don’t you?” he whispered when he felt he’d ran out of patience and couldn’t wait anymore.Three fingers were enough, weren’t they?It was time.

 

“Are you ready for me, baby?” Alec asked one last time, just to be sure.

 

“Yeah,” Jace confirmed, moaning.”Just give it to me, Alec, please,” he begged.

 

“Okay.” Alec removed his digit from Jace carefully, but his other hand remained on his parabatai’s cock, wet with the precome that had started leaking out.Jace moaned at the loss, but nevertheless pulled out his own fingers as well, without even being ordered to.What a good boy, Alec thought.He looked down and saw Jace’s gaping hole.It was time.

 

The archer finally let go of his lover in favor of sheding his own clothes.He wiped his hand with a tissue he found in his pocket, and then proceeded to undress.

 

“Stay down,” he ordered when he noticed Jace trying to get up. The poor thing was too gone to even argue.He just obeyed and waited for further instructions.

 

Once all his clothes were gone, Alec finally felt free.He turned his attention to his own neglected cock by stroking it a few times.He bent down slightly, in order to trace his tip along Jace’s very open and very eager mouth, only to remove it before his lover had even gotten a taste.

 

Jace let out a pitiful groan and if Alec didn’t know better he’d say his lover was in actual pain.But he wasn’t.By the lustful look in his eyes the archer judged that his parabatai loved recieving this tender torture just as much as Alec loved inflicting it.

 

While Alec had been busy searching for condoms, Jace had once again wasted no time and taken matters in his own hands and gotten on all fours without even being asked to.When Alec saw him like that ,he felt a bit overwhelmed at first.It was without a doubt a pleasant sight-Jace’s back was beautifully arched, arse open and ready for the taking, but something was not right.The postion was great-filthy and yet sensual, but Alec knew this wasn’t how their first time was suppose to go.He couldn’t just treat Jace as some toy and fuck him without looking at him.Alec assumed Jace’d had enough of that already.The archer hated getting too sappy, but he wanted their first time to be special;one of a kind.He wanted Jace to experience something he’d never had before-making love.He needed to gaze upon his parabatai’s face as they became one for the first time.They’d have enough time for filthy, brutal fucking, but tonight would be all about love.

 

“None of that now, sweetness,” Alec said.Jace looked at him from over his shoulder, obviously perplexed.”Come here,” Jace did as he was told, albeit looking somewhat scared of what was coming next.

 

“What’s going on, Alec?” he asked, now standing on his knees.”Are you leaving again?” of course this would be the first thing to come to his mind.Of course.That accident had really scarred him for life.

 

“No, baby, that’s not it at all,” Alec assured.He caught both sides of Jace’s face and kissed his forehead.”I just wanna change positions.That’s it,” he explained while looking directly into Jace’s eyes.

 

“Why?”

 

“ ‘Cause it’s our first time, silly,” Alec said as it was the most obvious thing ever.”I want it to be good for you.”

 

“It will be,”Jace told him, voice full of certainty.”If it’s with you, it will always be good.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t just want it to be good, I want it to be the best.” Jace just stared at him.

 

“Careful not to set the bar too high, Alec,” he smirked after a second. ”Or I might just demand more and more of you everytime.”

 

“Whatever you demand I’ll give you,” he tried to play it out as a joke, but it was the truth.Bowing low, he gestured towards his head as if he were taking off a hat like he’d seen men do in those old movies his lover liked so much. In a voice deeper than his own he said, ”Your wish is my     command,” That made Jace laugh again, louder this time, and Alec decided that it didn’t matter if other people didn’t usually laugh during sex.He’d do anything to see Jace happy, even if that meant making a complete fool of himself.

 

“I love you so much,” Jace giggled and kissed his parabatai sweetly.

 

“I love you, too,” Alec said in return.”Now, tell me, how do you wanna do this?”

 

“You want me to decide?”

 

“Sure.” This was all about Jace anyway.

 

Jace considered it for a moment.”I think I wanna ride you.”

 

“Works for me,” Alec agreed.”How do you want me?”

 

He suddenly got up from the bed without a word.He shoved off the pillows wuth little care for their fate and turned down the covers.

 

“Sit up here,” he pointed at the bed.”Back straight against the headboard,"Alec did as he was told, making sure to get comfortable, because he was sure he’d spend quite some time there. He looked down at his still very hard cock, thanking Raziel for that that incredible rune, which he intended to use often from now on.He then glanced at Jace, who was not much different.

 

“Glad to see you haven’t gone all soft on me,” Alec joked.This was getting funnier and funnier.

 

Jace, who finally joined his parabatai on the bed said, “I’m so hard for you right now, that not even your jokes could make me go soft,” his face was only ince from Alec’s and when he heard him, the archer threw his head back and started laughing uncontrollably.This was starting to look like a comedy show.It was like they were trying to out-joke each other and Alec had to wonder if they would ever get to the fucking part.But deep down the Shadowhunter knew this laughter was just a way for him to hide all the nervousness he felt on the inside.

 

“Okay, enough,” Jace insisted.”I didn’t come here to joke around, I came here to get fucked.Are you gonna do that, or not?” he grumbled.

 

“I will, I will,”Alec promised, wiping the tears from his eyes.”Just put the condom on me.” He handed his best friend the small package.

 

Jace took it, but when he looked at it, he made a sound of displeasure.”Please, don’t make me do this, Alec,” he pleaded.

 

“Jace don’t—“

 

“I know what you’re gonna say, Alec, but I swear I’m clean,” he argued.”I wouldn’t be asking for this if I wasn’t a hundred percent sure you’d be safe.”

 

“But what if I’m not clean, Jace? What happens then?” Alec asked to which Jace replied with a blank stare.

 

“Please, Alec” he begged again, this time gently touching his parabatai’s arm as a lost resort to convince him.”Just this time, I promise,” he assured, but they both knew this wouldn’t be a one time thing.Once they learned how amazing it was to have each other raw, neither of them would want to go without it.

Alec sighed deeply, a sure sign of defeat.And Jace noticed it.He leaned in and gave his parabatai a series of of kisses.”Thank you,thank you, thank you,” he kept repeating even as he got into postion, ready to dive in.He started slowly, but surely sinking down on his parabatai’s cock.Once it was buried up to the hilt in him, Jace let out a long moan and closed his eyes.

 

“How are you feeling?” Alec asked, stroking his parabatai’s hair.

 

* * *

 

 

_Whole._

 

That’s how Jace felt as he was able to hear Alec’s pulse through his own body.There were no barriers between them.They were literally one now.

 

“Whole,” Jace repeaded in a whisper, because he realized he’d only said it in his mind.Alec smiled when he heard him, and Jace could only hope he understood.

 

Jace didn’t think he could compare it to anything else he’d ever experienced.It was simply out of this world.If this was the worst sin a Shadowhunter was capable of, Jace was more than ready to meet Abbadon at the gates of Hell.He didn’t want a Heaven that accepted only those deemed righteous according to a Law that made love a crime.The only Heaven Jace needed was the one he’d found in Alec’s arms.

 

“You okay?” Alec asked, lightly scratching his parabatai’s growing stubble.Jace leaned into the touch.

 

“Yeah,” Jace replied.”I just need a minute.”

 

“Take as long as you need.”

 

Jace really did need some time to adjust simply because it was all very new to him.In his relatively short life, the Shadowhunter had been with quite a few men, but none of them had managed to make him feel the way Alec did.Perhaps that explained why his relationships prior to the liaison with his parabatai had all been so brief.

 

Sex had always been somewhat of an asset for Jace.He used it as a way to escape reality for a short while.Sometimes the sound of moaning in his ears would be the only thing that was able to silence the screaming in his head, albeit only for a moment. Jace was greatful for that, but he almost never got the chance to express his gratitude.When he’d been younger he’d naively think that he had some sort of ‘connection’ to anyone who was willing to stick it in him.That feeling wore off once the bed got cold.Jace wasn’t stupid.He qickly realized that none of the men he’d been with really cared for him.They just took and took and took until Jace had nothing left to give them.Then walked out the door leaving Jace feeling empty and he was okay with it, because he thought that was what he deserved. He had to push out the idea that sex could be anything else but a mind-numbing experience, because he always ended up disappointed.

 

Jace was used to sex making him feel completely powerless, but here he was he now-sitting in his parabatai’s lap; on his cock and feeling like he was on top of the world.Yes, this was all very new to him.

 

Feeling Alec suddenly thrust up in him pulled Jace out of his thoughts.

 

“Sorry,” the archer apologized,”Couldn’t help myself.”

 

“It’s okay,” Jace told him, and leaned in to give his parabatai a long slow kiss.Jace decided it was time to finally get it started so while they were still kissing he began slowly riding his lover.Alec’s hands were all over him, caressing and inspecting everything, as if they couldn’t get enough.It was sweet, but also very distracting, because contrary to popular belief, riding did require a lot of effort and consentration.Nevertheless Jace couldn’t be angry about it, because after all, this was Alec’s first time, and he was being nothing if not diligent.

 

“Hold them here,” Jace instructed as he guided Alec’s hands to his own waist.”This way you’ll have much more control.”

 

“Duly noted,” Alec murmured.”I’m still learning this whole sex thing so if I mess up you gotta tell me, okay?”

 

Jace nodded.Alec’s eagerness to please warmed his heart up.His parabatai was still so innocent and new to all of this.He was like a single breath of fresh air after spending a lifetime in a burning building.Once again Jace became acutely aware of just how different they were.Alec was so pure and innocent and good while Jace was… Jace was none of these things, not anymore.

 

 Staring right into his parabatai’s trusting eyes made Jace feel guilty for taking this away from him.Alec’s first time should have been with a person who was deserving of him, not with someone as broken as Jace.

 

Jace didn’t even notice his own breathing becoming severaly laboured, but Alec did.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” the archer asked as he brushe some of Jace’s sweaty hair away from his eyes.”We can stop if you want.Rest up for a little bit,” he offered.

 

“No,” Jace shook his head nervously, suddenly terrified of losing this.”No, please,” he begged, voice sounding pathetic even to his own ears.”It’s too early, don’t leave me yet,” he wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck and held on tightly.He got a sudden rush of irrational fear that if he let go now, someone would come in and they would be inevitably separated.

 

“Shhh,” Alec hugged him.Jace squeezed his eyes shut in order to fight off tears.This was not the time to cry.”I’m not going anywhere,” he assured.”I just got a bit worried ‘cause you zoned out.That’s all.”

 

“I’m okay,” Jace lied as he pulled away from the hug to look at his lover.”I was just overwhelmed.”

 

“Overwhelmed by what?”

 

“By how much I love you,” he said. Jace returned to riding his parabatai, this time with more abandon. He decided he didn’t want to think about all of that crap now.He would be selfish and enjoy Alec as long as he could.

 

“I love you so much, Alec,” he repeated and kissed his lover again.He could feel Alec smiling as they parted for a breath and then went back at it again.”If anything happened to you I would go mad,” he declared.”Do you understand? I wouldn’t know how to live without you.” Jace confessed.

 

“Let’s hope you’d never have to find out,” Alec joked.

 

“You are my heart, Alec.My whole heart,” Jace declared.”If there was no you, there would be no me either.”

 

Jace rode Alec with vigour and passion for what seemed like several hours.When he felt like he couldn’t hold back his orgasm anymore he said, “I’m close, Alec.I’m  gonna come real soon,” he panted, though he did not stop what he was doing for a second.

 

Alec smiled at him.”Go ahead and come whenever you feel like it, sweetness,” he encouraged.”You want me to do something for you, baby?”

 

“Just kiss me,” Jace requested.And Alec did.He leaned forward and gave his parabatai a kiss like no other.Neither of them seemed to care about breathing as their hot mouths met each other halfway through.

 

Jace’s orgasm hit when he felt his lover’s rough, but tender hand on his cock.The whole world narrowed into the palm of his parabatai’s hand. Alec followed suit, body completely succumbing to his own orgasm.Their moans were, naturally, muffled by the other’s mouth.

 

What followed for Jace was the feeling of pure bliss once his parabatai’s come filled him.The feeling of having his Alec’s release in him was simply magical.He wanted to put a plug in himself so that he may keep at least some part of Alec in him.Jace felt incredibly selfish and possessive all over again.He wanted to be the only one to have this.He didn’t want Alec to ever give himself over to someone who wasn’t him.He wanted to be the only one to see the reticent and well-mannered Alec Lightwood in this light.He never wanted to share his parabatai with anyone else.

 

Once they pulled away from the kiss they both ended up gasping for breath.Jace put his forehead aginst the archer’s strong shoulder while Alec buried his face in Jace’s neck.

 

They didn’t stop there, though.

 

Twenty minutes after they’d come down from their heights Jace found himself lying on his back (by his own request) with Alec between his legs.This position allowed the archer to reach his parabatai’s prostate from a totally different angle and it was amazing.

 

 A particularly hard thrust had Jace moaning and burying his face in the sheets. He closed his eyes in attempt to lose himself in the moment.This, however didn’t sit well with Alec.

 

“Don’t look away!” the archer ordered sharply, immediately making his parabatai open his eyes and face him again.”That’s right,” Alec nodded, never slowing his brutal pace.”I want this moment to become a permanent memory in your mind,”Jace had no idea how his lover was speaking right now.The only sounds Jace himself was capable of were pathetic whimpers and little mews.”Even when you’re old and grey you’ll remember it.Your knees will buckle everytime you recall it.” Alec went on.”There would be no doubt in your mind as to who fucked you this good.You’ll remember it was me, won’t you?” the archer asked.His thrusts were getting sloppy and his right hand found its way to the base of Jace’s throat.Not squeezing or anything, just resting.The sense of security it brought had Jace feeling like he was floating.Remembering his lover’s request he didn’t allow himself to close his eyes.

 

“Always,” Jace breathed out.

 

“Of course you will,” Alec smirked.”This isn’t one of your random hookups.This is forever.”

 

“Forever,” Jace parroted.

 

“How are you feeling right now, Jace?” Alec asked.

 

“Loved,” Jace answered truthfully.It was in total contrast with how he’d been feeling mere hours ago when he’d laid on his couch and stared up at the ceiling, wondering why he was even alive.And now…Now Jace believed he might just be the single most loved person in all the realms.The grip on his throat tightened just barely, making the young Shadowhunter smile dreamily at his parabatai.

 

“Look at my face,Jace,” Alec requested, even though Jace was sure that’s what he had been doing for the last twenty minutes or so.The expression Alec wore was unreadable.Jace thought he might be frowning like he was considering something, but there was a small smile on his lips as well.One could never be sure with Alec.

 

“This is the face of a man who loves you above all else.A man who would gladly lay down his own life for you,” he told his lover.”As you said yourself, you can doubt that the Sun will rise tomorrow, but you should never doubt that you are the one I love and need the most-my other half,” Alec declared.”Until my heart beats…and after that.”

 

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” Jace chanted in a whisper.

 

Jace could hear his own heartbeat in his ears.He felt a small tear roll down his temple and he could only hope Alec didn’t see it.

 

 Alec bent down and gave his parabatai a loving kiss.He’d stopped trusting while he’d been confessing his love yet again, and was now slowly staring to pick up the pace again.”I love you, too, Jace,” he whispered, still hovering over his lover.”I know it will take some time for to believe me, especially after what I did,” Jace had never heard him sound so guilty before.”But I don’t care ‘cause I will never get tired of reminding you.”

 

Jace wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.

 

“I know you’ve been hurt before and I promise to give you a happy memory for every bad one that others before me have left you,” Alec vowed.”If I could I would kill anyone who’d ever dared to take advantage of your kindness,” he went on.His eyes were full of anger and resentment, and his trusts were becoming more erratic.”I wish no one had touched you before me so you—“

 

Jace didn’t let him finish.”It doesn’t matter who else has had their hands on me, Alec.I’ve always been yours,” he was afraid that Alec would finally see him as who he truly was.A used up whore whose only talent was sucking cock.”They meant nothing to me, Alec,” he assured.”You have to believe me.”

 

“I believe you, Jace, but this isn’t what I meant at all,” Alec explained.”I wanted to say that I wish I was the only one to touch you, because would’t have been hurt then.I would have nrver taken advantage of you giving yourself to me like that, Jace.”

 

The Shadowhunter nodded. ”I know that,” he said.

 

 Jace briefly wondered what their lives would have been like if he hadn’t been such a moron and had realized that Alec was everything he’d ever needed and hoped for.Where would they be now? Dead perhaps, because a secret never stayed a hidden for too long in The Institute.Or maybe they would be a thousand miles away from here, living a life bereft of war, because they would have gathered the courage to leave it all behind.Jace forced himself to ignore those chidish dreams, because they brought him nothing, but false hope.

 

“I know what you meant;” Alec’s eyes saw only the best in people, in Jace especially.”But I need you to know that those men…they never had me the way you do, Alec-body and soul,” Jace explained.”I never belonged to any of them.”

 

“Is that so?” Alec thrust into his parabatai with full force, hitting his prostate spot on, and making Jace arch his back and groan.”You belong to me, is that it?”

 

“Yes,” Jace confirmed.

 

“And it’s always been like this?”

 

“Yes,” Jace repeated, as another wave of pleasure went through him.His thoughts were a bit hazy, but he tried to find an analogy so he could explain it better.

 

He put his palm on Alec’s chest, where his pulse could be felt best and said, “Just as your heart has always belonged to you, the same way I’ve always been yours,” this time it was Jace who initiated the kiss, going to his elbows and wrapping his arms around Alec’s neck.”You are mine and I am yours,” he whispered against his parabatai’s lips.”Until my heart beats…and after that.”

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Alec swore and went back to his brutal pace, making Jace lie back down and eliciting a series of whorish moans from him.

 

Not long after that Jace felt his second orgasm of the night approaching so he said,”I’m close again, Alec.I think I’m coming.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Alec panted and slowly pulled out.This caused Jace to feel awfully empty, but he couldn’t even bring himself to protest.The only thing on his mind right now was reaching his own orgasm.He closed his fist around his dick and started furiously jerking off.

 

“Hands off,” Alec commanded, even though, he was tending to his own cock as well.”You’ll come either from what I’m about to do to you, or not at all.Understood?”

 

Jace nodded, removing his hand from his cock and gripped the sheets.Had it been anyone else he would have told them to fuck off, but this was Alec.Alec always knew how to take care of him.He needed to follow Alec’s voice and do what he was told, otherwise Alec might not love him anymore.

 

“Good boy,” Alec praised, once again making his parabatai’s heart flutter.He brought his hand (the one that wasn’t touching his dick) to Jace’s face and started stroking his cheek.Jace leaned into the touch.Though his mind was a bit hazy, Jace had to marvel at how well the current situation described Alec.

 

He kept one hand on his own dick,a seemingly selfish deed, considering he’d prohibited Jace from doing the exact same thing, but his other hand he was using to reassure his parabatai that he was loved and cherished and protected.This was who Alec was.Strict, but caring. Seemingling hard, but actually very tender.Made for killing, but loving was what he did best.He was perfect.No, he wasn’t flawless, but he was one of a kind.Jace felt so blessed to be loved by him.

 

A moment later Alec removed his hand from his parabatai’s face, making Jace whine at the loss of contact. 

 

“Shhh,” he said, now fully focused on his cock. He had little grace, moving quickly up and down, chasing his own pleasure. He was close now. So close that Jace could see sweat forming on his  brow.And yet his eyes never left Jace’s.”Be a good boy now and do as I tell you.”

 

Jace nodded.”Whatever you say. Gonna do whatever you say.”

 

“Really?” Alec teased. “And why’s that?”

 

“ ‘Cause I’m yours, Alec. Only yours,” he moaned.

 

“You sure about that, baby?” Alec smirked.”You sure you’re not being a selfish little boy right now, telling me lies just so I can let you come?”

 

Jace’s head started shaking violently from side to side and he was gone. His mind was completely foggy now, not longer able to form any thoughts besides, _Alec, Alec, Alec._

 

He needed to prove his parabatai how much he loved him.Alec looked even more colossal from this angle. Jace was so turned on by seeing him like this. So mighty and imperious.Full of power. Inspiring loyalty and obedience.Jace was in total awe.His body trembled with pure need.He never wanted to lose Alec.

 

Words started falling from his mouth, but he could neither control, nor stop them.

 

“Never,” he declared. “Woud never lie to you, Alec.Woud rather die than hurt you.”

 

“You wouldn’t even think about letting someone else touch you from now on, would you?”

 

“No,” Jace whimpered. The idea of someone else putting their hands on him after Alec had, seemed terrifying to him.He never wanted anyone else touching him, staining him after Alec had made him feel so pure.

 

“Why is that, baby?” the archer asked again.He liked this.He took pleasure in hearing Jace was his and his alone now.It was turning him on and bringing him closer to the edge.

 

“You are my whole heart, Alec,” Jace repeated, only this time his words sounded more like a prayer that anything else.”You are the person who loved me most in the world.You put up with me and you never complain.You take care of me always,” Jace continued.”I belong to you, Alec. You control me.You fucking own me.”

 

“Oh, shit,” Alec said.He was making little oh, oh, oh sounds and squeezing his eyes shut.”That’s so hot, baby,” he praised.”I ought to mark what’s mine, wouldn’t you agree? Make sure everyone knows who you belong to.”

 

“Yes!” Jace shouted.”Mark me.Brand me.Make me yours forever,” he begged.

 

“Okay then, sweetness,” Alec murmured.”Here it comes,” Jace heard Alec let out one prolonged moan and knew it was happening.

 

 He closed his eyes, preparening himself for the flood of semen that he assumed was about to paint his face, but instead he felt little droplets of come touch the skin of his---

 

_Holy shit._

 

Jace opened his eyes and saw Alec still there standing over him, emptying himself and covering their rune with come.

 

_By the Angel._

 

It was so filthy and lewd and something he’d never expected to see Alec Lightwood do.Which made it even better.It was as if he was if he was mocking the Law by claiming Jace like this.He was somehow proving the Clave that they didn’t own them and that no restrictions and orders would ever put an end to their love.He was turning his back on the Clave and setting them both free.They had each other now. Completely and unequivocally.

 

It was almost too much for Jace to handle.His orgasm hit him like a moving train.It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before.His body began convulsing.The sounds coming out of his mouth were something between moans, groans and whimpers.He would’ve been embarrassed, had he not been too satisfied to care.For the first time in his life, he felt his mind go completely blank.He didn’t have a care in the world.All that mattered to him was Alec.Pleasing Alec.Loving Alec.Surrendering himself to Alec.Keeping Alec close to him.His orgasm must have lasted several seconds, but to him it seemed like a few days.Life was different now that he was Alec’s truly and fully;whole and raw;pure and dirty.Jace din’t even know what was happening around him anymore.He didn’t want to ever look away from Alec, but his eyes closed against his will.

 

When he finally began regaining his consciousness, the first thing Jace became aware of was Alec’s voice calling for him.

 

“Jace, c’mon buddy, wake up for me,” Alec said from above him.”Don’t die on me now,” that made Jace smile, and he opened his eyes slowly.Sure enough he was met with his parabatai’s worried face.He hadn’t left this time.

 

“You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” Jace joked, making Alec chuckle.

 

“I wouldn’t even dream of it.”

 

“How long was I out?” Jace asked.

 

 “A few minutes,” Alec replied.”You really scared me, though.Thought I’d have to call an ambulance or something.”

 

“Can you imagine it, though?” Jace smirked.”Telling the doctor that you made me come so hard I passed out.”

 

“You didn’t pass out,” Alec claimed.”I mean, you did, but I think you first went into subspace and then after you came you just kinda completely lost it,” Jace looked down at himself and saw that his belly (as well as his hip) were covered with dried semen.

 

“I should probably wash you,” Alec said and tried to get up, but Jace stopped him.

 

“Stay,” Jace insisted.

* * *

 

 

 

They lay in bed for a while, just tangled up in each other, without saying a word.Jace had his head on his parabatai’s chest, while Alec had protectively wrapped an arm around Jace’s waist, holding him close.From time to he’d press small kisses to his lover’s sweaty hair.He’d read that showing affection after such intense activities was a necessiity in order to show the Submissive that they were still loved and cared for, but even if he hadn’t, he still wouldn’t want to let go of Jace after what they’d just done.

 

“That was amazing,” Jace murmured at last.

 

“So it wasn’t too much?” Deciding to come on his parabatai was admittedly a bold move, which Alec probably wouldn’t have even thought of, had he not been so high on adrenaline.When Jace had passed out Alec had gotten worried that he’d crossed a line.

 

“Not at all,” Jace assured, smiling.”It was perfect.”

 

Alec smiled in return.”I’m glad;” he kissed his lover briefly.”Are you comfy here?” after what Jace had just gone through, he was most likely exhausted and needed to sleep.Alec looked at the clock and saw that it was already one a.m.They’d been at it for hours.”I could move a bit, if you want?”

 

“No,” Jace told him.”I like hearing your heartbeat.Shows that you’re alive and real.And here with me.”

 

“I am, I am” Alec confirmed.”For now, at least,” he teased.

 

Jace smacked his arm.”Don’t even joke about that,” he scolded.

 

“Okay, okay, I won’t,” Alec promised.”You know this changes everything, right?” there was no way their lives could stay the same after what they’ve done.They weren’t the same.They were practically criminals according to that bullshit Law.”There’s no turning back now unless…”

 

“Unless what?” Jace looked up at his parabatai, eyes full of fear.

 

“Unless we were to walk out of here and pretend that it never happened,” he told Jace, already knowing what his reaction would be.”But that didn’t seem to work out last time, did it?”

 

“No,” Jace replied.”But we could just walk out of this,” Jace suggested.

 

Alec’s eyes widened.”What?”

 

“I’m serious,” Jace said.”We could just pack our bags and leave,” his enthusiasm was sweet.”We could go somewhere else where no one knows who we are and live out lives the way we want.No rules, no secrets, just the two of us.We wouldn’t need anyone else.”

 

That was a pleasant dream to have, albeit rather puerile.Reality was much different, though.

 

“You think they won’t go after us?”

 

“They’ll have Valentine to deal with.”

 

Alec sighed.”They will never give up.We’ll be traitors.The Clave doesn’t leave traitors alive.”

 

“Hodge is alive.”

 

“Yeah, but Hodge only tried to destroy all Downworlders,” Alec stated.”He didn’t fall in love with his parabatai.You said it yourself, they need people to be afraid so that they can control them.They’ll kill us just to set an example,” Jace buried his face in Alec’s chest and groaned.”I know, baby, I know,” Alec said as he ran his fingers through Jace’s hair.”I’m not scared for myself or even for you,” the archer confessed.”I’d kill anyne who tried to separate us,” he declared.”But I can’t turn my back on our family and I know you can’t either,” leaving it all behind and living a happy life meant that they had to let their family bear all the consequences of their actions.Alec couldn’t have that.

 

“You want us to spend our entire lives in a lie, is that it?”

 

Alec considered it.Once morning came they’d have to go back to waering their masks again.They’d have to lie and hide and pretend.At some point their Mother would probably want them to marry well like every Shadowhunter should and then probably have children.They’d always have to worry about not being too suspicious. In twenty years they’d probably feel like they had lived someone else’s lives and not their own.Alec wondered if Jace would someday end up hating him for refusing this offer.Would their love grow cold over the years filled stolen moments and only momentary happiness?

 

“What does your heart tell you?” Jace asked.

 

“That I would rather die than live without you.”

 

“Same here,” Jace said, smiling.This, Alec told himself was why the lies he’d have to tell would all be worth it.Seeing Jace smiling at him even for a moment would be what gets Alec through a life of constant misery.One loving touch in the dark from his parabatai would give Alec the hope he needed to keep going.In the end, it would all be worth it, if he got to die in Jace’s arms.

 

“We can do this,” Alec told his lover, lacing their fingers together.”We’ll defeat Valentine and maybe after the war is over no one will care about things like that,” he wasn’t entirely certain who he was trying to convince here.”Maybe we’ll—“

 

Jace interrupted him with a kiss.”We’ll see.”

 

“Okay.” This conversation was over at least for now.

 

Jace lay back down on his parabatai’s chest and said, “You win, by the way.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You made me come without touching myself,” Jace explained.”You deserve a reward for that.”

 

“I see,” Alec smirked.” And what do I get?”

 

“I was thinking maybe a blowjob,” Jace whispered only inches away from his lover’s face.”Does a blowjob sound good, Alec?” he purred.It most certainly did.The archer felt his parabatai’s hand trailing slowly down his torso, and forced himself to stop it from going lower.

 

“Not now,” he said, instead brought the hand to his lips and kissed Jace’s bruised knuckles.”I think we’ve both had enough fun for one night.”

 

“There’s no such thing as too much fun, Alec,” Jace insisted.”But I’ll have mercy on you just ‘cause you were so amazing tonight.”

 

“It was good for you, then?” Alec inquired; still feeling a bit unsure about his previous actions.He hadn’t even asked asked before doing that .He had no idea what had possessed him while doing it.He’d felt some kind of primal selfish need, that he’d never experienced before, to claim Jace in this way. He needed to know that Jace was okay with it.

 

“The best,” Jace answered, smiling.

 

“Even… _that_ part?”

 

“Yes, even _that_ part,” Jace assured.”Seriously, Alec, I don’t think I’ve ever come harder in my entire life,” Alec felt his whole face heat up, but he supposed it was too late for that.But knowing that Jace had enjoyed so much did make him feel a certain amount of pride.

 

“You know what I said then was just for fun, right?”

 

“Which part?” Jace asked, frowning.

 

“That I…” he cleared his throat.”That I own you and that I control you.You are your own person and I’d never try to make decisions for you, except for when you need it, like when you went into subspace.”

 

Jace stared up at him the whole time and when Alec was done, he started laughing.Loudly.That had Alec sulking.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jace managed between laughs.When he calmed down he continued,”I really didn’t mean to laugh at you,” he claimed.”But you’re just so cute,” he place a small kiss on Alec’s lips.

 

“And why’s that?” Alec asked still not pleased.

 

“Well, first of all,” Jace started.”I said those things, and I was doing it to rile you up,” he explained. “And second, I know you’re not some kind of psychopath who’s gonna want to control my every move."Alec felt embarrassed by his own naivity.This wasn’t Jace’s first time doing it, of course he knew none of it was real.

 

“Yeah, keep laughing at me,” Alec told him.”But if you question my authority as Head of The Institue again, I’ll turn your cute little ass black and blue.” It wasn’t a real threat, of course.

 

“I’ll be counting on that,” Jace said with a mischievous look on his face that told Alec they’d be having some trouble (fun) in the future.

 

“So that’s something you’d be willing to try?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“And… restraining?”

 

“Hell yeah,” he stated.”First me and then if you feel left out, we can try tying you up too.” Alec found that idea more alluring than he’d like to admit.

 

“And I assume using condoms is off the table?”

 

“How do you suppose?” Jace smirked.Alec had known he’d lost that battle when he’d felt his cock throbbing upon hearing Jace’s begging.

 

“There are some things we said that are still true, though,” Alec informed.

 

“Like what?”

 

“I belong to you and you belong to me,” Alec stated.”I never want to see you with someone else again.I wouldn’t be able to stand it,” he confessed.”To witness you being in the arms of another after I’ve held you like this.As if what we’ve had was just a fling and you could easily move on from it,” Alec was trying his best not to sound sappy, but he was clearly failing.”It would literally break me, Jace.It would ruin me.” The words came straight from Alec’s heart so he couldn’t bring himself to regeret saying them.

 

Jace listened to him carefully.

 

“Of course,” he said after Alec had said everything he had to say.He pressed a kiss Alec’s throat.”That’s a given.Same goes to you, you know.”

 

Alec rolled his eyes.”You know there’s never been anyone else but you.”

 

“Really? No one?”

 

“I tried, but,” he touched his own chest with one finger.”This here just wouldn’t listen.”

 

Jace smiled.”Well, I’m glad your heart has more sense than you.”

 

“I meant the other part too,” Alec said.”I want you to always be honest with me and tell me how you feel,” he continued.”I want us to share all our sorrows as well all our happy moments,” he told his parabatai while looking directly into his eyes.”If we can’t do that, then there’s no point of us being together at all.”

 

“You’re right,” Jace agreed.”Of course you’re right.”

 

“I want to be everything to you, Jace,” Alec confessed.”Your friend, your confidant, your lover-your other half.”

 

“You already are.”

 

“That means nothing if every fight we have ends up with us not talking to each other for weeks,” Alec squeezed Jace’s hand.”I never want to be parted from you because of something that could’ve been solved if we just sat down and talked to each other.”

 

“Me neither,” Jace said.”I want to be good for you, Alec.I’m gonna do everything I can to be the person you deserve to have by your side.”

 

“You already are,” Alec told him and kissed his parabatai’s forehead.”My good boy,” that made Jace smile.”And I wouldn’t have anyone else.”

 

“Me neither,” Jace repeated.”Alec?”

 

“Yes, baby?

 

“I’m getting sleepy now,” Jace told him, rubbing his eyes.”You kinda wore me out.Can we—“

 

“Of course,” Alec said and reached out to pull the blanket over both of them.Jace settled comfortably against his parabatai’s form.He apparently saw no use for pillows, because he refused to move his head from Alec’s chest.One of his legs was draped over both of Alec’s and the archer had to admit that was indeed a good position to sleep in.For both of them.

 

After Alec turned the light off Jace said,”I love you, Alec.More than anything.”

 

“I love you, too.Until my heart beats… and after that.”

 

As Alec was falling asleep he knew only one thing was certain his his life.

 

_Their love would never die._

                             


	2. Две Хубави Очи

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace and Alec learn just how hard it is to keep their love a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***PLEASE READ***
> 
> Hiii!!
> 
> It's been a while hasn't it? I'm SO sorry for that, but real life and mental illness kinda got in the way of my creativity.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway...
> 
>  
> 
> I just wanted to remind you some things from the last chapter in case you forgot.
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. In this fic, Jace is mentally ill and as a result he makes some questionable choices and acts in ways that might be difficult for thosewho aren't mentally ill to understand. That doesn't excuse him, of course, but it does explain his actions. 
> 
> 2\. Again, this is a Jalec fic and that means, no matter what happens they will end up together (spoilers!) So my Jalec fans, there's no need for you to fear that Alec will suddenly end up in the arms of a certain Warlock :)
> 
>  
> 
> The title of the chapter is taken from one of the most famous poems in Bulgarian literature and it translates as: Two Lovely Eyes. I justhappen to think it sounds better in Bulgarian.
> 
> The bit in the beginning is taken from yet another poem and this is the English translatioon:
> 
> My soul is humble captive,  
> conquered by your soul! – a captive  
> is my soul of two quiet eyes. 
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you like it! 
> 
> Have fun!!!

 

                                                               Душата ми е пленница смирена,  
                                                               плени я твоята душа! – пленена,  
                                                               душата ми е в тихи две очи. 

 

 

 

 

Jace Wayland had never been a morning person. That was just it. Of course that didn’t mean he wasn’t forced to wake up early pretty much every damn morning of his damn. He was a Shadowhunter, for crying out loud, and like with many other aspects of his life he didn’t really have a choice in the matter, but that didn’t mean he **had** to like it. Sometimes he’d need at least two cups of coffee in order for his brain to start functioning properly, and sometimes (most of the time) dragging himself out of bed seemed like the most unwieldy task he’d performed that day.

 

Yes, indeed Jace would never willingly get up early. While others boasted about how ‘energizing’ it was to go for a morning run, Jace preferred to spend his rare off duty mornings in bed, trapped in that pleasant state between dreaming and consciousness, doing nothing. That was an unseemly sort of behavior for a Shadowhunter, but he didn’t care. His bed was his safe space and while he was under the covers Jace didn’t have to think about all the problems he had in the outside world.

 

He was convinced he wouldn’t become one even if he lived for a thousand years. He supposed it was one of his many flaws _. “Idleness indicates lack of character strength,”_ his Father had told him one morning at dawn after he’d tried for some time to wake up the boy for early training session. _That_ had made young Jace get out of bed immediately while simultaneously making him want to never lie down and rest again. His Father had indeed always known how to push the right buttons in him. Those words were forever drilled into Jace’s brain along with the scratchy feeling of emptiness in his stomach. 

 

 _“All your actions have consequences.”_ That had been the lesson of the day. His Father had thought that if Jace learned to associate laziness with hunger, it would help motivate him.

 

He’d been wrong.

 

On some days- on Jace’s darkest days, almost **nothing** could motivate him. On those days Jace felt like he was sitting at the bottom of a huge pit, surrounded by darkness and therefore nothing he did mattered. The concept of getting up and facing the outside world seemed so daunting that now and then it almost brought him to tears. And yet he did it all the same. Oftentimes dragging himself out of bed seemed like the most tedious task he’d performed the entire day, but he did it anyway. He did it, because despite all his selfishness he realized that his own wishes didn’t mean anything, because the world’s safety depended on him doing his job. Shadowhunters didn’t get sick days. They had to get up and fight demons, even if some demons only existed in their heads.

 

Yes, Jace was quite certain that he would never be a morning person. Nevertheless, occasionally his brain decided to be an even bigger dick by waking him up at the earliest possible hour and then not letting him go back to sleep. So Jace ended up tossing and turning in bed, wasting precious minutes and hours he could have spent in slumber. Instead, he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling with only his noisy mind to keep him company.

 

This was one of those mornings.

 

Jace woke up to feel the first rays of sunlight on his face through the blinds. He was lying on his stomach and groaned when he realized he must have gotten only a few hours of sleep.

 

_Fuck._

This always happened. Just when he needed sleep the most, his mind decided he ought to be wide awake, instead of getting the energy he needed for the day ahead. Jace’s eyelids were heavy with exhaustion and so he stubbornly refused to open them, despite knowing that it was pointless since he most likely wasn’t going back to sleep and it would probably better if he got out of bed and did something productive.

 

It took Jace a good few minutes to become fully aware of his current situation. He was in his little retreat in Brooklyn that was for sure (he wouldn’t get away with sleeping on ‘girly’ satin sheets in The Institute.) And he was also naked.

 

_Awesome._

 

He was sore in a million different places (but especially in his ass) and it wasn’t difficult to figure out that there was dried semen on is belly and down his thighs.

 

Mind still foggy, and perhaps out of sheer habit, Jace assumed that this was the aftermath of yet another of his wild nights.

 

Not wanting to deal with the shame and disgust that inevitably came when he had to clean the mess from his expensive sheets; Jace turned to the side and buried his face in the pillow.

 

Out of all the drawbacks that came with having one-night stands, waking up alone was what Jace hated the most. Some would say that was their biggest advantage, but in Jace’s opinion sharing a bed with someone provided a sort of intimacy that even the most intense fucking couldn’t. Jace felt more and more lonely each time he woke up alone his huge bed, because it reminded him that no matter how hard he tried to please others and make them happy, it was rarely enough to make them stay.

 

In a cheap attempt to get in his pants, many of Jace’s temporary lovers had gone on and on about how gorgeous he was and how they ‘could get lost in his miraculous eyes’ but none of them had stayed to see what those eyes looked like when they were still half-closed and heavy with sleep. For Jace that was telling enough.

 

Jace let out a helpless whimper that wasn’t supposed to belong to a Shadowhunter. Seeking warmth, he pulled the blanket towards himself while still squeezing his eyes. He knew that wouldn’t help. A bed this huge was always cold when he was alone in it.

 

He wasn’t, though. Not this time.

 

Still half-unconscious, Jace failed to notice the other side of the bed shifting. Before he could react he could already feel someone’s breath on his neck. Strong arms wrapped around him and he was _home._

It wasn’t just someone, though. It was Alec.

 

Jace remembered then.

 

_Alec was here._

_Alec loved Jace._

He’d said so a thousand times over and proved it twice as much. They’d spent the night together and Alec hadn’t even thought about leaving. He couldn’t have. They were _one_ now, in every way possible. They’d crossed all the lines and there was no turning back. Alec had made it crystal clear what he’d thought about all those laws that forbade them from being together. Jace still couldn’t believe his parabatai had gone _there._ The memory of it sent chills down Jace’s spine.

 

“Alec,” he whimpered.

 

“Shhh,” Alec whispered directly into his ear. “Go back to sleep, sweetness. I’ll wake you up when it’s time,” he promised.

 

 _“Stay,_ ” Jace pleaded, terrified of the idea of having to be parted from Alec so soon.

 

“Of course,” Alec assured him. ”Just don’t steal the entire blanket for yourself, okay?”

 

“I won’t,” Jace promised, still smiling.

 

“Sleep now, sweetness,” Alec ordered.

 

Jace, naturally, obeyed. He was a good boy, after all.

 

 

 

 _What bliss,_ Jace thought as he awakened yet again this morning. It was a much more reasonable hour and he was incredibly well-rested. The Shadowhunter was pretty sure he'd slept with a smile on his face. He might have thought he'd imagined the scene from earlier if it weren’t for the heat that surrounded him. Jace could feel the raises and falls of his parabatai's chest against his back. Alec's arm was still rested on Jace's hip and made him feel protected and loved.

 

"You awake yet, baby?" Jace heard Alec ask in his ear.

 

"No," Jace answered. He wasn't ready to lose this just yet. "Five more minutes, please," he begged.

 

"If you wake up now, we’ll have to time to fool around before it's time to leave," Alec told him.

 

And just like that, Jace's eyes were suddenly wide open. _That_ was better motivation than anything his Father had ever told him.  He turned his head to the side just enough for their lips to be able to connect. Alec of course understood the intentions behind his parabatai’s acts and gave him a sweet kiss. The angle was a bit awkward, but neither of them seemed to care. Jace might have worried about his morning breath, but in all honestly his brain was completely cleared out as their lips touched. The kiss lasted only a few short moments and it left Jace hungry for more. It felt like ages since they’d last done this, even though it had only been a few hours.

 

“Good morning,” Alec whispered once they pulled back. Jace expected him to say something else, but he just kept grinning. His eyes were full of so much love and adoration as if before him was the most beautiful sight he’d beheld. He didn’t seem to care about the dreadful state of Jace’s hair. It was as if he was looking at Jace’s eyes and seeing stars without even noticing the dark circles surrounding them.

 

“ _More,_ ” Jace demanded. “You promised.”

 

He let his head fall back onto the pillow, suddenly feeling drowsy.

 

“What a greedy boy you are,” Jace heard Alec whisper in his ear.

 

It seemed like it had taken mere minutes for Alec to adapt to his new role in the bedroom. Jace supposed it fit his personality quite well. Alec had always like having control over things. He'd also always taken pride in taking care of those he loved. Those were predicaments that made for a great leader as well as a perfect Dominant, though Jace assumed it was too early to call Alec a Dominant. Alec was just Alec. Jace’s parabatai. That was the only label they both cared about. Jace took notice of how _strong_ their bond felt right now. It had been like this ever since he first felt Alec’s cock deep inside of him.  Never in his life had Jace assumed that something could feel this right. 

 

Jace let out a content sigh as felt Alec’s lips travel down his neck.  His kisses were light and delicate as if he was trying to leave a trace on Jace’s body.

 

“Is this a dream?” Alec asked while looking directly into his parabatai’s eyes. 

 

“If it is a dream we both share,” Jace said. “I hope neither of us wakes up ever again. I want nothing to do with a reality where you aren’t by my side,” he professed.

 

Alec kissed him again. Slow and deep this time, like he was trying to prove a point. By the time the kiss was over they were both out of breath.

 

“Does this feel real to you?” Alec asked.

 

“Mhm, I can’t be sure,” Jace teased. “I’ll need some more evidence before I can give you my final verdict.”

 

Alec laughed.  Jace took the time to appreciate how beautiful his parabatai’s face looked with a genuine smile on it. Alec was practically beaming.  His eyes were crinkled, making him seem even more radiant. It had been a while since the archer had allowed himself to look so human and so vulnerable.  As Alec’s rich laugh filled the room Jace found himself smiling as well.

 

Jace was pretty positive his half-assed joke wasn’t the actual cause behind his lover’s mood this morning. No, Alec was just happy. He was utterly and undoubtedly happy.  It was the kind of happiness that had people smiling while walking down the street, because their heart was so full of joy that they couldn’t keep it in. It was the type of giddy and mindless happiness that Shadowhunters were rarely allowed to have and it was what Alec deserved most.  At this moment, it seemed like Alec was the happiest man in all the realms and nothing that happened to him from now on could upset him, because he had already won at life. Jace took pride in the fact that he was the reason for it. He felt like the sole purpose of his existence was making Alec feel like this at all times.

 

“You little monster,” the archer said, mere inches from his parabatai’s face. “I’ll give you evidence alright. “

 

To Jace that sounded like a promise. He expected to be kissed breathless once more, but Alec surprised him yet again by kissing his temple instead. The kiss was chaste, but by no means less loving than those that had managed to leave Jace panting.  

 

“How about now?” Alec asked softly. “That seem real to you?”

 

“Keep going,” Jace ordered. He was enjoying every second of it.  Alec of course obliged. A second kiss was pressed just below the first and then another and another and another. _Real or not,_ Alec would ask after every single one of them, receiving only a vague sound from his parabatai as an answer.

 

Only when he reached his lover’s ear did he make a statement.

 

“I could spend my whole life like this,” Alec told his parabatai. “I wish we could just lay in this bed so I could cover your entire body with kisses,” he must have not meant to say it aloud, because Jace saw his cheeks go pink as soon as those words left his mouth.

  

_But by the Angel, what a beautiful fantasy that was._

“Let’s do it,” Jace suggested. “Let’s just take this day to ourselves. You’re the Head of the Institute, you deserve a day off.  What’s the worst that could happen?”

 

“You know saying that only attracts bad things, right?” it was Jace’s turn to laugh. “And that’s exactly the point. The Head of the Institute doesn’t get a day off.  One day, though, I promise.” Jace suddenly felt angry and turned his head away from Alec, unable to look at him. He hated hearing the phrase ‘one day’ because in his experience ‘one day’ too often turned into never.  He was aware that he was acting like a spoiled brat, but he couldn’t help it and somehow that made it even worse.

 

Unfazed, Alec went on with his little map of kisses by pecking his lover’s cheek. “I like how stubble looks on you,” he complimented as he nuzzled at the same spot he’d kissed. “Maybe you should keep it.”

 

“I will,” Jace said. He wanted Alec to find him sexy and desirable always, besides he’d thought about it himself. He’d just have to learn to deal with the itches that came with having a beard, albeit a small one.  Maybe Alec would scratch them for him.

 

 _“God,_ your body is a dream,” the archer told his lover and kissed the sensitive spot below Jace’s ear. It was amazing how well they knew each other’s bodies already.

 

“ _Hey_ , that’s my line.”

 

“Still true,” Alec murmured and continued making out with his lover’s neck.

 

Jace supposed he was right. His body was one of the few things he was actually proud of, because he’d worked hard to get it. He’d transitioned from a scrawny, barely-there boy to a man with a very unique body shape, which allowed him to look both curvy and muscular at the same time.  It only made sense that most people would find him attractive and Jace liked it when they did. But sometimes he felt like his body was the only part of him that mattered. He often wondered if his looks were the only reason people tolerated him. _Would Alec have treated him differently if he didn’t look the way he did?”_

 “My body’s not all that perfect, you know,” Jace said, remembering all the scars the life of a Shadowhunter had left him. Some of those of course were given to him by his Father, but Jace didn’t want to dwell on that. He hoped that his self-deprecating words hadn’t ruined the mood.

 

“I don’t love your body ‘cause it’s perfect, silly,” his lips were back to caressing Jace’s neck, making the younger Shadowhunter shiver in anticipation and delight. He felt himself slowly grow harder under the blanket. “I love it ‘cause it’s yours,” as if he’d read his parabatai’s previous thoughts the archer added, “And it’s not just your body I love. It’s the whole package. Body and soul- I love it all.”

 

Not even the best players Jace had been with had used that line on him. _Because none of them had meant it_ , his mind supplied. _But he does. He means every single word._

Jace felt warmth spread though his entire body. He was momentary overwhelmed by the idea that – _holy shit_ \- someone really did love him that much. Alec had proven time and time again that despite everything that happened this was still the case and yet every time Jace was reminded of it, it came as a shock to him just like the first time when he’d seen his own image fly up in the air, indicating that he was indeed the person Alec loved the most. His brain went fuzzy every time he heard it like it was all happening to him in a dream, but it wasn’t.  It was real. Jace closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

 

_It was real._

“I’m not made of glass, Alec,” Jace said all of a sudden.

 

 He was getting tired of his lover’s slow pace. If they weren’t going to spend the whole day in bed like he’d hoped they would, he wanted to make the most of their last moments here. It was likely that they wouldn’t have the chance to sneak around and be alone together at least until their parents returned from Idris. They would have to be more careful from now on. Once they’d tasted the forbidden fruit it would be much more difficult to abstain from it. Jace wasn’t sure they’d be able to do it. Self-restraint had never been his strong side.  He wanted his parabatai and he wanted him now.

 

“Huh?” Alec’s lips left his neck and he assumed his lover was looking at him with a confused expression on his face.

 

“ _Bite me,_ Alec,” Jace clarified. “Mark me.” _Make it so I never forget you were here_.

 

“You feelin’ frisky this morning, baby?” Alec whispered into Jace’s ear, sending shivers down his parabatai’s spine. He was getting good at this.

 

 _All Alec has to do is set his mind into something and he’ll be good at it,_ Hodge had told their parents once after they’d fist started practicing archery. If only he’d known how true that was in all aspects of Alec’s life.

 

“I should’ve known,” the archer said. It was a statement, no an accusation. “I gotta give my baby what he wants, right?”

 

As soon as Alec’s sharp teeth sank into his skin he felt himself hardening under the blanket. Alec had chosen a spot near the side of Jace’s neck rune so it wouldn’t be that noticeable. Truth be told, Jace didn’t care if people saw it or not. _Let them see_ , he thought. _They wouldn’t know half of it._ Jace was moaning and whimpering as Alec kept surrounding his Heightened Speed rune with small love bites. He whimpered and moaned, but refused to touch his now heavy cock.

 

“Need you,” was all he managed to say, but Alec understood him. _Bless his soul._ His hand slid under the blanket and wrapped around Jace. Alec’s steady and practiced movements turned Jace delirious in no time.

 

“That close already?” the archer teased, even though Jace could tell he wasn’t much better (those were the perks of spooning.) Alec’s lips were at the back of his lover’s neck as he whispered, “Go ahead and come whenever you feel like it, sweetness,” he didn’t seem concerned with his own orgasm. Jace, however, had other plans.

 

“No,” the younger Shadowhunter whined. ”Don’t wanna come yet,” he refused stubbornly. “Want you in me first.”

 

Alec’s movements on his lover’s cock immediately ceased. “Jace,” he warned. “You know we don’t have time for this,” he sounded so stern and controlled as if he wasn’t rock hard behind his parabatai. All he had to do was slick himself up and thrust in. Why was he being so stubborn?

 

Jace might have tried to come up with some reasonable arguments, was he not halfway out of his mind already.  He needed friction. He needed to feel the same way he had the night before. And he needed Alec most of all.

 

Feeling Alec’s cockhead still poking him from behind, Jace’s body moved on pure instinct. He irrationally tried to get in to just slide in, but of course that didn’t happen. His hole was still sloppy with dried up come and he needed prep ( _Ugh,_ only now did Jace realize that not having a shower last night had been a mistake.) Those were the downsides of having anal sex.

 

“ _Oh, Alec_ ,” Jace moaned, his back arcing. He turned his head to the side so as to look at his parabatai. He hoped his eyes betrayed the sheer need he was feeling. He extended his arm out and reached for the nape of Alec’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. It was a filthy one, but also a stubborn one.  One of them was going to have to surrender.

 

“Need you...” Jace repeated between breaths after they’d pulled back. “Like no one else before,” he confessed in a final attempt to convince his parabatai.

 

“ _Raziel,”_ Alec muttered, his eyes never leaving Jace’s. “The things you do to me,” he bent down and kissed Jace again. “Pass me the lube, baby,” he requested and quickly got rid of the blanket that was covering them both.

 

 Jace gladly did as he was told. He let out a sigh of relief as he heard the archer open the bottle of lube. The younger Shadowhunter suddenly elated, but it wasn’t because he’d gotten what he’d wanted. It wasn’t about, sex, not at all. Sex had stopped being just about sex as soon as he’d taken his clothes off for Alec last night. Seeing the look in his parabatai’s eyes had made him realize what all of this was actually about. It was about love. Love was the leading cause behind all their actions with each other. Alec loved him enough to do his ridiculous bidding just so Jace would be happy.

 

“Knees in close to your chest, sweetness,” Alec ordered and Jace obeyed eagerly. “Tell me if you feel any pain at all, okay?” Jace simply nodded.

 

In truth, the soreness he was currently feeling had no effect on his libido. He’d known last night that he’d probably wake up to sore muscles all over, and he’d consciously done nothing to prevent it.  That had always been half of the thrill. He liked the idea of being reminded of Alec’s doings every time he moved around in the Institute.

 

“Just say the word and I’ll stop,” Alec told him. His concern was touching, but also frustrating.

 

“Okay, Alec,” Jace said, annoyed.

 

“Look at me,” Alec demanded. He caught his lover by the chin just to make sure he wouldn’t look away again. “You wanted this and now I want to watch you as I do it to you.”

 

Jace let out a rather pathetic moan as the first finger entered him. He struggled not to close his eyes.  ”Move,” he requested only after a moment.  Alec did and _oh,_ his technique was stellar as always. Jace was a mess by the time Alec added a second finger. His pace was slow and sure. He knew exactly what he was doing. _“I’m a marksman. When I shoot for something I don’t miss_ ,” those words sounding in his head made Jace laugh.

 

“And what’s so funny?” Alec asked, not stopping for a second.

 

“My marksman,” Jace replied, dreamingly. “My own,” that made Alec smile. Unexpectedly, he bent down and kissed his lover on the nose.

 

“Yours,” Alec confirmed. “Only yours,” the statement made Jace feel a special sort of pride.

 

“And I am yours,” Jace told him just in case. “Have me now, Alec,” Jace urged.

 

“You want this so much,” Alec concluded. “Just as much as I do,” he stated. He sounded almost baffled by the concept of it.   

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Jace confirmed, while simultaneously trying to fuck himself harder on Alec’s fingers. “Yes, give it to me, Alec,” he demanded.

 

“Shh,” Alec soothed. ”Easy does it, sweetness,” he whispered. When Jace didn’t stop he added,” You need to calm down otherwise it can’t happen,” naturally, that made Jace stop completely. It wasn’t easy, though. Missing the friction against his prostate, Jace let out a pitiful groan as his movements halted. He hoped it was good. _It’s Alec_ , he reminded himself. That fact alone made anything his parabatai had in mind perfect in Jace’s opinion.

 

“Now, _that’_ s a good boy,” Alec praised.

 

 Jace groaned as Alec’s fingers slowly left his body. _Finally_ , the real fun was about to begin.  Jace’s heart skipped a beat a moment later when Alec caught his own cock in hand and lined himself up. Jace lost all touch with reality as his parabatai started slowly pushing in. He thought he might have lost himself in Alec’s eyes, because for a few blissful seconds it seemed like everything was moving in slow motion and they were the only two people in the world.  Jace was capable of seeing his own reflection in Alec’s irises and thought he’d never looked more beautiful. He only managed to come back to this world when Alec bottomed out. Both of them shuddered at the sensation and this time it was the archer’s turn to close his eyes as he brought their foreheads together. It seemed to be his favorite thing to do whenever they were intimate (sexually or otherwise) but Jace loved it just as much. It showed a level of intimacy that no amount of fucking could. Then again their intimacy had never been only about fucking anyway.

 

“I never thought this day would come,” the archer confessed in a whisper. “You don’t even know how long I’ve wanted it,” he went on. “I can’t believe it is real,” his voice quivered and Jace thought he might start crying, but Alec kept it together as always.

 

Jace’s heart instantly broke at those last words. He imagined how embarrassed young Alec must have been every time he’d had such fantasies involving his parabatai. He’d probably been ashamed of them too. Jace tried not to think about the internal battle Alec must have had every time he’d gotten a hard-on from thinking about him-about _them_ like this. From personal experience Jace knew that one’s battles with oneself were always the hardest. _How much pain had Alec been in without Jace even noticing?_

Guilt overtook him as Jace remembered that much of it could have been avoided if only he hadn’t been so oblivious to his own feelings as well as Alec’s. For a split second Jace allowed himself to imagine what their lives would’ve been like if they’d been completely honest with each other from the start. Would they’ve been dead by now? Or even worse-separated from one another.  Banished and locked up in cells at the opposite sides of the world. Given the worst possible punishment for two souls who are linked together- to spend the rest of their lives apart. Though, ‘lives’ was not the right word for it. Jace knew that he wouldn’t be able to live without Alec, but merely exist. Like the roots of a tree that has been cut off, he would never be able to recover.

 

 _Raziel,_ he prayed. _Don’t let me be in a world where he isn’t._

Jace couldn’t help the dark thoughts that polluted his mind, but he sure as hell knew how to distract himself from them.

 

“Is it how you imagined it would be?” he asked.

 

“It’s much better,” Alec responded, grinning.

 

“Move, then,” Jace insisted.

 

“Impatient,” Alec accused, but obeyed nonetheless.

 

Alec’s pace was slow and torturous. It drove Jace insane, because he could feel every inch of his parabatai moving inside of him.  Alec managed to hit his sweet spot dead on effortlessly whenever he wanted to, which wasn’t often, because apparently Alec had a thing for prolonged orgasms. Not that Jace minded, though. It was Heaven and Hell rolled into one all over again. Jace felt like he was on cloud nine one more. His eyes shut involuntarily, but this time Alec didn’t comment on it, perhaps because his own eyes were closed as well. Their foreheads remained pressed together, which made the whole act even more intimate and sensual. Breathing against each other they produced the most obscene noises, but Jace swore he could hear only the sound of their hearts beating as one ringing in his ears.

 

Pretty soon Jace reached that blissful state where he felt like he was flying and nothing else mattered except for Alec and all the things they were doing at the present moment.

 

“You still with me, baby?” Alec asked.

 

 _“Yes_ ,” Jace replied with certainty. “M’here,” he assured. “And so are you,” he instinctively reached for Alec’s hand and linked their fingers together. “This is real,” he reminded them both. He’d once again switched to autopilot, but the right words always seemed to come to him when he was like this.

 

“Hell yeah, it is,” Alec said and started thrusting with even more vigor. Jace felt himself getting closer to the edge with every movement his parabatai made. “You close, baby?” Alec asked against his lover’s lips after he’d given him a long and heated kiss.

 

“Yeah,” Jace admitted. He didn’t want this to end. A second later Alec’s right hand came from behind Jace to touch his cock while his left remained intertwined with Jace’s on the younger Shadowhunter’s hip. “What about you?” Jace barely concentrated enough to ask. Alec’s hands were truly magical.

 

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” the archer said smugly and kept going. “Whoever comes last is a loser,” those words made Jace laugh and he was instantly reminded of the fact that at the end of the day they were still best friends in addition to being parabatai and now lovers.

 

Jace won.

 

He came with a shudder and a long moan, and Alec followed suit.

 

When he managed to finally catch his breath Alec whispered in his parabatai’s ear, “Good job,” and then pulled out.

 

 Jace heard him, but didn’t react at all. His orgasm had left him completely shaken and feeling out of this world and now he was lying face down on the bed. Jace could hear Alec moving beside him, probably cleaning himself. _He must really be in a hurry,_ Jace thought _._ He felt cold all of a sudden and tried to curl up to himself, but Alec stopped him.

 

“C’mere,” the archer said unexpectedly as he caught his parabatai gently by the arm. Jace did nothing to protest. He let himself be manhandled and cradled to Alec’s chest. Once settled Jace made a weird noise that was something between a whimper and a whine. “Shh,” Alec whispered in his parabatai’s hair. “Just let me hold you for a bit,” Jace had not objections. If given the chance he’d spend his entire life like this. With his head on Alec’s chest while his parabatai rubbed his back. Jace had never been so calm in his life. The soothing rhythm of Alec’s heartbeat had him falling asleep within minutes.

 

 

 

When Jace woke up for the third time he was on his back and the blanket was draped over him. He was also alone in bed (for real this time.) He wondered how he hadn’t woken up from being moved, because he’d always been a light sleeper. But what really took him by surprise was the sweet aroma of coffee that filled the whole apartment. Alec had probably gone to buy food while his parabatai had been sleeping. Only now did Jace realize how hungry he actually was. He got up and put on a pair of sweatpants, not even bothering with a shirt.  He made his way to the kitchen, ready to devour whatever his lover had bought.

 

What he saw there caught him off guard. Alec was standing over the stove and he was cooking. Jace glanced at the small dining table and saw two plates full of scrambled eggs and veggies. On the counter next to Alec there were two cups of freshly brewed coffee. But it seemed like Alec was making something else. Jace would know that smell anywhere.

 

“Banana pancakes?” he blurted out, awed. Alec was cooking his favorite meal.

 

The archer turned around instantly. He was wearing an apron. “Oh, you’re awake,” he said. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to wake you up.”

 

Jace waked up to his parabatai and gave him a quick kiss. “You’re cooking for me?” it was more of a question than a statement. Jace still couldn’t believe it was happening.

 

“Yup,” Alec confirmed. “Now go shower,” he ordered. „I don’t want you like this on the table. “

 

“I thought you liked how filthy I was,” Jace teased.

 

“There’s a difference between filthy and gross,” Alec informed him. Jace tried to grab his own mug so he could get at least a little bit of caffeine, but Alec wasn’t having it. “Shower first- then coffee.” Jace pouted, but went to the bathroom with a smile on his face.

 

Jace spent quite a while in the shower. In all fairness, it took him no more than several minutes to scrub his body clean, and the rest of his time there he spent just standing under the spray of hot water and daydreaming about the previous night. Memories played out in his mind like a movie and he still had trouble believing it was all a reality.  This couldn’t be his life right now, it just couldn’t. And yet it was. From the annoying sound of the doorbell that had prevented him from taking a nap to the breakfast Alec had made for him, it was all real. It seemed to Jace that everything in his life had led up to this. To the moment when he and Alec were finally on the same page.  Faced with the possibility of being parted for real had made them both realize that life without the other would be impossible. Jace remembered how much agony he’d been in during those dark few days when he’d been away from his parabatai to the point where his rune had pained him and now it seemed like all of his strength came from that rune alone. If Jace didn’t know better he would have thought that he was either under the influence of some magic or simply dreaming. He wasn’t, though. Not even in his wildest dreams, had Jace been able to imagine someone loving him as much as Alec did.

 

When Jace returned to the kitchen the table was already fully set and Alec was waiting for him. He hadn’t even touched his food.

 

“Finally,” the archer said. “Hurry up or your food will get cold.” Only when Jace sat down did Alec allow himself to take a bite of his eggs. “Got no modesty left, I see.” Alec teased.

 

Jace, who was wearing only a bathrobe, smirked, “Why should I?” he asked. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all already,” he made a show of spreading his legs and giving Alec a good view. It was childish, he knew, but this was the only first they’d been allowed to be childish around each other in a while.

 

“Touché,” Alec said.

 

“ _Oh, Raziel_ ,” Jace moaned as he took the first bite of his pancakes. “When’d you learn to cook this good?” He took notice of how beautifully everything was arranged and couldn’t believe it was all done by his parabatai. This was yet another side of Alec he hadn’t known until now.

 

“A Shadowhunter must have a wide range of skills,” Alec told him.

 

“I must have missed the cooking classes,” Jace joked, while simultaneously chewing his food. He was aware that he lacked manners, but he didn’t care.

 

Alec only game him a small smile. “Eat your food,” he commanded and Jace of course obeyed.

 

Pancakes done, he dove in his eggs. “How’d you manage to make all of this?” he asked between bites.

 

“I just ran to the store that’s nearby,” Alec explained.

 

“Wow, you must have been really fast,” Jace concluded. “How long was I asleep actually?” when Alec didn’t respond he knew something wasn’t right.  “What time is it right now, Alec?” he asked.

 

“It’s almost eleven,” the archer informed him.

 

_Eleven o’clock.  People would definitely wonder where they’d disappeared to. They’d have to come up with an explanation._

“Alec, you shouldn’t-“Jace tried to say before his parabatai interrupted him.

 

“Don’t,” Alec warned him. “I wanted this,” he told his lover without hesitation.

 

“We could’ve gone without the breakfast feast,” Jace argued.

 

Alec smirked. “I’m a gentleman, Jace,” he informed. “This is how gentlemen do this.” Of course Alec would make him breakfast after he’d fucked him stupid. Twice. Of course.

 

“You shouldn’t have let me fall asleep,” he criticized. “You shouldn’t have _coddled_ me,” told him even though he knew that was the part they’d both liked best.

 

“ _Stop_ ,” Alec warned him. He reached for his lover’s hand across the table and laced their fingers together. “I couldn’t just leave you after…” he stopped suddenly unable to meet his parabatai’s eyes. “After we’d…” another pause. “For the first time,” he finished, flustered. It baffled Jace how his parabatai could still get embarrassed when talking about it after the things he’d done.

 

“I know,” Jace assured him, tightening his grip on his parabatai’s fingers. “I didn’t wanna leave either.” They were going to have to do it, though, sooner or later. They both knew it.

 

“Finish your food,” Alec ordered, as he let go of his lover’s hand and sat back in his chair.

 

 

After breakfast Jace took his sweet time getting ready. He wanted to look good for his parabatai and that required time and effort.  He naturally paid his hair special attention, making sure that it was shiny and soft to the touch, the way Alec liked it. He put his favorite colon, but skipped shaving, remembering Alec’s words from earlier. He deliberately chose clothes that were sure to drive his lover insane. He wondered if the archer would be looking right through the garments and seeing exactly what was hiding underneath them.

 

In the end, it all paid off, because when Alec saw his lover emerge from the bedroom, he looked completely blown away. Jace liked being looked at like that. It was a look that only Alec was capable of making. His pupils dilated, but his eyes were no less full of fondness and love. Jace was certain he’d never get tired of seeing it. When he realized that his parabatai wasn’t moving and would probably just stand there, open-mouthed all day if someone didn’t stop him, Jace walked up to him.

 

“You like it?” he asked.

 

“Fuck,” Alec swore and then kissed his lover, pulling their bodies close together. “This isn’t fair!” he complained.

 

“What isn’t?”

 

“You,” Alec told him. “Looking this good when we have to leave,” he explained. “Are you trying to make me stay?”

 

“ _No_ ,” Jace assured. “No, we _are_ leaving.” Much as Jace would’ve liked to waste the day away in bed, he knew that Alec’s duties as Head of the Institute were clearly more important. _This is what love means_ , he realized. _Putting someone else’s needs and wishes before your own._   

 

That’s why Jace took his parabatai’s hand in his own and tugged him towards the door. Before he’d managed to open said door, though, Jace stopped abruptly without even saying a word.

 

“Jace?” Alec asked, sounding alarmed. “Sweetness?” That nickname made Jace let out a deep sigh as rested his forehead against the door. He suddenly realized that once they walked out of their own little Heaven they would no longer be the only two people in the universe. In the ‘real’ world they would have to find how they felt about each other. Alec wouldn’t be able to call Jace ‘sweetness’ or reach for him whenever he pleased. Not if he valued his life, anyway.

 

Feeling helpless, Jace turned around and buried his face in Alec’s shirt as he clung onto him, not wanting to ever let go. He breathed in, trying to memorize Alec’s scent. The archer naturally, hugged back.

 

“I love you,” Jace said, hating how weak his voice sounded. He suddenly wanted to go through with his previous plan and leave it all behind. If he and Alec both said _Screw it_ , now they’d be able to escape the horrible war that was coming their way. If they left now and never looked back they could even have a chance of living a normal life.  Not an easy one, perhaps, but one that was only theirs.  A life that they’d chosen as opposed to living by someone else’s rules. Jace knew his parabatai well enough to know that Alec would never make that choice. He’d never choose himself over his loved ones. And while he loved Jace most of all, choosing him would mean forsaking everyone else. Alec was too selfless to ever do that. He was a man of honor who chose to do what he thought was right instead of what he wanted every time. Jace could only hope to be like him one day.

 

“I love you, too,” Alec whispered in his lover’s hair. “No matter what I say out there that is the only truth that matters,” he went on.  “You are loved,” Alec told his parabatai. “Remember that.”

 

Jace only nodded.

 

“Promise me,” Alec insisted.

 

Jace got on his tip-toes and kissed him to seal the deal.

 

 

As soon as Isabelle saw them enter the Institute she ran up to them and hugged her brother.

 

“You’re here,” she breathed out, still squeezing Jace. “I’d almost lost hope.”

 

Alec knew he had to stop this before his parabatai died of asphyxiation.

 

“Hey, what about me?” he asked ironically. “I’m here, too!”

 

“You are,” Izzy said as they both pulled away from the hug. “And you brought him back. How’d you manage that?”

 

“You’ll find that Alec can be very convincing,” Jace responded before his lover could say anything.  And just like that Isabelle knew. She’d always known. About her brother’s feelings for his parabatai and probably about the fact that they’d been reciprocated. Alec knew she was happy for them despite the fact that she made a funny face when Jace said that.

 

“Either way- don’t ever do that again, Jace,” she warned, earning a nod from her brother. “I’m serious.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Jace gave in. “Never again,” he assured.

 

She then turned her full attention to her older brother. “Alec, we have a problem,” before she could go further, though, Hodge appeared at her side as if out of nowhere.

 

“Where exactly have you two been?” he asked, making Alec feel like a kid who’d screwed up at practice again. “I didn’t think I’d have to explain to you what the rules were when leaving the Institute.”

 

“Hodge, we…” the archer tried to explain, but his lover interrupted him.

 

“We had some personal business to attend to,” Jace said and Alec supposed you could put it like that.

 

“And what kind of personal business makes you disappear for three days without saying a word?”

 

“We were just…” Alec tried, but couldn’t come up with anything.  He could see that more and more people were watching them now and that made him even more nervous.

 

Jace must have felt his parabatai’s discomfort, because he didn’t stay silent.

 

“The Head of the Institute owes an explanation only to the Clave,” he said, lifting his chin like a true Lightwood.

 

He didn’t speak as if he himself was the Head of the Institute as people often did when trying to use their friends’ position to their own benefit.  By the tone of his voice it was obvious that he didn’t think either of them had done anything wrong by leaving the Institute so suddenly without a warning. Jace had always had a tendency to follow the rules only when it suited him. It was brave and exciting, but Alec could never afford to follow his example. He knew what he’d done had been wrong and he would have accepted any punishment if that didn’t mean Jace would suffer the consequences as well. Alec was also able to hear the hidden resentment in his parabatai’s voice. He knew exactly what Jace was thinking. _Who the Hell is he to talk about rules?_ Alec didn’t disagree.  Leaving the Institute without a warning seemed like a minor offence compared to attempting to wipe out the entire Downworlder race. But in the eyes of the Clave they were all criminals so it didn’t really matter.

 

“That might be true, but it doesn’t excuse his actions.” Hodge replied. “Every wrong deed must be punished accordingly, you know that.”

 

“Report us, then,” Jace challenged.  “I doubt our punishment would be worse than what you got.”

 

_Not so hidden anymore._

The room was completely silent for a few seconds. It was as if everyone else had forgotten that that Hodge couldn’t leave the Institute and was now reminded of it. Hodge himself looked like he’d been slapped in the face.

 

“JACE” Alec and Izzy said in unison. He only looked at them, no trace of regret on his face.

 

“Hodge, you know he didn’t mean it,” Alec tried to apologize.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Hodge said. “We have more pressing issues right now.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Alec agreed. “Let’s go to my office and talk.”

 

Before leaving Alec gave Jace a look that he hoped his parabatai read as, _I’ll deal with you later_.

“So what is it?” Alec asked, as he sat in his chair.

 

“We got a message from the Clave last night,” Hodge informed him. “They’ll be sending an envoy shortly to monitor the current situation.

 

“An envoy?” Alec was truly surprised. “Are they unhappy with my work?”

 

“I doubt it,” Hodge said. “It probably has something to do with the Clary and the Cup,” Alec snorted. He’d forgotten all about that. “Do we still have it?”

 

“Yeah,” Alec replied. “It’s with Clary.” Hodge gave him a strange look and Alec immediately realized that he shouldn’t have left one of the most important objects of the Shadowworld with a girl who didn’t even know that said world existed a few months ago.

 

“Good,” Hodge said. ”I don’t want the envoy to catch us unprepared. “

 

Alec sighed. “Hodge, what Jace said…” he started. “He didn’t mean any of it. You know him. Sometimes he says shit he doesn’t mean.” Alec ignored the fact that Jace most definitely meant everything he said earlier.

 

“Yeah, I know him,” Hodge confirmed. “And I know you, too, Alec,” he told his student. “I’m glad you’ve reconciled, but I don’t want you to think you have to follow him everywhere. You have your own path, Alec.”

 

 _Wherever he goes, I will go,_ he thought, but did not say it. He remembered Jace’s words from last night and realized that the reverse was also true. If there was no Jace, there would be no Alec either. _I live and breathe through him,_ Alec concluded. _As long as he draws breath, I will not leave this world._

He remained silent for a few moments and then settled for a lame excuse.

 

“Look, Jace’s still upset about his break-up with Clary, okay?” he lied. It seemed believable in his opinion. “He wanted to get away from her for a few days,” Alec could see Hodge believe him and so he continued. “I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed.”

 

Hodge shook his head and smiled, “Teenagers,” he squeezed Alec’s shoulder and said; “You’re a good friend, Alec.”

 

The archer had to agree.

 

 

 

A few hours later, Alec was sitting on his desk and dealing with reports in attempt not to think about the envoy’s upcoming visit. His head felt like it was going to explode and so he decided to take a little break.  Out of habit his got his phone out from his pocket and saw that he’d received a text message from Jace.

 

 ** _I just realized something_** , it read.

 

 **And what’s that?** He texted back quickly. He wanted to be angry with Jace, but realized that wasn’t possible yet.  The memories from the previous night were too fresh in his mind. He was also intrigued by what Jace had to say.

 

A reply came shortly.

 

**_You are no longer a virgin!!!!!_ **

****

Alec stared at the message for a few seconds before he was able to understand it.  He realized he hadn’t even thought about that until now. Last night he’d been so focused on bringing Jace pleasure that he’d forgotten it was actually his first time. He supposed it had was for the better, because if he had been aware of it, that could have made him anxious and ruined the whole experience for both of them.  If Alec did say so himself, it had been an amazing first time and he couldn’t imagine having it any other way.  Or with anyone else. It had been perfect, because it had been with Jace.

 

 **Oh, shit, you’re right,** Alec responded.

 

**_Congrats btw. <3 _ **

****

**_I think we should celebrate._ **

****

**Sure,** Alec agreed. **Bring me something from the kitchen** , he requested. **I’m starving.**

**_Such a special occasion requires cake._** Jace insisted.

 

**You got any cake?**

**_Not here, but I know this bakery in Brooklyn. I swear they make the best pastries in all the realms._ **

****

Jace couldn’t be serious. They’d just come back to the Institute and now he wanted to leave again? That was a terrible idea. Ale knew it was a terrible idea. It would raise even more suspicions than their pervious disappearance had.  He had to refuse as much as he didn’t want to.

 

**You know that can’t happen.**

**_Please?_ **

 

Oh, no. They were not doing this. They were not negotiating.

 

**I have so much to do. And we can’t risk it.**

 

Why was Jace insisting so much? Did he not realize that one wrong move could cost them their heads?

 

**_Please? I miss you already._ **

****

Alec would have gotten angry at Jace’s stubbornness, was he not feeling the exact same way. He knew it was illogical to miss Jace given the fact that they’d been together a few hours ago and they were still in the same building, not too far from each other, but he still felt like a part of him was missing like a puzzle piece, when Jace wasn’t around. Looking over at the pile of reports on his desk, Alec wished they’d stayed in bed like his parabatai had suggested.

 

**_8 p.m. at the apartment. I’ll be waiting._ **

****

Ale sighed, knowing the decision had already been made for him.

 

**Fine.**

 

**_What did Hodge want anyway?_ **

****

Ale was surprised Jace hadn’t heard about it yet. Hodge must have only told Izzy and possibly Clary.

 

**The Clave is sending an envoy.**

 

Alec wasn’t a medium, but he knew Jace wouldn’t be happy with the news.

 

**_Wtf??? Why would they do that???_ **

****

**I suspect it has something to do with Clary and the Cup.**

**_So what’s the plan?_ **

****

**I have to convince Clary to hand over the Cup for safekeeping. Are you with me on this?**

**_Of course._ **

****

**I don’t want you doing something, because you’re afraid I wouldn’t want to put my penis in you if you don’t.**

Alec knew he’d rather have Jace disagreeing with him than doing something only because he thought he owed it to his parabatai. This wasn’t the relationship he wanted. Though they were one, they were still individual people with individual thoughts and opinions. He didn’t want Jace to think his freedom was the price he had to pay for his parabatai’s love.

****

**_Well, someone’s feeling a bit cocky ;)_ **

****

The message made Alec laugh.

 

**_I can’t believe you made a pun out of this._ **

****

**_;)_ **

****

**Did you apologize to Hodge?**

**_No, why would I do that??_ **

**You were a total dick to him. He’s our teacher and our friend. He’s family.**

**_I don’t care who he is. I couldn’t just stand there and watch him humiliate you in front of the whole Institute._ **

Alec was glad they were texting, because he was sure that if they were having this conversation face-to-face, this would have been point he would have given up and just kissed Jace.

 

**He had a point, though. I shouldn’t have left without a warning.**

**_You’re still the Head of the Institute. Everyone here owes you respect._ **

****

**My little protector.**

Alec imagined Jace scowling at the message and smiled.

 

**_Don’t push your luck._ **

****

**I won’t ;)**

**I do want you to apologize to Hodge, though.**

****

**_Ugh, okay, but I’m doing this only for you._ **

****

**I know** **J**

**_Enough about Hodge. Thinking about him gives me a headache._ **

****

Alec couldn’t understand where Jace’s sudden hatred for Hodge had come from. 

**What are you up to now?**

**_I’m at the gym. Haven’t worked out in days and it’s making me go crazy. You think there are some demons around that I can kill?_ **

****

**If I see any I’ll tell you.**

**Aren’t you tired? You had a pretty strenuous workout yesterday ;)**

Alec hoped the dumb joke had made Jace laugh.

 

**_Having sex has really woken up the comedian in you. I kinda like it._ **

****

**_And FYI I’m feeling great today._ **

****

_Of course you are,_ Alec thought, smirking. The archer had drawn an _Iratze_ on his parabatai, hoping to ease his soreness. Still, it didn’t hurt to check.

 

Before deciding to make breakfast, Alec had spent several long minutes in bed, just listening to Jace’s steady breathing and enjoying his last few peaceful moments. Not for the first time, he’d realized, while looking at the white ceiling, that nothing would ever be the same. It was strangely bittersweet. He never wanted to go back to how things had been before, but at the same time he was afraid of what the future was holding for him and his parabatai. It was the sort of fear that people got before taking a step they knew would change their life forever. Only the step had been taken already and there was no turning back now.  It never ceased to amaze Alec how one small event, something as simple as a kiss, was capable of turning a person’s life around completely.  This morning Jace had slept soundly, with his head on his parabatai’s chest, but yesterday he’d been ready to go on a suicide mission. Oh, how strange life was, indeed. And love had the power to change its course.

 

The decision to let Jace sleep in even longer had been a mistake. Alec had been aware of it then, just like he was now. And yet he'd done it anyway, because at the time it had been the only right thing to do. He had been ready to leave, thinking it would be the best thing to do in this case, when he could go back to the Institute without his absence being noticed. _Oh boy, how wrong he’d been_.  As soon as he'd taken one look at Jace's trembling form on the bed, he’d realized how stupid it had been of him to think that he could just leave without providing Jace with the proper aftercare he deserved. Alec's heart had filled with guilt and so he'd pulled Jace close as any good lover would. Jace had smiled then, and that smile had made Ale realize that if forced to make the choice between his duty as a Shadowhunter and his parabatai he'd choose the latter. _What else was new anyway?_

 

 

Later that day, Alec called his team at his office. Of all three Jace was the only one who looked happy to be there. He kept smiling at his parabatai as if he'd forgotten that they weren't alone. Izzy and Clary looked almost offended to be there.

 

“As you all know,” Alec started. “The Clave will be sending an envoy and—“

 

“Cut the crap, Alec,” Clary said. “Just tell us what you want from us.”

 

“I’m glad you asked,” Alec told her as he rose from his chair. “I need you to hand over the Cup so I can put it someplace safe.”

 

“What? No!” she refused immediately. „No way in Hell.” Her eyes filled with horror as he clutched her bag, afraid that someone might rip it from her hands. Alec had never expected to feel sorry for her. It turned out that he’d been right: at the end of the day she was a little girl, searching for her mother. Alec couldn’t blame her for that.  But that the same he was angry at her naivety. Is this where he’d been keeping the Cup? It was a miracle that it hadn’t been stolen already.

 

“Clary,” he said as calmly as he could. “Don’t make this difficult. We both want the same thing here.”

 

“No, we don’t,” Clary told him. “I want to save my mother; you just want to be the hero here, so the Clave will see how good you are at your job,” her words were full of venom. „Have you grown attached to that seat of yours, Alec?”

 

That was the last straw. “Enough,” Alec said, voice rising. “It’s time you learned what being a Shadowhunter really means,” he told her. “Shadowhunters don’t get the luxury of not doing the things we don’t like. And if you can’t accept the fact that it won’t always go your way, then maybe you’re not one of us after all.”

 

“My brother’s right, Clary,” Izzy told her friend. “You can’t let emotions cloud your judgement. **“** Jace remained suspiciously silent. It was very unlike him. He stayed in the corner, leaning against the wall, with his arms over his chest.

 

“To Hell with all your rules,” she turned around to leave, but to everyone’s surprise, Jace stopped her by gently putting a hand on her arm.

 

“Clary,” he said, making her look at him at last. “Alec’s right. You know he’s right.”

 

“You’re on his side now?”

 

 _Of course he’s on my side_ ; Alec thought smugly and hoped his face didn’t betray him.

 

“It’s not about sides,” Jace told her. ”It’s about keeping the Cup safe,” both of his hands were gripping her upper arms, but there was no anger in his voice. “The Institute is the safest place for the Cup right now.”

 

“But what if something happened?” he asked. ”What if Valentine came here and took it?”

 

“That’s never gonna happen,” Alec told her. The Institute was protected by some of the most powerful wards that existed. She still had so much to learn.

 

“And what if it does?” she asked stubbornly. ”What happens with my Mom then?”

 

“Clary,” Jace spoke softly and for a second Alec felt like he was intruding. “Getting your Mom back is our first concern right now,” he went on and Alec hoped his parabatai didn’t actually believe that. “We’ll find her, I promise,” he pulled her in for a hug and Alec knew the battle was won. He put the Cup in a safe which could only be unlocked with his own stele so that Clary would have no cause for concern. Hopefully that would work.

 

 

 

By seven-thirty Alec was still unsure of what he was supposed to do. Disappearing again with no good reason would only serve to add fuel to the fire and make people more suspicious as to what the parabatai were actually doing. They couldn’t afford that. But letting Jace down wasn’t an option either.

 

Torn by doubts, Alec sat in his chair and debated what he should do. Though temporarily, he was still the Head of the Institute and he had responsibilities as such. It seemed careless to leave them all behind so he and Jace could have some alone time while other Shadowhunters were out in the field, doing their job. But Alec reminded himself that from now on he was also a lover and part of a whole. What was demon hunting compared to the memory of Jace in his arms? _Nothing._ What were all of these reports that Alec had yet to finish compared to the explosive feeling he was going to get when Jace’s lips were pressed against his own once more? _Nothing_. What was the Law to two hearts that beat as one? _Nothing._

 

Annoyed with his own indecisiveness, Alec decided to say ‘fuck it’ and half an hour later he ended up on Jace’s doorstep once again. It felt like deja vu only this time Jace opened the door almost immediately and when he saw Alec standing there he smiled.

 

“You’re here,” he breathed out and hurried to usher Alec inside. As soon as the door was closed the archer’s back was being pressed against it and Jace was onto him like a starving man.

 

“I got worried,” Jace told his parabatai after they pulled away. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

 

“I promised I would, didn’t I?” Alec asked, not expecting an answer. ”I’ve never broken a promise to you.”

 

Jace just kept grinning at his parabatai. That made Alec realize there was nothing he wouldn’t do only to see that smile again.

 

“So, are you gonna tell me why we’re here or do I have to guess?” Alec hoped Jace hadn’t called him here for what he thought he might have, because he knew that if this time Jace suggested that they stay in bed all day after sex, he would accept.

 

Jace snorted. „I guess I could show you mercy and just give it to you straight,” he was such a little bastard and Alec loved him for it. “Close your eyes.”

 

“You know, this isn’t exactly giving it to me straight,” Alec joked, but did as he was told.

 

“Oh, shush,” Jae told him. “And no peeking,” he warned and then took his parabatai’s hand and led him through the apartment. Alec was intrigued.

 

They stopped a few seconds later, but Alec didn’t dare open his eyes. Jace let go of his hand and left him alone without a word to stand there with his eyes closed like some idiot. 

 

“You can open them now.”

 

As soon as Alec did, he realized that they we in the kitchen. He saw nothing unusual though. Only Jace, who was standing across from him and smiling,

 

“Look down, silly,” he told his parabatai.

 

Alec did that too and…

 

_Oh, Raziel._

Jace had gotten him a cake. He’d actually gone out and bought a cake to celebrate the loss of Alec’s virginity. And it wasn’t just any cake. It was a cake with a bleeding cloud on it (or at least Alec thought it was a cloud) and a caption that said:”My anus is bleeding”. Alec couldn’t help himself. He started laughing. He laughed so hard and so genuinely that when he was done his heart felt light.

 

Or at least he thought he was done, but when he tried to speak, it only got worse.

 

“I can’t…you actually…” he couldn’t even finish the sentence, and there were tears in his eyes. Surprisingly, Jace joined him.

 

Only when their laughter died down did Alec walk up to his parabatai to give him a brief kiss.

 

“Thank you,” he said.

 

“You like it, then?” Jace asked.

 

Alec nodded. “I do,” he replied. He realized that a good laugh was exactly what he’d needed to get rid of all the stress from the horrible day he’d had. Laughter really was a medicine for everything. Alec felt like a huge burden had suddenly been lifted off his shoulders. And it was all thanks to Jace. His parabatai had always had the power to make him feel better even in his darkest moments.

 

“ ‘My anus is bleeding’, though, really?” Alec asked, because the caption really was ridiculous. If anyone else had come to him with such cake they would’ve probably lived to regret it, but this was Jace so it was different.

 

“Well, I knew you’d find something like ‘Congrats on the sex’ tacky,” Jace explained and he was right. Alec would indeed have found something like that tacky.

 

 “I would’ve gotten something like ‘I’m sorry for taking your virginity’ but I’m really not sorry for that,” Jace smirked. “I would’ve bought the cake that said ‘Congrats on popping your cherry’, but I realized that hasn’t happened yet,” _Oh._   Alec hadn’t thought of that either. “Is that something you’d want, Alec?” Jace asked his voice suddenly husky. He pressed their bodies close and looked up at his parabatai, desire evident in his eyes.  

 

“For me to…” Jace made a vague gesture with his hand and Alec was glad he didn’t finish the sentence, because he was sure he’d die from embarrassment. His cheeked flushed as he thought about Jace _inside_ him. His parabatai was into being told what to do, so Alec was sure he wouldn’t mind being instructed on how to fuck him just right. How to reach and touch all the right places and to make his lover see stars. Alec imagined himself riding his parabatai while Jace’s hands were tied over the bedpost and there was a blindfold over his eyes. _Oh, yes Jace would definitely love that._

“ _Yes_ ,” Alec finally replied and then pulled his parabatai in for a much more passionate kiss. His hands remained on either side of Jace’s face even after they pulled away. “Yes, I want it so much.”

 

“There’s still so much you don’t know,” Jace stated vaguely. “So much I need to show you,” he whispered, his face mere inches away from Alec’s “I can make it so good for you, Alec,” Jace promised as he reached for his parabatai’s belt, but Alec stopped him.

 

“I know, “the archer assured. “There’s no rush here,” he told his parabatai. ”We have all the time in the world.” Ale forced himself not to think about whether that was actually true or not. ”Now I just wanna eat my cake. “

 

 

“Thanks for today,” Alec said between bites. Jace was sitting across from him at the kitchen island. He refused to cut himself a piece, claiming it was _Alec_ ’s cake and he was supposed to eat it himself.

 

“Yeah, of course, “Jace said. “Always for you.”

 

“I meant what I said, Jace,” Alec told him. “I don’t want things to change between us.”

 

Jace’s expression suddenly changed. He seemed annoyed that Alec was even bringing this up. “It’s a little bit late for that, don’t you think?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Everything between us changed the minute you kissed me. You can’t expect things to stay the same.”

 

“I know that,” Ale assured and reached for Jace’s hand once again. “I just don’t want you to feel obliged to do something you don’t want to do because you think it will make me happy.”

 

“I won’t,” Jace said. “I’ve never done that and I never will,” he went on. ”I love you, Alec and that means I have no problem tell you when you’re wrong.”

 

Jace had a point. Part of loving someone was pointing them their mistakes so that they could correct themselves.  

 

“Me too,” Alec agreed. “You sure you don’t want some?” he asked. Jace looked hungry, but whether for food or Alec was unclear.

 

“No, I told you,” Jace insisted.  “This is your cake. You have to eat it.”

 

“I can’t eat all of it by myself,” Alec argued. “I’ll into a sugar coma and die. Do you want me to die, Jace?”

 

Jace frowned immediately. He wasn’t amused. “Don’t fucking joke about that,” he said and let go of his parabatai’s hand.

 

“C’mon, you know you want to,” Alec said as he brought the fork to Jace’s lips, tempting him to try the cake. Jace rolled his eyes, but let his parabatai hand-feed him. Alec smiled, knowing that this small gesture made them both incredibly happy.

 

“Holy shit, that’s good,” Jace declared before he’d even finished chewing the food. “Give me that,” he demanded and took the fork from Alec’s hand.

 

As Alec watched his parabatai devour the food just like he’d done in the morning, the archer realized that this was what he’d always wanted.  Breakfast, lunch and dinner with Jace.  Just the two of them in their world where on one else existed. Oh, how sweet it would be if things could be like this always. If only they could run away from all of this and build a life together. They could live out their lives together happily and in peace and eventually die in each other’s arms when they were old and grey.

 

Alec forced himself to stop those thoughts, realizing how _mundane_ they were. Those were not dreams of a Nephilim, but of a fool in love.  He felt disgusted with himself, as if those thoughts were even worse than what he’d done last night. Shadowhunters didn’t get to live until they were old and grey. They died young and as warriors of the battlefield. It was stupid of Alec to think his fate would be any different.

 

“So, do you feel any different?” Jace asked, pulling the archer from his thoughts, but not bothering to cease eating.

 

Alec understood him immediately.  “Sort of,” the archer said. “But I don’t think it has much to do with losing my virginity,” he was struggling to explain it without sounding crude. “The bond… it’s…it’s like…”

 

“It’s like you’re always there,” Jace finished. “It’s like I always have you with me wherever I go,” he continued. “That feeling’s stronger, isn’t it?”

 

“ _Yes, yes_ ,” Alec agreed. His was glad they were on the same page about this.

 

“I’m so happy.” Jace admitted.

 

“Me too,” Alec said. “You’re the best choice I’ve ever made,” he confessed. The words left his mouth before he had the time to stop them. He hated sounding cheesy, but at least it was the truth. He couldn’t imagine sharing this with anyone else. Feeling like this about anyone else.

 

The smile Jace gave him resembled the sun.

 

“Did you apologize to Hodge?” Alec asked.

 

“No,” Jace replied nonchalantly.

 

Alec sighed. “You know I can’t just let this slide, right?” he asked. “I’ll have to punish you.”

 

Instead of trying to defend himself or getting angry like Alec thought he might, Jace bit his bottom lip and gave him a seductive look. “And how would you punish me, Alec?” of course. Jace probably thought Alec wanted to play.

 

“I’m serious, Jace,” the archer warned, which caused his parabatai to smirk. “You went missing for three days without an explanation and then disrespected your teacher.  If I sit back and do nothing people will start thinking you’re getting special treatment.”

 

“I am getting special treatment, though,” Jace joked.

 

“Jace,” Alec said sternly. ”We can’t afford to look suspicious.”

 

“Has anyone said anything?”

 

“Hodge might have had some suspicions, but I told him you were still upset about what happened with Clary. I think he believed me.”

 

Jace let out a sigh. “Look, Alec, I know I fucked up, but when I saw him come at you like that I just lost it.”

 

Alec reached for his parabatai’s hand once again. “I know,” he assured. “But it can’t happen again. I can’t risk losing you over a stupid mistake.”

 

“I don’t want that either. I’ll be more careful from now on, I promise,” Jace said. “I won’t let them separate us.”

 

When they got back to the Institute an hour later, they could barely keep themselves from smiling.  Their small rendezvous had put them both in high spirits. The memory of Jace’s lips mixed with the sweet taste of the cake was still fresh in Alec’s mind and it made him feel like nothing could go wrong.

 

The universe however, was quick to show him that everything could go wrong in a matter of seconds.

 

They felt the tension as soon as they entered the main room. Jace was the first to notice the newcomer. A petite, blonde woman was standing over the monitor, trying to gain access.

 

“What is going on here?” Alec asked as they walked up to her. She turned around to face them.

 

“Lydia Barnwell, envoy from the Clave,” she introduced herself.

 

“Alec Lightwood,” the archer said as he shook her hand. “Acting Head of the Institute,” and with that, the pleasantries were over.

 

 “I expected to see you when I arrived so I could get the information I needed, but apparently you have a habit of leaving and not returning for hours at a time so I started without you.”

 

“We were gone for less than two hours,” Jace tried to defend them. Lydia didn’t bother acknowledging him. Clearly, she wasn’t one to fall for Jace Wayland’s charm.

 

“Maybe your parents should’ve chosen someone who wasn’t so fond of leaving the Institute to run it.”

 

“I’m not used to staying put when there’s a fight to be fought,” Alec said and crossed his arms over his chest.  His entire being burned with shame from the lie. He hated having to lie about something like this. Right now he felt incredibly guilty for indulging himself instead of doing his job. This was not the behavior of the Head of the Institute. For a brief moment he considered letting Lydia take control, because right now he didn’t feel worthy of that position.

 

Jace, however, seemed to disagree. “Alec is one of the most capable Shadowhunters around,” Jace said with pride. “He was the most suitable choice for Deputy Head of the Institute.”

 

“And you are…?” she asked.

 

“His parabatai,” Jace announced proudly. “Jace Wayland.”

 

“Allow me to mistrust your judgement, then.”

 

“How about instead of talking about me, we focus on what’s actually important here,” Alec suggested. “What can I do for you, Lydia?”

 

“Where is Clary Fairchild?” she asked.

 

“Training, I imagine,” Alec told her.

 

“I’d like to see her,” something in the tone of her voice, let Ale know that family reunion wasn’t what she had on her mind. “I also need to assess how this Institute is running.”

 

“Go ahead and check whatever you want,” Jace said. “You’ll see how well Alec’s been doing his job.” Jace’s words breathed new strength into Alec. He felt much more confident knowing his parabatai thought so highly of him. With Jace by his side nothing could stand in their way.

 

“Let’s go to my office,” Alec gave Jace a stern, but grateful look. “Bring Clary to us, please.”

 

 

 

 

 

“I understand we have finally had our hands on the Cup,” Lydia said as soon as they both sat down.

 

 _Ah, there it was, the actual reason she was here_. Of course that’s the only thing the Clave would care about.  Alec realized he should’ve probably written to them to let them know the Cup was safe, but over the past few days that had been the last thing he’d thought about. He’d been so tangled up in the situation with Jace that the Cup had seemed like the least of his problems.

 

Alec nodded. “We do,” he confirmed.

 

“That’s good, “she said, though there was little enthusiasm in her voice. “We’re one step ahead of Valentine, then,” Lydia concluded.

 

“Maybe, but no one can know for sure what this lunatic has planned.”

 

“Do you have any ideas, though?”

 

Alec hesitated, unsure of whether he should trust just yet her or not.

 

Just then the door opened and Clary came in with Jace and Izzy in tow.

 

“What’s going on?” Clary asked.

 

“This is Lydia Branwell, the envoy from the Clave,” Alec quickly introduced her. “This is my sister Isabelle and this is Clary Fray.”

 

“Valentine’s daughter,” Lydia said.

 

“Aren’t you guys cousins?” Izzy asked with a smirk.

 

“Why are you here?” Clary questioned.   

 

“Lydia is here to assess my work,” Alec informed. “Right, Lydia?” he didn’t have the strength to deal with another one of Clary’s outbursts today.

 

“Amongst other things,” she answered politely. She clearly wasn’t in the mood either.

 

Lydia looked at some of the reports after that and seemed pleased surprised to find that there was nothing for her to add or criticize.

 

They all left shortly after that. On his way out, Jace only spared his parabatai a glance without saying a word.

 

 

 

Alec could barely close his eyes that night. He kept tossing and turning, his body missing the warmth of Jace’s smaller form next to him. His mind was wide awake and going over the conversation he’d had with Lydia earlier.

 

 _“Do you have any ideas?”_ she’d asked. As a matter of fact Alec had many ideas, which kept him from sleeping. The situation was worsened by his urge to share them with somebody. To talk about it, because he knew that wasting time could prove fatal.

 

Around one a.m. he decided that trying to sleep was useless and so he sat up on the bed and succumbed to his thoughts.  Each new idea of what Valentine could be planning was like a small bug, making its way into Alec’s mind. But one of them was more persistent than all the others.

 

Alec let out a groan and lay back down, too tired to deal with this.  

 

Wanting to distract himself he grabbed his phone and scrolled through his conversation he had with Jace. The silly texts brought a smile on his face.  Alec was glad he’d accepted Jace’s offer today. The memories of their little moments were what was going to get him through the dark days that undoubtedly laid ahead.

 

Before he’d had the chance to talk himself out of it, Alec presses the ‘Call’ button and waited.

 

“Alec?” Jace’s groggy voice came from the other end of the line mere seconds later. He’d been sleeping, of course he had. Alec instantly felt guilty for waking him up at this time of night. _Oh, how the tables have turned._

“Nevermind, I just called to…” he tried to end the conversation, but Jace interrupted him.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Alec assured. “I’ve just been thinking.

 

“About what?”

 

“What do you think Valentine might be planning?”

 

“To take over the world and kill all Downworlders?” Jace tried.

 

“Yeah, but how does he plan to do it?”

 

Jace paused for a second. “What’s on your mind?”

 

“He’d need an army to achieve those things, wouldn’t he?” Alec had been suspecting for a long time that

 

“That makes sense,” Jace agreed. “But where would he find an army?”

 

“The Forsaken,” Alec concluded.  He was out of bed in an instant. It was exciting to be able to share with Jace all the things he couldn’t tell Lydia.

 

“An army of Forsaken won’t help him on his way to world domination, Alec,” Jace argued.

 

“The Circle, then,” Alec suggested.

 

“I don’t know,” Jace admitted. “Would the Circle be enough to form an army, though?” Jace asked.

 

 _Shit_. He had a point. The only way Valentine could overthrow the Clave was if he outnumbered them. For now, at least that seemed unlikely to happen.

 

It hit Alec then. Valentine would need a powerful army. One that obeyed only him.

 

“The Cup,” he blurted out.

 

“Huh?” Jace asked from the other end of the like, clearly not catching up.

 

“Valentine wants to use the Cup to make himself an army.”  

 

How had he not thought of this before? How had he not seen something that had been right under his nose? It answer was simple: his mind had been otherwise occupied. This was really becoming a problem.

 

“Holy shit,” Jace swore. “This guy’s insane,” he declared. “What are we gonna do now?”

 

“Protect the Cup first and foremost,” Alec told him. ”I’ll call Magnus to put extra wards on the Institute.

 

 All this time they’d been focusing on finding Valentine himself and forgetting that a single man, no matter how powerful, would never be able to conquer the world on his own. He’d need people stupid enough and bigoted enough to follow him. To truly destroy Valentine they’d have to destroy those who shared his beliefs. It wouldn’t be easy though, since most of the time it was hard to tell the difference between a Circle member and a member of the Clave.

 

“What do we do when we find them?” Jace asked.

 

“We fight,” Alec stated. “What else?” he asked rhetorically. “We find them in whatever small corners they’re hiding and we fight them until they’re all gone,” Alec’s words were full of fire that he felt spread through his entire body. He thought that if he got rid of Valentine and his minions he’d bring at least some justice in a world that was so full of iniquity.

 

“Valentine will probably try to get Clary to join him,” Alec added. “I need you to keep an eye on her for me.”

 

“Clary would never do that,” Jace stated with certainty.  

 

“I know,” Alec assured. “But he might tempt her by saying she’ll reunite with her Mom that way,” he explained further. “Which is why we can’t trust Clary with the Cup right now,” _Or ever_ , Alec was polite enough not to say. 

 

“Wait, are we not telling her about this?”

 

“No, not until we’ve found something,” Alec told his parabatai. “If we go around announcing that we’re looking for Circle members, Valentine will know as well.”

 

“This will be our little secret, then?” Alec could practically hear him smirking over the phone.

 

“Yup, I guess that’s right,” Alec supposed that compared to their other secret, this one really did seem little.

 

Alec heard his parabatai yawn from the other end of the line and felt guilty for keeping him up at this time.

 

“Baby, I’m sorry,” the archer apologized. “I shouldn’t have woken you up.”

 

“It’s okay,” Jace said softly. “That’s what I’m here for, right?”

 

“Jace, I…” the words were on the tсp of his tongue, but he did not dare say them. Alec hated how afraid he was of those simple to words.

 

“I know,” Jace assured. “Me too,” he yawned again. Alec imagined how adorable he looked trying to stay awake.

 

“Go to sleep, sweetness,” the archer ordered before hanging up.

 

 

 

A few days after his late-night conversation with Jace, Alec received a text from Luke telling him that Jade Wolf had been attacked. He saw that as chance to question Luke about the Circle. On their way out, he and Lydia ran into Jace, who’d eagerly offered to come and help them.

 

 Alec could tell Jace cared little about the Forsaken and was only looking for an excuse for them to interact. Lately, they’ve barely been able to see each other, both of them busy with their own tasks. Sneaking off was out of the question. They never missed a chance to catch the other’s eyes during a meeting, or lightly brush fingers when they were standing close to each other, but that was never enough. Both of them yearned for the proximity they’d shared and counted the days until they could do it again.

 

And so the three of them ended up in the Jade Wolf.

 

The werewolf’s right hand was bandaged and the Forsaken was lying dead on the floor.  Alec squatted don’t to get a better look. The sight reminded him of the Forsaken he’d killed not so long ago. Only this one hadn’t lost its head.

 

“It definitely has some of the characteristics of a Forsaken,” Lydia confirmed.

 

“I don’t know,” Luke admitted. “There was something different about this one,” he shared. “It seemed like it knew what it was doing. Like it had a purpose.”

 

“So did the one that attacked me,” Jace informed. “It was stronger than any other Forsaken I’ve ever encountered.”

 

“No kidding,” Luke said. ”It took five wolves to take this thing down.”

 

“You think Valentine’s behind this?” Lydia inquired.

 

Luke nodded. “I guess he’s trying to get the band back together,” the Alpha joked.

 

“Why did the other one attack _you_ , though?” Alec finally turned to his parabatai.

 

“I guess I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

 

Alec wasn’t convinced. If the Forsaken was really acting with purpose like Jace and Luke said, it wouldn’t have attacked the first random person it met.

 

_Why the Hell was Valentine after Jace?_

 

“I guess the Institute is safe enough since Magnus but the extra wards on.” Lydia decided.

 

“But we’ll need a list of all Circle members you know,” Alec told the werewolf. “Past and present. Don’t leave anyone out,” this visit was proving to be more fruitful than the archer had expected.  Luke would give them the names and all he and Jace had to do was find them. _How hard could that be?”_

 

The Alpha nodded.

 

“We need to bring the body to the Institute,” Jace said. “Izzy will have a look at it and say what’s wrong with it.”

 

 

Jace and Alec waited outside until the Forsaken was being carried out and Lydia exchanged some last words.

 

“Did I ever say thank you?” Jace asked softy although he maintained a natural face. “For saving me from that Forsaken,” they were standing close, their shoulders touching. 

 

“You know you don’t have to,” Alec told him. “I would kill a thousand more Forsaken if that’s what it took to keep you safe.”

 

“You’re such a sap,” Jace accused. “It’s weird to think that if you hadn’t come in, I would’ve died.”

 

“I felt it,” the archer confessed. “When the Forsaken had you by the throat, I felt like I was suffocating, too,” he went on. “I think it was the bond’s way of warning me that I might lose you.”

 

“Alec, I—“Jace didn’t finish the sentence, because he stared off into the distance as if he was seeing something his parabatai wasn’t. Before Alec could ask him what was wrong, Jace started running with no rhyme or reason.

 

“HEY,” he screamed. “Stop it!”

 

 _Idiot,_ Alec thought. Running and screaming was the easiest way to make sure your target got away. Jace wasn’t an amateur he was supposed to know better.

 

Jace’s sprint suddenly came to a halt. He’d obviously lost his target.

 

“What happened?” Alec asked as soon as he walked up to him.

 

“It was him, Alec,” Jace answered while trying to catch his breath. “I saw the man who killed my Father.”

 

The archer was instantly alert.  “Valentine was here?”

 

“No, not Valentine,” Jace clarified. “It was someone else.”

 

Alec was even more confused now. _Didn’t Michael Wayland die by Valentine’s hand?”_  This man’s death just became even more of a mystery.

 

Sensing his parabatai’s puzzlement, Jace said, “Valentine gave the order, but someone else killed him physically,” Jace’s voice suddenly broke and Alec could tell he was barely holding back tears.

 

“It’s okay,” the archer assured his lover. “You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.” Alec put his hands on his parabatai’s shoulders in order to provide some comfort. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it would have to do.

 

“No, I want you to know,” Jace said. “I was paralyzed with fear, Alec,” Jace admitted. “I watched them stand over my Father’s dead body and I did nothing.”

 

“You were a child,” Alec reminded him. A child who saw his Father die and grew up blaming himself for his death.

 

Jace shook his head, not accepting that as a legitimate reason not to kill two people in cold blood at the age of ten. “All that training and I was still helpless,” the tears were running down his cheeks and Alec couldn’t help himself any longer. He wrapped his arms around his parabatai and let him cry in his chest. “You wouldn’t have been,”

 

“We’ll find them,” Alec promised in a whisper. “We’ll find all of them and we’ll stop them,” Jace’s sobs eventually died down, but the parabatai stayed close together.

 

They only pulled away when they heard Lydia calling their names.

 

“There you are,” she said as soon as she appeared from behind the corner with Luke in tow.

 

“Here it is,” the Werewolf handed Alec a piece of paper with the names of all Circle members. Alec put it is his pocket without even looking at it. He had other things to worry about.

 

When they got back to the Institute Jace still hadn’t calmed down from the unexpected meeting. He tried to hide it, but Alec could see the grief behind the cocky smile his parabatai put on. That’s why Ale sent him on a mission with Clary. He hoped that if Jace killed a few demons that would help him take his mind off the situation with his Father’s killers. Jace was a warrior after all. There was nothing he loved more than fighting. Well, maybe Alec, but that wasn’t the point.

 

While Jace and Clary were in the field, Ale and Izzy remained in the Institute, each of them busy with their own task.  Lydia was eager to call Magnus, who was going to help Izzy with the autopsy, and when he finally arrived she could barely contain her excitement. Alec let her take him to the Institute knowing that the Warlock was in good hands.

 

The archer let out a sigh of relief when the door to his office closed behind him.  Lately, this was the only place he could find the peace and quiet he needed in order to come to terms with today’s events.

 

Alec sat down in his chair and looked over at the letter that lay abandoned on his desk. Said letter had arrived three days ago and was naturally from his Mother. In it she warned him not to trust Lydia too much and to keep an eye on Izzy and Jace. “ _It’s our honor that’s at stake here_ ,” he reminded. _“I need you to be the man I raised you to be now more than ever_.” Those words alone made him feel like he was carrying the family name on his shoulders like a cross.

 

He had meant to reply, to assure her that he was doing everything in his power to make her proud, but those words never came.  Everytime he tried to write back the only thing that came to his mind was to ask her when she was coming back to free him of this burden. Perhaps he wasn’t fit to lead the Institute after all.

 

And then there was that whole matter with Michael Wayland’s death. Alec could still recall the look of pure terror on his parabatai’s face when he recalled the details around his Father’s murder. Raziel, that man had found a way to bother Jace even from the grave.

 

But one question wouldn’t leave Ale no matter how hard he tried not to think about it.

 

_Why was Valentine going after Jace?_

But then again why wouldn’t he be? Jace was the fastest, strongest and most capable warrior of this generation. He would be an invaluable asset in the war to come.  Jace had always been one to disobey all sorts of authority except for his own conscience. He was exactly what Valentine needed.

 

A knock on the door pulled Alec from his thoughts and a moment later Hodge appeared before him.

 

“Hey,” the older man greeted as he sat down across from his student. Alec remained silent, his eyes roaming over his teacher’s face. “You seem tense,” he observed. “Is everything okay?” there was no annoyance in Hodge’s tone and no malice either. He remained patient during this one-sided conversation just as he did during their training sessions.

 

“I can leave if you want,” he offered. “I just come to give you this,” he put the cup of hot chocolate, which Alec had failed to notice, on the desk. „I know how much this helps when you are nervous.” The familiar smell of childhood seemed to ease Alec immediately as he reached for the cup and took a sip from the hot beverage.  Hodge looked at his student and smiled.

 

It hit Alec then. That this was Hodge for Raziel’s sake!  The man was like a father to him! Why wouldn’t he trust him?

 

“Jace saw the man who killed his Father today,” Alec confessed at last. “It really messed him up.”

 

“By the Angel,” Hodge exclaimed and dropped down to his chair.

 

“I just,” Alec started, but couldn’t finish, because he wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted to say. “I just don’t get it.”

 

“Get what?”

 

“How anyone would follow a lunatic like Valentine?” maybe Hodge would be able to answer the question that had been keeping Alec awake for so long.

 

Hodge snorted.” Believe it or not, Alec Valentine wasn’t always a lunatic,” he claimed. “Once upon a time he was a man with a cause. “

 

It was Alec’s time to snort. “What went wrong?”

 

“He got lost along the way, I suppose,” Hodge replied. “As it happens with most idealists. “

 

“And yet people followed him even then, because he told them what they wanted to hear. “

 

“Valentine is a very charming man,” Hodge told him. “He knows how to make people do his bidding,” he went on. “We all fell into his trap. Me, Luke, your parents.”

 

“My parents?” he croaked.

 

Alec felt like he’d been hit by a brick wall. For a second he told himself he hadn’t heard it correctly, but he knew he had. It all made sense now.

 

“Oh, Alec,” Hodge whispered, obviously shocked. “Did you not know already?”

 

Alec felt like an idiot. How could he not have known? How could he have been so blind to the truth that was so obvious? His Mother didn’t just dislike Downworlders. She hated them. So much so that she was willing to put her precious reputation on the line just to see them dead.

 

 _By the Angel, the Lightwoods were traitors_. And everyone knew it. The Clave, everyone in Idris and probably all Downworlders, too. The family honor his parents boasted so much about was a lie. A lie that had kept him all these years from everything that could have brought him happiness.

 

 

 

 

Alec stared at the ruined punching bag that lay on the floor of the training room. That was the third he’d ‘killed’ today. No matter how hard Alec punched, even an hour later after his conversation with Hodge, the revelation that his parents were part of the Circle didn’t hurt less.

 

He’d spent his entire life trying to live up to his parents’ expectations and believing he’d never be worthy of being their son. And now it turned out that they were all in the same boat. In the eyes of the Clave they were all criminals. He, Jace and their parents had all broken the Law. They were all traitors.

 

 _“How is our love worse than the resentment we’re taught to have for Downworlders since childhood?”_ Alec could hear his parabatai asking as he swung at the punching bag.

 

For the first time Alec could truly understand the meaning of those words. He thought about all the opportunities he’d missed, because he’d put that false family honor before everything. All moments he could’ve shared with Jace if he hadn’t been afraid of what others might have said. Only now did Alec realize what a fool he really was. If he had been selfish for once and taken Jace up on his offer, they would be away from this mess now, and happy. He’d take true love over false honor any day.  But it was too late for that. They were all too deep in this already. There was no use wondering what could have been. They could only go forward, never back.

 

“Quite impressive,” he heard Magnus Bane say from behind him. The Warlock looked as fabulous and as elegant as always as if he hadn’t been dealing with a corpse mere minutes ago.

 

“Magnus,” Alec greeted and didn’t miss the Downworlders’ eyes roaming over his naked torso.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to stop on my account,” he said as Alec put his hoodie on. “I have the findings from the autopsy,” he handed Alec the report, but when the archer looked at it, but understood little. “No magic was used on the Forsaken,” the Downworlder informed.

 

“Damn it,” Alec swore. “What then?”

 

“I can’t be sure,” the Warlock confessed. “It’s hard to know what goes on in the mind of a madman like Valentine,” he explained.  “But I doubt that’s what’s got you so…riled up.”

 

“No, that’s not it,” Alec admitted. An awkward pause followed. “Did you know my parents were in the Circle?” he asked.

 

“How do you suppose, Alexander?”

 

“And yet you became my friend.”

 

Magnus smiled and there was certain softness in his eyes that Alec hadn’t seen before. “I tend not to judge children for their parent’s crimes. “

 

“Magnus, my whole life I’ve done everything for my parents and for what I thought our family stood for,” Alec confessed. “And now it turns out it’s all been a lie.”

 

“Then maybe it’s time for you to start living by your own rules,” Magnus suggested.

 

Alec gave him a dubious look. It was easy for Magnus to say that. He was immortal and the entire world was at his feet. A Shadowhunter couldn’t afford to just live life the way he wanted to. Not if he wanted to remain a Shadowhunter, anyway.

 

The Warlock smiled again. “It won’t be easy,” he admitted. “But you have a choice to make,” the Downworlder went on. “You can keep following your parents’ path or you can make a new one for yourself. It’s up to you.”

 

 

 

 

Alec ignored the burn in his throat as he swallowed down another gulp of whiskey. He was sitting on the couch in Jace’s living room and replaying today’s events in his mind over and over again. He’d needed to get away from the Institute for a while so he could think and this was the only place that felt like a home lately. _For when you need it_ , Jace had said when he’d given him the key.

 

Alec had let his thoughts consume him and completely lost track of time. He wasn’t sure if it was day or night when the front door suddenly opened. Jace stood there for a second looking relieved, but also uncertain of what he should do. And Alec’s lack of reaction didn’t help either.

 

“Lydia told me you’d stormed off without saying much so I thought you might need something,” he revealed awkwardly. “I can leave if you’d rather be alone,” he suggested when he saw Alec wasn’t in the mood for talking.

 

“No,” the archer spoke at last. “You count as ‘alone.’ “ Alec told him.

 

They sat together in silence for a while, because sometimes words just weren’t necessary. Simply being together was enough. Jace’s head was rested on Alec’s shoulder and their fingers were linked together on top of Jace’s knee.

 

Soon Alec realized this was exactly what he’d needed in order to calm down. Some peace and quiet and Jace.  Merely being around his parabatai always seemed to put Alec in good spirits.  Jace had this sort of aura to him like he brought back along with him and brightened Alec days. Whenever the archer was around him he felt like everything would be alright in the end. After all, after years and years and thousands of heartbreaks the impossible had happened. Jace loved him back. What more could Alec want from this world? There was nothing they couldn’t handle as long as they were together.

 

“Thank you,” Alec whispered as he kissed the crown of Jace’s head.

 

Jace looked up at his parabatai with eyes full of adoration and smiled. Alec never wanted this moment to end. “You ready to talk about it?” But sooner or later it would have to end. Jace had to learn this from his parabatai and not from someone else.

 

“Just one more minute please,” Alec begged in a whisper, not wanting to let go just yet. He pulled Jace even closer and kissed him. The kiss was a desperate attempt at keeping Jace happy as long as possible. The news that Alec was about to deliver were bound to shatter his world.

 

“Mhm, sure,” Jace smiled and buried his face in the crook of Alec’s neck. “Love you,” he murmured sleepily. The kiss that Jace placed behind his ear practically had Alec melting. The act was incredibly comforting and immensely wrong. They were supposed to be talking, but talking seemed to be the last thing on ace’s mind as his lips traveled down his parabatai’s neck.

 

“Jace, no,” Alec tried to protest, but did nothing to actually stop his parabatai. “We shouldn’t.”

 

“Shhh,” Jace soothed. ”I’m gonna take your mind off whatever’s bothering you,” he promised. “Just let me take care of you for once.”

 

“Not here,” Alec said. He knew he ought to refuse, but he was too weak to resist his parabatai’s eager touches. “Let’s go to the bedroom,” he insisted when Jace wouldn’t let go.” C’mon.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Go lie on the bed,” Jace ordered as soon as the door behind him closed. Alec obeyed, naturally. Jace wasn’t nearly as ceremonial as last time when he took his clothes off. Soon enough he stood before his parabatai wearing only a pair a boxers and that cocky smile Alec loved so damn much.

 

“C’mere, you,” Alec gestured to his parabatai to come closer. Jace didn’t hesitate and quickly climbed on the bed. He crawled to Alec and kissed him with such passion that the archer thought he might come from that kiss alone. It had really been too long.

 

“We are the only people in the world who matter right now,” Jace whispered and Alec found himself believing him. Suddenly all cares he’d had minutes ago seemed so distant and insignificant compared to the loving touch of Jace’s lips against his neck _._ Jace showed little care for Alec’s expensive attire as he almost ripped off the buttons of his parabatai’s dress shirt whilst undressing him. Jace was like a madman kissing and biting the flushed skin of Alec’s chest, completely unbothered by the hair even as he buried his face in it.

 

“Oh, fuck,” Alec swore when Jace bit his nipple, no doubt wanting to leave his mark. 

 

Jace lifted his head and grinned. “I had something else in mind. “

 

He kissed his way down Alec’s torso and stopped only when he reached the navel.

 

“Can I?” Jace asked desperately, his fingers already at Alec’s belt. It was surprising he even had the mind to ask for permission. “Please,” he begged.

 

Ale nodded. ”Go ahead,” he allowed; trying his best to sound authoritative, though his voice betrayed how nervous he actually was.

 

Alec’s jeans as well as his underwear were gone in a second. There was a wild look in Jace’s eyes as he searched for permission to continue.

 

“Go on,” Alec permitted. He sounded oddly calm for someone whose heart was about to burst.

 

For a few long moments Alec’s entire narrowed down to Jace’s mouth on his cock. He didn’t think he could compare it to anything else he’d felt in his life. For once he was only feeling instead of thinking. For once everything was about him. For once he was the one being taken care of. He was completely in tune with his own body and how much he _liked_ it. His eyes were closed, making the experience even more sensual. Jace seemed like he was having the time of his life, moaning around his parabatai’s cock and taking him deeper and deeper. Alec gripped the sheets, knowing fully well that he wouldn’t last long.

 

“I’m close!” the archer warned when he felt his climax approaching.

 

Jace went about his business, his head bobbing up and down Alec’s cock. ”Touch yourself, sweetness,” the archer commanded, because he could tell Jace wouldn’t do it unless he got an express permission. _What a good boy he was._ The moan Jace let out when his fingers wrapped around his own cock sent shivers down his parabatai’s spine. Alec wasn’t sure if running his fingers through Jace’s hair was an appropriate thing for him to do while receiving a blowjob, but he did it anyway, because he figured there was no point caring for what’s appropriate in a relationship like theirs.

 

A long moan escaped Alec’s lips as he finished, his entire body trembling. Jace took everything his parabatai gave him without a second thought.  He then came up to pull Alec in for a long kiss, making it clear they weren’t done just yet. Alec knew he should feel grossed out, considering where Jace’s mouth had been mere seconds ago, but he came to find that he wasn’t, not all. On the contrary, tasting himself on his parabatai’s tongue only seemed to turn him on further, despite the fact that he’d just orgasmed. The seemingly innocent act of kissing woke up that possessive side of him, that the Shadowhunter always tried his best to keep at bay. He managed to pull Jace into his lap with little effort, but broke the kiss, because he feared Jace would forget to breathe.

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Alec exclaimed when he discovered Jace had yet to come.

 

“You didn’t say…” Jace tried to explain, refusing to meet his parabatai’s eyes.

 

Alec smiled at the revelation. Despite the confident mask he put on, he was acutely aware of the fact that he was still very new to sex and thus unsure of what he ought to do next. Instinctively he reached out and palmed Jace through his underwear.

 

“Please,” Jace begged.

 

Alec helped him slide off the boxers off his thighs so that now they were both once again completely bare. Jace was gone as soon as Alec’s fingers touched his cock. It took only a few short strokes and he was coming into Alec’s hand, cute mewing sounds leaving his mouth as he did so. His body went completely lax after that and so he slumped against his parabatai’s larger form.  

 

Ale knew he was enjoying the moment too much.

 

“My good boy,” he praised as Jace panted heavily against his neck.

 

It was selfish and possessive, but he took pride in the fact that he was the only one who got to have Jace like that-so vulnerable and so, so beautiful. All of Jace’s pleasures were his, so much so that Jace had kept himself from coming, because he hadn’t received permission from his parabatai.

 

“You like it?” Jace asked after he’d managed to catch his breath.

 

Alec nodded, grinning. “I did,” he confirmed.  

 

Jace smiled in return and Alec wanted to capture this moment, because he knew soon it would be over.

 

“Guess this is the part where you tell me what got us here in the first place,” Jace concluded.  They’d laid in silence for a while, just enjoying each other’s company, but now it was time to face the truth. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

 

Alec took a deep breath and sat up. He was trying to figure out the best way to word this, but realized there wasn’t one. Their parents were members of the Circle. Their own prejudice had turned them into some of Valentine’s most loyal followers. And if they hadn’t been caught, they’d probably be by his side right now.

 

“By the Angel, Alec,” he exclaimed, sitting up on the bed. “Did anyone find out?” he asked. Of course his mind had jumped to the worst case scenario possible.

 

“No, no one did.”

 

Jace let out a sigh of relief. “Well, it can’t be that bad, then,” he concluded.

 

Alec admired his optimism and hoped Jace would remain this calm when he learned what was actually going on.

 

 “Mom and Dad were members of the Circle,” Alec revealed at last.

 

“No,” Jace said immediately. “That’s not true,” he insisted, shaking his head. “They took me in,” he reminded. “They’re good people.”

 

“I thought so, too,” Alec told him. Despite his Mother’s arrogance and his Father’s coldness he’d always believed that deep down they were decent people, who acted the way they did, because they were trying to maintain a persona. Which was why he’d followed them so blindly. All his life they’d taught him that a Shadowhunter should never reveal his true feelings and yet they’d never done anything to hide their resentment towards Downworlders. Their betrayal hurt even more now.

 

“How do you know?” Jace asked and Alec could tell he was still shocked.

 

“Hodge told me,” the archer admitted.

 

Jace snorted. “How are you so sure he’s telling the truth?” he asked. “For all we know he might be working for Valentine right now.”

 

“Jace, enough!” Alec barked. “Where did this hatred for Hodge come from? He’s been nothing but kind to us.”

 

“I don’t know, Alec,” Jace admitted, avoiding his parabatai’s gaze. “But I don’t think he should be your only source of information.”

 

“He isn’t,” Alec assured. “Magnus knows about it too and their names were on the note Luke gave me,” he told. “Do you really think I’d just go around accusing my own parents of High Treason without checking if it’s true first?”

 

Jace jumped out of bed then and left the room without a warning. He returned a minute later holding Luke’s note in hand.

 

“Mom and Dad were members of the Circle,” he stated, sounding close to tears.

 

“Come back to bed,” Alec suggested, knowing it was what they both needed. Jace did as he was told without hesitation. He snuggled close and put his head on Alec’s chest once again.    

 

“I can’t believe we had to learn that our parents were in the Circle from someone else,” Jace said. “Who are we supposed to trust if not them?”

 

“Each other,” Alec told him. “And Izzy,” he added. “I’m gonna do everything I can to protect you, Izzy and Max.”

 

“I will, too, “Jace promised.

 

“I know,” Alec assured and gave his parabatai a quick kiss. Ale was aware that Jace was willing to do anything to protect those he loved without caring for his own safety. Which was why Alec had to be the one to look out for him.

 

“You remember what Luke said?” he asked, trying his best to sound casually, “About the Forsaken?”

 

“It took several wolves to kill it,” Jace recalled.

 

“Yes,” Alec nodded. “But he also said it moved with intent and–“

 

“This again, Alec?” Jace interrupted. “You’re being paranoid.”

 

“Just listen to me,” the archer demanded. “I think Valentine might be after you,” he revealed.

 

Whether it was because Valentine considered Jace a threat or because he wanted him on his side, Alec didn’t care. He just wanted to keep that madman as far away from his parabatai as possible.

 

“Just promise me you’ll be more careful from now on,” Alec requested.

 

“I will,” Jace said and sealed the promise with a kiss. Alec, however knew already his words didn’t hold much weight since Jace hadn’t been careful a single day in his life. Oh, well, that’s what _he_ was here for, right?

 

 

Jace’s chest filled with pride as he watched his parabatai speak. Their eyes met briefly and Jace gave him an encouraging smile, which he hoped would ease Alec’s anxiety. Admittedly, Jace heard little of what his lover was saying. He was too distracted watching Alec’s every move. Seeing him like this was almost intoxicating. Alec radiated power and dignity.

 

Jace hadn’t thought it was possible to be more in love with him, but he’d been wrong. Every day since their first night together he could feel his love for Alec grow stronger. Jace felt more connected to Alec than ever. During mission they moved almost completely in sync as if reading each other’s mind. Jace hadn’t assumed this kind of closeness was possible. He thought he could feel his parabatai’s presence no matter where he went. He felt stronger somehow and he was sure all the strength came from their bond, which was growing stronger as well.

 

The sound of someone calling his name pulled Jace from his thoughts.

 

“Jace!” he heard Hodge calling a bit louder.

 

Jace realized that suddenly all eyes were on him but didn’t get embarrassed, because he was used to it already. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I was thinking about something else.”

 

Alec gave him a stern look. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said sarcastically. “Should I make these briefings more entertaining so you’ll pay attention?” Only now did Jace feel embarrassed. “This is serious, so pay attention,” Alec commended.

 

Ever since he’d learned that their parents were in the Circle something inside Alec had snapped. He’d sworn in front of Izzy and Jace that he’d restore the family honor and asked for their help in doing so. Jace was happy to see his parabatai so driven, but he also realized that Alec’s new attitude was cause for concern.

 

Alec was acting stricter than ever before, not letting anyone in the Institute get away with anything. Even Clary knew not to argue with him when he’d given her an order. Alec intended to rule the Institute with an iron fist and show the Clave they could still trust the Lightwoods.

 

“We’ve looked practically everywhere,” the archer went on. “This guy just disappeared like a ghost.”

 

Part of the reason Jace wasn’t listening was, because he already knew what his parabatai was going to say. After Hodge had managed to identify Michael Wayland’s killer as Emil Pangborn they’d spent two weeks looking for him, but with no success. They’d searched through all of New York and warned all the Institutes throughout the Mundane World to keep an eye out for him as well, and nothing. This man had disappeared into thin air, leaving no clue as to where he might be hiding. Jace still couldn’t live down the fact that he’d let him get away by screaming and running like some newbie. If he hadn’t been so weak and given into his impulses, Pangborn would probably have been in prison by now.

 

“So what do we do now?” Izzy asked.

 

“Maybe we need bait like we did with Magnus,” Jace suggested. “If we give him something he wants he’ll come right to us.”

 

“Absolutely not,” Alec outright refused as if he’d read Jace’s mind. “I won’t allow it.”

 

“This is the only option we’ve got left, Alec,” Jace insisted. “If it’s me he’s after I’ll lure him in and we’ll catch him.”

 

“I won’t let you risk your life just so you can be the hero again.”

 

“Alec I-“Jace tried to argue.

 

 “Jace, enough!” the archer interrupted him before he’d gone any further. “It’s time all of you learned the truth,” he told his team. Valentine wants to use the Cup to build himself a new army of Shadowhunters,” he revealed. “From now on our first concern is to stop him from doing that,” he went on. “We are at war.”

 

 

 

That evening Alec had told his parabatai that he’d be waiting for him in his office after dinner. Initially, Jace had decided against going, because he was still upset after their previous quarrel, but at the end his love for Alec had outweighed his anger. 

 

It had been a while since they’d last gotten the chance to talk to each other about everything that had happened over the last few weeks.

 

“Hi,” Jace greeted as he entered Alec’s office. “What’d you want to see me for?” He took a few steps at ended up standing by the desk on Alec’s left side.

 

“What do you think?” Alec asked sarcastically and looked up at his parabatai. He seemed more upset than angry. “What the hell were you thinking offering yourself up like some martyr?”

 

“I just thought that would be the easiest way to catch Pangborn,” Jace explained himself. “I want him to pay for what he’s done.

 

“I don’t care,” Alec was suddenly out of his chair, furious. “I won’t risk you for some petty revenge,” he declared.” We’ll find him, but not like that.”

 

Jace wrapped his arms around him then, because it seemed like the only right thing to do. He would’ve liked to pull him in for a kiss, but that would hardly be appropriate. Jace relaxed into his parabatai’s embrace, feeling safe and content. He’d missed this so much. Longing for Alec’s touch he’d searched for any sort of interaction with his parabatai against his better judgement.

 

 

 

Jace didn’t know how longed they’d been talking for before they got interrupted. It could‘ve been several hours or it could’ve been mere minutes. All he knew was that he was glad to be close to his parabatai again. They were laughing together, Jace sitting on top of Alec’s desk when Clary barged in along with Izzy.

 

“Alec,” Clary panted. “There’s been at attack at the Pandemonium,” she informed and Jace could see she was barely holding back her tears “Magnus’s been hurt.”

 

 

 

 

The Warlock was fine, obviously. A few cuts and bruises weren’t going to put an end to the great Magnus Bane.  They all went to see him and to assert the damage done to the club. It was definitely Valentine’s work. The Downworlder was more than happy to see them (especially Alec) and accepted to come in the next day for a questioning along with the other Downworlders who’d been at the club tonight. Magnus invited them all back to his loft for a drink, but Izzy and Clary were the only ones who took him up on his offer.

 

 

 

 

 

They were all at Magnus’s questioning the next day. Though ‘questioning’ was not the right word for it. It was more like a conversation between friends. Alec and Magnus were buddies after all.

 

“You okay?” the archer asked once they’d all settled down.

 

Alec was sitting in his chair with Jace at his right side and Lydia at his left. Magnus was in the seat opposite Alec and Clary stayed close to him, keeping an arm on his shoulder. 

 

“Quite alright, Alexander,” the Warlock said. “Frankly I don’t see why all of that fuss was needed,” he admitted. “I could’ve told you everything I knew over a glass of martini.”

 

“This is official Institute business,” Alec told him. “We’re not here to chat.”

 

Magnus smirked. “And here I thought you were just looking for another reason to see me.”

 

Jace rolled his eyes. He didn’t like the way Magnus was acting around Alec. Couldn’t the man take a hint?

 

“Did you see anyone familiar last night?” Lydia asked. “Anyone from the Circle?”

 

“Hmm, no, I don’t think I did,” the Warlock said. “They might have been there, but I was too busy protecting my people to see them.”

 

“Valentine must be gaining new followers, then,” Lydia concluded. This was exactly what they’d feared. The more the number of Valentine’s followers grew, the more difficult it would be to stop them. Those were probably the people he was planning to turn into Shadowhunters.

 

“And you think he was after you?” Alec questioned.

 

“Without a doubt,” Magnus assured.

 

“What do you plan on doing, then?”

 

“I plan to defend myself,” the Warlock told Alec as if it was the most obvious thing it the world.

 

“Magnus, as your friend I would suggest staying low at least for the time being.” The Warlock laughed. He actually laughed! As if that was the funniest thing he’d heard in a while.

 

 “I appreciate the sentiment Alexander, but I can’t stop living my life because of some lunatic,” he stated. Jace found himself agreeing with the Downworlder. Shadowhunters were constantly at war. The trick was not to let it consume the completely. It was easier said than done though. “Besides, I have a party coming up this Friday,” he informed. “I can’t just disappoint all my guests. We all need to wind down after everything that’s been going on.”

 

“Maybe you don’t have to,” Clary said all of a sudden.  

 

“What do you mean?” Magnus asked.

 

“Maybe we could come with you for safety,” she suggested.

 

“Are you suggesting I make a bunch of Shadowhunters my personal bodyguards?” Magnus joked. “Now that is something I’ve never seen coming.”

 

“This isn’t such a bad idea, actually,” Alec said.

 

“Alec, I don’t think the Clave would approve,” said Lydia.

 

“I’ll write to the Clave as soon as possible and explain myself,” the archer told her. He then turned to the Warlock. “Magnus, I’ll send you a team of some of my best Shadowhunters to ensure that you and your guests will have a good time without worrying.”

 

“I’m coming,” Clary stated without hesitation.

 

“Me too,” Izzy chimed in. “Lydia?”

 

Lydia sighed. “I guess someone has to keep you in line,” Izzy simply hummed, pleased that she’d gotten what she’d wanted.

 

This was the best news Jace had heard in a while.  In truth he cared little about the Warlock and his party, but with Lydia out of the Institute he and Alec would finally have the chance to spend some time alone. Jace was well-aware that he was being selfish, but he didn’t care. He was only human after all, despite his Angel blood.  The memories of his parabatai’s touch weren’t enough to get him through the long nights when he was alone in bed. He needed the real thing and he needed it now. Jace longed for the proximity they’d shared over that night not so long ago. He wanted to once again lose himself in his parabatai to the point where they couldn’t tell where one of them ended and the other began.

 

“Well, I guess it’s safe to say you’ll be in good hands, Magnus,” Alec said, smiling. He caught Jace’s eye as he did so. They were thinking about the same thing. Finally, Raziel seemed to be on their side. Or maybe not.

 

“You’re not coming, Alexander?” the Warlock’s voice was full of surprise.

 

“Well, I thought I should stay here since Lydia is the one coming with you,” Alec explained. “But if you want me to come I’ll be there,” Jace tried to meet his eyes, but the archer wouldn’t even spare him a glance.

 

“That would be lovely,” Magnus smiled. “I always feel safer with you around.”

 

 “Is it really worth it sending so many Shadowhunters just for a bunch of Downworlders?” the words made Jace feel like his mouth was full of poison.

 

Magnus’s face fell momentarily. Jace hated himself for not regretting it. He was hurt so his instinct was to hurt back. Yet another one of his Father’s lessons.

 

“How can you even say that?” Clary’s eyes were full of disappointment.

 

“I just think we have more important matters to focus on than some lavish Downworlder party,” Jace told her. “Valentine is still out there, you know.

 

“That’s the sole reason we’re going,” Alec reminded him. “We’re not going dancing,” he stated. “Don’t come if you don’t want to,” he told his parabatai. “We’ll be fine either way.”

 

Jace set his jaw and said nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Over the next few hours Jace tried his best to avoid his parabatai, but somehow Alec still managed to corner him in one of the Institute’s more remote halls.

 

“Stop,” the archer commanded as he stepped into his lover’s personal space. “What the hell was all of that for?” he whispered mere inches from Jace’s face, clearly doing his best to contain his anger.

 

“I thought I was allowed to have my own opinion,” Jace sneered.

 

“You are,” Alec told him. “But this isn’t you, Jace” he claimed.

 

“I did this for the honor of the family,” Jace lied. “If the Clave sees how invested we are in this Downworlder mess, they’ll lose even more trust in us.”

 

Ale scoffed. “Do you expect me to believe that if any other Downworlder had come to you for help you would’ve refused them in the name of our honor?” Alec wasn’t angry now, just disappointed. ”You’re letting your personal feelings cloud your judgement. That is the first thing we’re taught not to do,” Alec scolded.

 

“So I should just be okay with him flirting with you all he wants?”

 

A deep sigh escaped Alec. “Magnus is a friend and an ally,” he maintained. ”I thought I’d already made it clear where I stand on the matter,” this was Alec’s encoded way of saying: “ _I love you. I thought you knew.”_ His eyes said more than his words ever could.

 

“You chose him over me,” Jace blurted out, while looking at the ground. “We could’ve had some time for ourselves, but you didn’t want it,” he accused.

 

Ale looked stunned, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “It was my duty,” he defended. “Just yesterday you were preaching about protecting these people and now you go back on your word like a coward!” it was Jace’s turn to be shocked. What hurt the most was that Alec had a point. ”I suggest you solve your problem with Magnus soon, for your own sake,” Alec said and left.

 

Jace couldn’t remember making the decision to go back to his room. He let his legs lead him wherever they wished. Only when he fell into bed did he allow himself to think about what had just happened.

 

It wasn’t that Jace doubted his parabatai. On the contrary, Alec’s love was perhaps the only thing Jace was certain he had in this world. But a tiny voice at back of Jace’s head kept insisting that he’d never be worthy of it. No matter how hard he tried to fight against it, his mind constantly kept coming up with scenarios in which he managed to somehow fuck it all up. Everytime Alec was around Magnus, Jace imagined them laughing together, talking about all the things they liked and slowly falling in love. And why wouldn’t they? Magnus was charming and pure at heart and so _whole._ He was everything Alec deserved and nothing Jace could ever be.

 

Jace’s biggest fear was that one day ten or twenty years from now Alec would wake up one day and realize that he could have had a wonderful future with Magnus if he hadn’t settle for this half-life him and Jace shared. Deep down Jace knew that would probably never happen, but he couldn’t help it. He hated himself for those thoughts, but he couldn’t stop them either.

 

It had been easy to believe that nothing could get in their way when Alec had been holding him close and whispering sweet words in his ears, but out of bed Jace saw things clearly. Theirs was a dead end relationship. A paradox. No matter how much they loved each other, it was never meant to be. A long time ago his Father had told him that the most beautiful things in life were never meant to last. For Jace love was only a momentarily distraction from the constant grief and darkness that surrounded him.

 

Jace spent the next two hours in bed, looking at the ceiling and thinking. He forced himself to get up when he got a text from Izzy telling him that they had to leave for a mission. He had a job to do after all.

 

 

 

 

It was all on purpose, of course. Alec wasn’t an idiot. He knew Jace all too well and he was familiar with all of his parabatai’s tricks. And yet he fell for them every time. Alec thought he’d stopped breathing for a second when he saw Jace enter the briefing room ten minutes late for the meeting. His hair was damp and he’d the top two buttons of his shirt unclasped. There was a two-day -old stubble on his face. Of course it was all on purpose. 

 

“You’re late,” Alec scolded. He forced himself to look away otherwise he wasn’t sure he’d be able to.

 

“I got caught up doing something else,” Jace said simply. He was clearly not in the mood to explain himself. He didn’t need to. It was obvious he’d just come out of the shower. Alec used all the self-control and discipline he had in order to ignore the image of Jace with his hand on his cock under the hot spray of water, which immediately formed in his mind.

 

“You sure you don’t wanna come with us?” Alec asked, one last time.

 

“Yes,” Jace confirmed. “Someone has to look after New York while you look after your Warlock, right?” he muttered under his breath.

 

Alec ignored the petty jab, because this was hardly the time to get into it. They’d have to do it eventually, though. The archer could tell Jace was hurting, but he knew he had to remain firm. This was how things were supposed to be, at least until their parents got back from Idris. The future of the family had always been more important than the wishes and needs of its members.

 

 

The plan was simple. They were supposed to blend in with the crowd and keep an eye out for any potential dangers.

 

“We’re working tonight,” Alec reminded his team. “This means no drinking, no dancing and no talking to the guests,” he said, looking at Izzy, because he knew there was a chance Meliorn would be there too.

 

“We know,” his sister assured him. The fact that she was so serious about helping him restore their honor made him more proud then he could express.

 

“Don’t act on your own,” Lydia warned. “If you see someone suspicious, come to us first.”

 

“But then they might get away,” Clary objected. 

 

“No, they won’t,” Alec told her. “If Circle members do show up tonight, it would be for Magnus,” he went on. “That’s why we’re there, remember?  To make sure he and his friends are safe.”

 

“Don’t patronize me,” Clary hissed.

 

“Then don’t do things that make me patronize you,” Alec said. He then turned to Jace and Marie, who were patrolling tonight. “I’ll call you if we need help.”

 

“Just follow the plan and we should be fine,” said Lydia and Alec couldn’t agree more.

 

Yes, indeed Alec Lightwood was a man who firmly believed that following a plan was the safest way to execute a mission.  Frivolities often got people killed and he’d rather avoid that as much as possible. Unfortunately for him, things in his life rarely went according to plan in his life.

 

 

 

 

The party was more glamorous than Alec had imagined it would be. The music was loud and the alcohol was expensive. Magnus had hired multiple performs to entertain his guests and enchanted the whole club to look like a dungeon.  The man knew how to party.  To Alec’s knowledge his team were the only Nephilim there. Witches, Vampires and Werewolves were partying together like one people and Alec found himself wishing Jace was here to witness it. He would’ve loved it.

 

As Alec walked through the club, he spotted Izzy dancing with Meliorn. Not far from them Simon Lewis was making attempts at breakdancing, probably to impress the werewolf girl he’d come here with. Clary and Lydia were sitting on one of the couches in the corner, clearly having some family bonding time. Alec smiled as he watched Clary babble drunkenly to her cousin. He decided to let them have this. Magnus was right, they all needed this. He only hoped that the Clave would never find out about this, otherwise they were all in trouble.

 

Alec was on his way to Magnus’ booth when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. When he looked at it, he discovered that Jace had sent him a message.

 

 _How’s the party going?_ His parabatai wrote.

 

 ** _Pretty well,_** he replied.

 

A few minutes later a new message came in.

 

 _I bet mine’s better,_ Alec frowned, incapable of understanding what exactly his parabatai meant.

****

**_You call patrolling in the cold a party?_ **

****

_Who says that’s what I’m doing?_

Alec’s heart filled with dread. What the hell was Jace up to?

 

 ** _Where are you?_** He asked.

 

 _Home._ Jace replied. _Raj owed me a favor_ , he explained. Alec took a deep breath and tried not to get angry.

 

 _Fuckin hate you rn btw,_ Jace felt the need to inform.

Alec was in the middle of typing a long rant telling Jace to go back and finish the patrol when he another message.

 

 _Wish you were here,_ it said. _With me._

**_We talked about this_** _,_ Alec reminded. Why was it so hard for Jace to understand that Alec had to do duties?

 

_Don’t you wanna know what I’m doing?_

Alec sighed. He was quite certain he would regret this question, but he asked anyway. **_What are you doing?_**

_Touching myself,_ Jace answered bluntly.

_Thinking about you,_ came yet another message. _About what I’d let you do to me if you were here._

 

For the first time Alec thought he’d maybe made a mistake by coming here instead of being with Jace in their apartment. But he pushed that thought away, knowing that was the selfish part of him talking.

 

 ** _Stop it_** , he warned. **_It’s not funny._**

****

He decided it would be best if he didn’t pay any attention to Jace for now. This was obviously his revenge for not getting what he’d wanted.  They’d have to talk about this. Such behavior was unacceptable and unprofessional, not to mention dangerous. He wanted to be angry, but to his dismay he was too turned on for that. Jace was nothing if not stubborn, though, and so he kept sending messages. Alec tried his best to ignore them, but eventually curiosity got the best of him and he gave in.

 

Alec felt like a criminal as he took out his phone and started scrolling down the messages he’d gotten.

_What’d you do to me if you were here, Alec?_

_Wanna suck your cock again._

_Gonna make it good for you, promise._

_You’ll want my mouth my mouth all the damn time._

 

Alec leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He was grateful for the small corner he’d found for himself in one of the club’s halls, because he felt like he was about to scream. He considered telling Jace that he already wanted his mouth all the damn time, but instead he just kept reading.

_Want you so much._

_With me._

_And in me._

****

**_I want that, too,_** Alec confessed at last.

_Oh, thank Raziel,_ Jace texted back within a minute _._

_Thought you were ignoring me lol._

Alec’s entire being trembled with anticipation as he waited for Jace’s next message, but for a while none came. Minutes passed like years and he could feel himself getting more and more desperate with each tick of the clock. Alec was fiercely gripping his phone when a new message finally arrived. As he typed in the password, he prayed no one would interrupt him. His breath hitched when he saw what he’d gotten.

 

Instead of a lewd description of what exactly he was doing to himself, Jace had sent a picture to better illustrate. It was a close up of Jace’s cock. Hard and full and leaking.  The droplets of precome on Jace’s belly made the whole thing even sexier. This could mean only one thing. The poor bastard hadn’t come yet. He was asking for permission. Alec smirked at the caption.

 

 _Your fault_ , it said. Unsurprisingly, Alec didn’t feel guilty at all. He was going to tell Jace as much, but a new message arrived.

 

It was another picture. This one was slightly different. Jace had two fingers shoved up to the knuckle inside himself and the caption read, _Not as good as you_. The caption along with the knowledge that Jace had to draw his knees to his chest and hold himself open in order to take this picture had Alec’s heart skipping a beat. He wasn’t sure how long his fear of being seen would keep him from touching his own throbbing cock.

 

Another picture came in.  This time it was a shot of Jace’s gaping hole. It was swollen and sloppy with lube and ready for the taking. This one, too, had a caption. _All yours,_ it read.  Alec’s chest started heaving when he saw it. He felt like he might die from how turned on he was.  Jace was really gonna be the end of him. Still, though he did not touch himself. He wouldn’t let Jace win this.  Thankfully no one was around to see him, because he was sure he was a mess. Jace had reduced him to _this_ without even being here. Only he was capable of such a thing.

 

A series of texts came in one by one.

 

_You could’ve had this if you weren’t such a bastard._

Yup it was definitely revenge.

 

_Miss you so much._

_Gonna come soon._

 

Alec smirked as he read the last one. Two could play this game.

**_No._ **

****

_?_

**_I said no._ **

****

**_You’ll come when I think you’ve deserved it._ **

****

_Please, Alec **.**_

****

_It’s been so long._

**_Liar_** _,_ Alec sent back.

 

Jace had called him just this morning, demanding that Alec help him get off and Alec had done so gladly, thinking that it would sate his lover’s need. But instead Jace had taken it as a green light to just call or text his parabatai whenever he wanted with such requests. It was entirely inappropriate and so incredibly hot that Alec felt like he was being torn apart all over again.

 

 _I wanna come,_ Jace insisted.

****

**_Thought you wanted to be my good boy._ **

 

No reply came after that, but Alec knew Jace had probably stopped touching himself.

 

**_Pull your pants up, make yourself something to eat and wait for me._ **

****

**_I’ll make it better when we see each other._ **

****

Jace stayed silent again and Alec decided it was time to stop hiding like some criminal. There was of course one tiny (well, not so tiny) problem. His cock was still hard and he had to take care of it. Just as he was about to give up on the little bit of dignity he had and do that, his phone buzzed again.

 

Jace had texted him again.

 

 _Bathroom_ , the message said.

 

“What the…?” Alec was confused to say the least. How did Jace know about his intentions? He had a point, though. A public toilet would be a far better place to masturbate in than a public hall. Alec was a Shadowhunter; after all, he needed to show some class.

 

 

 

Alec was not prepared for the surprise that was waiting for him in the toilet. He had to do a double take, because for second he thought he was imagining things. It had to be magic. There was no other reasonable explanation as to how Jace had managed to make it to the club in less than ten minutes.

Another time Alec would’ve probably demanded an explanation, but seeing Jace looking the way he did, made the archer realize he didn’t care. All that mattered right now was that Jace was here.

 

 _Ruined_ , was the first word that came to mind as Alec laid eyes on his parabatai. Jace’s cheeks were flushed, his hair was a mess and Alec was able to see the outline of Jace’s cock through the sweatpants his lover was wearing. It was a sight for sore eyes, indeed.

 

Fire spread through Alec’s entire body as their lips collided at last. The kiss contained all of the unspent passion they’d had to keep at bay until now. Neither of them was willing to hold anything back anymore.  Chests pressed together they could feel their hearts beating as one.  Jace kept his hands in his parabatai’s hair while Alec’s own roamed free. He let them slip under Jace’s hoodie in order to explore the naked skin underneath. Jace did always come prepared after all. The cold hands against his hot skin had him moaning into the kiss and Alec decided that was enough for now so he continued down.

  

“ _Oh,_ ” the archer exclaimed when he discovered his parabatai wasn’t wearing any underwear. ”I see,” he smirked. Jace’s cock felt hot and hard in his hand and for a second Alec felt like they were horny teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. But in reality they’d missed their chance to be that a long time ago.

 

“Pull them down,” there was a wild look in Jace’s eyes as he gave his command and Alec didn’t even think to argue. He did, however, indulge himself by grabbing a handful of Jace’s firm ass. Jace didn’t seem too much. “Yours, too,” he said, his nimble fingers already working on it. Alec took one quick look at the door, which was closed for now, and he hoped it would stay that way, at least until they left. It was a miracle that no one had walked in on them yet.

 

Once Alec’s pants were out of the way, Jace wrapped a hand around both their cocks _oh_ , this was new. They moved together fast and in abandon, realizing just how dangerous this was. And somehow that knowledge just served to arouse them even further. It wasn’t something anyone would expect of them and what’s what made it so _exciting_.

 

A sound that was both a moan and a sigh of relief escaped Jace’s lips when he finally came after just a few desperate thrusts against his parabatai. He was molten after that, completely spent and sated. He looked like he was in need of a nap. Seeing his parabatai like that and knowing he was the reason for it proved to be Alec’s own undoing and he followed suit.

 

“You’ll pay for this” he promised after he’d managed to catch his breath.

 

“Counting on it,” Jace said. Even though his eyes were closed, Alec could tell Jace was smirking.

 

 If only the Clave could see them now. The acting Head of the New York Institute and the most skilled warrior in his year in a public bathroom with their pants around their ankles and their foreheads resting together.  Truly a sight to behold.

 

“Let’s get out of here,” Alec said once his post-orgasmic daze had passed and his pants were back on.

 

“Yeah, “Jace agreed, nodding.  Suddenly a familiar smug smile appeared on his face.

 

“What?” Alec asked. He knew when his parabatai was up to something.   

 

Before Jace could do or say anything else, though, they both heard steps approaching.

 

“Stall,” Alec told his parabatai and Jace hid immediately.

 

 

When Magnus entered the bathroom Alec was already at the sink, washing his hands.

 

“Ah, Alexander,” the Warlock exclaimed. Their eyes met in the mirror and the Downworlder smiled. “I’ve been looking for you. “

 

Alec wiped his hands and turned around to face him. “What do you need me for, Magnus?” the archer smiled awkwardly in attempt to hide how nervous he actually was. “Did something happen?” He was immediately alert and ready for the worst possible scenario.

 

“Relax, Alexander,” the Warlock said. “I just wanted to talk to you”

 

“Oh, okay,” the Shadowhunter breathed a sigh of relief. “So, what’s up?”

 

“Do you mind if we go outside?” Magnus asked. “It’s kinda weird talking here of all places.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Alec took one last look back before exiting and left Jace alone in the bathroom.

 

 

 

 

“Uh-oh is this the part where you tell me you’ve hated me all along and you’ve brought me here to kill me?” Alec joked as he looked down and realized just how high it was. Magnus had suggested that they climb up to the roof, because as he’d said the night was lovely and it was surprisingly quiet here.

 

“Oh, Alexander,” the Downworlder gave Alec one of his very rare genuine smiles. “You never cease to amaze me,” he went on. “Just when I think I’ve gotten to know you, you show me a part of yourself I’ve never seen before.”

 

Alec wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “So what did you wanna talk about?” 

 

“I wanted to say thank you,” Magnus informed. “For everything you’ve done tonight.”

 

“We didn’t do anything,” Alec said. “Not that I’m complaining, but Valentine and his minions didn’t even show up.”

 

“Oh, you’ve done plenty,” Magnus objected. “You’ve given my people hope that friendship between Shadowhunters is possible,” he explained. “That’s more that the Clave has ever done.”

 

“You give me too much credit, Magnus,” the archer told him. “This was Clary’s idea.”

“You could’ve said no and no one would’ve blamed you,” the Downworlder insisted. “But you came here even despite your parabatai’s wishes.”

 

Noticing Alec’s blank stare, Magnus decided to continue.

 

“Your kindness and strength have bewitched me,” the Warlock confessed. “I find myself looking forward to any opportunity to see you,” he added. “I’d almost forgotten what that’s like,” the Warlock’s fingers were cold as he took Alec’s hand in his.

 

The archer didn’t have the strength to pull away when he saw the glint of hope that appeared in Magnus’s eyes. The Downworlder’s heart must have been broken a thousand times and Alec didn’t want to break it further, but something inside of him reminded that this wasn’t right. It was wrong of him to share such an intimate moment with Magnus, because his heart belonged to his parabatai. Jace, who he loved more than anything in this world and the fact that he hadn’t felt anything but guilt while listening to Magnus’ words was  further proof of that. Alec was being deceitful to both of them.

 

The Downworlder’s face fell when Alec unlinked their fingers.

 

“Listen, Magnus,” the Shadowhunter started. “I-I wish I felt the way you did,” he admitted. His life would’ve been so much easier then. “I’d give you my heart on a silver platter if I could…”

 

“But you can’t,” the Warlock finished the sentence for him _. Because it’s not mine to give anymore,_ Alec thought, but did not say it.

 

“I understand,” there was no anger or hatred in his eyes, only pain. He tried to hide behind a mask of indifference, but Alec saw everything. He’d worn the same mask himself so many times before, there was no mistaking it.

 

“Magnus, I’m sorry,” the Shadowhunter apologized, though he did not exactly know what he was apologizing for.

 

“No, don’t,” the Warlock objected. “Don’t ever apologize for how you feel.”

 

“We’re still friends, right?” Alec asked. “Because I’m not sure I can live without your magical cocktails.”

 

Magnus smiled, though his eyes didn’t, “The very best.”

 

 

Jace was sitting alone at the bar with a drink in hand when Alec finally found him. By the look on his parabatai’s face Alec could tell he was upset.  Jae refused to even acknowledge his lover’s presence.

 

The archer declined to order and remained standing.  “We should probably head out,” he suggested. “This party is pretty much done anyway.” He noticed that the club was almost empty which meant most of the guests had probably taken the party elsewhere.

 

“Magnus didn’t invite you to the afterparty, then?” Jace mockingly asked. “I hear he has a habit of doing that. “

 

The vulgar implication hurt more than Alec would’ve liked to admit. It seemed like no matter what he did, he’d never be able to convince Jace of his love and devotion to him.

 

“Jace, look at me!” Alec insisted. Jace did so, but his expression remained impassive. “He said he was in love with me and I told him I didn’t feel the same,” Alec answered his parabatai’s silent question. “I have nothing to hide from you.”

 

Jace seemed pleased with what he was hearing. He put the glass down and asked: “Did he kiss you?”

 

“No,” Alec assured. “But we held hands,” he admitted.

 

“And it was completely platonic?” narrowed his eyes, clearly not convinced. “It didn’t cross your mind to kiss him just once?”

 

Alec sighed again. “No, it didn’t,” he answered truthfully.

 

“Why?” This was really starting to look like an interrogation. “Why me? Why always me?”

 

“Because I chose you,” Alec told him. “I chose you as my parabatai and as my lover and I’ll do it all over again, as many times as I have to,” he went on. “And I wouldn’t have anyone else.”

 

The archer’s heart fluttered in his chest as he saw Jace’s sun-like smile appear as a result of his tirade.  
 

 

Alec realized something then.  Jace was as unpredictable as the flows of a river. Calm and loving one second, cold and distant the next. There was no knowing when he would _snap_. And yet Alec loved him still. No matter what Jace did to push him away, Alec would always stay, because he’d choose to.  Because that was love meant: accepting someone’s flaws and choosing to stay in spite of them.

 

 

 

“What the fu–“ Alec swore as soon as they arrived at the apartment. Jace leaned forward and kissed him before his parabatai before he’d even had the chance to finish, because he already knew what the archer would say.

 

“Later,” Jace whispered against Alec’s lips. “Later, I promise.”

 

Later he would tell Alec how while lying on the couch, bored out of his mind, he’d remembered one particular rune from Magnus’s book that allowed people to teleport from one place to another in a matter of seconds. It would certainly prove useful in the future, despite Jace’s unconventional initial usage.  Yes, he’d tell Alec all of that later, but now Jace didn’t want to talk.

 

“You’re insane,” Alec accused, but shrugged off his jacket all the same.

 

“Insane for you,” Jace admitted, panting.

 

“You came less than an hour ago,” Alec reminded, sounding almost baffled. “Wasn’t it enough for you?”

 

“No,” Jace answered truthfully.

 

 To him Alec was ambrosia. Once he’d gotten a taste, his hunger would never be sated. Jace was as ravenous as a lion as he claimed his parabatai’s mouth once more. He caught Alec’s lower lip between his teeth and bit down, earning a moan from the archer. 

 

When they pulled away Jace was met with Alec’s somewhat dazed expression, his eyes full of the same desire that overtook Jace himself.

 

“I see,” the archer said, his mouth twitching. He knew now where his parabatai stood.

 

Jace was well-aware he was _promiscuous_ , but he took no shame in the fact. Indeed, it was very unlike a Shadowhunter to give in to his most basic instincts, but he like to stay humble by reminding himself that he was part-mundane as well. A creature of the flesh and of the heart. Why were they in this world if not to seize the few rare moments of happiness amidst all the inevitable misery that life sent their way?

 

Jace turned around, eager to head to the bedroom, but was stopped short when Alec grabbed around the waist and pressed their bodies together once more.

 

“Stay,” Alec whispered hotly in his ear and Jace had never been happier to obey his parabatai. “How do you want it tonight, sweetness?”

 

“Don’t be gentle with me, Alec,” Jace requested, his voice dripping with desire already.  “Wanna feel you tomorrow.” As much as he loved their sweet lovemaking, tonight Jace needed to get _fucked_ and _taken_. Raziel knew he’d needed it for a long time.

 

“Is that so?” Alec teased and Jace was able to feel him smiling in the crease of his neck. “So if I were to…” the archer dragged on. “Just take your pants off-“Alec tugged Jace’s sweatpants down just enough to gain access to his hole. “And have my way with you right here,” Alec went on whispering in his parabatai’s ear. “You’d be okay with it?”

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Jace moaned. Alec was barely touching him, his fingers exploring Jace’s still wet and open entrance without actually going _in_. Alec knew the right way to drive his parabatai insane. “ _Yes, yes, yes,_ ” Jace repeated frantically as he grinded back against Alec’s hardness.

 

A moment ago the thought of Alec taking him in the middle of the living room, but now Jace realized this was exactly how he wanted it. Hot and hard and frantic as if they’d stayed in that toilet and anyone could walk in on them any minute now.

 

Jace turned his head to the side and capture Alec’s lips again. “Give it to be, Alec,” he begged in a whisper. 

 

Alec was smirking. “Nah, “he refused smugly and pulled Jace’s pants back on.

 

“W-What?” Jace asked, wide-eyed.

 

“It’d be way too easy,” he explained. “You’ve been teasing me all day, sweetness,” he said and kissed behind Jace’s ear. “I promised you’d pay, didn’t I?”

 

“Alec, please,” Jace begged, his eyes falling shut.

 

“No,” the archer said in a voce full of determination. “Do you have any idea what you did?” Alec’s grip around Jace tightened. “What if somebody had seen us?”

 

“N-No one did,” Jace defended. “And if they had I would’ve killed them.”

 

 Jace was surprised to find that saying those words brought no guilt to his heart. Nothing in the world meant more to him than keeping their secret. He’d walk through a thousand corpses and liver with their ghosts as long as Alec was safe from harm.

 

“I don’t care,” Alec said and let go of his parabatai at last. “You coming?” he asked before disappearing into the bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

It felt like they’d been at it for hours.

 

“You like that?” Alec asked after he’d kissed the same exact spot on Jace’s inner thigh for the third time in a row.

 

Despite Jace’s request, Alec had been noting but gentle when undressing his parabatai and then covering every inch of Jace’s body with kisses, knowing it would piss his lover off to no end.  Don’t get Jace wrong, he usually loved foreplay, but this was getting annoying as fuck.

 

Jace lifted his head up and met his parabatai’s eyes. He considered kicking the bastard in the nose just to wipe that smirk off his face.

 

Jace’s cock was resting hard and heavy against his stomach, desperate for attention. He didn’t dare touch himself out of fear what his disobedience might lead to. He did, however, allow himself to groan pathetically when Alec kissed along his happy trail, breathing hot air dangerously close to his parabatai’s aching hardness.

 

“Oh, that must hurt” Alec teased, his eyes inspecting Jace’s leaking cock. “You want me to help?”

 

“P-please,” Jace chocked out as Alec traced his forefinger up and down his length. “Please, I’m sorry,” he apologized, feeling tears welling up in his eyes.  “Please, just do it already.”

 

Alec remained seemingly indifferent to his parabatai’s state of despair. His gaze was stern and all-seeing, like he was looking into Jace’s very soul. The world was fortunate that Alec hadn’t turned to evil, because a man like him would make Valentine tremble in his seat.

 

“Hm,” the archer considered for a second. “I kinda like how this is going,” he declared and pressed his lips to Jace’s flushed cheek.

 

Jace moaned when Alec bit his neck. “You’re killing me,” he whined as Alec went back to exploring his torso.

 

“I know,” Alec assured and looked up at his parabatai. “I love it,” he smiled and came up to rub their noses together.

 

This affectionate gesture served only to infuriate Jace even more. He couldn’t take this anymore. It was all too much for him. Alec was doing exactly the opposite of what he’d been asked to do and it made Jace’s blood boil.

 

“Thought you were a man enough to give me what I want,” Jace said, his voice dripping with anger. “Guess I was wrong.”

 

Jace regretted those words as soon as they left his mouth. Time seemed to have stopped as he waited for any sort of response from his parabatai, but Alec stayed silent for what seemed like an eternity.  There was a mixture of pure shock and hurt on his face, and Jace wished Raziel would take his ability to speak away. He’d definitely fucked up this time.

 

“Alec, I’m–“he tried to apologize, but his parabatai interrupted him.

 

“You’re an idiot, that’s what you are,” Alec told him and Jace couldn’t agree more. “Is that really what you want?”

 

They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither of them saying anything.

 

Jace nodded, wide-eyed. “I do, Alec,” he confirmed.

 

It was primal need that drove him to make such demands. A need to be claimed and owned by the man he loved. Jace himself had a hard understanding it. He just wanted the voices in his head to be quiet for once and this was the only safe way to achieve it.

 

“Okay then,” the archer said and without a warning flipped Jace over so that the smaller man was on his belly, with his face shoved into the pillows. “Let’s see if I can live up to your expectations.”

 

Once again Jace found himself overwhelmed by the realization of how much he was loved. Alec seemed determined to deal with whatever bullshit Jace decided to throw at him. A weaker man would’ve probably let his anger overtake him and punished Jace accordingly for those words and a wiser one would’ve left and never come back. Alec did neither. He just reached for the nightstand and grabbed the supplies needed. Even in moments like these Alec’s nobility managed to shine through.

 

In the meantime, Jace got on his hands and knees and spread his legs wider, ready and willing for Alec.

 

Alec’s fingers reached places in him Jace’s own never could. He shuddered every time one of Ale’s fingertips brushed against his prostate.  He’d almost forgotten what it was like to have his parabatai in him like this.

 

To his dismay, Jace had found out that his own fingers were unable to bring him the pleasure Alec’s could. His parabatai just had a way of doing things. Ever since their last encounter Jace had tried many times to get himself off on his own, but it had never been enough. Even a vibrator up his ass hadn’t been a worthy replacement of his parabatai’s cock inside of him.

 

Now, though, Jace was delirious with pleasure as Alec drove his fingers in and out of him. Only half-broken, incoherent sounds made it past his lips, though he didn’t try to stay quiet.

 

“ _There_ ,” Jace moaned, arching his back.

 

“There?” Alec asked as he thrust his fingers forward, hitting Jace’s prostate dead on.

 

Jace fucked back onto his parabatai’s fingers, loving the friction. They moved in sync, much like they did in battle.

 

“I won’t last,” Jace panted. This would be his third orgasm for the day. He wasn’t sure if he could go for more. “Do it now.”

 

“You can come,” Alec told him.

 

Jae turned his face to the side in order to look at him, unable to believe his ears. He’d thought this would be much more difficult since Alec liked delaying his pleasure.

 

“I’ll fuck you either way,” the archer explained. “But are you ready for your punishment if you come without my permission?”

 

Jace could tell this wouldn’t be the fun kind of punishment. Alec had probably already come up with a thousand and one new ways to torture him and Jace wasn’t willing to risk it.

 

“I’ll wait,” he said, tightening his grip on the sheets.

 

“Smart choice,” Alec told him.

 

He didn’t say something cheesy like _“Remember who’s in charge_ ” because he didn’t need to. Jace was completely at his mercy right now, by his own request, no less. He’d wanted to see this side of his parabatai and he loved it.

 

It took all Jace’s inner strength not to come on the spot as Alec quickened his pace. He clenched his jaw and shut his eyes, hoping that his Stamina rune would hold. To his surprise Alec’s movements soon ceased.

 

Jace whined as his parabatai’s fingers slowly left his body. Still, he remembered that something even better was coming.

 

“Should I?–“

 

Jace was forced to shut up, because all of a sudden Ale’s broad chest was pressed against his back and it was almost too much for him to bear.

 

“You ready for me?” Alec whispered hotly in his ear.

 

Jace took a deep breath, enjoying the proximity this new position had brought. _Oh, yes, he was ready._

 

Ever the tease, Alec teased Jace’s entrance with the head of his cock before finally sliding into his parabatai’s body with one swift thrust. Jace moaned when Alec bottomed out.

 

”What do you want?” The archer asked again.

 

“Take me, parabatai,” Jace urged him. “ _Use me_.”

 

For a moment it seemed like Alec had been taken aback by the request. “Okay, “he agreed, smile evident in his voice, and kissed the back of Jace’s neck. “Say ‘Valentine’ if it gets too much, okay?”

 

Jace nodded silently.

 

Alec pulled out almost completely before slamming back in with incredible force.  Jace would’ve fallen over if Alec hadn’t been holding him in place. The archer’s hands were at his parabatai hips, fingernails digging into the soft flesh, bound to leave a mark.

 

It had been surprisingly easy for Alec to lose himself in the moment. He fucked into his parabatai’s body in abandon, moving Jace forward and backwards to meet his thrusts halfway. The room filled with the slapping sound of their bodies colliding over and over again.

 

Even if he’d wanted to Jace wouldn’t have been able to hold back the various sounds that left his mouth.  Alec wasn’t quiet either, but he was more controlled when expressing his pleasure. Probably, because he was used to hiding it.

 

Jace was past the point of hiding anything.

 

  _This_. This was what he’d always dreamed of. He’d wanted both of them to let go together and get lost in each other.  Now he understood why it was forbidden for parabatai to fall in love. Something like this was out of this world. It left the soul bare, the body satisfied and the people free. No wonder there was a Law against it. 

 

Jace found himself crumbling under the weight of Alec’s body in ways that had nothing to do with strength. Lately it’d felt like they’ve lost connection due to their near constant disagreements and Alec’s insistence that they should stay away from each other for safety’s sake. Now, though, everything was back to normal.

 

“Is this enough for you?” Alec asked, his hips snapping brutally against his parabatai’s ass.

 

“More,” he demanded. He was almost on the edge, but not quite. “I need more.”

 

“Greedy, “Alec accused. “Always so greedy,” he ran a hand through the sweaty strands of Jace’s hair, pulling the head back so he could capture his parabatai’s lips.

 

The kiss was messy, their mouths exploring each other with little care for precision. 

 

“Please, parabatai,” Jace begged when they pulled away for a breath. He was beyond desperate now. Mind fogged by need, he was convinced there was no greater punishment than being denied the right to finish by his parabatai’s hand. “Touch me.”

 

Alec resumed his thrusting without a warning. “You, fucker,” he said as he drove forward.  “You asked for this,” he reminded. ”You don’t get a say in how I use you.”

 

It was a lie, of course. Jace absolutely had a say. Always. If he were to use his safeword now, Alec would drop the act immediately. There was something incredibly liberating in the trust they shared. Jace had left himself completely at his parabatai’s mercy, knowing Alec would never hurt him. That was what love meant.

 

Jace didn’t say a word after that and let his parabatai use him however he wished.  

 

“None of that now,” Alec said when Jace let his head fall back into pillow. “I wanna hear you.” Once again he took a hold of Jace’s hair, forcing the other man to lift his head.

 

“A-Alec,” he barely managed to let out. His throat was raw from screaming and he used all the strength he had left to keep himself from coming.

 

Alec wrapped one hand around his throat and went on fucking him into the mattress with wild vigor. He showed no signs of stopping anytime soon.

 

Jace fucking loved it. Words could not describe how much he loved this new-found selfish side of his parabatai. For a long time Jace had been worried about pushing Alec’s limits too hard. Now he saw his parabatai was a match for him in every respect. All he’d needed was a little nudge.

 

“Come for me, sweetness,” Alec whispered in his ear mercifully.

 

 Jace obeyed immediately. He came as soon as his parabatai touched him, mouth falling agape. Alec fucked him through his orgasm, as he chased his own release as well. He came not long after, spending himself in his parabatai’s body with one last long thrust and a groan.

 

“Good boy,” Alec praised as he milked the last drops of come from Jace’s cock.

 

Jace’s heart swelled with pride. He’d been a good boy and waited until his parabatai had told him he was allowed to come. He deserved a reward, didn’t he?

 

Alec bit into Jace’s neck one last time before finally pulling out.

 

Jace collapsed face down onto the bed, completely spent and content. Alec was quick to join him.

 

For a while neither said anything.

 

Alec smiled back when he noticed Jace looking at him through half-lidded eyes. Jace watched as his parabatai’s breathing slowly returned back to normal. Their joy was short-lived, however, because soon reality began settling in.

 

“You can’t do this to me again, Jace,” Alec said.

 

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” Jace apologized sincerely. “I didn’t mean it. You’re–“ _Twice the man I’ll ever be,_ Jace couldn’t say because his parabatai interrupted him.

 

“I know, “Alec assured. “I meant about… earlier,” he explained. “If somebody had seen us…”

 

“No one did,” Jace reminded. 

 

“Because we were lucky,” Alec said. “Next time we might not be.”

 

“I missed you,” Jace confessed, aware that it was no excuse for his reckless actions.

 

“You’re a Shadowhunter,” Alec said as if Jace didn’t know it already. “You can’t let your emotions and impulses control you.”

 

Alec had a point, of course, as he often did, but Jace couldn’t bring himself to regret actions. Not after the outcome.

 

“I wanted to be sure,” he murmured.

 

Alec sighed. “Do you still doubt me?”

 

Jace shook his head. “No, I just…” he looked up at Alec, ready to say everything, but the words just wouldn’t come.

 

How could Jace tell him? How could he explain that he hated when Alec’s full attention wasn’t on him every second of every day? How could he admit that he saw every male Alec spoke to as a threat? How would Alec react if he found that despite all his promises Jace still waited for the day when his parabatai would grow tired of him? No, Jace couldn’t let Alec see him as the jealous, insecure mess he was.

 

Instead, Jace snuggled up to Alec’s side in search for comfort. “It won’t happen again, I promise,” he vowed. “I’ll be more careful from now on.”

 

Alec wrapped his arms around Jace and kissed the crown of his head. “It won’t always be like this,” he assured. “Just until Mom and Dad come back from Idris.”

 

Jace snorted. “Really?” 

 

Though Jace loved his parents and missed them terribly, he was aware that they were a pain in the ass.

 

“Someday I’m gonna take you to a club where no one knows us and we’ll dance the whole night,” Alec promised. “We’ll be truly happy then, you’ll see.”

 

Jace smiled and placed a kiss under his parabatai’s chin. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since they’d come home from the Pandemonium, but when he looked out the window, he saw that the Sun was rising. They watched the day break together in silence, because words seemed pointless at the moment.

 

“So that rune you used earlier,” Alec said all of a sudden, catching Jace by surprise. “Care to explain?”

 

Ah, yes, the rune. Jace had almost forgotten about it. “It’s just a rune I saw in Magnus’ book,” he explained.

 

“And you didn’t think you should tell anyone there’s a rune that can teleport people?”

 

Jace rolled his eyes. “I remembered it today.”

 

“So,” Alec drawled on. “Your first time using this rune was for a quickie?”

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Jace confirmed, making them both laugh.

 

“We should probably get some sleep,” Alec suggested when he saw Jace yawning. The sheets beneath them were a mess, _they_ were a mess, but neither cared all that much. It was a problem for after they’d had their morning coffee.

 

Jace was already half-asleep when Alec came back with a clean blanket to drape over both of them. The archer crawled back into bed and wrapped his arms around his parabatai from behind.

 

“Good night, sweetness,” Alec said into Jace’s ear.

 

“More like ‘good morning,’ ” Jace murmured.

 

“Good morning, then,” Alec corrected himself.

 

He had a point. Jace was a Shadowhunter, but it seemed like lately he’d forgotten about that, his mind otherwise occupied. He’d been so busy with his _love_ (in his mind, he heard the word in his Father’s voice) and forgotten that his most important job was to serve and keep the world safe. That bliss had to end, though. From now on he’d behave more like a Shadowhunter and less like a fool in love. He’d focus on his work and stay out of Alec’s way. It would hurt, he knew. The lack of proximity would tear him apart everytime he got the sudden urge to be close to his parabatai, but he had to do this. For Alec’s sake.

 

 

Jace flinched when the wet washcloth touched his cheek. He was sitting on his bed, with Alec squatting down next to him.

 

“Stay still,” Alec ordered, holding Jace’s chin to keep him from moving.

 

“It stings,” Jace complained, squeezing his eyes shut in pain.

 

“I know it does,” Alec assured. “It’ll pass.” He paid special care to Jace’s split lip, wiping the blood away gently.  Jace would’ve smiled if his face would’ve allowed it. Try as he might, he couldn’t hide that he was hurting. Not from Alec, anyway.

 

When Alec was done he took one last look at his parabatai’s face before letting go. It would take a few days, but he would heal completely.

 

All of a sudden Izzy and Clary came through the door, making Ale let go of his parabatai’s hand immediately.

 

“What happened?” Clary asked, clearly alarmed.

 

“It’s nothing,” Jace claimed boldly.

 

“A Forsaken attack,” Alec answered her, disposing of the blood-soaked washcloth.

 

“I drew an _Iraze_ on him,” said Izzy. “You shouldn’t–“

 

“I know,” Alec assured. He’d cleaned Jace’s bloody wounds even though he didn’t have to, because it made him feel a little less useless. He hadn’t been there to help his parabatai so this was the least he could do. Besides, this was what he was here for, right?

 

“I dealt with it,” Jace said smugly.

 

Indeed he had. Jace had handled the Forsaken on his own, slashing the creature’s throat open without mercy. He took pride in his victory, but the aftermath of it had been two fractured ribs, a bloody face and concussion. Not to mention the damage they’d done to the training room.   

 

“Maybe you should lie down,” Izzy suggested.

 

Jace did so without protest, wincing as a result of the sudden movement. A series of groans left his lips as he lifted his shirt to reveal the bruises underneath. Alec’s instincts told him to go there and comfort him, but he remained firmly planted in his spot, letting Clary do that instead.  She sat down next to him and helped him get rid of the shirt altogether.

 

Alec averted his gaze, unable to watch someone else do what he was supposed to be doing.

 

“I still don’t get how it got past the wards,” said Izzy.

 

“Something isn’t right here,” Alec told her. “We’re missing something.”

 

Lately he’d been racking his brain trying to figure out what it was, but with no success.

 

“Whatever it is, Valentine is behind it,” Izzy concluded. “There’s no doubt about that.”

 

“That bastard will pay for it,” Alec vowed through gritted teeth.

 

Clary was on her feet in an instant.

 

“This one’s on you,” she claimed.

 

“Excuse me?” Ale was shocked to say the least. How _dare_ she even imply something like that?

 

“You heard me,” she said, stepping into his personal space. “I warned you Valentine would find his way into the Institute, but you wouldn’t listen,” she reminded. “ _This,_ ” she said, pointing at Jace’s half-conscious form, “-is your fault.” 

 

“Clary!” Izzy shouted.

 

Alec resisted the urge to do something he knew he’d regret later. Taking a deep breath, he glanced at his parabatai over Clary’s shoulder. “Leave us,” he told her as calmly as he could manage.

 

“No way,” she refused. “I’m not leaving him.”

 

“I’m here,” he reminded her. “I’ve been here long before you showed up.” It was a petty jab, especially considering the current situation, but Alec couldn’t help himself.

 

“Clary, come on,” Izzy urged, tugging her friend along. “It’s okay,” she assured. “They’re parabatai.

 

As soon as the door closed, Ale was by his parabatai’s side.

 

“A-Alec,” Jace groaned, though his eyes were still closed.

 

“I’m here,” Alec whispered, running his fingers through Jace’s hair. Slowly, Jace opened his eyes to look at him, making the archer smile. Alec would never tire of looking into his parabatai’s eyes.  Those sorrowful eyes, full of so much love were a perfect reflection of Jace’s soul.  They were truly a thing of magi.

 

“I’m sorry,” the archer apologized. “I should’ve been there to help you.”

 

Instead, Alec had been in Hotel Dumort along with Lydia, negotiating with the new Vampire leader. He’d known something was wrong when in the middle of the meeting he’d felt a wave of excruciating pain go through his body. He should’ve left then. Should’ve ran to the Institute with all the speed he had in his legs, but instead he’d sat down and chatted while his parabatai had been beaten up. Alec would never forgive himself for that.

 

“It’s okay,” Jace rasped out, his fingers finding Alec’s in the darkness. “I handled it, Alec,” he said. “I killed that thing.”

 

“I know,” Alec assured. “You’ve done well, sweetness,” the archer praised and kissed his parabatai’s forehead.

 

“No, Alec, you don’t understand I–,” Jace tried to say.

 

“I do,” Alec was quick to interrupt.

 

Jace had needed to do this. Killing that Forsaken had meant claiming victory over his own fear and the feeling that he wasn’t good enough. Alec understood.

 

Jace let out a sight. “The Cup?” he barely managed. Alec could tell was trying his damn best not to fall asleep. Izzy must have given him something.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s safe” the archer told him. “It’s with me,” he revealed.

 

Jace gave him a confused look.

 

Alec smiled cryptically. He wasn’t an idiot. He was well-aware Valentine had ears everywhere and sooner or after he was bound to come for the Cup. He had all sorts of tricks at his disposal so it wouldn’t be so hard of him to get his hands on the Cup if he learned where it was hidden.  So, naturally Alec decided to keep the tarot card where no one would assume to look for it- in the inside pocket of his leather jacket. Indeed, Valentine’s own daughter had been keeping it in her bag, but no one would expect it from Alec, which gave him an advantage. 

 

Jace’s eyes widened when he saw the Cup.

 

“You had it the whole time?”

 

Alec nodded. “You should know by now I’m full of surprises.” He winked and put the Cup back in his pocket, because it wasn’t a priority right now.

 

Alec’s breath hitched when he finally looked down and saw the blue and yellow bruises covering Jace’s skin.

 

“By the Angel,” Alec exclaimed, shocked by the sheer amount of marks, splayed all over his parabatai’s torso. He hadn’t realized the damage was so severe.

 

“It’s okay,” Jace lied. “It’ll heal.

 

Alec sighed, knowing better than to argue. Jace wouldn’t listen either way.

 

“There’s no need,” Jace croaked when he noticed his parabatai holding a stele in hand. His protests were met only with a stern look from the acting Head of the Institute.

 

Runes drawn by one’s parabatai were more powerful than the rest.  As he traced the Irtze on Jace’s skin, Alec momentarily felt the pulsing ache that was going through his parabatai’s body. The archer wished it were possible for him to hold that pain, trap it in his own body, so that he might be the one to suffer instead of Jace.

 

Alec bent down to press their foreheads together. “I love you,” he whispered, loving the feeling of Jace’s hot skin against his own. _More than I should be allowed to_ , the archer omitted.  

 

“Love you, too,” Jace said in turn, holding onto his parabatai’s shoulders. “Hurts, though,” he added.

 

“Yes,” Alec agreed. “Love can hurt sometimes.” And hell if he didn’t know that from his own experience.

 

“No, I mean literally,” Jace clarified. “You’re, uh, kinda crushing me here,” he admitted. 

 

“Oh, shit,” Alec cursed, getting off of his parabatai immediately. “I didn’t even realize.”

 

“It’s okay,” Jace assured. “There,” he said, intertwining their fingers once more. “That’s enough.”

 

 

 

Jace found Clary sitting on her own in her room. She didn’t even look up from her drawing even as he sat next to her.

 

“It’s beautiful,” he complimented, looking at the half-finished portrait of Jocelyn Fray.

 

“Should you be out of bed?” she asked, meeting his eyes at last.

 

 _Probably not_ , Jace thought, but he’d gotten sick of lying bed and doing nothing all day. Oh, the irony. Twenty-four hours after the attack everyone looked at him like he was ten seconds away from falling apart. He couldn’t have that.  Appearing weak was the last thing a warrior wanted during a war.

 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he insisted and took the sketchbook away from her.

 

 “Jace, I just…” she sighed and buried her head in her hands for a moment. When she looked up at him again there were tears in her eyes. “I feel like everybody just forgot about my Mom.”

 

“Hey, no,” Jace said softly and put his hand on top of hers in attempt to comfort her. “We haven’t forgotten about her,” he assured. “We’ve just been…” he paused looking for the right word. “–preoccupied.”

 

Clary nodded. “I know,” she sniffled. “You guys have a million other things on your mind,” he went on and Jace supposed you could put it that way. “But every morning when I wake up I wonder if it’s too late and if I’ll ever see her again,” Clary confessed, fully crying now.

 

“Come here,” Jace said and pulled her in close to his chest. “Shh,” he soothed, squeezing her tight “We’ll find her,” he vowed. “I promise.”

 

Jace squeezed his eyes shut as he listened to Clary’s barely-audible sobs. Though his childish her on her was long gone, they were now good friends and it hurt to see her cry. Jace knew the pain of losing a parent. It was a wound one carried for the rest of their life. If there was even the slightest chance of Jocelyn Fray being alive, then damn right, Jace would help Clary find her.

 

“Come on,” he urged, getting on his feet. “Let’s go.”

 

Clary wiped her tears and looked at him like he was insane. “Where?”

 

“To talk to Alec,” he told her. Jace knew it wouldn’t easy, but eventually his parabatai would come around.

 

 

 

Both of them agreed it would be a better idea if Jace went and talked to his parabatai alone, so Clary was waiting in the hallway.

 

“Jace?” Alec jumped out of his seat as soon as he laid eyes on his parabatai. “Is everything alright?” he asked as he walked up to his lover, completely forgetting whatever he’d been dealing with until now. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine, Alec.”

 

Jace took a step back, not trusting himself to be this close to his parabatai. Yesterday, when he had been half out of his mind, it had been easy for him to forsake the promise he’d given to himself, but today he had no excuse.

 

This seemingly simple act did not go unnoticed by Alec, though.  Hurt and confusion were written on his face as he watched his parabatai pull away, but he said nothing.  Two weeks had passed since that mission at the Pandemonium and the events that had followed. Over that time Jace had been doing a pretty good job of keeping his distance and convincing himself it was for the best. He couldn’t afford another slip-up otherwise he feared he’d end up at his parabatai’s feet, begging for forgiveness.

 

“I need the Cup,” Jace said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“ _You_ need the Cup? Alec seemed taken aback by his parabatai’s demand. What do you need it for?” he asked. “Are you building an army, too?” Their roles were reversed for once. Jace was being serious and Ale was the one who was treating the matter as a joke.

 

“I need it so we can save Jocelyn Fray,” Jace revealed.    

 

A heavy sigh escaped Alec’s lips and for the first time since he’d entered, Jace noticed how tired his parabatai looked.

 

“This again, huh?”

 

“We promised, Alec,” Jace reminded.

 

“I know,” the archer assured. “But I can’t just hand you over the Mortal Cup like it’s some toy, just because the little girl demands it.”

 

Of course this was about Clary. Months after her arrival Alec still hadn’t warmed up to her.

 

“Have you ever tried putting yourself in Clary’s shoes, Alec?” Jace asked. “Jocelyn is her–“

 

The question had Alec exploding at last. “Have _you_ tried putting yourself in _my_ shoes?” He asked in turn, green eyes full of anger. Gone was the calm exterior he was so used to putting on.  This was how Alec was really feeling.

 

Jace looked away in shame. He wanted to reach for Alec and unclench his fists so that they can put an end to this argument, but he knew better than to interrupt his parabatai.

 

“I’m responsible for this Institute and everyone in it,” the archer reminded. “I can’t risk the lives of everyone here _and_ the safety our entire world to save someone who might be dead already.”

 

Jace spent an entire minute staring at his parabatai. In those sixty seconds Alec Lightwood seemed capable of carrying the world on his shoulders. He was exactly the man their Mother had raised him to be-stern and unwavering, ready to put everything and everyone before himself. Those qualities had always caused admiration in Jace towards his parabatai. But once that brief state of intoxication passed, a strange feeling of sadness settled in Jace’s chest. The message in Alec’s words was clear: he could never put one person before all the rest. 

 

They were standing only a few feel apart, but to Jace it seemed like they were at the opposite sides of the world.

 

“What are we gonna do, then?” Jace asked, because he wasn’t sure what else there was to say.

 

“I’m sending the Cup back to Idris,” he informed. “Where it belongs. “

 

“Are you sure that’s–“

 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Alec interrupted. “The Clave may be far from perfect,” _Understatement of the century_ , thought Jace.  “But the whole reason we’re in this mess is that Jocelyn Fray was self-righteous enough to think  she can just take the Mortal Cup and hide it with no consequences,” the archer said. “Like Mother like daughter.”

 

Jace had nothing to say to that. He was too tired to argue anymore. The only positive thing about this whole situation was that the argument had been a fine distraction from Jace’s still unhealed wounds. The physical pain however had now been replaced by a much deeper ache that no Iraze could make better.  

 

“Got it,” Jace said, nodding.

 

“Anything else?” Alec asked, back to his clipped tone as he sat down.

 

“No,” Jace left without another word.

 

 

 

 

 

“He said no, didn’t he?” Clary asked, already knowing the answer.

 

Jae simply nodded. He was surprised to see that his sister was waiting for him in the hall alongside Clary.

 

“It doesn’t matter right now,” Izzy said. “We have a more pressing issue to deal with.”

 

Jace wasn’t sure he wanted to know what that pressing issue was. It was too much too soon. He wished he’d stayed in bed.

 

Nevertheless he asked: “What’s wrong?”

 

“Not here,” Izzy told him. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

 

 

 

 

They ended up going back to Clary’s room.

 

“Well?” Jace sat down in one of the chairs, because he wasn’t sure his legs would be able to support him anymore.  “What’s wrong?”

 

“Meliorn was arrested,” Izzy informed.

 

“What?” Clary sounded as shocked as Jace felt.

 

“We found Seelie in the Forsaken that attacked you,” Izzy told Jace. “The Clave thinks the Seelies are siding with Valentine,” she went on. They suspect I might have revealed state secrets to him. They’re sending him to the City of Bones tomorrow.”

 

“Fuck,” Jace swore, burying his head in his hands. “Are you in danger, Izzy?”

 

“Not right now, no,” his sister assured. “But who knows what the Clave will come up with tomorrow.”

 

“We need to help Meliorn,” Clary said with determination. “The Clave has gone too far. We’re not some pawns for them to play with.”

 

She had a point. Being subjected to the Silent Brothers could prove deadly to a Downworlder. The Clave was used to playing with their lives and it was about time someone stood up to.

 

“We need a plan,” Izzy said.

 

“I can ask Luke and Rafael for help,” Clary suggested.

 

“Would they risk it?” Izzy asked. “Vamps aren’t very fond of us.”

 

“I’m sure they’ll agree that sending an innocent person to their death is wrong.”

 

“Tomorrow night while they’re taking Meliorn to the City of Bones, you guys will come in and save him and in the meantime I’ll get the Cup.” Both women seemed taken aback by Jace’s plan.

 

“How are you gonna do that?” Clary asked. “And why?”

 

“I have my ways,” Jace told her. “And so we can save your Mom, of course.”

 

“Oh, Jace,” Clary went to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Thank you so much,” she whispered and Jace could hear the tears in her voice.

 

“You sure you won’t get in trouble with Alec for this?” Izzy asked. Jace understood the true meaning in her words. She was worried her brother would never forgive such betrayal.

 

Jace knew the risks already, but he was past the point of caring. He couldn’t bear to live in cowardice any longer. He was well-aware that this venture could result in him being stripped of his runes or put an end to his relationship with Alec, but he couldn’t just sit around and do nothing while injustice was happening around. He would rather leave this world as a man with principals than live in it as a coward.

 

“Let’s go save a life,” Jace said, feeling truly excited for the first time in a while.

 

 

Alec Lightwood would like to think that nothing could shock him anymore. In his line of work he’d encountered all sorts of strange situations and people. However he’d been more than a little surprised to receive a text from his parabatai as he had been on his way out of the Institute . What had been so surprising about that message in particular was that it had arrived not even an hour after the fight they’d had yesterday.

 

 _Tomorrow, 8pm, home,_ the text read.

 

He supposed it had to be something important, because usually after a fight Jace would stop talking to him for a while so he could cool off.

 

 

 

So that’s why at eight pm sharp he arrived at the apartment ( _home_ , as Jace had called it) using the rune his parabatai had told him about. Appointing Lydia to take Meliorn to the City of Bones instead of him wasn’t something he was proud of, but there was no doubt in his mind she would be able to complete the mission without a problem.   

 

When Alec entered the kitchen Jace was looking down at his phone.

 

“Hey,” the archer greeted, wrapping his arms around his parabatai’s waist from behind.

 

“H-hey,” Jace replied shakily, and quickly put  the phone in his pocket.

 

“Does it hurt?” Alec asked, surprised that Jace didn’t try to break away from his grip. “When I hold you like this?”

 

“No,” Jace assured, putting his hand on top of Alec’s. “I love it.” He claimed and leaned into his parabatai to prove his point.

 

“Good,” Alec kissed Jace’s cheek, causing those dimples he loved so much to appear.

 

The archer was well-aware they were dancing around the actual problem her, but he couldn’t help enjoying this sort of tender intimacy.

 

“So, what happened?” Alec asked, his chin resting on Jace’s shoulder. 

 

“Nothing happened,” Jace claimed. “I just wanted to see you alone.”

 

“Really?” Alec did nothing to hide the surprise in his voice. “You’re not mad at me?” On his way here, the archer had been preparing himself for more yelling and screaming and harsh words.

 

Jace tensed visibly. “I don’t wanna get into it right now,” he said. It was very like him to avoid a problem, especially when confronted about it.

 

“What do you want, then?”

 

Jace met his parabatai’s eyes at last. “Make love to me, Alec,” he begged.

 

The request caught Alec off guard. It was in total contrast with Jace’s previous one, but delivered in the same pleading tone and look full of lust.

 

“I know something is wrong, Jace,” Alec revealed. He’d known it for a long time, but hadn’t said anything, knowing better than to push. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together,” he whispered and kissed the side of Jace’s neck as both a promise and a preamble.

 

 

Alec took his parabatai to the bedroom and made love to him the way he never had before. Time seemed to have stopped once the door behind them slammed shut. They moved slowly, without a plan, neither of them caring about reaching climax all that much.

 

Standing on their knees in the middle of the bed, they helped each other out of their clothes while trading kisses in the process. Alec noticed the way Jace was looking at him, drinking in the sight of his naked form as if he’d never get the chance to do so again. Alec himself made an effort to memorize each and every one of the fading bruises on Jace’s body and promised himself to never let it happen again.

 

There was something unusual about their coupling tonight. It was as if they it was their first time all over again. Back then Alec had barely known what he was supposed to be doing, but today he was hyper-aware of everything.  He was familiar with the meaning behind every breath that made it past his parabatai’s lips and noticed even the slightest change on Jace’s face.

 

Lately, it had seemed like Jace had been slipping through his fingers and tonight Alec aimed to change that. He was well-aware of how wrong it was to use sex as a way to solve their problems, but since Jace refused to talk, there was nothing else for him to do.

 

As lips and fingertips explored burning flesh, they sought to reconnect and find their way back to each other.

 

Alec took his time prepping Jace, this time aiming not to tease, but rather prolong his parabatai’s pleasure. Despite Alec’s concerns Jace  once again ended up on his belly with his ass in the air and his face buried in the sheets. The position seemed to be a favorite of his and Alec wouldn’t have minded if he hadn’t been worried that it might cause his parabatai pain. Jace didn’t seem to be in any sort of discomfort as he declared himself ready and urged Alec to go on. The archer, of course, did so gladly.

 

Jace was being unusually quiet, almost as if he was afraid of making noise. Breathless moans escaped him only when Alec’s cock hit his prostate.

 

“You like that?” the archer asked as he thrust forward, desperate for any sort of reaction.

 

“Deeper,” Jace insisted and Alec did his best to fulfill the request, though he wasn’t sure how he could possibly go any deeper than he already was.

 

“Say you love me,” Jace begged, looking at his parabatai from over his shoulder. He sounded so broken that something inside Alec broke as well.

 

“I love you,” the archer swore and slowed down his pace so he could kiss down the length of Jace’s back. “I love you,” he whispered into his lover’s skin. “ _I love you, I love you, I love you_ ,” he kept repeating until the words were sounds only.

 

After both of them found their release, Alec wasted no time pulling out, because the last thing he wanted was to worsen Jace’s condition by crushing him with his weight.

 

Instead, he rested his forehead against the small of Jace’s back and tried to find the right words to say, but he soon realized there weren’t any. Their lovemaking had left him shaken to the core and he still had trouble wrapping his mind around exactly what had just happened. For a moment there, when they had reached their climax almost at the same time, it had felt like their souls had collided and formed a complete whole at last.

 

How did one put such a sensation into words?

 

The smell of sex was so intoxicating that it pushed Alec over a line he’d never dared cross before.

 

Jace lifted his head in surprise when he felt Alec spread his cheeks with gentlyfingers. Heart pounding in his chest, the archer took one last look at his parabatai’s leaking hole. He brought his head closer and gave it a single lick. Jace’s wrecked cries encouraged him to do it _again_ and _again_ and _again_.  By the time Alec lifted his head to look at him briefly, Jace was already a whimpering mess.

 

“Don’t stop,” he begged, back arching beautifully. _Now_ he’s talking. “Like that,” he instructed as Alec’s tongue circled his opening.

 

Jace tasted divine, his entrance a sticky mess of come, lube and saliva and occasionally Alec would add his finger in there just for good measure. The small act elicited sounds from Jace that Alec didn’t think were possible.

 

The archer had never imagined he would like doing something so seemingly gross, but here he was, eating his parabatai out like there was no tomorrow.

 

It took one long lap at his hole and a few tugs of his cock and Jace was coming against the mattress with Alec not far behind him.

 

As per usual after both of them caught their breaths, Alec pulled Jace close and held him and held him against his chest. He wanted them to talk about what they’d experienced together, to assure his parabatai for the millionth time that what he’d said in the midst of passion was the truth, but Jace was fast asleep in his arms. Not long after, Alec found himself dozing off as well.

 

 

Alec woke up in the middle of the night to find that he was alone in bed.  Checking the clock he saw it was almost two a.m.

 

“Jace?” he called out, but not answer came.

 

 Wearing only boxers, he searched for his parabatai, but soon figured out the apartment was empty. _Where could Jace be at two a.m.?_ Try as he might, Alec couldn’t stop his mind from coming up with thousands of horrible scenarios.

 

It didn’t help that when he got his phone he found out he had ten missed calls-seven from Hodge and three from Lydia. None from Jace.  _Oh, Raziel, something terrible had really happened_. He dialed Jace’s number, but got no response.

 

By the time Hodge answered him, Alec had already imagined most of the countless ways Jace could be in danger right now. He wasn’t dead though, at least that was for sure. If he were, Alec would _know_.

 

“We have a problem,” Hodge said, immediately after picking up. “Meliorn got away.”

 

Alec let out a sigh of relief despite himself. That wasn’t so bad, not compared to the prospect of his parabatai being hurt yet again.

 

“Alec, did you hear me?” Hodge asked. “Meliorn is gone. He escaped.”

 

“How did this happen?” Ale questioned after his joy had passed.

 

“I don’t know,” Hodge admitted. “But Lydia said he had help.”

 

Alec knew his teacher well enough to know when he was trying to say something without actually _saying_ it.

 

“Help from whom?”

 

“Downworlders for sure,” Hodge said. “But Raj swears one of them moved like a Shadowhunter.”

 

“What do you mean?” Alec wasn’t in the mood for games. “Speak freely.”

 

“Izzy and Clary weren’t here when it happened,” Hodge informed. “And neither was Jace,” he went on. “It looks suspicious,” he had a point. “Mayne you could try finding them?”

 

“Thanks, Hodge,” Alec said before hanging up.

 

His mind put two and two together and all of a sudden it all began making sense. Jace’s insistence that they meet here, his refusal to talk about anything and now his sudden disappearance. It was probably all part of a grant plan to free Meliorn.  Alec was pissed at his parabatai’s recklessness, but something still didn’t add up. 

 

Why would he want Alec distracted? Was it so he could have an alibi? No, Jace was a man who stood by his actions even they were wrong.  And besides, spending the night with your parabatai in an apartment no one knows about without a good reason wasn’t really an alibi anyone would want. He’d wanted Alec alone. Alone and vulnerable.

 

_No._

“No, no, no,” Alec chanted as ran to the living room where he’d left his jacket and soon discovered the Cup wasn’t there.

 

_Shit._

He wouldn’t have seen that coming in a million years.

 

Betrayal hurt like a knife to the chest.  In training they were taught how to defend themselves from their enemies, but no one had warned Alec to watch his back for those closest to him. Jace and Izzy both had gone against him and in a matter of minutes they had tarnished everything he’d tried to achieve over these past few months.  If the Clave learned that the Lightwoods were involved in a plot against them, the consequences would be dire.  On top of that, Alec would now have to go to Lydia and tell her that he’d taken the Cup without her knowledge and allowed it to be stolen from under his nose. She would probably message the Clave right away and be appointed Head of the Institute. And that would be the best possible outcome of the situation. The worst would be the Clave deciding to put them all on trial. If they were found guilty of High Treason they’d be stripped of their runes and banished. That would ruin their family. The Lightwood name would be destroyed forever. Max and their parents would have to live in shame for the rest of their lives.  Izzy and Jace probably considered themselves heroes for saving two people tonight, but had they considered how many more lives they would be endangering with their reckless actions?

 

Alec dialed Jace’s number for the second time and again got no answer so he decided to leave a message at the voice mail.

 

“Pick up the phone, you coward,” the archer yelled. “Bring me the Cup before dawn or I’ll hunt you down and arrest you,” he threatened. “How could you?” Alec asked, unable to stop the tremble in his voice. “You betrayed me, you used me, you _fucked_ me to get what you wanted!” The archer refused to let the tears welling up in his eyes fall, because the last thing he wanted was for Jae to see him (or rather, hear him) break. He’d learned his lesson. “It’s over, do you hear me? He said as loud as he could. “We’re _done_.”

 

After hanging up, Alec finally allowed himself to fall apart. He cried until his throat was raw and there were no more tears in his eyes.

 

True to his word, he stayed in the apartment until dawn, waiting for Jace, but his parabatai never showed up. He left then, feeling anxious and empty at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

It was all too much. It was all too much way too soon and Jace began to feel like he was drowning in regrets and memories from a night that shouldn’t have happened. The pain was too great even for a Shadowhunter to bear on his own.

 

Eyes filled with unspilled with tears, Jace pressed the phone to his ear in a final attempt to reach his parabatai.

 

“Please,” Jace begged, voice echoing through the walls of the giant, empty warehouse. “Pick, up, pick up, pick up,” he chanted, hoping naively that somehow Alec would feel his despair through the rune the both shared.

 

Under any other circumstances Jace would’ve been too ashamed to call Alec or even look him in the eye, especially after the message he’d received, but the encounter with Valentine had left him completely shattered and made him seek for something, _anything_ to put him back together.

 

Understanding well what his parabatai’s lack of response meant, Jace reached for the Blade that lay on the floor next to him as a last alternative, but just as he was about the let the phone fall to the ground, Alec finally answered.

 

“ _What?_ ” He asked from the other end of the line, his voice pulling Jace from the bottomless pit he’d been in, and muffling all other voices in his head. “What do you want?” He snapped as Jace remained silent for a few seconds.

 

It was his tone, cold and bereft of any emotion, which caused Jace to finally let go and start crying openly.

 

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed, feeling like a little boy he feared he’d never stopped being. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated mindlessly. “It hurts so much,” he confessed, his mind going through the memories of the previous night over and over again.

 

“ _You’re not making any sense_ ,” Alec told him. “ _Take a deep breath, okay_?” He spoke gently and with great care, the way Jace was used to hearing him talk. “ _Tell me what happened_ ,” Alec requested after he heard Jace take several shaky breaths. He sounded nothing like Valentine had when Jace had started crying in his presence.

 

 _Love has weakened you_ , Valentine had claimed with disgust, making Jace wonder if he knew about Alec just like he seemed to know about everything else in his son’s life.

 

“I only wanted to protect you,” Jace revealed, though that probably wasn’t what Alec had been expecting to hear. “I thought I’d make it easier for you if I stayed away a-and dealt with shit on my own,” he began crying again buried his face in his hands, realizing not for the first time that it was all his fault.

 

None of this would’ve happened if he hadn’t been so stubborn and refused to let Alec see him as he was.

 

“I thought I could handle everything on my own, but I can’t,” he went on. “Not without you,” he added, his chest heaving.

 

  
“Where are you?” Alec asked.

 

“I-I don’t know,” Jace admitted. “Some warehouse,” he said, looking around. He even wasn’t sure _where_ the warehouse was located. They’d come here through a portal that Meliorn had opened. Jace was alone here, Clary and Valentine both long gone.

 

 _Come to me_ , Jace thought. _Help me, save me_ , he kept his mouth shut, though, because those couldn’t be words of a Shadowhunter.

 

A long sigh escaped Alec. “Use the Teleporting rune,” he instructed. “Wait for me at home.”

 

 

 

                                                     _Мълчание в очите ти царува:_

_душата ти се може би срамува_

_за своето вълшебно тържество._

 

 

 

 

Try as he might, Alec couldn’t seem to stay away from his parabatai for too long. Despite all the obstacles, they always managed to find their way back to each other.

 

While listening to Jace’s confession, one part of Alec had wished he could reach through the phone and smack him across the head for being such a proud fool, while the other had wished to take Jace in his arms and never let him go.

 

“What the hell,” Alec murmured under his breath as he arrived at the apartment. The place looked like it had survived a hurricane. Pieces of glass were scattered across the floor and the furniture were turned upside down.

 

Jace was sitting on the floor with his knees drawn in close to his chest.

 

“You’re here.” His eyes lit up when he lifted his head and noticed his parabatai. He must have thought the archer wasn’t coming.

 

Alec was late, because after he’d ended the all with Jace, he’d had to finish the conversation he’d been having with Lydia regarding their _arrangement_. But this was hardly the time to talk about that.

 

“Hey,” Alec greeted softly as he knelt down beside his parabatai. “What happened in here?”

 

Jace looked around, only now becoming aware of his the mess surrounding him. “Did I do that?” he wondered. “I don’t remember.”

 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Alec requested, his hand reaching to stroke Jace’s cheek. He was tired of secrets already. Even the ugliest truth was better than a thousand pretty lies.

 

“I saw him, Alec,” Jace said, the sound barely reaching Alec’s ears.

  
“Saw who?” The archer asked.

 

“Valentine,” Jace revealed, his voice breaking. “I could’ve killed him, but I didn’t.”

 

“It’s okay,” Alec assured. “You’ll have your chance next time.”

 

Jace shook his head. “I couldn’t,” he claimed. Tears were running down his face and he put a hand over his mouth, probably to keep himself from screaming. _“I can’t.”_

 

Jace had always liked fighting, but he’d never taken pleasure in killing. It made sense he wouldn’t be able to murder even Valentine himself.

 

“It’s okay,” Alec assured, taking hold of his parabatai’s hand, but that only seemed to upset Jace further.

 

“Nothing’s okay,” he cried, making Alec feel completely useless. “He’s my Father,” he went on screaming. “Nothing will ever be okay again.”

 

“H-How?” Alec was too shocked to be able to utter a longer word.

 

“He used some kind of powerful glamour,” Jace explained, looking at the ground. “Pretended to be Michael Wayland the whole time.”

 

Just when Alec had thought his life couldn’t get any crazier Raziel decided to prove him how wrong he was.

 

“You remember that Forsaken?” Jace asked. “The first one,” he quickly clarified.

 

Alec simply nodded, because how could he forget.

 

“Valentine sent it,” Jace told him. “To test me.”

 

“But you didn’t…” Alec cut himself off, because was aware Jace already knew what had happened that day all too well.

 

“No,” he confirmed. “You did,” he added, not meeting Alec’s eyes. “Valentine made it clear he wasn’t too happy about that.”

 

Bile rose in Alec’s throat. “Did he hurt you?” Jace didn’t answer, making it clear that Valentine had in fact hurt him. “What did he do to you?”

 

“He…” Jace choked on his words. “He experimented on me,” he revealed, sounding on the verge of tears once again. “I was his plaything, his perfect soldier.”

 

Alec’s heart broke in a million pieces. He remembered well what Jace had looked like when he’d first come to live with the Lightwoods. He couldn’t comprehend how anyone would have the heart to harm such an innocent creature. Valentine’s madness knew no bounds. This man needed to be stopped before it was too late.

 

“He was very disappointed to see how weak I’ve become in his absence.”

 

“ _Fuck him_.” Alec swore. Of course Valentine would say that. It was still hard for the archer to believe that his parabatai had been raised by this madman.

 

“He offered me to join him so he could make me strong again,” Jace said. “I said no,” he stated meeting Alec’s eyes at last. “Because of you.”

 

Alec’s heart warmed at the confession. “I love you,” he said, linking their fingers together again. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me,” he told Jace. “I love all of you.”

 

Jace pulled his hand away. ”You shouldn’t say that,” he said as he got up and started walking away.

 

Alec, however, wasn’t having it. “Stop,” he ordered, walking up to his parabatai so that they were face-to-face again. “Why did you say that?”

 

“Don’t you understand?” Jace yelled in frustration.

 

“Make me understand!” The archer insisted, mimicking his parabatai’s tone as he  stepped closer to Jace.  “I want to know everything.”

 

“I’m a-a monster,” Jace stuttered, his eyes gleaming with tears. “He put Demon blood in me before I was even born.That’s why my eyes are like that,” he stated with certainty. “He’s made a monster out of me,” Jace concluded, his bottom lip trembling.

 

Alec was suddenly enraged. “No,” he caught Jace by the lapels of his jacket so he wouldn’t run away. “I _know_ your eyes,” the archer claimed. “I’ve seen the way you look at me,” he told Jace. “Eyes, full of so much love and devotion can never belong to a monster.”

 

Once again, Alec found himself overwhelmed with anger. He wanted to fucking destroy Valentine for what he’d done to his parabatai. If presented with the chance he’d gladly shoot all of his arrows in that bastard’s heart and feel no remorse for it.

 

Alec took another look at Jace and realized how broken he actually looked. So much so that it made Alec wonder if it was beyond repair.

 

Jace wrapped his around him then and Alec knew he’d said the right thing. Jace’s breathing suddenly became labored and Alec could feel him shaking.

 

“What’s happening to me?” Jace asked, his chest heaving.

 

Alec recognized the symptoms. “You’re having a panic attack,” he told his parabatai, because he wouldn’t want to hide something like that.” “It’ll pass,” Alec promised as he held Jace close to his chest. “It’ll pass.”

 

 

 

“Here,” Alec said, handing Jace his third glass of water. “You feelin’ any better?” He asked and sat down next to his parabatai.

 

Jace nodded. ”I’m sorry about…that.” He made a gues

 

“It’s no big deal,” Alec assured. After Jace had recovered Alec had put the furniture back in order and done his best to clean the floor. “How did it happen, though?”

 

Jace let out a deep sight. “I have to show you something,” he said.

 

“Go ahead,” Alec urged, though he wasn’t sure his heart would be able to take another one of Jace’s surprised.

 

Jace rose to his feet and made a moved his hand, the way Alec had seen Magnus do. The archer’s eyes widened as he watched the glass refill seemingly out of nowhere.

 

“Y-You?” Alec stuttered, hardly believing his own eyes. “How?”

 

“That other Forsaken,” Jace explained, sitting back down. “There was nothing for me to kill it with at the gym,” he went on. “It was about to swing at me for the last time and so I used my magic without even meaning to. “

 

“Your magic?” Alec whispered, scandalized. He was shocked out of his mind. Nephilim weren’t supposed to have magic. If anyone else were to find Jace would probably be put in a cell, or worse-banished. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I tried to!” Jace claimed. “When we were in my room I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen!”

 

He was right. Back then Alec had been convinced he’d known what was happening with his parabatai. Turns out he hadn’t even had the slightest idea.

 

A long exhale went past his lips. “I don’t want this to happen ever again,” he said. “I want you to know you can tell me anything,” the archer added. “I want you to trust me.”

 

“I trust you,” Jace assured.

 

“Then why didn’t you come to me when you learned you had magic?” _Magic._ Alec still had trouble believing it. This was probably Valentine’s doing.

 

“After that night at the club I felt like I was always getting it your way,” Jace admitted, looking down at his hands. “Preventing you from doing your job and I never wanna do that,” he said. “I don’t want us to get caught, because I was being stupid.”

 

“We both need to learn to be more careful,” Alec told him. Raziel knew he had to learn how to stop staring at Jace. “But you will never be a burden to me.”

 

Even if Jace was his burden, then so be it. Alec would still carry that burden for the rest of his life, to the edge of the Earth if he had to.

 

“Hey, look at me,” the archer insisted, making Jace meet his gaze at last. “I know I meant everything I said, right?”

 

If anything Jace’s eyes were a further proof of his Angelic nature. If Alec had the talent for it, he would’ve written a thousand poems about them.

 

Jace nodded shyly. Alec tasted honey and blood as their lips collided.

 

 _I’m never gonna have enough of this_ , the archer realized after he’d spent an hour gazing at his parabatai’s eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

As soon as Jace laid eyes on his Mother, he ran up to her and pulled her in for a hug.

 

“Mother,” he breathed out, his eyes falling shut. “I missed you,” he whispered as he head was resting on her shoulder.

 

“I’ve missed you too,” Maryse confessed, wrapping her arms around him. Jace had almost forgotten what it was like to be in his Mother’s embrace.

 

“What happened to you?” She asked when she noticed the bruises on his face.

 

And he’d almost forgotten how much he hated it (but not really) when she treated him like a child. “I’ll tell you later,” he promised, unable to stop himself from grinning.

 

 

 

They quickly moved to Jace’s room, uncomfortable with other people watching them and his Father joined them.

 

They were all sitting on Jace’s bed- Maryse at this right side and Robert at this left

 

“I don’t care what Valentine said,” his Mother stated. “They’re not your parents,” she said confidently. “We are.”

 

“Your Mother’s right,” his Father nodded. “There’s more to family than just blood.”

 

“I raised you to be the best Shadowhunter of your generation,” Maryse said proudly. “It was nothing Valentine did,” she added. ”I was there for every bruise and every victory.”

 

“I know, Mom,” Jace assured, putting a hand on top of hers. “I remember.”

 

“You may not be my blood,” she said, her voice sounding less composed than usual. “But you are a piece of my heart.”

 

Jace felt his eyes welling up with tears again. “I love you, Mom,” he whispered, as he hugged her again. Jace had thought that he wouldn’t be able to even look at them after what he’d learned, but his Mother’s words made him realize that whatever these people were, they were still his family. That didn’t mean they were perfect or infallible (far from it) but they were still his.

 

“None of that now,” Maryse said, trying to subtly wipe the tears off her face. “We have a wedding to plan.”

 

“What wedding?” Jace wondered. Wedding rarely happened in the Institute and his Mother had never been one to plan them.

 

His Father raised his eyebrows. “Alec didn’t tell you?”  

 

“Tell me what?”

 

“Your brother proposed to Lydia Branwell,” Maryse told him, obviously pleased with her son’s decision. “They’re getting married.”

 

And just like that Jace’s world fell apart all over again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN 
> 
> A cliffhanger. 
> 
> Don't worry,I promise the next chapter is a happy one. 
> 
> The part with the magic is actually real. Parabatai who are in a relationship begin to develop magical powers likeWarlock. This will be explored later on so don't go thinking I'll forget about it. 
> 
> Here's the translation for the bit in the middle in case you're interested. 
> 
> In your eyes the silence reigns:  
> and your soul is perhaps ashamed  
> for its possessor’s magical triumph.
> 
> Sadly, these sound a lot better in Bulgarian :(
> 
> I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I'll fix them tomorrow, because right now I'm very tired. 
> 
> I hope you liked it and I'd love to her your thoughts. 
> 
> See you next time, Angels, and remember:Love will always prevail in the end. 
> 
> :)


	3. A New World For Both of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Jace deal with the consequences of their actions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's me again, with a new chapter. Trust me, I'm as surprisd as you are.
> 
> This took forever, so I apologize for everyone who was left waiting for soo long
> 
> The tytle is taken from a Bulgarian poem
> 
> A few warnings:
> 
> 1.The chapter is pretty long. About 63k words so be warned
> 
> 2.This was written before the season aired and there's one scene that's in total contrast with canon. I hope ypu will forgive me.
> 
> 3.There might be some mistakes as it's very late here so I apologize for that. I will re-edit tomorrow
> 
> I worked really hard for this so Ihope you guys will like it.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

Alec Lightwood had always known what his duty was. He was the eldest son of the Lightwood family and as such, he’d always kept marriage at the back of his mind and seen it as a duty just like hunting demons and obeying the Law. He had ever expected or even hoped he would marry for love. Putting all other things aside, marriage in their world was rarely seen as anything more than a business deal. When two Nephilim stepped into a holy matrimony it was most often to form an alliance and straighten their positions in the Clave. That was precisely why he’d chosen to propose to Lydia Branwell. She was a capable Shadowhunter and diplomat, and her family had strong connections with the Clave, which was exactly what the Lightwoods needed these days considering everything that had happened recently. Most importantly Lydia knew not to expect anything but politeness and respect from him, and she was okay with that. They both were. Lydia had lost the love of her life, and chosen to dedicate herself to her work, and Alec… Well, Alec's situation was a bit more complicated than that. He didn’t need a rune over the hand and the heart to prove his love for his parabatai . What he and Jace had was much more sacred than matrimony. His parabatai however seemed to have a different opinion on the matter.

“You’re getting married, Alec?”

Jace wasted no time and got to the point as soon as he stepped out of the Teleporting rune. Thankfully there was no one else around, because that would’ve been a hard one to explain since neither of them had remembered to put on their Invisibility runes.

They’d chosen to meet at the docks after their respective missions, knowing well this wasn’t a conversation they could’ve had at the Institute.

Jace’s words sounded like an accusation more than like a question, so Alec didn’t think he should answer with yes or no. Instead, he took the time to look at his parabatai. Alec had been starting to lose hope his lover would even show up after he’d spent almost an hour waiting for him. Face flushed and clothes almost completely torn off (except the jacket that once belonged to Alec) Jace looked like he’d survived a war already, but he was here. Despite all the events that had gone down over the last day, he’d still done everything he could to get to his parabatai. That fact alone gave Alec hope that maybe the situation wasn't as dire as he'd expected it to be.

“Well?” Jace asked when his initial question got no response. “How could you?”

Through their bond Alec could sense just how angry and upset his parabatai really was. And while such outbursts of anger weren’t unusual for Jace, Alec could tell this time it was different. Jace was hurt—truly and deeply hurt and it was Alec’s fault. In situations like these, Alec’s instinct was always to comfort his parabatai. This time, however, Jace was quick to move away when he saw Alec reaching for his hand.

“Don’t touch me!” Jace said, flinching and small streaks of blue magic flickered from his fingertips as he did so, making Alec take a step back.

A heavy sigh escaped Alec’s lips. They would have to do something about that. “I had to,” he told his parabatai. “It was either me or Izzy.”

Alec couldn’t have let his sister be shipped off like livestock for some stranger in the name of the family’s honor. He hoped that at least Isabelle would be able to find someone who if not loved her, at least cherished her like she deserved.

Jace’s features softened at the revelation. He wanted the same thing, but the anger in his eyes was still present as he looked up at his parabatai. “So I should just be okay with you marrying someone else like it’s nothing?”

“It is nothing,” Alec assured sternly. Jace knew how these things went. Pretty soon it would be his turn to do the same. Alec couldn’t understand why he was being so stubborn.

“Lydia and I have an arrangement,” he revealed. “It’s just a formality for both of us.”

“And who am I in this arrangement?” Jace asked bitterly. ”Your mistress?”

“No!” Alec said fiercely and took a step forward so they were standing close together again. Jace needed to know he wasn’t afraid of him. “You’re my parabatai,” he reminded, but what he really meant was: You’re everything.

“So what?” Jace questioned, clearly not satisfied with the explanation he’d gotten. “You’ll have a wife and kids and I’ll wait for you on the sidelines for when you feel like having some fun?”

“No!” Alec repeated with more conviction than ever. “That’s not how it is.”

“That’s exactly how it will be,” Jace stated with certainty. He must have thought that one over a lot.

“Don’t turn your back on me!” Alec commanded when Jace started walking away. He took a hold of Jace’s arm, pulling him close.

“Let go of me!” Jace requested, trying to break away from his parabatai’s grip, but Alec was holding him too tightly.

“Never,” the archer promised in a whisper. Last time when he’d felt something was wrong; he’d stayed away, because he hadn’t wanted to push Jace, but not anymore. Alec would never make that mistake again. They would have to talk about this like adults.

Despite his parabatai’s petty protests, Alec could tell Jace was enjoying their current position. They were meant to stand like this-bodies pressed together and chests moving against each other in sync. It was only natural.

“Formality or not,” said Jace bitterly. “You shouldn’t have made that decision without me.”

Jace’s words, though seemingly fair enough, made Alec’s blood boil. Without even meaning to, he let go of his parabatai and took a step back.

“You’re a hypocrite!” the archer accused, unable to control how loud his voice got.

Before he knew it, all the anger he’d been keeping inside was suddenly being unleashed and he could do nothing to stop it.

“You stole the Mortal Cup,” Alec reminded when he saw the confused look on his parabatai’s face. “You went behind my back to save a Downworlder and you lied to me for weeks about what was actually going on with you,” Jace stayed silent and looked away in shame. “You make all of your decisions on your own so why can’t I?”

It took Jace a while to answer. “I only did it to protect you,” Jace defended himself. Alec could tell he was being sincere, but that did nothing to sate his anger. “You wouldn’t have forgiven yourself if Meliorn had-“

“I don’t want you to protect me,” Alec interrupted. “I want you to trust me.”

“I trust you, parabatai,” Jace said and took a step forward. “Don’t you?”

Alec hesitated. He’d never hesitated before, but as he’d been talking about it, memories of that fateful night had resurfaced his mind and to his dismay he found that it didn’t hurt any less. He realized that he couldn’t just forget that pain in the name of his love for Jace. His parabatai’s betrayal had cut too deep and it would take time for him to recover.

“I-I can’t go on like this any longer, Jace,” Alec admitted at last. “I can’t spend my life constantly wondering if you’re hiding something from me.”

Their love was true and real, yes, but without trust it could never be enough. If there was no trust between them, they might as well be nothing to each other.

The look of absolute devastation on Jace’s face said way more than any words could. Silent tears ran down his cheeks and his bottom trembled the way it always did when Jace was about to fall apart. It was a sight that would normally have Alec burning cities to the ground, but now the archer stood there looking almost nonchalant to his parabatai’s tears. On the inside, he was in a doubled agony-his own and Jace’s.

“So what, you’re just breaking up with me?” Once again Jace was thinking about that part of their relationship.

“Look, I just need some time, okay?” Alec turned around, ready to leave so he could cool off, but Jace wasn't having it.

“Do not move, you coward!” he ordered, and before Alec knew it, they were face-to-face again. ‘’How many times are you gonna walk out on me, Alec, huh?” he asked bitterly, his voice full of tears.

“I'm not walking away,” Alec told him. “I just need some time to think.” He knew that if they kept arguing, sooner or later, one of them was bound to say something they'd regret.

“That's exactly what you’re doing,” Jace told him bitterly, shaking his head. “That’s what you always do whenever things get difficult!” he all but s screamed. “ You’re running away!”

“I said what I had to say!” Alec snapped in turn. “I have no idea what else you want from me!”

“I want you to fight for us!” Jace told him almost hysterically.

“I am fighting for us!” Alec claimed, grateful that there was no one around yet, otherwise their yelling wouldn’t have gone unnoticed by anyone with ears. “I am fighting for us every single day,” he repeated, his voice breaking. “I just didn't know I would be fighting you as well!”

“You know what, go,” Jace ordered, shoving Alec aside. “Go, leave, but don't come knocking on my door later,” he warned.

“Jace…” Alec sighed, feeling extremely tired all of a sudden.

“Leave,” Jace repeated angrily. “It's what you do best.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Alec asked, knowing already he would regret the question.

“ It means you're a fucking coward!” Jace told him. “It means you go on and on about now much you love me, but when the time comes to prove it, you back away like you always do.”

“Excuse me?” Alec scoffed, feeling outraged. Did Jace really doubt him still?

“I don’t excuse you, asshole!” Jace said, suddenly swinging his Blade at his parabatai before Alec could add anything else, and it was only thanks to his quick reflexes that the archer managed to avoid getting hit.

“We could've had a good life together, Alec!” Jace screamed in his lover’s face as their blades clashed. “Bright future, a world of our own where we would've been in charge of our lives, but you didn't want it!”

“Is that what all of this is about?” Alec asked, knowing better than to let his guard down even for a moment.

“Yes!” Jace confirmed, panting. He was tired, they both were, but Jace's burning anger fueled him, giving him an advantage. “If we had left when I first suggested it, none of this would've happened, but now we're stuck here, because you’re too much of a coward to go after what you want!”

“I’m the coward, because I don’t want to run away and hide for the rest of my life?” Alec gritted his teeth, now angrier than ever. How dare Jace accuse him of cowardice when he was the one who wanted to run away?

“You call this life?!” Jace sounded almost offended by his parabatai’s words. “We're prisoners here, Alec!” he claimed. “I’m tired of constantly having to remind myself not to look at you for too long or touch you too often in case someone’s looking.” He revealed. “I can’t live like that anymore, Alec!”

“You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into when we started this,” Alec reminded him. “You knew right from the beginning we wouldn’t be one of those couples that hold hands in the park or post selfies on Instagram,” he told his parabatai as much as it hurt him to do so.

At times it seemed like they had forgotten that loving each other the way they did was considered a crime by many if not all of the people around them. Their relationship was never meant to cross the line that it had, and therefore it had to stay in the shadows, it was never supposed to leave the confides of that small heaven they had in Brooklyn. It was something they had both been aware of since their first moment as lovers, their lives were on the line here, but in the rare moments of joy they had these days all of that was easy to forget. Reality stayed the same, however, whether they ignored it or not. By any definition they were criminals, enemies of the Clave and any wrong move could be their last. They had both known this going in, but the temptation had been too hard to resist, and the thought of living without the thing they’d suddenly realized they’d been missing had seemed almost unbearable. Now, though, it all seemed like a child’s dream that sooner or later had to end.

“You, coward,” Jace repeated, tackling Alec on the ground. “Is that really the life you want? For yourself? For us?” he asked, one hand clutching the torn fabric of his parabatai’s shirt, while the other was holding the Blade pressed to Alec’s throat.

“What other choice do I have?” Alec questioned, his voice breaking. “If I allow myself to follow my heart, other people will suffer.”

“Always the martyr,” Jace growled, letting go of Alec’s shirt. “Do you realize, Alec, that you don't have to carry the weight of the whole world on your shoulders?!”

Alec couldn’t help the snort that escaped, because if anyone here acted like they had to carry the world on their shoulders, it was Jace. He had an almost idiotic hero complex, and he was always ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good, so these words sounded hypocritical coming from him.

“Answer me!” he demanded, slapping Alec across the face to get his attention back, which prompted the archer to flip them over, so he was the one on top now.

“Jace, enough!” Alec snapped, holding his parabatai’s wrists. “I don't know what's going on, but this isn’t you, so stop it!”

“I’m tired, Alec,” Jace sobbed finally. “I’m tired of being other people’s toy,” he revealed . “I want to live my the way I see fit, and I don't care if it's right or wrong!”

“You would sacrifice our family for your own happiness?” Alec stared at Jace in agreement, unable to decide what he wanted to say. “Who are you?” he asked, feeling like a whole different person was now in front of him, and the not the man he loved. “I don’t recognize you, you're not my parabatai anymore.”

The look on Jace’s face after that statement spoke volumes, and for a moment Alec wondered if he’d taken it too far.

“This is who I am now,” Jace stated, swallowing back tears. “This is what war did to me.”

Alec stared at him, completely stunned. One thing was for sure though, war had changed them both, and done so before either of them had realized it had happened.

“Come with me, Alec,” Jace begged, giving his hand for Alec to take. “Please.”

“No,” Alec shook his head, looking up Jace, who was suddenly on his feet. Alec must have let him up without realizing he has done it. Now the archer sat down on the ground staring at his feet as silent tears ran down his cheeks.

Everything hurt so much, and he didn’t even have the strength to stop Jace from walking away.

It was over. The dream had ended just as quickly as it had began. Alec had gotten Jace and kept him in a matter of seconds, and he ha d no one else to blame for it but himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been stupid of Jace to assume that things between him and his parabatai would just go back to the way they were after everything he’d done. Yes, Alec had come to him when Jace had called, but that didn’t mean he’d forgotten what his own parabatai had made him go through. An ‘I love you’ as sincere as it had been couldn’t have solved all the issues Jace had created.

Unsure of what to do with himself, Jace walked through the busy streets of New York without direction or a destination. Going back to the Institute was out of the question, at least for now so eventually he ended up going to the only person who could give him answers to at least some of the questions that plagued his mind.

The surprised looks he got when he entered the Jade Wolf were to be expected so Jace tried not to take it personally. Shadowhunters were, after all, not often welcome in places like this ad for a good reason.

“How’re you holding up?” Luke asked once they sat down at the table.

“Just great,” Jace answered sarcastically.

“Dumb question, sorry,” the Werewolf apologized awkwardly. “Did something happen?” he asked. “With your Mom?

“No, I don’t think so.”

Jace still had trouble thinking about Jocelyn as his Mother. When they’d finally found her, he’d spent a while looking at her face in hopes of finding any similarities between the two of them, but he’d found none. He wasn’t her son, not really.

“Did you know what Valentine did to me?” Jace asked. He figured there was no point trying to beat around the bush here.

It took Luke a while to answer. He seemed almost startled by how straightforward Jace was.

“You were a normal baby,” the Alpha informed, sounding almost like he was trying to reassure Jace. “A bit fussy and loud, but otherwise completely normal.”

“Why did she leave me then?” the Shadowhunter asked, hating how weak his voice had gotten.

He allowed himself a moment to imagine what his life would’ve been like if Jocelyn had taken him with her. He would’ve been a completely different person if he’d been raised as a mundane just like Clary. Jace realized just how much he hated his mother then, because she’d let him be raised as a weapon and never looked back. As far as he was concerned, they were all better off without her.

“She was scared and confused,” Luke told him. “We both were.”

Jace wasn’t fooled by the Alpha’s kind words. In his eyes, Luke was on it too. They’d all been living their perfect life without even thinking twice about him, but he figured it had all turned out for the best in the end. He never would’ve met his real family, if both his parents hadn’t abandoned him. Worst of all, he never would’ve been Alec’s parabatai and for Jace that was a possibility he never even wanted to imagine.

“You were his parabatai,” Jace reminded bitterly and just by the look on the Werewolf’s face, he could tell he’d stuck a cord. “Did he really hide that from you?”

“He was,” the Alpha confirmed with a sigh. “But considering what happened later, I think it’s safe to say, he didn’t always tell me everything.”

Jace had nothing to say to that. Luke had a point. Valentine had done the unthinkable. He’d broken the parabatai bond, proving just how deranged he was.

“I should’ve known it was him,” the Werewolf muttered under his breath. “I should’ve recognized him, but I didn’t.”

Before Valentine had revealed himself, Clary had suggested that they go to Luke, thinking they’d be safe from Valentine with him. Oh, how wrong she had been. Disguised as Michael Wayland, Valentine had been able to fool them all without a problem. No one had been the wiser as they’d listened to his fake story about being kidnapped and kept in prison by Valentine. They’d talked about strategies and trained together like the good old times. Only now did Jace realize what had actually happened then.

That had been the first meeting between the former parabatai in eighteen years. Former parabatai. The very concept of these words was almost too difficult for Jace’s mind to comprehend. In his eyes such a thing was an oxymoron. And yet the sight of Luke, here, sitting across from him, alive and well, was a proof that one could recover after losing their parabatai.

But was it really possible one to be a former part of another’s soul?

“Does it hurt?” Jace asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Luke simply nodded. “It does,” he confirmed. “It’s like a…” the Alpha seemed to struggle with finding the right words. “It’s like a constant ache, you know?” he explained. “Like there’s a hole in me where he used to be.”

Jace understood it, then. All of Luke’s strength was an illusion. When Valentine had broken their bond a part of Luke had died and he felt the pain from it every day. And Valentine felt it, too, as invincible as he was trying to appear.

“Pray you never have to go through something like that.” Luke told him, because there was nothing else left to say.

Jace did. He prayed every day that Raziel wouldn’t let him see a day when Alec wasn’t a part of him. Without their bond, Jace would be as good as dead. A living corpse, a shadow of a human being, a body with no soul. Because what was Jace without Alec? Nothing. How could one of them exist without the other? The answer was simple: they couldn’t.

Suddenly all the issues between them seemed so insignificant that Jace wanted to slap himself for being so stupid. He wished he could run to Alec and hug him and never let go, but he couldn’t. His parabatai had asked for time and Jace intended to respect that.

 

 

 

Alec had asked for time not because he’d wanted to stay away from Jace or because he didn’t love him anymore, but because he’d needed to think. Being around Jace (and with him, inside him) clouded Alec’s judgement like nothing else, thus making him dangerous for everyone around them. The proof of that was that he’d let Jace play him like a fiddle and then not even punished him for the betrayal. No one in the Institute except for Hodge knew what Jace and Izzy had done; otherwise they would’ve already both been deruned and banished. They’d gotten away with it, but Alec couldn’t let it go. He relived the events of that fateful night every time he closed his eyes.

Of course, her brother’s condition didn’t go unnoticed by her.

“You’re doing the exact same thing all over again,” she told him when they were going back from the Institute. “And you’ll regret it just like you did last time.”

Alec had to stop and take a deep breath, because he knew she had a point. They were going in circles over and over again and neither was doing anything to stop it.

“He lied to me, Izzy,” the archer told his sister.

“So did I,” she reminded. “You forgave me so why can’t you forgive him?”

“It’s not the same,” he claimed. “What he did wasn’t just a lie.”

Stealing the Cup was something Alec could’ve quickly forgiven, especially since everything had turned out alright at the end, but what Jace had done was more than that. He could’ve easily stolen the Cup from his parabatai’s jacket when Alec hadn’t been looking, but he’d chosen to lure him into his bed and fuck him instead. He’d acted deliberately and with purpose, unlike Alec who’d let go and allowed his love lead him in everything he’d done that night. The bitter taste of disappointment accompanied every memory he had of that night. Even when he thought about that particular moment that still sent chills down his spine, he had to wonder if it had been real. Part of him knew that it had been, but another part whispered that even in that moment Jace had still hidden parts of himself. Alec had been molten then, completely exposed. He’d given everything he had, but that still hadn’t been enough to make Jace do the same. There was always a wall between them, and Alec was afraid he’d never be able to break it.

Isabelle didn’t need any further explanation. She knew. She might not have understood, but she knew.

“What should I do, Izzy?” Alec didn’t try to hide the despair in his voice. His sister was the smartest person he knew, if anyone could tell him what the way out was, it was her.

Isabelle raised an eyebrow. “Do you really wanna hear me say it?” She asked him, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Please,” he sighed, feeling tired all of a sudden.

“The best thing you can do for both of you is to leave him alone,” she advised bluntly. “Bury your love for him deep in your heart before it’s ruined your life.”

Hearing his sister say out loud what he hadn’t wanted to admit to himself for so long, hurt.

“You think I haven’t tried?” He tried his best to sound confident, but instead his voice came out high-pitched and weak. “It just won’t go away no matter what I do.”

“I know,” Izzy assured, squeezing his hand. “But there are things more important than love in our world.”

His sister’s words took Alec by surprise. She’d always been the one to rebel against the Clave’s ridiculous rules regarding love (and her relationship with the Seelie was a further proof of that) while Alec had always claimed that emotions were nothing but a distraction. When did their roles get reversed?

“You’re putting both your lives on the line,” she reminded him. “And mine too. And those of Mom, Dad and Max.”

Alec knew she was right. So far they’d successfully managed to keep their relationship under wraps, but secrets could never remain secrets forever. Somehow they always had a way of getting out. And when this one got out, it would shake the ground beneath their feet.

“Is it really worth it?” Isabelle asked him and noticed she had he arms crossed

 

 

By the time Alec finally realized how stupid it had been of him to try to keep his distance from Jace, it was almost too late.

He’d been on his way to a mission (a rare enough occurrence these days) when a wave of excruciating pain going through his body had stopped him dead in his tracks. The image of his parabatai being passed around and fed on, played out in his mind, making him feel as though he was witnessing it happen in real time.

He should’ve known that hadn’t been just the bond playing games with him. Alec had never experienced something quite like it before.

This time, Alec had actually been able to feel their bond stretch as if it were a thread in the Angel’s hands. It had felt as though Raziel himself was holding it, threatening to tear it apart and separate them for good.

The news Jace has been taken brought to him by his sister not even ten minutes later came as a final confirmation of what Alec had feared.

Jace was hardly in the Institute these days. He constantly requested to be sent on missions and with all the fuss around the upcoming wedding, most people hardly paid him any mind. No one could’ve predicted that on his way home he would run into a group of rogue Vampires. Still, Alec couldn’t suppress the feeling of guilt that overcame him, knowing he should’ve been there to stop it from happening in the first place. Parabatai’s strength wavered with each day they spent apart, so Alec’s mind reached the conclusion that if he hadn’t forced them to be separated, Jace would’ve been able to handle the Vampires without a problem.

Realizing there was no point thinking about the ‘what if’s’ Alec chose to focus all of his energy in locating his parabatai through their bond.

Eventually they found Jace in an old diner, which apparently served the Vampires as a den. Jace had been outnumbered, disarmed and used as a meal, but he hadn’t tried to kill any of them or even defend himself. Alec tried to tell himself it was, because he hadn’t wanted to break the Accords, but deep down he knew there was a different reason for that. If the rescue team hadn’t arrived on time to stop it from happening, Jace would’ve probably been drained to death, or worse-turned into a Vampire.

 

The sight of his parabatai’s lifeless body on the ground, covered in fang marks and shaking, was one Alec knew he’d be seeing in his nightmares for a long time. Jace lay face down on the den’s dirty floor, hugging himself, almost as if he was trying to preserve the parts of him that had remained untouched. The view was both terrifying and eye-opening. Fiery anger spread though Alec’s body, threatening to destroy everything in its path, but he managed to get a hold of himself before he’d done something he might live to regret later. Accords be damned, Alec would’ve gladly put his Seraph blade through each and every one of those Vampires’ hearts and felt no guilt for it. The only thing stopping him from doing just that was the knowledge of what would follow those reckless actions. He would be of no use to his family and more importantly of Jace, if he was locked up in a cell in Idris. He would let the Law take care of it.

Chills ran down the Shadowhunter’s spine as he made his way to his parabatai’s barely conscious form and kneeled down beside him.

“Stay with me,” Alec begged in a whisper, momentarily forgetting they weren’t alone. Only when he tried stroking Jace’s cheek did he become aware of the tremor in his own fingers.

“A-Alec?” Jace looked at him long enough for Alec to see the desperation in his eyes.

“I’m here,” the archer assured, trying his best to sound unaffected, but the quiver in his voice betrayed him. He couldn’t afford to break down here, in front of all these people. Later.

“He needs to see the Silent Brothers,” said Izzy, Raziel bless her. “We don’t know what the damage to his body could be. “

“Yeah, okay,” Alec agreed, already picking Jace up off the floor. “Stay with me,” Alec pleaded again once his parabatai’s body was safely in his arms.

 

 

Once back in the Institute, Alec was forced to stay behind on an urgent meeting while Clary and Izzy helped Jace to the City of Bones. The only thing keeping Alec in his Mother’s office was his desire to make sure that those who’d dared to hurt Jace would be punished.

Listening to Raphael Santiago defend his people was just as infuriating as Alec had expected it would be.

“They’re newly turned,” the Vampire said. “Let them go and I swear to you I won’t let something like that happen again.

Alec was out of his seat in a second. The nerve of this man! How dare he act like what had happened was just a minor offence? How dare he assume they’d be let off the hook just like that?

“We’re not negotiating!” he informed, noticing the surprised looks from both his Mother and Lydia. ”We invited you here out of politeness.”

“They’re just kids,” Raphael defended. “They don’t know any better.”

“So what?” Alec asked him, getting into the Vampire’s personal space without even meaning to. “We should just let them do whatever they want with no consequences?”

“Alec, maybe you should—“ Lydia tried to advise him, but Alec didn’t even let her finish.

“No, Lydia,” the archer interrupted her unceremoniously. “Every crime must be punished accordingly, otherwise we might as well declare total anarchy around here!”

His Mother had been right. Giving the Downworlders too much freedom would only result in them thinking they were above the Law. Something had to be done about it. Alec would set an example to show what the consequences of hurting a Shadowhunter and were.

“The twelve Vampires involved in the abduction of Jace Wayland will be put on trial and punished accordingly.” Alec declared, leaving no room for discussion.

If it were up to him, they would already be chained to stakes and left to see their last sunrise. But Alec knew he’d have to wait. He had no doubt all of them would be found guilty and then punished for everyone to see. Let them know what happens if they hurt Jace, Alec thought. If need be he would kill every last Vampire in New York just to keep his parabatai safe. The realization should’ve scared him, but somehow it didn’t.

 

When Maryse and Alec made their way to Jace’s room, he was already gone.

“What happened?” their Mother asked, and Alec could hear the silent panic in her voice.

Izzy shrugged. “Brother Zachariah said he’d lost a lot of blood and told him to drink Holy Water until it didn’t burn him anymore.”

Maryse seemed furious with her daughter’s answer. “And you just let him go?”

“We tried stopping him,” Clary said, immediately coming to her friend’s defense. “But he said he’d handle it on his own.”

Alec couldn’t bring himself to be angry with either of them, because he knew that if Jace had wanted to leave nothing would have stopped him.

“Where would he go?” their Mother asked, sounding baffled. “This is his home,” She let out a chocked sob. “He has nowhere else to go.”

Alec didn’t have to think twice to know where his parabatai was.

“We have to find him,” Maryse declared, no longer trying to sound calm. ”He could pass out or run into Vampires again or Valentine could kidnap him or-“

“Mom, stop,” Alec interrupted her, knowing that was the mother in her talking, not the Shadowhunter. Faced with the possibility of losing her son, she’d finally let her guard down and somehow Alec was glad he was here to witness it.

“It’s okay,” he told her, putting her hands on her shoulders. “He’s fine.”

“What is going on with him, Alec?” she asked, her voice quivering.

Damn it, seeing his Mother this upset was more heartbreaking than Alec had thought it would be. He was instantly reminded that she was not in fact, invincible.

“He’s still upset about what happened with Valentine,” Alec told her and that was only a half-lie.

“Of course he is,” she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. “I should’ve known,” his Mother said. “I should’ve been there for him, but I’ve just been so busy with-“

“Hey,” Alec interrupted again. “It’s not your fault,” he assured. It was Alec who was supposed to there for Jace, but he’d left him in the worst moment possible. Raziel, he was such an idiot.

Instinctively, Alec wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his shoulder. He noticed Izzy was looking at them. “I’ll bring him home,” he promised both of them.

 

It was dark when Alec arrived at their apartment. He didn’t knock, deciding to just use his key instead.

Pride and anger were all set aside as soon as Alec laid eyes on his parabatai. Jace was sitting on the floor of the living room, slumped against the couch.

Wide-eyed, he stared at Alec for a few seconds, looking completely shocked. ”A-Alec?” Had he really thought Alec wouldn’t come?

Alec moved on instinct then, wordlessly kneeling beside Jace and pulling him in a tight embrace.

“Alec,” Jace sobbed in his parabatai’s neck.

Many words were left unspoken between them, but as they clung to one another, none of the seemed to matter.

 

 

To his surprise, had Alec found his parabatai in surprisingly good health. Gone were the fang marks Alec had noticed on his body, and Jace’s face was back to its usual color. The only sign of any illness was the sweat that had gathered at Jace’s brow, which Alec attributed to the Holy Water he was forced to drink. His healing ability was almost too good to be true. No rune could provide such miraculous recovery and as far as Alec knew, no potion could either. Especially not considering the amount of blood Jace had lost. Jace’s resilience had to be the result of his Father’s experiments. There was no other explanation. But maybe it was something else. Maybe it had something to do with Jace’s recent discovery, which the archer had been stubbornly refusing to acknowledge as a reality. Sooner or later, however, he knew he’d have to share it with Jace.

 

 

 

“Come on,” Alec urged, bringing yet another cup of Holy Water to Jace’s lips. “Just a bit more, come on.”

“No,” Jace refused, stubbornly shaking his head. “I need more,” he all but whined.

It wasn’t Holy Water he was asking for. He wanted to be bitten.

“No, you don’t” Alec told him, sounding equally as stubborn. He lifted Jace’s head just enough to help him take a sip.

As soon as the liquid touched his tongue, Jace winced in pain, a familiar flush rising in his cheeks as he drank it down.

Damn it, they’d been doing this for hours, but Jace’s body still wasn’t clean of the Vampire venom.

Reclined on Alec’s larger form, Jace lay on the floor of their living room in a state of half-consciousness that resembled drug withdrawal. And in a way it was. Jace would have to drink Holy Water until it no longer burned him or until he died. The latter wasn’t really an option.

“Alec,” Jace murmured, sounding almost drunk. “Alec?” When he opened his eyes to look at him, Alec noticed the familiar spark in his parabatai’s eyes was slowly returning.

“I’m here,” the archer assured, his hand finding Jace’s and squeezing. “I’m not going anywhere.” He removed a few sweaty strands away from Jace’s forehead and smiled down at him. The smile he got in return was worth the lives of a thousand Vampires.

Alec realized he wouldn’t be anywhere else in that moment. The situation was unpleasant to say the least, but Alec supposed it was to be preferred over the risk of Jace actually becoming a Vampire.

Jace looked like he might say something, but whatever words he might have had; they were interrupted by a series of coughs, making him immediately sit up.

“I can’t breathe,” he said, his face turning an unpleasant red color. He looked like he was about to cough his own lungs out.

Alec wasted no time getting rid of Jace’s shirt, the thick fabric torn apart in a second in hopes that Jace would be able to breathe again. When Alec tried putting a hand on his back, the skin beneath his fingers was burning. That was the body’s natural reaction to the Vampire venom, but the mere knowledge didn’t make witnessing the whole ordeal any easier.

“Alec,” Jace panted, letting his head fall on his parabatai’s chest. Sweat was running down his face and Alec knew the worst was not yet over.

“Still here,” the archer assured, hugging his parabatai closer.

“Am I gonna…?” Jace asked between breaths.

“No,” Alec told him, the words dripping with determination, which he tried pouring through their bond in order to give Jace something to hold on to. “You won’t,” the archer said, cupping his parabatai’s face. “I won’t let you.”

Jace’s life was hanging on by a thread and Alec was more than happy to be that thread.

 

 

When Jace came back from the bathroom wearing nothing but his green boxers, Alec thought he might be having a déjà vu.

“Hey,” the archer greeted, drinking in the sight of his parabatai’s almost naked body. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah,” Jace confirmed, as he sat back down on the floor. “Much better.”

Neither of them said anything for a while after that. They were content with just being in each other’s presence again without any interruptions or distractions. It was something they’d both needed. The world felt right again now that Jace was back at his side. Not for the first time, Alec realized how stupid it had been of him to deprive himself of that rightness and stability.

Alec wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he’d first arrived here, but he knew sooner or later they would have to leave. They couldn’t face the outside world with so many secrets and misunderstandings between them. It was now or never.

“We need to talk,” Alec declared, trying his best not to get distracted.

Focusing, however was not easy when Jace was looking the way he did. Even now, after everything that had happened to him, even when he was covered in sweat and blood somehow he still managed to look effortlessly beautiful, simply heavenly.

“Yeah,” Jace agreed, nodding. The picture of him as he was sat on the floor with his legs spread out wide was enough to make Alec’s mind go places.

Jace’s reddened lips were a distraction on their own; the mere color of them bringing back the memories of how good it had felt to have those clips wrapped around his cock. Jace had the sweetest mouth, so skilled and willing that it made Alec wonder why Jace used it for anything else other than sucking cock. Thinking about his parabatai was what had gotten Alec through the cold nights of his self-inflicted punishment, and Alec couldn’t even feel embarrassed about the number of times he’d jerked off thinking about Jace and Jace only. He could still recall how eager Jace had been to take him into his mouth and distract him from the terrible thoughts that had plagued his mind then. The memory of the kiss Jace had bestowed on him after he’d swallowed everything Alec had given him was still so vivid that the archer sometimes could still taste himself on his parabatai’s tongue.

Heat rose immediately in Alec’s cheeks as indecent thoughts kept coming and coming. He was quick to push them away’ telling himself he had no right to think about Jace like that and to feel as possessive of him as he did. They’d broken up, and everything romantic between them was over.But then again, what did ‘breaking up’ even mean for them? They weren’t boyfriends. Even ‘lovers’ sounded like a measly word to describe what they shared. They were parabatai. Jace was his by definition. Alec had every right to want him and have him in any way possible he could think of . Even when they were old and grey with families and children under their belts, Alec would still want him just as much as he did in this very moment. And no matter how many Stamina runes it would take, he would have him. Alec recognized the demon in him speaking, but he realized he cared very little about that.

“Alec?” Jace’s voice’s pulled the archer from his thoughts, making him blush further. Even if Jace had felt his parabatai’s arousal through their bond, he showed no signs of it, staying completely focused on the task at hand.

Right, they still had to talk. Alec wished desperately they could just skip the talking part and just get to the point where everything between them was okay again, but alas things were rarely that simple between them.

“Right,” Alec said awkwardly, unsure of how he should start. There were so many things running through his mind in that moment, but no words came.

Jace, however, didn’t seem to share the same problem. “Before you say anything,” he told his parabatai. “There’s something I need you to know first.”

Just the look on Jace’s face was enough to have Alec’s mind jumping into the worst cases scenarios possible.

Oh, Raziel, what now?

“Okay,” the archer nodded, despite the overwhelming feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” Jace confessed, suddenly averting his gaze. ”About Luke and Valentine…” He trailed off.

Jace didn’t need to say anything further for Alec to understand him. Everyone knew what Valentine had done. Alec had heard rumors of Valentine’s monstrous deeds during the later days of the Circle; he knew well enough what they were up against. Valentine was, to put it simply, a monster. He’d tortured, murdered, experimented on his own son and probably done countless other things Alec couldn’t even imagine, because he believed it all served a higher purpose. And yet breaking the parabatai bond was the one crime Alec couldn’t condone or even explain. The archer had trouble even wrapping his mind around the idea of it. There was no legitimate reason why anyone would want to part with a piece of their own soul willingly. The last shreds of humanity Valentine had left had been destroyed the night he’d thrown Luke to the wolves.

“I don’t ever want the same to happen to us,” Jace told his parabatai, his voice just above a whisper as he stared at Alec.

“It won’t,” the archer assured without hesitation. Hesitantly, he let his fingers find Jace’s on the floor and intertwined them together. The gesture was small, but it seemed to serve its purpose, because Alec could feel Jace relax.

“It won’t happen, because we won’t let it,” Alec told him. “You’re not Valentine,” he said, knowing well that was what Jace wanted to hear and most importantly to feel his parabatai’s honesty through their bond.

“And I’m not Luke,” he added. “I won’t let you go no matter what happens.”

Embracing Jace left like coming home after a while of being away. His skin was warm and his smell so familiar, making Alec relax into it and close his eyes.

“Let me finish,” Jace sniffed after a few long moments in his parabatai’s arms, making Alec reluctantly pull away from the hug. “What you said the other day…” he trailed off, making Alec wince.

You’re not my parabatai anymore, Alec remembered the bitter taste of those words in his mouth. He’d been angry then, furious, but that didn’t make them any less true.

“You were right,” Jace told him. “With everything that’s been happening lately, I’ve been acting different.”

He was right; this war had changed them both. They were different people now. All they could do now was love each other as they were and not as they had been.

“But it’s all made me realize just how little some things matter,” Jace revealed. ”Nothing means to me more than our bond does, Alec,” he confessed, making Alec feel like he was dreaming.

This was everything Alec had ever wanted to hear. Deep down he’d always needed the reassurance that he was not alone in this that Jace was still with him just like he had been all those years ago at their ceremony. They were parabatai before they were anything else and Alec would gladly sacrifice the romantic aspect of their relationship to keep the bond safe. Apparently so would Jace.

Without thinking twice about it, Alec surged forward and wrapped his arms around his parabatai again.

“I’ll wait however long it takes,” Jace promised in a whisper. The grip he had on Alec was so tight it hurt, but it felt just right all the same. “I need you now more than ever, parabatai,” Jace said and Alec could hear the tremble in his voice.

“Parabatai,” Alec said back. The single word rolled off his tongue sounding like a sigh of relief, because somehow it was. With Jace by his side the world suddenly seemed like a much brighter place.

 

 

“Missed you,” Jace murmured, his eyes half-closed, the gentle movements of Alec’s fingers through his hair serving to relax him, and slowly lull him to sleep. It was such a small gesture and yet just enough to have them both feeling content and just right.

“Missed you, too,” Alec confessed softly, the weight of Jace’s head on his lap a pleasant remedy for all the stress he’d gone through today. They’d moved to the couch so Jace would be able to stretch his legs and get comfortable, and it was only a matter of minutes before they both fell asleep.

“Get some sleep, sweetness,” Alec advised, smiling down at his parabatai. They both needed it after such a day. Alec could feel the exhaustion heavy on his bones. He thought if he stayed awake just a little longer, he’d crumble under the weight of it.

 

With a snap of his fingers Alec made a blanket appear and wasted no time covering Jace with it. He didn’t worry about being cold himself since Jace’s body radiated enough warmth for them both.

Alec realized how difficult it would be to abstain from Jace when he had to stop himself from leaning down and giving his parabatai a good night kiss. He settled for a kiss on the forehead, but Jace hardly felt it, because he was asleep already.

Seconds before falling asleep, Alec realized he’d missed another opportunity to talk to Jace about the issue at hand.

 

 

The first thing Alec became aware of as soon as he woke up was the pain in his neck-the second one was Jace’s absence. Panic settled in the archer’s heart. Had Jace really done it again? Had he really left him for the second time? Suddenly it was hard to breathe and Alec found himself on the brink of another mental breakdown.

He couldn’t do this. Not again, not after everything that had happened. It was too much to handle. He found just enough strength in himself and searched the apartment in hopes that he was wrong. It felt like history was repeating itself again and Alec didn’t think he could go through the same hell again.

This time, however, Jace was easier to find.

The sun was just rising when Alec joined his parabatai on the balcony. The cold morning air made Alec feel refreshed and new.

“Didn’t know you smoked,” he commented when he noticed the cigarette hanging from his parabatai’s mouth.

Another thing I don’t know about you, the archer thought bitterly. Still, the relief he felt when he saw Jace standing there next to him was hard to ignore. Alec was willing to overlook all of Jace’s bad habits and sharp edges as long as he had him by his side.

“It’s not often,” Jace admitted, immediately getting rid of the cigarette. “Only when I need it.” Looking at the bin, Alec could see Jace had needed it a lot lately.

“You okay?” the archer asked, eyes raking over his parabatai’s body to access his condition. Jace hadn’t bothered putting any pants on. The only thing providing him with warmth was Alec’s former jacket.

“Yeah,” Jace assured. “Much better.”

He did look better, but the danger couldn’t be underestimated. He would have to keep drinking Holy Water to make sure he was clean.

“Listen, Alec,” he started wearily. ”What you did last night…” Jace struggled with finding his words. “I-I can’t thank you enough.”

“Stop,” Alec interrupted him. “You don’t need to thank me,” he said. “We’re parabatai.” Those three simple words held more weight than any love declaration Alec could’ve made. By saving Jace’s life last night he’d saved himself too.

Jace nodded in agreement. “I meant what I said, Alec,” he informed. “We don’t have to…” he drawled on. “I need you more as a parabatai than I do as a lover.“ He sounded much clearer in his thoughts, but it was a lie anyway. And they both knew it.

Alec was he parabatai, his lover his best friend, his confidant. Once the lines in their relationship had been blurred there was no going back. It was only a matter of time before either of them snapped.

“I love you, Jace,” Alec said as sincerely as ever. “I want you and I always will. “ It was the truth, of course, but it wasn’t that simple.

“But?” Jace asked, feeling that there was more to it, because there always was when it was with the two of them.

“But you hurt me,” Alec revealed, his voice louder than expected. It was the first time he’d allowed himself to say it aloud.

“I know,” Jace assured sounding guiltier than ever. A single tear ran down his cheek and he squeezed his eyes shut to stop the others from coming.

“No, you don’t” Alec told him. “I woke up alone in our bed after…” he still had trouble finding the words to describe the experience. “Did it ever cross your mind how I would react when I found out you were gone?”

“It’s the only thing I could think about,” Jace admitted, but it was far too late. “I felt it too,” he claimed. “I didn’t wanna leave you.”

“Then why did you?”

“I was doing what I thought was right,” Jace defended himself.

“So was I!” Alec said back in a tone harsher than he’d intended. “If one Seelie’s life is the price I have to pay to keep our world safe, then damn right I would pay it.”

“What if it was me?” the question was delivered casually as if Jace was asking if Alec if he wanted pizza or Italian for dinner, but it still managed to take Alec by surprise.

“If the price for keeping the word safe was my life, would you pay it?”

Alec didn’t hesitate for a second. “Do you really have to ask?” Alec questioned, taking a single step towards his parabatai so that now they were facing each other.

Alec would see the world in ruins until they were the last two people that remained if that’s what it took to keep his parabatai safe.

Jace seemed more than please with the answer he’d gotten, almost as if he was reading Alec’s mind, a large smile forming on his lips as a result.

But he still wasn’t getting it.

“We’re parabatai,” Alec repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time in the span of twenty-four hours. “I’m the person you’re supposed to trust the most,” he went on. “The one you should be able to share everything, but you didn’t.”

The fact that Jace had gone behind his back and trusted someone else with this, hurt more than anything else.

Jae stayed silent during Alec’s little tirade and spoke only when he’d made sure his parabatai had finished.

“If I had told you about it, would you have helped us?” he asked, though it was quite clear he knew the answer to his own question already.

“No,” the archer answered truthfully.

If he had known about Jace’s reckless plans, he would’ve done anything to stop his parabatai wouldn’t get involved in that whole mess in the first place.

And just like that they were right back to where they’d started. Their ideologies would always clash, no matter how much they loved each other. Did that mean they’d never be able to see eye to eye?

“There’s a war coming,” Alec reminded when the solace between them got too loud. “We can’t hope to win, if we don’t trust each other.”

“I trust you,” Jace told him.

“Not enough, apparently!” Alec said a little too loudly again. A heavy sigh fell from his lips. He felt tired again, but a different kind of tired. “Sometimes…” he started hesitantly. “Sometimes I feel like I’m all alone in this,” he confessed, looking down. They were on the third floor and at the sight of the ground, looking so far away, an unseemly thought ran through Alec’s mind before he could stop it.

All he got from Jace however was a confused look.

“I’ve given you everything I have,” Alec told confessed, hearing the toughness in his own voice. “But you still keep parts of yourself hidden.”

Saying this aloud proved to be more difficult than Alec had imagined it could be. He always felt so exposed whenever he was around his parabatai and to know it wasn’t the same for Jace, made him feel like their relationship was somewhat one-sided. As if Alec was back to being the little boy with a crush on his parabatai and Jace was mercifully giving him scraps of his love, but without ever allowing his true self to be seen.

Jace’s silence wasn’t helping.

“Before we started this, “Alec said, refusing to meet Jace’s eyes. “I asked you to trust me. Why can’t you?”

“It’s not that, Alec,” Jace assured, looking like a lost puppy.

“What is it, then?” Alec asked, irritated. His hands were gripping the railing so tightly it hurt

“I just…” Jace stammered. “I wasn’t programmed the way you were,” he said. “My brain…it just woks differently.”

Jace had a point. As much as he loved him, there were parts of him Alec would never be able to understand. Alec supposed this was the aftermath of Valentine’s abuse. Jace was like a giant labyrinth. The more Alec learned about him, the more he realized how little he knew about his parabatai. He’d always been difficult to understand, but always so easy to love.

“I’ll do whatever you want, Alec,” Jace promised hoarsely. “Just don’t leave me again.” He was doing his best not to cry and the only thing stopping Alec from pulling him into a hug was his wish to get this over with once and for all.

“I’m sorry,” Alec apologized. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that,” he admitted. “I don’t want you to have to almost die for us to finally talk to each other.”

“What do you want, then?” Jace sniffled.

“I want us to be honest with each other,” Alec admitted. “We’re parabatai,” he stated once again. “If we can’t trust each other, who can we trust?”

“You’re right,” Jace agreed. “I’ll do my best, I promise.”

“Okay,” Alec nodded. He wished they could be done with it already, but this conversation was far from over.

“Why?” he asked, once he’d made sure Jace had calmed down.

“Why what?” Jace asked, oblivious.

“Why did you let yourself be taken?” Alec asked, wanting to hear Jace say it. “You could’ve easily handled them, but you didn’t,” he stated. “Why?”

“I think you know why.”

He was right. Alec himself was no stranger to the gnarling urge to just end it, but he’d never allowed himself to act on it. He would only leave this world after Jace had.

“How could you?” Alec asked, unable to control his anger anymore.

“I wasn’t thinking then,” Jace admitted, refusing to meet Alec’s gaze as he spoke. “I was just trying to make the pain stop.”

“What about me?” Alec snapped, unable to control his anger anymore. “Did it ever cross your mind what would happen to me after you died?”

Judging by the look on Jace’s face, it had, but he’d tried to get himself killed anyway.

Personally, Alec knew there was no such thing as ‘after Jace’ for him. He would either die immediately from the pain of losing his parabatai, or he would end his own life soon after to follow Jace into the afterlife. Not even in death would be parted from Jace.

“You left me!” Jace reminded, switching from upset to angry in a second. “You weren’t supposed to leave,” he informed and rightfully so. Alec didn’t need a reminder what an idiot he’d been to walk away from his parabatai the way he had. “It hurt so much, Alec.”

“You think this is a cakewalk for me?” the archer spat out. “You think I want to in a scam for the rest of my life?”

“Why are you getting married then?” Jace asked, no less furious than he had been the least time they’d talked about this.

“So you wouldn’t have to!” Alec revealed his voice once again loud even to his own ears.

It was naïve to think their Mother wouldn’t insist that Jace got married as well when the appropriate time for it came, but that was an issue for another day.

“I do what I have to keep you and our family safe,” Alec admitted. “But I can’t handle it all on my own.”

Jace seemed taken aback by the response he’d gotten. Alec used the moment to shorten the distance between them so that now they were standing close together, facing each other.

“Please don’t make me go through it alone,” Alec begged desperately. He wrapped his arms around his parabatai and pulled him close.

“I won’t,” Jace promised through tears. He wrapped his arms around Alec in turn and the archer took a moment to imagine the picture them must be making. Hopefully none of the neighbors liked to pry.

“I can’t handle losing you,” Alec whispered, his forehead resting against Jace’s like the both liked. “Not you, never you,” Alec released a shaky breath and closed his eyes.

“They won’t separate us,” Alec swore, his voice full of the confidence he lacked. “We’ll be happy, you’ll see.”

Deep down he somehow believed it. The worst case scenario for either of them was losing the other, so anything else would be a piece of cake in comparison.

“Okay,” Jace agreed.

“Please stay with me, Jace” Alec begged in a whisper, holding either side of Jace’s face.

“I will,” Jace promised and got on his tip-toes to seal the deal with a kiss.

 

 

As it so happened, it took Alec very little to snap. Neither his discipline nor his stubbornness were strong enough to keep him away from Jace for too long.

All it took for him to give in to the temptation was a single gorgeous smile and the picture of Jace standing naked in front of him, waiting.

“It’ll save time,” Jace claimed, even though they didn’t really need to save time since they’d been given the day off.

Jace had texted their Mother to let her know that he was better and she’d given them, both of them the day off to take care of each other. Little did she know how exactly they intended to do that.

Alec was neither naïve, nor stupid. Stripping down he knew exactly what he was getting himself into, but he joined Jace in the shower anyway, knowing well that was what both of them needed.

In the shower Jace tried to keep the act on as long as possible, demanding Alec scrub his back and help him wash his hair like he wasn’t getting half-hard already. Nevertheless Alec did as he was told gladly, enjoying the casual intimacy of those simple acts.

While they traded lazy kisses under the hot spray of water Alec used the opportunity to let his hands wander down Jace’s fit, strong, alive body just to make sure it wasn’t all a dream.

“We don’t have to,” Jace stated before he’d even done anything. “I can wait if you’re not ready,” he whispered into his parabatai’s lips, voice full of unmasked want. Through their bond, Alec could tell how difficult it was for him to make that suggestion.

“I want to,” Alec told him. That was all it took for Jace to let go of the act and start kissing Alec breathless.

 

They didn’t even make it to the bedroom.

Shortly after they’d gotten out of the shower, their unspent passion made them both forsake all dignity and caution and Alec and Jace somehow ended up on the kitchen floor in a position that could only be described as indecent. Jace was on his back with Alec right on top of him, their still damp bodies sliding together perfectly, working towards finding their mutual pleasure together. Once it had started it was almost impossible for Alec to restrain himself. Mind foggy with desire, he hastily unfastened his parabatai’s bathrobe and started pressing wet kisses to Jace’s chest. Alec felt high, almost deranged as he kissed his way down his parabatai’s chest, his mouth hungry for every inch of skin it could reach.

Alec couldn’t get enough. Not now, not when he’d come so close to losing it all. Jace had been taken. If they hadn’t arrived on time he would’ve probably been dead by now or worse- a Vampire. A cold, undead, bloodthirsty Vampire with whom Alec would share no bond. But instead he was here- healthy, rose-cheeked and golden, every bit the perfect Shadowhunter.

Jace was nothing if not a responsive lover, moaning and crying out every time Alec set out to press a new bruise into his skin.

It got to the point where Alec had to force himself to take stop so he could take a breath; otherwise he feared he might suffocate. Dying during sex was not particularly alluring.

Alec took the time to look at his parabatai. Like this, spread out on the floor with his hair still wet and his cock hard and oozing precome onto his belly, Jace was the epitome of sin. The sound he made when Alec wrapped his lips around the head of his cock was one out of the world and the archer didn’t think he could compare it to anything he’d ever heard before in his life.

“Alec,” Jace chocked out, his back arching beautifully.

Alec had imagined this moment countless times in his adolescence, but still he wasn’t prepared for what it would feel like to have Jace in his mouth. In his fantasies he was always good at it from the first try, but in real life it felt sort of awkward and sloppy.

“ ‘S good,” Jace praised, running his fingers through Alec’s hair. “You’re good,” he nodded when the archer looked up at him for reassurance. Suddenly the roles were reversed and Alec was more than okay with that.

Alec couldn’t hope to be as good at the art of cocksucking as Jace, but the look of utter trust and love he saw in his parabatai’s eyes, was the only motivation he needed to start bobbing his head up and down Jace’s shaft like he’d seen Jace do.

Jace didn’t seem to have any complaints or criticisms about his parabatai’s skills as rolled his hips, thrusting into Alec’s willing mouth with vigor.

“Careful,” he instructed when he noticed Alec was trying to take more of his cock in his mouth.

What Alec lacked in experience he made up for in eagerness. He wanted nothing more than to learn how to please his parabatai and he would. They had a whole lifetime for that.

“Love you,” Jace whispered, watching Alec through half-lidded eyes and through their bond Alec could feel how true that was as well as how happy Jace was right now. Their combined pleasure was intoxicating, making them both feel light-headed.

It felt like they’d been doing this for hours, though objectively Alec knew it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes since without their Stamina runes neither of them could last long.

Alec pulled away only when he was sure his parabatai’s orgasm was approaching. It was easy to tell when Jace was close, because during times like these their pleasures were tied up together, making them extremely sensitive to one another, even more so than usual.

“No,” Jace whimpered, thrusting up, invitingly. “Keep going,” he insisted, looking almost offended that his orgasm had been ripped away from him so suddenly. He wasted no time wrapping a hand around his own cock and stroking himself to completion, but Alec wasn’t having it.

“Not yet,” Alec warned, peering at him from where he was comfortably settled between his spread thighs. “Touch yourself, but don’t come, okay?” Alec wasn’t sure where exactly this was going, but he knew that wasn’t how he wanted it to end.

Jace nodded, slowing the movements on his cock. “Okay,” he agreed.

Alec smiled up at his parabatai before kissing his way down Jace’s thigh. The moan Jace let out when Alec’s stubble was scraping against his sensitive skin let the archer know how much he appreciated the gesture.

“Alec,” he moaned desperately, hooking one leg over his parabatai’s shoulder. He’d never been shy about what he wanted. Alec didn’t need any further invitation than that. His only concern was that he’d turn out to be the one who came too fast in the end.

It was madness, Alec decided as he devoured his parabatai without shame and restriction. Jace was his addiction and Alec was merely a junkie getting his fill. It was an obscene hunger that settled inside Alec as he tongued at his parabatai’s rim in a manner that resembled a wild beast. He couldn’t get himself to stop. Not when he’d finally gotten his hands on Jace after such a long time.

Alec would’ve probably been worried about being heard, but Jace’s needy moans along with his own ragged breathing muffled any thoughts he might have had in that moment.

He got so lost in the sensation that he didn’t even register Jace muttering a spell under his breath and summoning his stele. He only allowed himself a moment away from the task at hand when he felt a Stamina rune being drawn to his left bicep.

“Been practicing,” Jace explained when he noticed the questioning look his parabatai gave him. The fact that Jace had even had the mind to do all of that let Alec know he had to try harder. Still, it was clear Jace was slowly slipping into subspace.

“Need another one, parabatai?” Jace teased with a relaxed smirk on his face. The little bastard. He was showing off his new powers.

Alec was about to fire back when suddenly he came to a realization. As much as Jace loved getting his ass eaten, the act alone would hardly be enough to keep him satisfied for long. It was adventure Jace craved most of all, differentness, something to make him forget the cruel world around him and take him over the edge. Alec had promised to give him that.

“Your safeword?” the archer asked, rising to his knees so he could get a good look at him.

“Valentine,” Jace responded, looking equal parts confused and betrayed again. Twice already today he’d been denied his release, but Alec wagered in the end it would be worth it.

Jace had always been golden, one of a kind, and nothing Alec had ever thought he’d be worthy of. But for a moment there, as he lay on the ground, surrounded by morning sunlight he looked more divine than Alec had ever seen him with his eyes gleaming with love and happiness, he resembled a vision, sent by Raziel himself—a heaven-sent gift for Alec and Alec only. Demon blood be damned, Jace was an Angel through and through.

“Love you,” Alec whispered, bringing Jace’s leg back to the ground. Jace was apparently more than okay with being maneuvered like that and left himself completely at his parabatai’s mercy, making only small noises to indicate whether or not he like what Alec was doing to him.

Before he’d had the chance to talk himself out of it, Alec took a breath in attempt to get a hold of himself.

It was now or never.

He started off slowly, running his fingers down Jace’s belly and feeling the hard muscle underneath.

It took focus. Almost as much focus as pulling the strings of a bow, but somehow entirely different.

Feel, don’t think, he reminded himself, channeling all of his energy in his right hand like he’d read it ought to be done and soon enough it happened. Green streaks of magic were coming out of his fingertips, making Alec feel powerful and deranged all at once.

As soon as the magic caressed his skin, Jace let out a surprised yelp and lifted his head up to see what was going on. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea.

“What the f-“Jace lifted his up and stared at his parabatai’s hand in disbelief.

“Been practicing, too,” Alec murmured, trying to sound casual, but on the inside he was barely holding it. Keeping the magic going was tough work. This was all very new to him. Magic was not something he’d expected he’d have to deal with. “Do you want me to…?”

“Keep going,” Jace urged, spreading his legs even further to make room for Alec to settle comfortably between them. Jace was, apparently not overly concerned with the why’s and how’s of the current situation.

That was all the encouragement Alec needed to proceed.

Under his parabatai’s gentle touch, Jace fell apart beautifully, as he always did the magic serving to keep to him on the edge. He smeared some of his own come down his shaft as he stroked himself, making it extremely difficult for Alec to breathe.

As Alec grew more and more confident, he allowed himself to relax into it and even tease his parabatai a little. Magic over his nipples had Jace crying out and begging for mercy, but still he did not use his safeword. He was always beautiful when he fell apart, but right now as he was trying to keep himself together, he was a sight to behold.

Alec wanted to capture this moment so that he may remember Jace as he was now: his whole body trembling with the effort not to come, eyes shiny with unspilled tears with only his parabatai’s name on his lips. Alec already knew the sound of his own name repeated over and over again like a mantra in Jace’s wrecked voice, would haunt him for a long time.

For a split-second there, as he caught a glimpse of Jace’s raw nipples, Alec thought he might be enjoying this way too much, but he quickly realized it didn’t matter since Jace was, too. If he wasn’t they wouldn’t be doing it in the first place. The bond was never wrong. Jace was getting off on it as much as Alec was.

Without hesitation he continued down.

The intense moment was interrupted when all of a sudden Jace burst out laughing for no apparent reason. Taken by surprise, Alec blushed, thinking he’d done something wrong.

“Tickles,” Jace giggled as Alec circled around his bellybutton.

“Does it?” Alec had never had known his magic would have such an effect on his parabatai. The hearty laughter that filled the room made Alec’s heart flutter in his chest. He felt like a little boy again when he’d tried to do everything to cheer Jace up after a particularly bad nightmare.

Without even thinking about it, Alec bent down so he could capture Jace’s lips in a slow and passionate kiss. By the time they pulled away, they were both out of breath, content, chests and cocks pressed together.

“I love you,” Jace whispered, his chest heaving. “Make me come,”

Alec smirked without even meaning to. Of course he’d ask for this.

Nodding, Alec let his palm slide down Jace’s torso. Hovering over his parabatai’s body, he traced a single finger down the shaft of Jace’s cock forcing what seemed like the last remains of magic in his body to appear. Starting at the base of Jace’s sex, Alec wrapped a cylindrical string of magic around the whole length of Jace’s cock.

“A-Alec,” he screamed, thrusting desperately right into the tight channel around his member. “I’m com-“

He couldn’t even finish the sentence and he didn’t need to. Jace came with a deep primal groan, tears running down his cheeks as he did so. He came for so long that Alec feared he might pass out again. After he was done, Alec could tell he’d already fully slipped into subspace.

The sight of Jace as he was now and a few short tugs were all it too for Alec to follow suit, his own orgasm hitting him like a tidal wave of a mixture of raw emotion and overwhelming pleasure.

 

Lying on the floor was admittedly much more comfortable than Alec had ever imagined. It helped him gather his thoughts and made him feel much more relaxed. Beside him, Jace was already half-asleep and so deep into subspace he probably didn’t even know what was going on. He was in no shape to walk and so after he’d caught his breath, Alec carried him into the bedroom.

“We’re here,” Alec whispered as he gently laid Jace down on the unmade bed.

Raziel, the room was a mess. There were clothes strewn all over the floor and the stench of alcohol was telling enough. Alec felt a pang of jealousy in his gut. Had Jace brought anyone else in here?

As he opened the windows so some fresh air could get in, Alec once again cursed himself for not being there for Jace when he’d needed him.

Alec knew now that a scene was only as good as the aftercare that followed so he quickly joined Jace on the bed.

“You were perfect, sweetness,’ he praised, running his hands through Jace’s hair. From this angle, propped on one elbow he had a perfect view of his parabatai’s body. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, his free hand sliding down Jace’s torso.

“No,” Jace assured, looking up at Alec with wide eyes. The adoration in his gaze made the archer’s chest feel tight.

“I love you,” Kissing Jace for what seemed like the thousandth time made Alec’s heart flutter as if were the first. “Until my heart beats…and after that.’

 

 

 

“What the hell was that?” Jace asked a while later as they lay in the bed together, tangled up in each other.

“Magic,” Alec stated simple as if it were the most obvious thing it the world, because it was. Somehow he had magic. The idea still seemed foreign every time he tried thinking about it.

“Yeah, but how?” Jace asked his eyes full of disbelief as he looked up at his parabatai. “Did Valentine…?”

“No,” Alec assured quickly. “My magic has nothing to do with him,” he said. “And neither does yours.”

“It’s us,” Alec stated. “What we have… “ he explained looking down at their intertwined fingers on Jace’s belly. “It caused this.”

“Of course,” Jace breathed out, finally realizing the truth.

They should’ve known. There’d been numerous warnings about what happened if they dared to break the Law, but back then after their first time neither of them had really had the chance to worry about the consequences and after that everything had happened so fast that said warnings had been the last things on their minds.

 

“When did you find out?” Jace asked.

Alec knew that in order to fully answer the question, he would have to show Jace the whole picture. Not wanting to move from comfortable position, Alec made a snap with his fingers and summoned the object he needed. He knew now that in order to do that he’d have to imagine said object in his mind and focus his energy on it.

There was a confused expression on Jace’s face when Alec’s quiver landed next to him on the bed. Alec would have to work on his aim.

“I know you love your gear, Alec,” Jace said sarcastically. “But do you really need to bring it to bed?”

Alec rolled his eyes and handed Jace one of the arrows. He was a smart boy. He didn’t need long to catch up.

“These?” he stared at the arrow in wonder. “How?”

It had happened a few days ago while they’d been on a mission together just the two of them.

Jace was, without a doubt, the most skilled warrior Alec had ever met. Fighting beside him had always been an honor for Alec. In bed Jace was Alec’s good boy; he was sweetness, but on the battlefield he was a force to be reckoned with, and Alec couldn’t imagine fighting beside anyone else. Jace knew all of this, of course.

The Blade had looked like an extension of his arm as he’d slashed effortlessly all the demons that had come his way. He’d gotten cocky though, like he often did. In his attempt to prove himself he’d ended up fighting way too many even for the most talented Shadowhunter of his generation.

By the time Alec had noticed what was going on, Jace had already been pressed against a wall and surrounded by more demons than he could count. He’d reached for his quiver only to realize he’d used all of his arrows already.

In a moment of overwhelming panic as he’d watched hundreds of demons rush towards his parabatai at once almost in slow motion, Alec had begged Raziel for something, for anything, to help his parabatai with.

A loud thunder had echoed in the background and Alec had watched in awe as a silver bow as well as a set of seven match in arrows had appeared in his hands seemingly out of nowhere. Before he’d had the chance to be shocked, Alec had already been shooting one of the arrows, the weight of it heavy in his hand making him feel incredibly powerful.

They were no ordinary arrows, that was for sure. Unlike regular Shadowhunter weapons, they weren’t forged with adamas, but made with pure magic. Alec’s own magic. He’d thought he had imagined the white, almost silver flickers of energy at the tip as he’d shot his first arrow, but apparently he hadn’t.

 

“So you made yourself arrows?” Jace concluded. “And they have magic?”

Alec nodded. “Pretty much.”

Back then Alec thought them to be a gift from Raziel himself- a heavenly weapon, but now he knew it was his own magic that had come to his rescue in the time of need, not anyone else. These arrows were his own and no one else’s.

“We have magic, huh” Jace said as he snuggled closer. “All ‘cause you love me,” he smiled and put his head back on Alec’s chest.

Alec hummed, agreeing. “I told you didn’t, I?” he asked, lifting Jace’s chin up so he could look him in the eye. “Love made you the way you are, not something that poor excuse of a father did.”

Jace didn’t seem convinced. Mismatched eyes were full of doubt and adoration as he stared at his parabatai. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Alec per se, but Valentine’s abuse ran too deep. No one knew better than Alec that Jace’s confidence and arrogance were nothing but a façade. On the inside he was still the boy who’d been forced to watch his beloved falcon die at the hands of his Father. Valentine’s lessons had shaped who Jace was a person and there was not a damn thing Alec could do about it.

To love is to destroy, Valentine had convinced his son. And to be loved is to be destroyed. A decade later Jace had yet to unlearn it. No wonder he’d failed to realize he’d been in love with Alec. Everything in him had been programmed against it.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” Alec asked when he noticed Jace had fallen silent.

“Valentine and Luke,” Jace admitted with a sigh.

Alec snorted. ”You’re thinking about your Father after sex?” he joked. “Well, that’s flattering.”

“He broke the bond, Alec,” Jace reminded, his voice full of disbelief, for once ignoring his parabatai’s jab. “How could he?”

“I don’t know, sweetness,” Alec confessed as he ran his fingers through Jace’s sweaty locks. They would both need another shower that was for sure.

The idea of breaking his bond with Jace was foreign to him; Alec didn’t even try to understand it. What Valentine had done had been beyond the boundaries of madness and evil. If he had gone that far, that meant there not even a grain of goodness left in his heart. And that meant he couldn’t be saved.

“Promise me that won’t happen to us,” Jace begged, staring up at Alec with an expression on his that was both hopeful and full of fear.

“Never,” Alec declared, flipping Jace over so that now they both lay on their side, facing each other. “Do you imagine that it would? That it could?” He asked, genuinely wanting to know the answer.

A voice in his head reminded that Luke probably hadn’t imagined it would happen to him either, but he knew things between him and Jace were different. They were different.

“We’re not like them,” Alec insisted, caressing his parabatai’s face. Jace leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. He always got extra affectionate right after sex, which only made Alec want to hold him more. “We know better,” the archer claimed. “We’ll learn from their mistakes.

Jace snorted, obviously unconvinced. “I can’t even learn from my own mistakes,” he stated. “Let alone those of others.”

“We will learn,” Alec insisted stubbornly even though he too had a tendency to repeat his own past mistakes. “Together,” he murmured, kissing Jace’s forehead.

“Sometimes…” Jace started, but couldn’t bring himself to finish so he looked away.

“Sometimes what?” Alec prompted, making Jace face him again, now suddenly intrigued.

“Sometimes I think one day you’ll decide you’ve had enough and you’ll end it.” Jace confessed, sounding hurt by the mere idea of it. “Not that I could blame you, even though I probably will.”

Alec was left speechless by his parabatai’s confession. Did Jace really doubt him still?

“Jace, you were my dream,” Alec almost sobbed, once again overwhelmed by the realization that this was his life now. “And now you’re real,” he breathes out in disbelief.

Alec had spent half of his life daydreaming moments like this and now when they were finally happening, his mind still had a hard time believing they were a reality. It all still felt very much like a dream.

“How could I give you up?”

“Is love enough to keep us together, though?” Jace asked, frowning.

“No, it isn’t,” Alec told him firmly. “Look, Jace,” the archer sighed. “There’s always gonna be something or someone that’s gonna try to stand in our way,” he claimed. “Be it the Law, our different world views or just life in general, but we can’t let it tear us apart.”

“And how would we stop it from happening?” Jace seemed open to any ideas.

“By trusting each other,” Alec insisted. It seemed so simple and yet somehow it wasn’t. “We need to be a team and act as one,” he explains. “We can’t afford any more incidents like that one with the Cup.”

“I’m sorry,” Jace apologized, burying his face in Alec’s chest. “I never meant for any of this to happen,” he claimed desperately. “I didn’t think it would get that far.”

“What exactly were you thinking?” Alec questioned, staring at his parabatai’s face intensely.

“I thought…I thought we’d save Meliorn quickly and I’d be able to come home to you before you even woke up,” he revealed. “But…things got real messed up when we ended up in my Fa- in Valentine’s lab.”

“What did he say?” Alec wondered, realizing this was the first time they were discussing the first conversation Jace had had with his Father in a decade.

“The usual,” Jace murmured. ”That to love was to destroy and that the world needs to be free of the Downworlders. Same shit he said when I was a kid.”

“Do you believe him still?” Alec asked. He knew that such a lesson was hard one to unlearn. “That to love is to destroy?”

Jace hesitated and instead of answering he buried his face in Alec’s neck and nodded. Well, Alec thought. At least he’s not hiding it.

“You wanna tell me why? The archer prompted. Never in his life had Alec ever imagined that he would be the one insisting that they’re open and honest about their feelings, but here he was. Jace shook his head and Alec could feel hot tears against his neck.

“Okay then,” Alec nodded. “Do you wanna know why I think that’s a pile of bullshit?”

“W-Why?” Jace sniffled, staring up at Alec with wide, trusting eyes.

Alec found himself overwhelmed again. He tried saying something, but no words would come. That’s why Alec resorted to doing the only thing that always felt right no matter what. He kissed Jace, pouring every ounce of love he had for his parabatai into the press of their lips against each other.

If to be loved was to be destroyed, then, by Raziel, why did Alec feel most alive when they were in each other’s arms like this?

“Is that what you’re most afraid of?” Alec wondered as they pulled away for a quick breath before Jace’s lips were on his again. “That you would destroy me if you loved me too much?”

Jace shook his head and whimpered into Alec’s mouth.

“What then? The archer questioned.

“That if you see the real me you’ll be disgusted and you’ll hate me,” Jace confessed at last, pressing their foreheads together. “A-and then you’ll leave all alone again.”

The real him? What did that even mean? Alec didn’t have the patience to wonder, because he was too sunned by the answer he’d gotten. Did Jace still doubt him? Did he not know by now that Alec was incapable of feeling anything else but love for him?

 

“Never,” the archer swore solemnly. “That can’t happen ever,” he assured. ” You are a part of me and I can’t abandon you, no more than I can abandon myself.”

His parabatai’s words left Jace almost in a daze, Jace’s bottom lip was trembling and silent tears ran down his face as he looked up at Alec and spoke up.

“A-And what if I’m a m-monster?” He wondered, his voice breaking halfway through the sentence.

“Then we’re both monsters,” Alec told him, with a weak smile, wiping the tears from his parabatai’s face.

Jace shook his head and tried to protest, but Alec quickly shushed him by pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Whatever we are, we are one,’ Alec whispered softly, brushing a few stray strands of hair from his eyes. “Those vows weren’t just for show, you know.”

“I know,” Jace hiccupped.

Every Shadowhunter knew what they were getting into by saying those vows. Accepting to be someone’s parabatai meant giving your life in the hands of another. It meant tying yourself to that person and being dependent on them in all things. Parabatai shared emotions, they breathed in unison, they were the same soul split in two bodies. If one of them left the word prematurely, the other would have to follow or walk the earth alone as an empty shell of the person they had once been.

Alec could still recall his and Jace’s ceremony as it were yesterday. He’d been paralyzed with fear then, completely terrified as he’d recited the vow automatically under Jace’s warm gaze. He’d considered not showing up, but the possibility of disappointing his best friend, of hurting him and abandoning him just like everyone else had done, had made it impossible for Alec not to be at the ceremony.

As soon as Jace had drawn the rune on his hip, Alec had realized he’d made the right decision even if it had put an end to any chance of a romantic relationship with Jace. Or so he’d thought.

Here they were now ten years later- naked in bed together, bodies pressed close almost as if they were one and the evidence of their sin all over them. Never in his wildest fantasies had Alec allowed to hope that this was how his life would turn out, but somehow this was his reality now. And yet something was still missing. It wasn’t right just yet.

Alec and Jace were no ordinary couple. They were parabatai and they were lovers, the rest of the world be damned. If Alec had to forsake every single rule and Law ever known to mankind as well as everyone else in his life just to be with Jace, then by Raziel he would do it.

“For whither thou goest, I will go,” Alec reminded.

“And where thou diest, will I die,” Jace murmured sleepily.

“Your love could never destroy me, Jace” Alec whispered, looking down at his parabatai’s face. Jace’s eyelids were drooping and Alec wasn’t sure if he’d even heard him, but he needed to say it. “Only the lack of it can.”

Jace hummed and a small smile appeared on his lips. He’d heard then. Alec flushed and pulled the blanket over both of them, curling up to his parabatai and falling asleep within minutes.

 

Less than an hour later Jace was awake and ready to go at it again. Alec was more than happy to lay under him and watch him in his

“We’re doing this again, right?”

The lustful gleam in Jace’s eyes was impossible to miss as Alec looked up at him in awe. As tempting as the prospect of doing the same thing all over again sounded, Alec knew they would have to leave sooner or later.

“Hell yeah,“ Alec agreed, holding Jace by the hips. ”But next time you’re doing it to me.”

“Where did you learn to do this anyway?” Jace asked, looking completely confused by the fact that his parabatai was so advanced in magic already. Alec could tell he was getting competitive already.

“From a book, duh,’ Alec stated simply. ”I got it from Magnus.”

Jace raised both his eyebrows at the same time at the confession. “You told him?”

“No, of course not,” Alec was quick to ease his parabatai’s concerns. “I just borrowed it…without his permission.”

Jace burst out laughing for the second time today and Alec found that he couldn’t be annoyed by it.

“You stole from the High Warlock of Brooklyn!” he concluded loudly, throwing his head back in near ecstasy.

“I returned it the very next day!” Alec informed, feeling his cheeks heat up at the accusation.

The perfect moment was ruined by the sound of Alec’s ringtone in the living room.

Jace let out a groan, his shoulder dropping in defeat. “We need to go.” He tried to get up, but the firm grip on his waist kept him in place.

“Stop,” Alec ordered, sitting up. “Stay.’ He couldn’t let go, not just yet. He wrapped his arms around Jace’s waist and buried his face in his parabatai’s shoulder.

“That’s probably Mom,” Jace reasoned, but did nothing to break away from his lover’s grip. “She’ll want us to come home.”

“Just…” Alec sighed, pressing their foreheads together. “Five more minutes,” he begged desperately. “Just let me look at you.”

“Okay,” Jace nodded, sounding breathless and just as eager to have these five minutes as Alec felt. “We have five more minutes.”

Alec did not waste those five minutes, his hands and lips working in unison to get as much of Jace in such a short time as possible. Alec knew he would never have enough of his parabatai, but these five minutes would help him get through the cold nights when he’d be forced to be away from Jace.

“I love you,” Alec vowed over and over again, kissing all over Jace’s face. “They won’t separate us,” the words were a heated whisper against Jace’s lips that made Alec think they wouldn’t be just five minutes after all.

“They won’t,” Jace agreed and returned the kiss eagerly. “They won’t ‘cause we won’t let them.”

“Even death can’t stand between us,” Alec vowed and allowed himself to get lost in his parabatai and nothing else mattered.

Five minutes passed in a blur as love and devotion pulsed through their bond, making them both deaf and blind to the rest world. Parting seemed like an impossible task as they clung to one another for dear life, ignoring the loud sound of Alec’s phone.

Nothing seemed to matter when they were like this.

 

“Don’t look away,” Alec ordered, making Jace look ahead and face the reality of his own incompetence.

Dawn was approaching and Jace had to watch as all twelve of his attackers were being chained to their stakes and prepared for execution. As expected, the Clave had quickly reached a verdict on the case of Jace’s kidnapping, sentencing the Vampires to death by burning at the stake at sunrise. And now the whole Institute had gathered to witness it. It didn’t really help that Alec was so eager to see it done. This act of brutality was sure to ruin the already frail trust between Vampires and Shadowhunters, but Alec had refused to listen to reason.

“Let them see what happens when they break the Law,” he’d said once at a meeting. The proud glint in their Mother’s eyes had been impossible to ignore then and somehow it had made everything worse.

It was not Alec’s respect for the Law that pushed him towards such brutality, but rather his wish to punish anyone who had dared to hurt his parabatai. Part of Jace was terrified to see this merciless, bloodthirsty side of Alec, but another part, another sick twisted part of him took pride in knowing that Alec was like that only for him. He was the only one who could ignite such a fire in Alec, a fire that could burn down the whole world.

“Watch,” Alec commanded, as he stood tall and proud with his hands behind his back, seemingly unfazed by what he was about to do. “I want you to see how far I’m willing to go only for you.”

And watch Jace did. He witnessed each every one of those Vampire burn within seconds after the Sun rose and their screams haunted him for a long time afterwards.

 

 

The week before Alec’s wedding was a pleasant one, albeit hectic. They felt more like themselves again, like the people they’d been before this mess had begun. The seven days leading up to the wedding had passed in laughter, training and work, almost like nothing had changed.

 

“I wish we could stay here forever,” Jace sighed as they lay on the grass side by side, letting their naked bodies dry off in the abundant sunlight. Idris had always been sunnier than New York.

“Hmm, me too,” Alec admitted and Jace felt him lace their fingers together on the ground. “I won, by the way,” he made sure to remind as he rolled to his side, pressing their bodies together and kissed Jace eagerly.

“Only ‘cause I let you,” Jace smiled against his parabatai’s lips and caressed his face.

“You keep telling yourself that,” Whatever response Jace might have had to this, it was forgotten when he felt Alec’s hands squeezing his ass. The bastard always knew how to make him weak in the knees. Not that Jace minded, though. He couldn’t even if he tried to.

They’d found a small lake in the forest near the Lightwood mansion and decided to go for a quick swim that had quickly woken up the competitive spirit in both of them. Now, though, Jace found he didn’t mind losing as long as he got to see the bright smile on his parabatai’s face that Alec was currently sporting.

“You can say it,” Alec told him as massaged a dark bruise on Jace’s hip lightly.

“Say what?” Jace asked innocently, though his smirk betrayed him.

Alec gave him a look that Jace knew was supposed to be one of exasperation, but instead came out looking fond and loving.

“I told you so,” Jace reminded, unable to hide the smirk on his face as he nuzzled Alec’s chest.

“You did, you did,” the archer admitted.

Coming here had been a shameless indulgence, one that Alec had been dubious about allowing himself, but Jace knew it was what they’d both needed. Their Mother had originally ordered Izzy to go to Idris so she could prepare the mansion for Lydia and Alec, who were to reside there during their stay in Idris after the wedding. Jace, of course had seen the opportunity in this and immediately offered his services. No one had question why Alec had come with him. He’d expected to see gratitude in his sister’s eyes, but instead he’d been met with annoyance and even disappointment.

“Can you imagine it, though?” Jace sighed as he let his head rest on Alec’s chest. “Just you and me in that huge mansion,” he daydreamed on. “Just the two of us in our little world.”

“Yeah,” Alec inhaled. ”That would be awesome.”

“We’d renovate the whole place the way we like it and no one’s gonna have a say in it but us,” Jace daydreamed with a smile.

“We could turn the west wing of the yard into an archery range,” Alec suggested, making Jace nod eagerly. “You’d be able to train there as well. We could turn into a training area.”

“Mhm,” Jace agreed. “We have to have at least two dogs!” He exclaimed.

“Oh, if you think I’m allowing you to bring two dirty mutts into my house, you are mistaken!” Alec laughed.

“Alec!” Jace slapped his parabatai’s chest playfully before capturing his lips in yet another slow kiss that had them both forgetting the outside world existed.

“I love you,” Alec murmured and Jace had noticed he was doing it often when they were alone, probably to make up for all the times he couldn’t do it when they were in public.

“Run away with me, Alec,” Jace suggested lazily, looking up at Alec from where his chin was propped on his hands on top of Alec’s chest.

The idea of finally saying ‘fuck it’ and leaving this world behind had long been present in Jace’s mind even before the affair between the two of them began, but lately Jace had been thinking about it more and more often. There was no place for him in the Shadow world anymore. The truth of his parentage had ruined his reputation and now he was considered pretty much an outcast amongst his peers. And besides, Jace wasn’t an idiot, he knew it was only a matter of time before someone learned about their relationship as well and all hell would break loose. Jace knew he’d rather have it when they were thousands of miles away from the hands of the executioners and his only hope was that Alec would agree.

“What?” Alec sat up immediately, scandalized. “Jace, what the fuck are you saying?”

“I’m serious,” Jace insisted, rising to his feet. “Let’s just pack our bags and leave!”

“And go where?” Alec questioned, looking down at the ground.

“Anywhere!” Jace told him excitedly, hoping Alec would finally see reason. “We have magic, Alec!” He reminded. “We can portal ourselves anywhere in the world we want to! And we could fight the Clave if they go after us, though I don’t think they would since they have my Father to deal with.”

“Have you thought about what would happen to Mom, Dad, Izzy and Max when the Clave figures out why’d left?”

The question caught Jace by surprise. He had thought about it, but only at his darkest hours, at night when he’d had trouble falling asleep and his mind had been running wild with thoughts of everything and nothing at all. He knew objectively that life for the Lightwoods would be hell after Jace and Alec ran away, but in those darkest moments, he found that he didn’t care.

Alec shook his head. “I can’t let them suffer the consequences of my actions,” he claimed and as much as Jace hated to admit it, he was right.

“I know,” Jace sighed, sitting back down next to his parabatai. “What should we do then?”

Alec looked up at the sky, exhaling. “Our lives will never be the way we imagined them in our dreams,” he said wisely. “But that doesn’t mean they’re not worth living. You’re all I need to be happy. Are you still with me, parabatai?” he asked, resting his forehead against Jace’s.

Jace nodded. “Until my heart beats,” he whispered. “And after that.”

 

Jace tried his best not to think about the upcoming wedding, because in his experience ignoring the problem was the wisest solution until one had no choice, but to face it. He kept it in his mind as a distant event, but as it so happened the reminders of the union between Lydia Branwell and Alec Lightwood were everywhere. It seemed like these days all everyone in the Institute could talk about was the grand wedding. There was even talk of the Inquisitor herself attending. Jace understood it. They all needed a distraction. Something to take their minds off of this impending war that was coming their way.

For many this wedding symbolized hope for the future, assurance for survival. It was an alliance between two of the most prominent Shadowhunter families that would keep the bloodline pure and their position in in the Clave secure. So Jace knew he couldn’t blame his Mother for being as excited as she was and his Father as pleased as he was. Maryse had even organized a trip to Idris for Alec and Lydia Lightwood after the wedding. As members of two of two of the eldest Nephilim families, the new couple would have to swear fidelity to the Clave by finally bringing the Mortal Cup in. For now, though, the Cup remained safely locked in the safe in Maryse’s office.

It was all just for show, Jace knew, done to only to reassure everyone that the Lightwoods had no ties to the Circle, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

The fact that Alec was a groom-to-be didn’t mean their Mother would allow him to slack off, for which, Jace knew, he was grateful.

On the day before the wedding (which was also the day of Alec’s bachelor party) their team was sent on a rather unusual mission. A fanatic Warlock had been drugging up mundane women and letting demons rape them and as a result more than ten Warlock children had been created. War really did bring out the worst in people.

The mission had gone unusually smoothly, thanks to Magnus, who’d come to their aid and defeated Iris in a Warlock fight. And now she would have to face trial and hopefully spend the rest of her life in prison.

Jace smiled when he saw Alec carrying a little girl down the stairs. Thanks to his Hearing rune, he was able to hear what they were saying.

“Yeah, I’d totally want to have gills”, Alec assured.

“Really?“ the little girl asked in a small voice.

“Are you kidding me?” Alec laughed.” They’re so cool!” He insisted. ”You’ll never have to worry about forgetting your snorkel at home and you’ll always win at those games where you gotta stick your head in a bucket.”

The little Warlock laughed, making Jace’s chest feel tight. Alec would make a perfect father.

It hit Jace then. Sooner or later Alec would become a father. He would have children who wouldn’t just be formality like the rune he insisted meant nothing to him. They would be living, breathing human beings that would need Alec’s love and protection. They wouldn’t be something Jace would be able ignore. Twenty years from now, would they blame Jace for the way they’d turned out? Though Jace had no doubt Alec would always treat Lydia with utmost respect, he would never love her just like she would never love him. No matter how hard they would try to appear as a picture perfect couple, their bed would always be cold. Children felt these things, Jace knew. They would never know what it’s like to have parents who were fully committed to one another. Alec would never be able to completely dedicate himself to his family, because Jace would always stand between them. And when Alec came home after a night of passion with Jace, would he even feel guilt for not kissing his children goodnight?

Jace realized that the same fate awaited him as well. He too would be expected to find a suitable girl and marry her as it was any respectable Shadowhunter had to. It was just the way life was, Jace had seen it happen many times. That was the case with his own parents as well and he had no reason to believe he would be an exception.

He and Alec would have to lead two completely different lives. One for the public, that of the perfect Shadowhunters, loving husbands and fathers that would make others jealous. And one that would be completely their own. A life hidden from everyone else’s eyes where they’d get to be themselves if only for a few hours at a time. This momentarily life would be what would make everything else worth it. But Jace had to wonder if that was really away to life. Would he really be able to tear himself in two so one part of him was real and the other a mask? Would he start confusing the two? It was one thing to hide the heated gazes he and Alec shared during a meeting, but it was completely different to spend an entire lifetime with some he was indifferent to for the sake of continuing his miserable existence.

Stolen moments didn’t make a life, Jace knew. And furthermore would he really be able to be happy while he knew it was for the sake of other people’s happiness? Nephilim children were often the product of duty rather than of love, but that didn’t mean Jace would wish it on anyone.

“Jace?” Clary’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Jace hadn’t even realized he’d been staring off into space, unmoving until he felt his sister’s hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” he lied. “I was just thinking.”

“Come on,” she urged, taking his hand in hers and smiling at him brightly. “You’ve got a big night ahead of you.”

She didn’t even know how right she was.

 

 

 

 

Alec had never wanted a bachelor party. In fact, he was sure what he wanted was the opposite of a bachelor party. If this was to be his last night an officially single man, he would spend it cuddling on the couch with Jace than in a loud, overcrowded club, but here he was, because he’d never been able to refuse Isabelle anything. She’d kindly taken over Jace’s duties as best man and organized him a party so the least he could was show up. Besides, Jace had promised him they’d sneak out early and have a party on their own. For now they just had to smile and pretend they were having fun.

The Pandemonium was as loud and as glamourous as always, making Alec dread the possible events that lie ahead.

“Your drinks, gentleman,” a pretty, barely-dressed waiter, said cheerfully as he brought them the set of tequilas Raj had ordered.

Amongst the guests at the party were some of Alec’s closest friends at the Institute as well as some of Lydia’s male relatives that had come from Idris for the wedding. Alec supposed he ought to finally learn their names since from tomorrow technically they would be a family.

In here, though, they were surrounded by Downworlders and just the thought of that made Alec feel uneasy since he was not popular with the Downworlders these days. It was a miracle Magnus had even allowed them to have the party here.

“We have special offers for bachelors, you know,” the waiter informed as he put the drink in front of Alec on the table.

“I’m good, thanks,” Alec smiled.

“Really, Alec?” Jordan, one of the youngest trainees in Alec’s squad, raised an eyebrow. “You’re gonna miss on your last chance to get a lap dance?”

Alec heard one of Lydia’s cousins snort around his glass.

“That’s not gonna be his last lap dance,” the middle-aged man slurred. “Believe me, such things become a common part of your life after you get married.” He claimed, no doubt to his regret later on. “Sometimes it’s what gets you through a whole week of changing nappies and constant nagging.”

There was a a pause, followed by a moment of awkward silence before Raj spoke up.

“Leave him be, you guys,” he said and for a split-second Alec was immensely grateful for him. “He’s probably saving himself for his new bride,” he finished with a smirk. The only thing that stopped Alec from kicking his teeth in was the knowledge that the ten seconds of satisfaction wouldn’t be worth all that trouble that would follow afterwards.

Through their rune Alec was able to feel his parabatai’s discomfort that those words had caused Jace. They exchanged a long glance, deaf to the laughter around them. It was time for them to leave.

“Well, gentlemen,” Alec got to his feet and Jace immediately followed his lead. “I hate to leave you, but I think it’s time for us to go to bed,” he told them. No one even thought to question why Jace was coming with him.

“Aw, Alec,” Eli, another one of his squad members teased. “Why so early?” It seemed that they’d all taken tonight’s occasion as a chance to tease him, thinking there would be no consequences. He’d make sure to show them how wrong they’d been later on.

“I have a long day ahead of me,” Alec answered truthfully.

“Probably a long night too,” he heard someone else say, but Alec ignored it and followed Jace through the crowded club.

They were on their way out when the same waiter from before stopped them.

“Mr. Bane wants to see you,” he said in Alec’s ear.

Alec had to withhold a sigh. “Come on,” he made a gesture with his head for Jace to follow him.

“Alone,” the waiter clarified.

This time Alec couldn’t help sighing tiredly. By the Angel, why was the whole world so determined to keep him and Jace apart?

“Go,” Jace told his parabatai. “See what the Warlock wants and I’ll be waiting for you at the bar.”

Alec nodded wordlessly and followed the waiter to a room at the back of the club. He felt almost like a courtesan as he was taken to Magnus’ apparently top secret room. He wanted this to be done with.

“Alexander!” Magnus greeted with a bright smile as soon as Alec walked into the room. Alec could only muster a curt nod. It was obvious that unlike him, the Downworlder had already had a few drinks.

The Warlock was sitting on a comfortable-looking armchair by the window with a martini in hand, but it was the round bed in the middle of the room that captured Alec’s attention.

“Leave us,” Magnus ordered the waiter, and the boy left without a word.

“Magnus, did something happen?” Alec asked and refused the drink that the Downworlder offered him.

“No, not really,” Magnus answered him. “I just wanted a moment alone with you.”

Alec sighed and looked up at the ceiling in attempt to avoid the Warlock’s gaze.

“This is about those Vampires, isn’t it?” Alec asked, despite already knowing the answer.

One day before the execution, Magnus had come to the Institute requesting to see Alec probably to bed for mercy on behalf of his fellow Downworlders, but the archer had refused to even see him, because he hadn’t had the patience for anyone who’d tried to get him to go back on his word.

“How could you, Alexander?” Magnus stood up abruptly and came to face Alec. “I thought you wanted to change how things were,” his voice was full of pain rather than anger. “I thought you were different,” he stated weakly and looked away, sounding almost ashamed for being so naïve.

For the first time Alec felt his confidence in his decision waver, and he found himself wondering if he had made the right choice after all. All doubts disappeared, however, as soon as he remembered why he had done it.

“My parabatai almost died,” Alec reminded. “If I hadn’t gotten him out on time we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”

“Is it worth it?” Magnus asked, sounding genuinely curious what Alec’s answer would be. “To sacrifice so many lives for one person?

“To me, he is,” Alec told him truthfully. The Warlock said nothing, staring at him with wide, sad eyes. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

Magnus nodded his mouth in a thin line. “You’re right,” he stated, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not lucky enough to be able to.”

Magnus had a point. Few people got to have what he and Jace shared. Alec didn’t expect the Downworlders or Clary, who had also been against the execution or anyone else, who had never had a parabatai to understand hm.

“I’m guessing that means I won’t see you at the wedding tomorrow,” Alec concluded.

“I cannot attend the wedding of a man who slaughtered a dozen of my fellow Downworlders without even thinking twice,” Magnus said, sounding almost numb. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. “To your marriage!” he raised his glass before finishing his drink.

They stared at each other without saying anything for a few long moments before Alec decided to take his leave.

 

On his way back to the main part of the club Alec allowed himself to spare a moment to think about what his life might have been like if he had been in love with Magnus instead of with Jace. Romantic relationships between Shadowhunters and Downworlders were still frowned upon, but they weren’t nearly as much of a taboo as those between parabatai.

Jace and Alec were more than just a couple. They were lovers, they were best friends, and they were comrades in arms. They were two parts of the same whole.

Perhaps that explained why despite all of his efforts and all the heartbreak, Alec had never managed to move on from his feelings for Jace. And how could he? From the moment they’d uttered their vows, he had belonged to Jace fully and wholeheartedly, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Indeed, a relationship with Magnus would’ve probably been easier and would’ve probably led him to a brighter future, but Alec’s heart didn’t seem to care about that. It knew and wanted only Jace, and the idea of being with anyone else was unthinkable.

Not a day went by without Alec thanking The Angel for that night at the Pandemonium, for that kiss they’d shared and all the kisses that had followed, for every little thing that had led up to the moment Jace had realized he loved him back. Ever since then, Alec’s life had completely transformed into something he couldn’t have imagined in his wildest dreams, even if it was far from perfect.

Logic and reason be damned, Alec would never be able to pluck his love for Jace out from his heart even if he knew sooner or later it would be the doom of him.

 

 

 

As promised, Alec found his parabatai at the bar, but when the archer saw Jace lean in so he could whisper in the ear of the man next to him, it became clear, Jace wasn’t waiting for him. The sight of it, the hand that the stranger had on Jace’s thigh, made Alec’s blood boil, especially because he knew Jace was doing it all out of spite. Through their bond, Alec could tell Jace was already decently intoxicated, and the half-empty bottle of whiskey was further proof of that.

Feeling his parabatai’s presence, Jace looked back, finding Alec’s gaze in the overcrowded club. Alec hoped the disappointment he was feeling right now, was written all over his face, and if not, he was sure Jace felt it. After a mere moment of staring at his parabatai intensely, Jace turned his attention back to his company, accepting the refilled glass the man gave him.

Alec wanted nothing more than to snap the intruder’s arm in two, just to see his hand off of Jace’s back, but he forced himself to calm down. He knew he couldn’t do it, not here. Jace was already risking enough by getting drunk and flirting with a man in a bar where he could easily be seen by anyone. No, they couldn’t cause a scene. Alec had to reasonable. He couldn’t afford to give in to his most basic instincts.

Alec decided his best bet would be to wait for Jace’s anger to pass so this ridiculous act could end. He ordered himself some water and tried to blend in with the crowd while pretending wasn’t watching his parabatai flirt with someone else. The most disappointing part about this whole situation was that Alec knew Jace was doing it just to hurt him. Despite all the promises they’d given each other, Jace still chose to avoid his problems instead of talking about them like an adult.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, Alec thought.

Before coming here, Jace had told him that after the party at the Pandemonium they would have a party of their own at home, but Alec supposed that wouldn’t be happening now. Not that it really mattered; they had other things to worry about right now.

When Alec saw the man leaning in for a kiss, he was ready to shoot all seven of his silver arrows in his back, but thankfully Jace turned his face away, avoiding the stranger’s lips. That almost set Alec’s mind at ease. Almost. His mind filled with thousands of ways to punish Jace, and not in the fun way. If that little brat thought his little theatrics would make Alec give him up, he was in for a surprise. Alec hadn’t spent half of his life pining after his parabatai just so he could let him go when he finally had him.

After a while of groping and giggling, Alec saw Jace and his date heading towards the entrance. Alec, naturally followed, but not without delay, because as usual the Pandemonium was full to the brim with people.

By the time Alec reached the back alley behind the club, he had already prepared himself for the worst, but still what he saw there shocked him genuinely.

The relief he felt when he witnessed Jace beating the guy’s face in, instead of kissing him, couldn’t be helped, even if Alec was sure it was entirely inappropriate of him. Said relief, however, soon disappeared, as soon as Alec realized what would happen if Jace kept going like this.

“Jace, stop it!” Alec ordered, walking up to his parabatai.

Jace, however, didn’t seem to hear him. He looked like he was in a trance as his heavy fists kept assaulting the poor bastard’s face. The guy was unconscious, but Jace didn’t really seem to care. Thanks to their bond, Alec could tell he was enjoying taking out his frustration on the lifeless body.

“Enough!” Alec yelled, grabbing Jace’s arm and taking him away. “What the hell was that?” he demanded once they were at a safe distance.

Jace’s expression went from murderous to guilty in a matter of seconds.

“I kept telling him I didn’t want to, but he wouldn’t stop,” Jace explained, his hands still shaking with anger. “When he got too far, I lost it.”

“Why the fuck did you come here for?” Ale demanded, not trying to hide his anger.

Jace stayed silent, lowering his eyes to avoid Alec’s gaze. That was an answer enough.

“I will deal with you later,” Alec glared at him coldly before walking up to the unconscious man so he could examine the damage.

Alec pressed two fingers to the man’s pulse point and discovered he was still alive. He was a Seelie, Alec could tell, even with the evidence of Jace’s brutality covering his face. The wounds Jace had left behind would take a long time to heal even with his accelerated healing, but he was still breathing, even if only barely. The Downworlder looked like he was at death’s door already.

Suddenly Alec found himself faced with a dilemma.

He knew the right thing to do was to call 911, but a voice in him whispered that if the Seelie recovered, Jace would no doubt be punished for his crime since it was unlikely that Downworlders would leave it alone, especially after what Alec had done. Jace could be imprisoned, or worse-banished. Either way they would be separated, and that thought alone made Alec decide very quickly.

Feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline, Alec looked at his parabatai, who was fidgeting in the corner, and then back at the Seelie before wrapping his right hand around the Downworlder’s throat and squeezing. It didn’t take long since the man was already half-dead. He wheezed and kicked his legs, but had no strength to defend himself, and soon enough it was done.

Unsurprisingly, Alec found that he didn’t feel guilty about what he had just done. But he wasn’t proud of it either. The act didn’t make him feel anything. It was just something that had to be done to keep Jace safe and that was all that mattered to him. Jace was the only moral compass he had now.

When Alec stood back up and looked at Jace, he found Jace’s eyes were following his every move. There was a shocked expression on Jace’s face and he seemed to have sobered up. Had he really thought Alec would just leave him to deal with this on his own?

“Come here,” Alec urged, opening his arms and Jace wasted no time wrapping himself around his parabatai and hugging him close. “Let’s go home, okay?” Alec drew the Teleporting rune on the ground, and the two of them left the Pandemonium at last.

 

Only when they got home did Jace allow himself to finally crumble. He collapsed on the ground with a heart-wrenching sob that seemed to have come from his very soul. For a while Alec could do nothing but stare as Jace sobbed, curled up to himself, with his knees drawn in close to his chest.

“I’m a monster,” Jace chanted, his entire body shaking as he stared down at his bloodied hands. “I’m a monster, I’m a monster, I’m a monster.”

The words made Alec finally snap out of his trance and he quickly sat down on the floor, taking Jace in his arms and hugging him.

“You’re not, you’re not,” Alec assured, holding Jace tight and letting him cry to his heart’s content.

It seemed that that man’s advances had been the last straw for Jace, and everything he’d been holding inside had erupted at last. It hurt Alec to see his parabatai like this, but he knew it was best to just allow Jace to break down so he could later pick himself back up when all that weight was lifted off his chest.

Jace cried so hard and for so long that eventually he ended up having a panic attack.

“You’ll leave me,” he wailed pathetically, trying to get away from his parabatai’s grip, but Alec refused to let him. “You’ll leave me, I know you will,” he claimed. “I- I saw it.”

“Never,” Alec swore fiercely. “I will never leave you,” he promised, wiping Jace’s tears. “Whatever you saw, it was fake, but I’m real, see?” He brought Jace’s hand to his cheek, making him feel the living human flesh.

Jace stared up at him with wide eyes and for a moment Alec thought it had worked before Jace burst into tears again.

The only way Alec managed to get him to actually calm down was by reciting the parabatai vows to him.

“Entreat me not to leave thee…” Alec started.

The words seemed to pull Jace out of whatever darkness had swallowed him, and keep him grounded. Soon enough his sobs started dying down and he stopped shaking.

“Say it with me,” Alec urged, holding both of Jace’s hands in his own.

“If aught but death—“ Jace tried, but before he could finish, he vomited all over Alec’s new shirt.

Alec remained unbothered by the wet sensation on his chest and the unpleasant smell.

“If aught but death part thee and me,” he finished the vow at last.

“I’m sorry,” Jace sobbed, resting his forehead against Alec’s shoulder.

“It’s fine,” Alec assured, stroking Jace’s sweaty hair. “It’s nothing,” he assured. “I’m not going anywhere. Remember what I told you that night at the Pandemonium? Until my heart beats…”

“And after that…” Jace finished the phrase before throwing up again.

 

After a while Alec made Jace stand up and both of them went to the bathroom.

“Bet that’s how you wanted to spend your last day of freedom. “ Jace joked, looking up Alec from where he was hunching over the toilet seat.

“It’s not ideal,” Alec admitted, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall. “But I wouldn’t spend it with anyone else.”

Jace gave him a look that asked: How are you still here? But Alec said nothing. He couldn’t find the words to describe the storm that was raging in his heart right now.

He didn’t know if what he was feeling was maniacal desire or if it was true love, but he did now that nothing, absolutely nothing would make him leave Jace.

 

Once Jace was sure he was done throwing up, Alec filled the bathtub with warm water and helped him out of his clothes.

Alec took his time undressing his parabatai, not wanting to rush or startle Jace. It was the simplest act, but it was incredibly intimate, and Alec wanted to enjoy it as long as possible. While taking Jace’s pants off, Alec noticed his parabatai had a thong underneath that he had most likely wearing the whole night, but the archer decided not to think too much about it, otherwise he knew he’d lose his mind.

“Come on,” Alec helped Jace climb in the bathtub before grabbing a sponge.

The dried blood on Jace’s face and hands we was the hardest to clean, which was why he started there fist, making sure he was as gentle as possible.

Jace was practically purring as his parabatai’s fingers’ massaged his scalp gently, and Alec could feel him relaxing gradually. Even covered in sweat, vomit and blood, Jace’s hair was still golden and brilliant, and Alec could help running his fingers through it.

“Should do this more often,” Jace murmured as Alec ran the sponge down his back. His eyes were closed and there was a smile on his lips, but through their rune, Alec could feel Jace was still feeling a little bit uneasy.

“We’ll do it as often as you want,” Alec promised, bopping Jace’s nose and leaving some foam on the tip of it.

“You wanna jump in?” Jace suggested with a smirk.

Alec did. He really, really wanted to join Jace in the bathtub, but he also knew what would happen if he did. Even without a watch, he could tell it was getting pretty late, and they had a long day ahead of them tomorrow. It was an indulgence they just couldn’t afford right now.

Jace understood him even without words, but instead of complaining he simply laid his head on Alec’s thigh and looked up at his parabatai with those big, sad eyes of his.

Not long after, Alec helped Jace into some comfy clothes before sending his off to bed while he had a shower.

Jace wasn’t asleep when Alec returned to the bedroom. His eyes were wide open, and when he saw Alec enter he gave him a pleading look that begged: Don’t ever leave me.

That was all the invitation Alec needed to climb on the bed and join his parabatai.

They fell asleep quickly, feeling safe and sound in each other’s arms.

 

It was still dark outside when Jace woke up the next morning. He needed a few seconds to realize exactly where he was. The nagging headache that made him feel like his head was being split open, made it clear the night hadn’t gone the way he’d wanted it to.

However, Alec’s warm presence from behind had a calming effect on him and he found himself relaxing into the embrace.

Jace titled his head to the side so he could stare at Alec’s peaceful face for a few seconds.

What in Raziel’s name is this man still doing here? Jace wondered for the millionth time.

If something had become apparent last night it was that Alec was either truly insane or truly in love with him. Jace wasn’t sure which one was better. Both, however would explain why Alec had stayed after everything Jace had put him through. Anyone with at last some common sense would have left a long time ago, nut not Alec. Never Alec. His love for Jace was bulletproof and no one, not even Jace himself could destroy it.

“Sleep,” Alec murmured groggily. “There’s still time.”

Jace shook his head silently. Even though he‘d gotten only a few hours of rest, he knew he couldn’t go back to sleep like nothing was wrong.

He turned around in his parabatai’s arms and stared at him until finally Alec opened his eyes.

“Kinda creepy when you stare at me like that,” Alec joked, smirking. “Hey,” he greeted next, kissing Jace’s lips softly,

“Hi,” Jace greeted with a shy smile. “I-I don’t know what to say,” he admitted, looking away.

“How about you tell me the truth?” Alec suggested.

Wow, he really wasn’t beating around the bush, was he?

“Tell me what brought this on, Jace,” Alec insisted sternly. “What happened?”

Jace shook his head, staring at Alec with pleading eyes until he realized his parabatai wouldn’t cave in. And he was right not to. After last night’s fiasco, the last Jace could do was give him an explanation

Jace took a deep, shaky breath before speaking up at last.

 

Jace had actually had a plan about how he’d wanted the night of Alec’s bachelor party to go.

Out of politeness, they were supposed to stay at the Pandemonium before excusing themselves and heading home so the real party could begin.

That whole plan, however, had fallen through as soon as Jace had entered the club and reality had settled in.

Alec was getting married. In less than twelve hours he would have a wife with whom he’d have to share a life with. And while Jace knew for sure Alec’s heart was beating for him and him only, he couldn’t help but fear things between them would change after he said, I do.

The crude jokes and suggestions, as well as the vagina-shaped cake that had been brought in, had only served to make everything seem even more real, and at one point Jace had felt like he was suffocating.

There had been nowhere to hide from the truth anymore. Only a miracle could stop this wedding from happening, and Jace had stopped believing in miracles a long time ago.

Alec listened to him carefully, his eyes never leaving his parabatai’s face as Jace went on with his story.

Jace squeezed his eyes shut, remembering his own excitement while putting on that sexy, red thong before leaving the apartment, in hopes that later on Alec would take it off with his teeth.

Jace had even installed a pole in the living room and bought fake cash with the intention of attempting to strip tease for his parabatai, but alas. He couldn’t have predicted that his brain would once again be working against him, and ruin everything.

Jace could barely remember what had happened to him after his fifth shot of vodka. All he knew that when he’d seen Alec disappear in the back area of the club with that waiter, his brain had gone into an error mode. He had become hyper and agitated, willing to do anything to distract himself from the thoughts that had flooded his mind. Logically, he knew that Alec and Magnus had probably been having completely innocent conversation between friends, but that knowledge had done nothing to stop his heart from pounding in his chest as he’d waited for his parabatai to come back.

With each passing minute, Jace had been growing more and more anxious, his mind coming up with all sorts of insane scenarios.

He’s never coming back, A voice in his head had whispered, and by that time Jace hadn’t had the strength to ignore it.

He finally came to his senses, Jace remembered thinking, and oh, how wrong he had been.

He’s just like the rest.

Wanting to punish Alec for something he hadn’t even done, Jace had accepted a drink from a guy who had been eyeing him for quite a while, without even realizing he’d be the one who’d end up being punished.

But then… Jace could still hardly believe what had happened afterwards. His memories of the previous night, but he knew he’d never be able to forget the sight of his parabatai chocking the life out of the man who had assaulted him. The memory of it brought him such pride and satisfaction that Jace was sure proved he was more insane than he’d thought. And while this was far from the first time Alec had killed someone to save him, last night had been different. That Seelie had been neither a demon, nor an enemy in a battle, and yet Alec had killed him all the same to protect Jace. He had broken the Law for the thousandth time for Jace. Only for Jace. He only got this brutal, this fierce for Jace. No one else could ignite the same fire in him. The knowledge made Jace feel happier than he would’ve liked to admit.

By the time he finished the story Jace was already in tears, and unsurprisingly so was Alec.

“I’m not going anywhere,” the archer promised ardently, holding Jace’s hands in his own. “Do you hear me?” he sobbed. “I’m your fucking parabatai!” he snarled. “Don’t you get what that means?!”

“I-I do,” Jace assured, sniffling. “But…”

“But nothing!” Alec snapped at last, gripping Jace’s biceps and shaking him. “Wither thou goest, I will go,” he reminded, looking furious. “It’s you and me against the whole fucking world! We’re in this together!”

Jace sobbed, hiding his face in Alec’s naked chest. He tried to figure out how he of all people had gotten Alec was his parabatai, but the answer wouldn’t come.

“From now on,” Alec sniffled, holding Jace tightly. “You won’t have to go through it alone.”

“W-What do you mean?” Jace asked, looking up at Alec with tearful eyes.

“When those dark thoughts come,” he started. “I want to know about it. I want to know what is going through your head so we can deal with it together.”

Jace gave Alec a hesitant look before nodding. He had never wanted anyone to know what was going on in his head. His mind was too dark of a place to let anyone in. If someone saw what it was like in there, what Jace was really like, they would no doubt get scared of the monster hiding inside.

Everyone else, but not Alec. Alec was something else. With his love and kindness, he had managed to bring down all the walls his parabatai had spent a lifetime building. Now Jace lay completely unraveled in his arms, and to his surprise he found he didn’t mind it all. Perhaps his Father had been right after all. Perhaps to loves was really to destroy, because Alec’s love had killed Valentine’s puppet and in his place now stood Jace Lightwood-parabatai and beloved of Alec Lightwood.

“I love you so much,” Jace whispered, resting his forehead against Alec’s.

“I love you too,” Alec whispered back ardently. “And tonight, away from everyone’s eyes, I will marry you.”

“W-What?” Jace looked up at him, stunned. “What are you talking about?”

“We will spend our wedding night here,” Alec went on, unbothered. “On a bed of roses. With no one else around us. Just you and me in our own world of two.”

“Alec, stop,” Jace warned, though he couldn’t do anything to stop the images from appearing in his mind.

He saw himself at the altar, opposite Alec, both of them clad in white and gold, and drawing the marital rune on each other. Oh, Raziel, if only. In another world perhaps, but not in this one.

“We won’t need rings or vows ‘cause we made our own a long time ago,” Alec claimed with certainty, and his words made Jace more upset than he’d thought he’d be.

Jace shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t let himself imagine what it would be like if today was their wedding day instead of Alec’s wedding day. If he got too lost in that fantasy, the brutal reality would seem even harsher afterwards.

Just when Jace thought he’d had enough, Alec spoke again.

“Marry me, parabatai,” he begged ardently. “Marry me and be my husband from this day on.”

Jace stared at him for a moment, wondering which one of them was more insane. Was it Jace himself with the voices talking constantly in his mind, or was it Alec, who was seemed to have lost his mind over his impending marriage. Jace had been an idiot to think it wouldn’t take its toll on him.

Either way, the answer rolled off his tongue without hesitation.

“Yes,” he agreed through tears. “Yes, yes, yes!”

“I can’t wait to have inside me,” Alec whispered before kissing Jace breathless.

 

 

A few hours later Jace was pacing nervously around his room. He looked down at his watch and saw there was only an hour before the ceremony was set to begin. He was already dressed in the fancy black suit Izzy had picked out for him, but even now a tiny hope flickered in his heart that perhaps something would happen in the last minute and the wedding would be cancelled.

There was a knock on the door, and Jace forced himself to put an end to these ridiculous thoughts.

Izzy entered the room, dressed in a gorgeous golden dressed that somehow made her look even more beautiful than she already was.

“Hey,” she greeted, though the usual smile was absent from her face. “Alec’s asking for you.”  
Jace nodded, but he looked at his sister one last time before heading to his parabatai’s room.

“Izzy, are we okay?” He asked timidly, hoping they could resolve whatever problem they had. Lately, Jace had noticed that his sister had been acting unusually cold and distant towards him, and he thought he had a pretty good idea as to why that was.

“Of course we are,” she claimed, fixing his bowtie, but by the tone of her voice Jace could tell she was lying.

“Izzy,” he sighed heavily, taking her hand in his own. “I know you don’t…agree with some things I do, but you have to at least know I’m never gonna let you or our family suffer because of my actions.”

“I know you’ll try, Jace,” Izzy assured. “But these things are very rarely in our control,” she said, eyeing the camera. This wasn’t a conversation they could have here. “Go,” she urged him. “Alec is waiting for you.”

 

 

 

Jace expected to find his parabatai anxious and afraid, but instead he found him excited and confident, almost as if he was happy he was getting married. He was wearing an elegant, black suit with a bowtie and a white shirt underneath the jacket-a bold choice of attire, considering it was tradition for the bride and groom to wear gold at the wedding.

“Hi,” Alec greeted with a smile, walking up to Jace and standing a bit too close. “I have something for you,” he pulled a small box from his pocket and handed it to Jace.

“Alec, you shouldn’t have…” Jace tried to say, but Alec stopped him before he could finish.

“It’s tradition,” he stated simply and he was right. It was tradition for the groom to get the bride a gift before the wedding.

 

It was a necklace. A very subtle and very elegant arrowhead necklace that Jace assumed was worth quite a lot. He took it in his hand, studying it. Even with his limited knowledge in jewelry-making, Jace could tell it was high quality. The cord seemed to have been made out of real leather and the arrowhead of silver that resembled…

“I made it,” Alec answered the silent question in his parabatai’s eyes.

Jace needed a moment to realize what he’d just heard. Alec had made him a gift. He hadn’t just gone out and bought something on a whim. He’d used his magic to do it. Jace wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be flattered or worried. On one hand, Alec had already taken this fantasy of his way too far, but on the other hand, the idea of wearing a token of his parabatai’s love was too tempting for Jace to refuse.

“I didn’t get you anything,” he said apologetically, turning around so Alec could put the necklace on him.

“It’s okay,” Alec assured, grinning. “You’ve already given me everything I could ever ask for.”

They exchanged a look that said more than a thousand kisses before their Mother entered the room, forcing them to break apart.

“It’s time,” she informed softly, and Jace could tell she was barely holding back tears of pride and happiness. “You’ve made me so proud,” she told them both, smiling.

“Mom,” Alec took her hand, kissing it. It wasn’t like either of them to get emotional, but Jace supposed these things happened at weddings.  
Maryse pulled them both into an awkward hug, but neither of them minded as they all wrapped arms around one another, feeling safe in her warm, motherly embrace.

“We have to go,” she reminded when they pulled away, wiping her tears quickly.

“You guys go,” Jace told them, feeling the sudden urge to be alone for a moment. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Everything okay?” Alec asked, giving Jace a skeptical look, almost as if he was afraid his parabatai had given up on him already.

“Yeah,” Jace nodded, using their bond to assure Alec. “I’ll be there in a sec.”

 

 

As soon as Alec and Maryse left the room, Jace headed to the bathroom to splash water on his face in hopes that it would help with his nerves. It didn’t. After tucking the necklace under his shirt, Jace looked down at his hands to find them shaking.

Alec was getting married and there was nothing to be done about it. In just fifteen minutes, Alec would have a wife and later on a family. No bond compared to what he and Jace had, and yet Alec would be expected to put his family first, even before his parabatai. Where was the sense in that?

Jace stared at himself in the mirror, panting. He could feel another meltdown building up, but not now. For now he would just smile and greet guests and be there for his parabatai, acting for all the world as if he wasn’t falling apart on the inside piece by piece. If there was one thing Jace was good at, it was pretending to be okay when he wasn’t.

 

“Last chance,” Jace joked, fixing Alec’s bowtie. “I can have a car waiting for us in five minutes if you want it too.”

“Sure,” Alec winked, trying his best to appear calm and collected, but Jace knew better. “What are we waiting for? Let me just get my bow and arrow in case anyone tries to get in our way.”

They both mustered up a fake laughter, realizing they weren’t joking, not at all. If given the chance, they would run away and never come back, but they couldn’t. Not when they’d gotten this far.

“Are you with me?” Alec whispered only for Jace’s ears.

“You know I am,” Jace replied, leaving the rest of the sentence unfinished, but he hoped Alec had understood him. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

They only left their own private world of whispered words and heated looks when they realized the ceremony was about to begin.

The guests took their seats quickly and Jace walked over to Alec’s side where he belonged. He realized he didn’t know half of the people in attendance. His Mother had invited all sorts of important guests from Idris, although Jace suspected they might have come because of Lydia. Even the Inquisitor herself was here to witness the union between Alec and Lydia. Something grand was cooking up, Jace could tell.

He took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of himself.

Finally the doors opened and Lydia entered.

Not a single person in the room could look away as she walked down the aisle, leaving everyone breathless and speechless. In her strapless white gown with golden ornaments she was every bit the perfect bride, and even Jace found himself enchanted by her. Her hair was pulled into a flawless side braid and simple golden earrings and a bracelet were the perfect finish to her attire. But perhaps the most beautiful thing she wore was the smile on her face that made her seem even more radiant. No wonder Alec had chosen her. She was the perfect addition to their family. The two of them would be the envy of the whole Shadow world, no matter what the truth really was.

Jace didn’t have the time to think about what their lives would be like after the wedding, because before he knew it, the wedding was already happening.

The whole room went quiet as Lydia and Alec exchanged gifts before reciting the marital vows.

Even as Alec said the words, while holding Lydia’s hands, his eyes never left Jace’s.

Set me as a seal upon thine heart,

as a seal upon thine arm,

for love is strong as death.

Even as Alec said the words while holding Lydia’s hands, his eyes were still on his parabat

Jace watched as Lydia drew the rune on Alec’s arm, and soon enough Alec did the same over her heart. Jace felt the same slight discomfort Alec did from the application of the rune, but nothing else. Everything else was the same. Nothing had changed. The parabatai bond burned as strong and as bright between them as ever. Jace had known it would be, but for some reason he was still relieved.

Brother Zachariah helped them with the remaining rituals before finally declaring them married. And that was it. Alec was married. He had a wife. And the world kept on turning.

 

Jace and Alec barely had the time to see each other during the lavish reception that followed the ceremony. Alec was busy with all the guests and with his new bride, while Jace preferred to stay away from all the hassle.

“You okay, son?” Robert asked when he noticed Jace sulking in the corner with a drink in hand.

“Yeah,” Jace lied, his eyes never leaving Lydia and Alec, who were dancing slowly in the middle of the dancefloor. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because your parabatai just got married, and you’re worried you’ll have to share him,” Robert replied, sitting down next to his son before pouring himself some whiskey.

Jace stared at his Father, stunned. No doubt Robert knew what his son was going through since he too had had a parabatai once, but was he aware of what was actually going on between Jace and Alec? Jace liked to think he was doing a good job of hiding his true feelings for his parabatai, but maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he had been transparent all along.

“Take it from me, son,” Robert said, sounding much more cheerful than Jace was used to. “Nothing compares to what you and Alec share. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“I know,” Jace confirmed with a nod. “Thanks, Dad,” he managed a weak smile.

“Always for you, my boy,” Robert smiled, rising his glass in a toast. “Cheers! To Alec and Lydia!”

“Cheers!” Jace finished his drink before excusing himself and leaving the room.

 

Jace walked through the empty Institute halls, feeling more alone than ever. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he was sure this wasn’t how things were supposed be. He had expected that after the conversation he’d had with Alec earlier, the ache in his heart would ease, but alas. His head was a mess, full of a thousand scenarios of how everything could go wrong. This anxiety caused his heart to beat like mad in his chest and his hands to tremble. He felt like a trapped animal, craving freedom. He desperately wished he could leave this place, this word, and go somewhere where he could be someone else, and not who he had been born to be.

 

Jace thought he was the only person in the Institute who was missing out on the awesome party that was happening downstairs, but that proved to be wrong when he accidently bumped into Hodge, who was just leaving Maryse’s office.

“Sorry,” Hodge mumbled, and quickly walked away, seemingly eager to return to the reception. He knew better than to try to make conversation.

Over the past few months, the relationship between the teacher and his former student had been more than a little tense, and Jace was aware he was the only one who was to blame for that. He couldn’t explain it, but for some reason lately being around Hodge had made him feel uncomfortable and irritable.

“Hodge, wait!” Jace went after him, wanting to make amends for his terrible behavior.

“What is it, Jace?” Hodge asked somewhat nervously, turning around, but still keeping his hands clasped behind his back for some reason. “Can I help you with something?”

“No, I...” Jace shook head, taking a few steps forward so they were face-to-face. “I wanted you to know how sorry I am for the way I’ve been treating you lately.”

Hodge’s eyes softened immediately and he smiled. “Apology accepted,” he said, shaking Jace’s hand with his right one, which was odd, considering he was left-handed.

“Hodge, are you okay?” Jace wondered, noticing how tense the man looked.

“Yeah,“ Hodge nodded awkwardly. “You should probably go back in there,” he suggested. “I have a few things I need to take care of.”

“Show me your hands,” Jace demanded, feeling dreadful all of a sudden. “I want to see what you’re hiding behind your back. “

“What are you talking about?” Hodge tried to sound offended, but Jace knew him well enough to recognize the guilty look on his face.

“Show me!” Jace insisted, reaching behind Hodge, but the older Shadowhunter stepped away.

“I’m sorry about this,” Hodge said before attempting to knock Jace out by punching him in the face, but Jace stopped his fist easily before tackling him on the ground.

“I knew it!” Jace growled when he saw the Mortal Cup fall on the ground behind Hodge. “I knew I was right about you!”

Jace wasted on time summoning his blade and charging, but Hodge had come prepared too.

“How could you?!” Jace snapped as their blades clashed. “How could you do this to us? I thought we were you family!”

“Family?!” Hodge scoffed, getting to his feet. “I’ve been a prisoner here for more than twenty years!”

“You did something wrong,” Jace reminded him, stopping for a moment to look at his former teacher before attacking again. “You broke the Law and you’re paying for it.”

“So did your parents,” Hodge gritted his teeth, looking more furious than Jace had ever seen him. “And so do you. But I don’t see you paying for what you’ve done.”

Jace ignored Hodge’s words, knowing the man was just trying to distract him so he could finish the job.

“Our system is poisoned,” Hodge claimed bitterly. “The Law should punish the guilty and protect the innocent, but right now it’s just a pile of bullshit ‘cause the Clave’s afraid to implement their own rules.”

Jace recognized his Father’s words in Hodge’s mouth immediately.

“Valentine ordered you to steal the Cup, didn’t he?” He concluded, still recovering from the shock.”

“He did,” Hodge confirmed, and Jace could tell he was getting tired, and quite frankly so was Jace himself. “He sends his love and awaits the moment you’ll be by his side again.”

Jace’s form was quite sloppy thanks to all the alcohol in his system, but that didn’t stop him from channeling all of his anger towards Valentine and surging forward, pinning Hodge against the wall.

“You’re under arrest for High Treason,” Jace panted, holding the edge of the blade against Hodge’s throat. “I’m bringing you in, and you’re gonna tell us everything you know about Valentine’s plans.”

“Sure,” Hodge smirked. “I’ll tell the Clave everything about Valentine,” he said sarcastically. “Right after I tell them everything I know about you.”

“W-What?” Jace was taken aback by the threat, and suddenly he grew very anxious. “What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean,” Hodge told him and he wasn’t wrong. “Question is how your Mother would react when she learns what her boys have been doing behind her back.”

Jace could do nothing else but stare at his former teacher. Hodge knew. Somehow he had learned about Jace and Alec’s secret, and he’d been waiting for the right moment to use it to his advantage.

“If I go down, you two go down with me,” Hodge warned. “And rest assured, your punishment will be far worse than whatever I get,” he sneered.

“I’ll kill you,” Jace threatened, pressing the blade against Hodge’s throat hard enough to draw blood.

Hodge, however, remained unfazed.

“I wonder what’s worse, though,” he mused. “To leave your parabatai to die alone, or to witness him get executed.”

Jace’s mind suddenly went blank. He couldn’t think or speak, because his brain had finally shut down. All he could do was move away mechanically and stare with empty eyes as Hodge took his leave.

 

 

Jace couldn’t remember going back to the party. One minute he was standing in the hallway, stunned and gaping like a fish, and the next, he was in the bathroom and Alec’s strong, but gentle hands were holding him close and keeping him whole.

“Jace?” Alec’s soothing slowly brought Jace back to reality. “Jace, look at me!”

Jace stared up at him with wide eyes full of tears that threatened to fall any minute now. He couldn’t even find the strength to utter a single word. That’s how Jace knew he’d reached his breaking point.

“What happened?” Alec asked, which meant the bomb hadn’t been dropped yet.

Jace could hear the music from outside, and he suddenly noticed they were in one of the bathrooms downstairs. He didn’t even want to think what picture he must have made while moving past the guest in search for his parabatai, resembling a zombie.

‘Tell me what happened,” Alec requested, cupping Jace’s cheek. “Please, tell me.” The soft look in his eyes made Jace feel warm on the inside, and he finally responded.

“The C-Cup,” Jace stuttered. “I-It’s gone.”

The shocked look on Alec’s face made Jace break down at last.

 

Panic and terror spread thought the Institute as the news of the up being stole became public knowledge. Fear reigned in the hearts of even the most courageous Nephilim after the reception was abruptly interrupted and emergency was declared.

Only Alec Lightwood seemed capable of keeping his cool, which many guests found strange, considering it was his wedding that had been ruined.

 

 

Hodge, Alec thought miserably as he and Jace walked through the dark streets of New York side-by-side.

Hodge had betrayed them all without even thinking twice about it.

Several hours after it had happened, Alec’s mind still had trouble processing the truth even after he’d seen the footage of his former teacher stealing the stele from the pocket of his suit jacket, and then proceed to open the safe where Alec had put the Mortal Cup for safekeeping.

“You know this is probably a trap, right?” Alec asked, suddenly feeling dreadful.

Using parabatai tracking they’d managed to locate Hodge in Staten Island, and it was only a matter of time before they found him. Alec, however, knew better than to celebrate a victory that hadn’t happened yet. This had been too easy. No doubt another obstacle was waiting for them around the corner.

“Maybe,” Jace murmured, sounding like this idea hadn’t even crossed his mind. “But we can’t risk someone else capturing him,” he reasoned. “He knows, Alec.” Jace revealed at last.

“Knows what?” Alec asked, with a typical frown on his face.  
“About us, Alec,” Jace revealed, sighing. All of a sudden he looked extremely tired and sad. “He knows everything about us.“

Alec couldn’t help the look of utter shock on his face. Hodge knew about them? But how?

Hodge knew them better than most people could hope they would, Alec realized. If anyone would figure out they were in love, it would be him. Still, the betrayal didn’t hurt any less.

“It has to be us, Alec,” Jace told him. “We have to find hind him and stop him before he ruins our lives.”

Alec nodded silently. He couldn’t help feeling partially guilty for what had happened. If he had trusted his parabatai’s gut and listened to Jace’s warnings about Hodge, maybe they wouldn’t be in this situation right now. Thank Raziel, Izzy had been sensible enough to delete the footage of Jace and Hodge’s conversation before someone else had seen it, otherwise Alec was sure he wouldn’t have made it to his wedding night.

“He’s close, I can feel it,” Jace warned, holding his Blade in his right hand, while his left one glowed white. He was using his magic to track Hodge this time, and unsurprisingly, Alec found the sight incredibly alluring.

Jace’s magic took them to an abandoned garage and at that point, Alec was sure they were most likely walking into a trap. He texted Izzy their coordinates just in case they needed help, but judging by Jace’s bloodthirsty expression, he assumed the two of them could handle whatever Valentine might have sent their way.

To their surprise they found Hodge alone, and he looked pretty surprised to see them.

“Waiting for your master, bastard?” Jace growled, wasting no time with pleasantries.

“Nah,” Hodge smirked. “Just wondering how Alec could leave his gorgeous bride on their wedding night.”

Alec clenched his fist, wanting to finish that excuse for a human being for good, but he knew better than to get in his parabatai’s way. Jace needed to do this alone in order to feel like a warrior again. Alec could tell he was getting tired of constantly being saved. All the hardships Jace had been through lately had made him lose his self-confidence and his warrior’s pride. It was time he got them back.

Alec watched as Hodge and Jace battled, the sound of their blades cashing way too familiar in his ears. Since they knew each other so well it was difficult for either of them to get the upper hand for a while, but Jace’s youth as well as his undying rage gave him an advantage. Not to mention the added benefits that the sin of Eros had given them both.

Soon enough Alec saw Hodge fall to his knees, defeated. The archer smirked and took a few steps forward, standing at a safe distance behind his parabatai, awaiting his next move.

Jace dropped his Bade to the ground and started searching him for the Mortal Cup, snarling when he found nothing.

“Did you really think you could threaten me? Us?” Jace asked, holding Hodge’s face and making him look up as if to make his final moments even more painful.

His voice was colder than Alec had ever heard it, and the archer couldn’t hide his own amusement, the pride he was feeling on the inside no doubt showing on his face.

“Don’t you ever dare think me weak again,” Jace warned, pausing for a moment so he could glance at Alec. “I’ll cut your head off and give it to him as a wedding gift.”

Jace was just about to make his threat a reality when a familiar voice came from somewhere inside the garage.

“Bravo, Jonathan, bravo,” Valentine praised appearing seemingly out of nowhere with his loyal servants in tow. “That is the fire I’ve always known you had in you,” he claimed proudly. “Who knew it took only a little archer boy to ignite it?”

His Father’s sudden appearance startled Jace, and for a moment he stood there frozen, giving Hodge the opportunity to get away and save his miserable life.

Alec was alert in an instant, ready for a fight. He had his seven magical arrows with him, and with Jace’s phenomenal skills with the Blade, they could easily take the few men Valentine had brought.

“Why are you here?” Jace questioned, finally snapping out of his initial shock and picking up his Blade before taking a battle stance. “What do you want?”

“To reunite with my family, of course,” Valentine stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.”

“I’m not your family,” Jace sneered, venom dripping from every word that came out of his mouth. “Families don’t do to each other what you did to me.”

“Yet you cannot deny all the benefits you’ve enjoyed thanks to me,” Valentine claimed proudly. “I wanted to make you stronger, better than everyone, and I’ve succeeded.”

“You’re a monster,” Jae told him through gritted teeth. “You knew exactly what the demon blood would do to me, but you didn’t care, because to you I was nothing but an experiment.”

“Enough chit-chat,” Alec interrupted them, feeling how much pain this conversation was causing his parabatai. He aimed at Valentine, ready to shoot at Jace’s command.

“Leave him to me,” Jace ordered harshly. “Let’s end this here and now,” he suggested. “Just you and me, there’s no need for anyone else to get involved.”

“Jace…” Alec tried to warn, knowing Valentine wouldn’t be just fighting fairly, but his parabatai was having none of it.

“Alec, no!” he refused, shaking his head. “I need to do this on my own.”

“Oh, I have no intention of fighting with you, Jonathan,” Valentine informed casually. “In fact, I want you to join me. You, Clarissa and your Mother.”

“If you think either of us would ever be on your side, then you’re–“

Jace couldn’t finish his sentence, because suddenly the garage door opened and Clary barged in with Izzy and Lydia in tow.

“Jace!” Clary shouted, rushing to her brother’s side, and Izzy did the same along with Lydia.

Alec wanted to ask what Lydia was doing here, fresh out of her wedding dress, but he knew this wasn’t the time for conversations.

Clary looked sad and exhausted, and Alec wondered if she had managed to find what he had been looking for.

“Ah, Clarissa, right on time,” Valentine turned to her. “I trust you have been successful in your mission?”

By this point Alec wasn’t even surprised Valentine had somehow learned Clary had been trying to find the Book of The White so she could wake Jocelyn up.

“How did you…?” Clary wondered, and almost wanted to laugh at her naivety. Did she not know by now what type of person her Father was?

“I was just asking your brother if he wanted to join me, but he seemed torn,” Valentine told her, though he no doubt knew what Jace’s answer was. “Perhaps you will be able to convince him?”

“You're insane,” Clary snarled, sounding offended at the mere suggestion. “We will never join you.”

“Very well, then,” Valentine sighed dramatically. “Is this your last word on the matter?”

“What do you think?” Jace asked sarcastically, tilting his head to the side.

“You’ve made your decision,” Valentine said, standing there, unmoving, with his hands crossed over his chest like what he was doing was completely normal. “Now, like with every decision in your life, you must suffer the consequences.”

Jace snorted, unimpressed. Alec didn’t know if he should be proud or terrified that the concept of payment, and therefore punishment didn’t seem to bother him at all.

“Oh, I know better than to use violence on you in this instance, Jonathan,” Valentine assured. “The price of your defiance will be paid by those you love most,” he threatened, and Alec didn’t miss the fact that Valentine’s eyes were on him as he said it.

Jace froze momentarily, terrified of his loved ones being hurt because of him. Alec could feel his parabatai’s worry though their bond, as well as his guilt, but the archer knew better than to succumb to his own fear.

“Don’t listen to him, Jace!” Alec ordered, because he wasn’t about to let his parabatai become a victim of his Father’s mind games. “He won’t kill me,” Alec stated with certainty. “He knows better than anyone here what would happen to you if I die.”

“There are fates worse than death, Alexander,” Valentine told him smugly. “As you will learn, should I see it fit.”

Alec didn’t have to respond, because suddenly there was a Blade pressed to his throat, and someone was holding him from behind, preventing him from moving his arms. He looked around and saw Lydia and Izzy were being held too. Only Jace and Clary remained free, but they didn’t dare move, knowing better than to underestimate their Father’s madness.

“I would advise you not to challenge me, Alexander,” Valentine warned, stepping closer to Alec. “Or you might end up a widower sooner than expected.”

“Fuck you,” Lydia swore, trying her best to break free, but the man holding her was twice as big as her, so she didn’t stand a chance. She was nothing if not stubborn, though, squirming and even attempting to bite the man’s arm until finally Valentine injected her with something, and she passed out.

“Lydia!” Isabelle cried out when she saw her friend collapse on the ground.

“As you can see, I make no empty threats,” Valentine said, squatting down next to Lydia’s unconscious body to check her pulse.

“Oh, and don’t try your magic tricks on me, Jonathan,” he warned when he noticed his son’s hands glowing white. “If anything happens to me, demons will be released all over New York and in the Institute,” Valentine informed. “Would you really risk it?”

“Stop,” Jace snapped finally. “Promise me…” he begged helplessly. “Promise me that if I come with you, you won’t hurt them.”

“You have my word,” Valentine assured, making Jace lower his weapon and walk over to his side.

“Lovely,” Valentine smiled and turned around so he could open a portal.

“Jace, no!” Alec finally managed to wiggle out of the man’s grip and rushed to his parabatai’s side. “Don’t do this!” The archer bagged, holding onto his parabatai for dear life, as if he would never let go.

“We’ll find a way out of this,” Alec assured, resting his forehead against Jace only for a second in a final attempt to keep him.

“I’m sorry, Alec,” Jace said softly before stepping away from his parabatai’s arms. “I have to keep you safe,” he claimed, and Alec could hear the tears in his voice, he was trying not to shed.

“Jace, stop!” Clary shouted when she saw he brother turn his back on them. “Stop,” she cried. “He’s wrong! You’re not like him.”

“There’s darkness in me,” Jace claimed, shaking his head. “There always has been.”

Jace took one last look at them before disappearing through the portal Valentine had opened.

And just like that he was gone. As soon as reality settled in, Alec felt the weight of what had just happened crashing down on him. The ground beneath his feet seemed to have suddenly disappeared, and he fell onto his knees, screaming in pain that came not from his body but from his very soul.

 

Jace was gone. The realization pulsed through his min d constantly, but Alec refused to believe it. The truth, however, was the truth, and it was there regardless if one wanted to accept it or not.

Jace was no longer at arm’s length. Alec couldn’t see him and reach him whenever he needed to. Their bond felt faint and Jace like he was worlds away. Once again, Alec found himself regretting all the times he had avoided Jace out of spite, instead of spending all the time he had in cherishing his parabatai. It all seemed like a childish play now, the things they’d done to hurt one another, and Alec wished he could somehow turn back time so he could have all the little moments with his parabatai he had missed.

 

Returning to the Institute seemed like a mistake when Alec saw what was waiting for him there. Jace had apparently been declared a traitor even before surrendering himself to Valentine, and his departure had been the last nail in the coffin. Alec realized he would’ve been arrested whether he came back with the Cup or not. Jace’s demon blood was the only criminal offence the Clave needed to convict him. His face was all over New York, and it didn’t matter to the Clave if he was found dead or alive. Alec knew there was no place for him at the Institute anymore. He should’ve jumped through the portal after Jace. He did not belong where his parabatai wasn’t.

“Jace is not a traitor,” Alec told Victor Aldertree, the envoy from the Clave, who had been sent to take control of the Institute after all the other Clave representatives had left for Idris.

“He did hand the Moral Cup to Hodge Starkweather,” Aldertree reminded. “And he left with his Father– Valentine Morgenstern.”

“He did it to protect us all,” Alec told him. “Valentine threatened to release demons all over New York, if Jace didn’t come with him.”

“That’s what your friends said too,” Aldertree told him. In the last twelve hours since Jace had gone missing, he had questioned everyone who had attended the wedding, and left Alec for last.

 

“I find it odd, though,” Aldertree got to his feet and walked over to his desk. “That the supposedly best Shadowhunter of his generation would lose so easily from a man of modest ability like Hodge Starkweather.”

“Hodge taught Jace everything he knows,” Alec told the envoy, standing up as well. If this man thought he could intimidate him, he was dead wrong.

“Not everything,” Aldertree claimed. “Your parabatai’s prior training as well as his–“

“Why are we wasting time, instead of looking for Jace?” Alec interrupted him, tired of listening to this man’s bullshit.

“Who says we’re wasting time?” Aldertree sounded offended by the accusation.

“Have you found anything about Jace’s location, then?” Alec asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

Valentine and Jace had basically disappeared into thin air, leaving no clue as to where they might be. Alec suspected they could be in water since he could barely sense Jace’s presence, and he knew it was only thanks to the sin of Eros that he could feel anything at all.

“I was hoping you could help me with that,” Aldertree revealed, sitting back down behind his desk. “He’s your parabatai, after all. “

“Look,” Alec sighed tiredly. “No one wants Jace back more than I do,” he said truthfully. “If I knew where he was, don’t you think I’d be there already?”

“What do you suggest we do?” Aldertree questioned, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Give me a squad I can trust, and I’ll bring you back the Mortal Cup, and Valentine himself,” Alec requested, fire burning in his chest as he spoke.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Aldertree shook his head. “I can’t risk the lives of so many Nephilim on an unsanctioned mission that has such a huge chance of being unsuccessful,” he informed. “And besides, on orders of the Clave, you and your family are not to take part of the hunt for Jace Wayland.”

A hunt? What exactly did these people see Jace as? An animal to be chased and then paraded like a trophy? Alec clenched his jaw, using all the self-control he had to refrain from taking out all the frustration he had on Aldertree. He knew he couldn’t stay here, not as long as the people surrounding him wanted to see his parabatai dead.

Lockdown be damned, Alec left the Institute and headed home.

 

 

 

As much as he hated his Father, Jace had to give it to Valentine; the man was as resourceful as he was evil. Having the Circle headquarters on a ship meant they couldn’t be tracked, and that gave Valentine the opportunity to do whatever he wanted without getting disturbed.

Although he hadn’t been put in a cage like the rest of Valentine’s experiments Jace knew the Morning Star was his prison. The place was grim and cold, and Jace could feel death following him everywhere. Even his bond with Alec felt dull and faint here, making Jace feel alone in this world. The only thing he had left from his parabatai was the arrow necklace Alec had made for him before the wedding.

Jace closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, remembering all the promises they’d made on the morning of Alec’s wedding. How naïve they’d been to believe that things would go the way they wanted them to. In mere seconds their lives had been turned upside down, and no one was to blame for it except for Jace. Alec was now married, and Jace was no doubt declared an enemy of the Clave and a traitor. His only hope was that no one knew the real reason for his departure. By leaving with Valentine he was not only protecting New York from his Father’s wrath, but also ensuring that his love for his parabatai would remain a secret. As much as Jace wanted, needed Alec, his parabatai’s safety was more important to him than his own happiness.

“Impressive, aren’t they?” Valentine smirked as he looked down at the main deck where his new army was training.

 

Valentine had wasted no time, and used the Mortal Cup as soon as he’d gotten his hands on it. In less than a day he had turned more than a hundred mundane men into Nephilim, and in turn they looked ready to obey his every word. The new breed of Shadowhunters, he called them. Watching them terrified Jace. There was a reason why certain people were born with Angel blood, and others weren’t. But Valentine didn’t seem to care. He had decided to play God, and toy with these people’s lives, just like he had done with Jace himself. If there was one thing Jace knew for sure, though, it was that sooner or later every man paid for his arrogance.

“They don’t have your natural talents, of course,” Valentine added. “But they’ll do.”

“Why?” Jace wondered. “What kind of a Father experiments on his own son with demon blood?”

It was a question that had plagued Jace ever since he learned the truth about his parentage. Valentine was a man who was almost impossible to understand. He had broken the most sacred bond that existed between two people, and experimented on his only son. Those two facts made Jace doubt he was even human at all.

“A father with perspective,” Valentine stated. “A father who knows sacrifices must be made in the name of the greater good.”

“The greater good?” Jace repeated, facing his Father. “You mean the mass destruction of an entire race?”

“Demons, Jonathan,” Valentine reminded. “They’re demons. Don’t ever forget that.”

Jace shook his head. “You’re wrong,” he insisted. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. They’re living, breathing human beings, just like us.”

“I know that’s what they would like you to believe, “ Valentine claimed. “But trust me, I’ve seen plenty of evidence that proves otherwise,” he went on. “Best friends ripping each other to shreds during a full moon. Warlocks using their connections to get away with all sorts of terrible crimes…Vampires feeding on children…”

Jace winced at the visual, remembering the time he had been fed on by Vampires. Memories of the accident filled his nightmare long after the fang marks on his body had healed, and the burning taste of Holy water was one Jace would remember for the rest of his life.

“Not all Downworlders are like that,” Jace told him. “Plenty of them play by the rules,” he added. “Thy control their urges. They—“

“They all have the same thing in common,” Valentine cut his son off. “Even a single drop of demon blood in your veins makes you a threat to humanity.”

A threat to humanity? If Downworlders were a threat to humanity then so was Jace himself. With each passing day it became harder and harder for him to ignore the effects that the demon blood had on his body and mind. He should’ve known there was a reason behind his never-ending anger and his inability to control himself. His body, though strong and agile as always, now felt like a prison ever since he’d learned it too was a product of his Father’s experiments.

“Is that why you injected me with it?” Jace asked bitterly, looking down at the water and suppressing the urge to jump and end it all.

“I wanted to create the perfect weapon,” Valentine revealed. “A Shadowhunter with pure demon blood—the true bringer of justice.”

These words, said with so much pride and smugness, killed the little flicker of hope Jace had kept in his heart that maybe deep down his Father loved him in his own twisted way. For Valentine his own son was nothing more than an experiment and the realization hurt Jace more than he would’ve liked to admit.

“You’ve always felt it, haven’t you?” Valentine questioned. “You’re different from all your peers,” he claimed. “Better. Special.”

“You’ve made me a monster!” Jace accused, feeling like he was carrying the whole world on his shoulders.

Valentine ignored the accusation in his typical fashion, and only gave Jace a cryptic smile in response.

“You did well by joining me, son,” Valentine told him. “You’re never going to escape your demon blood, so it’s about time you started embracing it,” he stated. “I can help you with that.”

“No,” Jace shook his head. He knew better than to believe Valentine. “All you’ve done my whole life is hurt me,” he reminded. “You experimented on me, you kidnapped me, you took him away from my family!”

“If I hadn’t, sooner or later you would’ve ended up hurting them all,” Valentine claimed. “Even those you love most. “

“Don’t,” Jace warned, gripping the railing so hard it hurt. He wouldn’t let Valentine use Alec against him. Not Alec. Never Alec.

“Believe it or not, son, you and I want the same thing,” Valentine declared. “To save the world from demons. It’s only a matter of time before you realize I’m right.”

Before Jace could respond, Valentine walked away, leaving his son alone with his thoughts. If there was one thing Jace hated most of all, it was being left alone with his own thoughts.

As insane as Valentine was, he had a point. Jace was a weapon, a means of destruction. He was made for killing, and it had been naïve of him to think he could do anything else. With his true and gentle love Alec had shown Jace a different side of himself, but that did not change his nature. Jace was fucked up inherently and irreversibly and there was not a damn thing he could do about it.

 

 

Time on board of the Morning Star seemed to have stopped moving as far as Jace was concerned. He had no idea how much time he had spent here. Maybe it had been half a day or maybe it had been a decade. He could hardy tell if it was day or night. For him there was only endless darkness. He walked slowly, mechanically, and on command like a puppet in his Father’s hands. Jace’s will to escape had died the moment he had realized his Father was right. The best thing Jace could do for his parabatai was stay away from him. Jace was poison, a liability that would destroy anyone who got too close.

Even with that knowledge in mind, however, Jace couldn’t help missing his parabatai terribly and desperately. He missed Alec not as a lover or even as a parabatai, but rather as an extension of his own existence. Separation had always been difficult for them, but ever since they had become lovers it had become unbearable. A downside of the strengthened parabatai bond was that they pretty much the same being now, split into two bodies, like puzzle pieces that needed each other in order to be whole. With Alec so far away, Jace felt hollow as if someone had carved his heart out, and now he walked around with an empty chest.

Often times he would check up on the parabatai rune out of irrational fear that it was gone, only to realize that he felt nothing. The rune was there, but Alec wasn’t. Jace knew Alec was worried about him, and missed him just as badly in return, but he couldn’t feel it. Normally, his parabatai’s presence would be a constant in Jace’s body and mind, their emotions tangled up in one, but not this time. The pain of Alec’s absence was one incomparable for Jace to even the darkest pits of Hell.

 

 

“Where are we going?” Jace asked as he and Valentine made their way to the main deck.

Jace’s body felt heavy and sluggish as he trailed behind his Father with slow steps. It took a few seconds for the Iratze to settle in after Valentine’s daily ‘lesson’, all of the broken bones in his body repairing slower than usual.

“You’ll find out soon enough, “ Valentine replied cryptically before opening a portal. “Come on,” he urged, gripping Jace’s arm, and the two of them jumped in.

 

Jae had expected they were headed to yet another training session, but instead they ended up in a place he had hoped to never see again.

The ground beneath his feet felt almost foreign after such a long time in water. It was dark outside, but the smell of rain was refreshing, bringing back the feeling of wholeness he had thought he’d never have again.

Brooklyn, Jace thought, inhaling deeply. They were in Brooklyn.

“Reggie’s served the best pie in all of Brooklyn,” Valentine claimed, looking at the small restaurant in front of them. “Until Reggie’s wife slaughtered him and turned the place into a den.”

Jace hadn’t known that, but he did know the den on the inside since lately it was the setting of most of his nightmares. The place was only a few blocks away from his apartment. He had been on his way there when he’d been ambushed by a bunch of Vampires. The truth was, Jace could’ve killed them easily, but he hadn’t wanted to. He hadn’t had enough will to live to fight for his life.

“You brought me here to relive happy memories?” Jace asked, crossing his eyes over his chest.

“I brought you here so you could see what the Clave is doing,” Valentine claimed.

“What are they doing?” Jace asked, dreading the answer. He’d lived in complete isolation on the ship so far, but now it was time for him to face the music.

“Nothing,” Valentine replied simply. “They’re doing nothing, because that’s what they do best.”

“What do you mean?” Jace wondered feeling quite confused. His Father had brought him here to show him nothing?

“The Clave has gone soft,” Valentine claimed. “That den is still full of Vampires coming in day after day for a bite, and the Clave does nothing to stop it even after their most skilled warrior was assaulted here.”

“What do you want from me?” Jace asked bluntly. He was too tired for his Father’s mind games.

“I want to see you be the man you claim to have become despite me,” Valentine told him, handing Jace a Blade. “I’m giving you the chance to make sure what happened to you doesn’t happen to anyone else around here.”

Jace took the Blade, feeling right at last. It felt like it had been ages since he had last held a weapon in his hand. During their ‘lessons’ Valentine wouldn’t let him use a Blade, forcing Jace to depend on his hand-to-hand skills.

 

Jace felt energy pulse through his entire being as he tightened his grip around the handle of the Blade. It was like his body was remembering he was a warrior, and he was ready to fight like he was born to do. But before he could do just that, reason came screaming in his mind, and he stopped himself before he had barged into the den.

Jace wasn’t a moron. He could see right through his Father’s ‘caring’ act. By giving him the means to kill those Vampires, Valentine was turning him into an accomplice, which meant later on Jace would be prosecuted for his crime, and maybe even cause a revolt from the Vampires since he had already lost way too many people at the hands of the Nephilim.

“What happened, Jonathan?” Valentine asked, walking over to his son. “I thought you wanted to save the word from demons.”

“We should let the Clave handle it,” Jace told him. “It’s not up to you and me to give arbitrary justice, even if we think that’s what’s right,” he shook his head, trying to believe his own words.

“So you’re just going to let them get away with it?”

“The Law is hard, but it is the Law,” Jace reminded, feeling more and more confident.

“Oh, really?” Valentine crossed his arms over his chest. “Tell me, Jonathan, do you uphold the Law so ardently when you lay with your parabatai as well?”

The blunt question took Jace by surprise, making him freeze in his spot. He hadn’t expected that, but then again, Valentine had always known ow to hurt him where it hurt the most.

After the short second of shock, came the realization. Valentine knew. He had learned Alec and Jace’s secret (no doubt from his loyal dog Hodge) and now he intended to use it against his son in any way he could.

“Keep Alec out of this!” Jace sapped, pressing the Blade against Valentine’s throat. “It has nothing to do with him!”

Valentine smirked, and Jace could tell exactly what he was thinking: It has everything to do with him. He didn’t say it, though. He didn’t have to.

“Do you really think your love for this man will keep you from hurting him?” he asked instead, sounding as smug as he did when he watched his people beat the life out of Jace.

“Face it, son,” he sneered, seemingly unimpressed by the Blade pointed at his throat. “Sooner or later you will be the doom of him,” Valentine claimed. “That demon blood of yours will take its toll one day, especially since it’s the reason you love him in the first place.”

“Bullshit!” Jace roared, refusing to believe a single word that came out of his Father’s mouth. “That’s total bullshit! My love for Alec has nothing to do with the demon blood you put in me!

”Why do you think you’re so drawn to him then?” Valentine wondered. “It’s the sin of Eros that attracts you,” he stated. “Just like every being with demon blood, sin is in your nature.”

“No, no, no,” Jace shook his head, trying not to listen to Valentine as well as the voices in his own head that confirmed just that. “You’re wrong!” He told his Father. “What Alec and I have cannot compare to anything else. It’s pure and genuine, but I expect you of all people to understand it.”

Valentine looked like he was ready to fire back with yet another one of his ridiculous speeches, but a scream came from the inside of the den, making them look away instinctively.

Without thinking twice about it, Jace barged into the den, ready to do what he had to do. The place was quiet, seemingly safe, if dirty, but Jace knew better. He followed a high-pitched scream that took him to what he assumed was the main room.

In there, several lifeless bodies were sprawled out on the dusty tables and couches, and even the floor while Vampires fed ravenously on them. Jace paused for a second, remembering the time he had been the main course. Before he could even realize what he was doing, Jace was plunging his Blade in the Vampire that was closest to him, killing the creature on the spot. His arrival caused quite the stir, throwing the Vampires off guard, and giving Jace the chance to get rid of them with ease. The Law be damned, he couldn’t just let innocent people suffer, and do nothing about it.

“Everybody, out!” Jace ordered the mundanes, who seemed confused by the turn of events. “Leave,” he told them, and they quickly scrambled on their feet to obey.

Jace wasn’t thinking about the inevitable consequences of his actions as he tightened his grip around the handle of the Blade, ready for more.

“Which one of you is Maria?” Jace asked, feeling numerous eyes watching him as he did so.

“Depends on who’s asking,” a young woman with shabby clothes, and blood stains around her mouth, stepped out of the shadows, prompting quite a few others to follow her lead.

A momentary shiver of fear ran down Jace’s spine as he was reminded of the last time he had been surrounded by Vampires. He got a hold of himself quickly, though, determined not to let them win this time.

“It’s over,” Jace told Maria, pointing the Blade at her. “You’re all gonna pay for what you’ve done!”

“Look at him,” one of the Vampires rolled his eyes. “He’s one against ten and he still thinks he has a chance of winning. Typical Shadowhunter,” he snorted. “Always underestimating Downworlders. “

“He looks familiar, though,” another Vampire commented. “I swear I’ve seen him somewhere.”

“Of course you have,” Maria confirmed. “His face is all over New York,” she revealed, surprising even Jace. “He’s the one everyone is looking for.”

“He’s the reason twelve of our people were executed,” one of the Vampires hissed, baring her teeth at Jace. “Let’s kill him and hang his dead body on the roof of the Institute,” she suggested. “That’ll teach the Nephilim not to mess with us.”

“Don’t be stupid, Clara,” Maria scolded. “If we do that they’ll come right on our doorstep, and even more Downworlders will die,” she told her friend. “But…” she drawled on, stepping closer to Jace, who instinctively took a step back. ‘The Clave would pay anything to have their golden warrior back. I say we take advantage of that.”

“Good luck with that,” Jace snorted. “The Clave doesn’t negotiate.”

As far as the Clave was concerned, Jace was a traitor and overall damaged goods. The only reason they would want him back was so they could punish him to set an example for everyone who even thought to rebel against them. The more Jace thought about it, the more that seemed like something the Inquisitor would do.

“If your parabatai was willing to kill twelve people without blinking an eye for daring to hurt you,” Maria crossed her arms over her chest. “Then he damn well will listen to our conditions if he wants to have you back.”

She was right. There was nothing Alec wouldn’t do to have Jace safely back in his arms, but there was one little detail she hadn’t thought about. Even if Alec agreed to hear their terms, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t kill them all the minute the negotiations were over. Jace knew his parabatai better than anyone, and he knew better than anyone that Alec was not a man anyone would want to have as an enemy.

Jace could almost see Alec raging mercilessly, covered in the blood of their enemies, killing Vampires left and right with his magical bow and arrows. Raziel help those who dared stand in Alec’s way to Jace.

The thought of his parabatai poured new strength in Jace and suddenly he felt more confident and hopeful, excited for the moment he would see Alec again. He forgot about Valentine and the Clave, and all other forces who tried to keep them apart.

No, Jace thought, I am going home.

“Go on, then,” he challenged with a smirk. “Catch me if you can.”

Suddenly ten Vampires were charging at him, baring their teeth, no doubt wanting to taste his blood. Jace remained unfazed despite his instinct for survival that told him to run and get the hell out of there. He sliced through them with ease, feeling one with the Blade he held in his hand. Nine Vampires met their demise at the end of Jace’s Blade, and only one remained.

“Not bad,” Maria commented, approaching slowly. “For a Shadowhunter.”

“It’s done, Maria,” Jace panted. “You’re done!”

“Are you going to kill me now, Shadowhunter?” she wondered, getting too close to him for comfort.

“I’m gonna make sure you pay for what you’ve done,” Jace promised, gripping her arm.

“Why not, though?” She wondered. “You’ve already killed all of my friends. It’s not like the life of a Vampire means something to you.”

Jae rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna take lessons on morality from a woman who killed her own husband.”

“YOU LEAVE MY HUSBAND OUT OF THIS!” She screamed in his face, clearly hurt by the mention of the man she had once loved.

“Oh, you mean the man you murdered?” Jace reminded. “The man you used to satisfy your own hunger? Sooner or later we all pay for our mistakes, Maria.” He told her wisely.

“And when are you gonna pay for your mistakes, Shadowhunter?” She wondered. “When are you gonna pay for the lives you took today?”

“No one is going to blame me for killing rogue Vampires, who fed on mundanes, and broke the Accords so many times,” Jace stated, though he wasn’t that sure. The Clave would use any opportunity to get rid of him, but he told himself he’d deal with this later.

“Oh, I see,” Maria claimed. “You think that my bringing me in after you’ve killed my clan you’ll be some kind of hero to the Clave, but let me tell you something: as soon as they’re done with me, they’ll go after you ‘cause that’s what the Clave does, they get rid of everything and everyone that could ruin their perfect image.”

Jace couldn’t argue with that. As wrong as Maria was about everything else, she was right about that. The Clave saw only in black and white. For them a person could be either only right or only wrong. And right now, Jace was one of those who were wrong, and it didn’t seem like he could rehabilitate himself anytime soon.

“They’ll lock you up and you won’t be able to see the sun just like I can’t,” she told him, caressing his face with a single finger. “Especially when they learn it was your Daddy that ordered you to do it.”

Jace winced at the word, feeling extremely uncomfortable. “Valentine didn’t order me anything.”

“Mhm, sure,” she smirked. “You know, I’ve heard some rumors,” Maria revealed, looking smug. “Is it true you’re your Daddy’s little pet?”

“What?” No!” Jace assured immediately, repulsed by the mere idea. “He’s my Father,” he told the Vampire. “Unfortunately.”

“It’s probably not the worst thing he’s ever done,” Maria snorted, amused by Jace’s discomfort. “They say he brought you to the ship, because he got tired of his whores,” she retold. “I’ve always known Nephilim were perverts, but this just takes it to a whole other lev—“

“SHUT UP!” Jace yelled, and before he knew it, he swung his Blade forward, and Maria disappeared in ashes.

And just like that, she was gone. Straight to Hell, Jace assumed. And there was still no sight of Valentine. This was strange, Jace thought was he made his way out of the den. Had his Father really left? It wasn’t like Valentine to leave his toys in the middle of a game. If Jace didn’t know any better he’d think Valentine had gotten tired of torturing him.

Valentine was still nowhere to be seen when Jace stepped out of the small diner, right into the empty street. Jace let out a shaky breath, unable to believe what was happening.

Was he finally free? Was it all over? Could he go home?

Jace couldn’t think about any of that, because suddenly something even more unexpected happened.

“JACE!” He heard a very familiar voice call out.

He turned around, thinking it was just his brain playing games with him, but then…

“Alec,” Jace sobbed when he saw his parabatai standing just a few feet away from him.

Alec wasted no time walking up to his lover and pulling him into a much-needed hug.

“Parabatai,” the archer breathed out, pressing his face into Jace’s shoulder, and holding him close.

“Parabatai,” Jace whispered back, staring up at his beloved with wide eyes. His hands caressed Alec’s face, trying to figure out if all of this was real.

It was. Alec was here. He was standing in front of Jace, looking just as gorgeous and just as in love as Jace remembered him. Jace could feel his strong body against his own, and yet it all seemed like a dream still.

“Alec,” Jace sniffled, resting his head on Alec’s shoulder. “Is this real?” He asked, fearing that the illusion might dissolve any minute now.

“It’s real,” Alec assured through tears, holding Jace tight against his body as if he were afraid his parabatai might be taken from him again.

Jace nodded, breathing Alec in. Without even meaning to, he noticed the sharp smell of Alec’s expensive cologne. Alec normally preferred more subtle smells that didn’t dull the natural scent of his body that Jace loved so very much. So, this was definitely unusual.

“When did you change your cologne?” Jace questioned, running his hands down Alec’s chest and shoulders, unable to stop himself. He was only after all, albeit one with demon and angel blood.

“Does that really matter? Alec laughed, looking down at Jace with an amused smirk that made his parabatai miss the change in the look in his eyes.

Jace was about to reply that, no, it didn’t matter what type of cologne Alec was wearing as long as he was here, but his parabatai surprised him by capturing his lips into a kiss.

Jace kissed back hungrily, eager to feel whole again just as he did every time they kissed, only to find out that the feeling wasn’t there.

Normally, each kiss of theirs felt like a silent confession, like lovemaking with their clothes on, but not this time.

Had something changed between them in the days or even months that they had spent apart? Had the distance taken its toll on their bond? Millions of questions appeared in Jace’s head as he kept kissing Alec in hopes that the feeling of being one would return, but to no avail.

Alec was here. He had come for Jace despite all forces that aimed to keep them apart. Why did it feel like he wasn’t here at all then?”

“What’s wrong?” Alec panted, pulling away from the kiss when he felt Jace’s heart wasn’t in it. “Did something happen?”

“I don’t know…” Jace admitted, avoiding Alec’s gaze. “I just feel weird.”

“You’re probably tired,” Alec dismissed, pecking Jace. “You’ll feel better when we get home, and I take care of you.”

“Yeah,” Jace nodded, frowning. He couldn’t understand what was wrong. Why wasn’t he happy? Why did he still feel empty? Why did it still feel like Alec was miles away, even though he was standing right there in front of him?

“What happened in here?” Alec asked before Jace could voice his concerns.

“The Vampires that lived here went after me,” Jace explained, refusing to let go of his parabatai, even if he felt odd about him. “I had to defend myself.”

“You killed them in cold blood without permission?” Alec exclaimed, breaking away from Jace’s grip and taking a step back.

“I had no choice, Alec!” Jace stated, unable to hide his shock from his parabatai’s harsh reaction. “They were feeding on mundanes, and they wanted to use me as a bait to blackmail you.”

“That’s no excuse,” Alec shook his head, and even in the darkness, Jace could tell he was disappointed. “We’ve been taught how to handle rogue Downworlders,” he reminded. “ You should’ve approached the situation more diplomatically.”

“I know…” Jace admitted with a sigh. “I just…” he looked down at his feet. “You should’ve heard the things they said about me.”

“You killed them, because they insulted you?!” Alec was truly angry now, and his voice had a certain coldness to it Jace had never heard before. “By the Angel, they were right,” he muttered under his breath, loud enough for his parabatai to hear.

“What were they right about?” Jace questioned, getting more and more concerned. “And who’s they?”

“Everyone,” Alec said sharply. “Mother, Izzy, Magnus,” he revealed. “They all told me you were a lost cause, but I refused to believe them.”

“Wha—What?” Jace gulped, tearing up. His Mother had said that? And Izzy too?

“I didn’t want to believe them, but they were right,” Alec claimed. “You’re like gangrene, Jace,” he told his parabatai with a sneer. “You spread everywhere, and whatever you touch falls apart.”

“A-Alec,” Jace sobbed desperately, telling himself this was yet another nightmare, because he would rather that be the case than Alec actually saying all of these horrible things to him.

“Wake up, wake up,” he whispered, hoping this torture would be over any minute now. ”Please, wake up,” he squeezed his eyes shut, causing hot tears to run down his cheeks.

“It’s not a dream,” Alec told him, lifting Jace’s chin up with his forefinger, making his parabatai look at him. “That is the reality.”

Jace blinked, opening his eyes finally. Only now did he notice the way Alec was looking at him. Alec’s eyes were so cold, so, so cold that Jace wondered if he had a block of ice in his chest, instead of a heart.

“You’re cancer,” Alec stated, seeming unaffected by his parabatai’s misery. “And like all cancer, you must be removed,” he said, taking a battle stance. “Let’s end this here and now,” he drew his Blade, ready for a fight.

“Alec,” Jace sobbed, taking a step towards his lover. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked, clutching Alec’s leather jacket desperately. “Are they making you say this? Did anyone find out?” he wondered, hoping to hear a yes, because right now being discovered seemed like a better option than Alec hating him all of a sudden.

“That is the truth,” Alec said, glaring. “And I hope they never do,” he added. “I wish I had never accepted to be your parabatai!”

Jace gasped, feeling the whole world fall apart around him. Even if Alec had said just this, and nothing else, it would’ve still ruined Jace like it did now.

Jace wasn’t sure if it was medically possible, but as soon as he heard those poisonous words leave Alec’s mouth, he felt his heart break in to in his chest. He fell to his knees, sobbing helplessly.

“Look at you,” Alec sneered, moving away when Jace tried to hug his legs. “You’ve grown soft,” he accused. “Your love has made you weak. No wonder Valentine has been holding you hostage for so long.”

The worst part was, Jace couldn’t even deny it. Everything Alec was saying was the truth. It was like Alec was voicing all the thoughts that had been going through Jace’s head lately. It was still strange, though. Alec had never acted like this before, ever. Not even when Jace had pushed him past his breaking point had Alec dared to insult their sacred bond. It was almost as if a different person was standing in front of Jace, and Alec was far, far way still.

“You’re not Alec,” he realized, looking up at the imposer with his eyes already dry.

It all made sense now. The strong cologne, the harsh words, even the way this pretender was holding the Blade was wrong. Jace would know his parabatai anywhere and that wasn’t him.

“Now you’re just being delusional,” the fake Alec told him.

Jace didn’t listen to him, though. He rose to his feet, feeling a mixture of anger and relief.

“Who are you?!” he demanded, grabbing the stranger by the lapels and pushing him against a wall.

“What’s wrong, parabatai?” The imposer smirked. “Can’t handle the truth?”

“Don’t call me that!” Jace snarled before punching that man in the face, and causing him to fall to the ground. “You’re not my parabatai!”

“What?” the man wiped the blood off his split lip. “I finally see you for what you are, and that means I’m pretending to be someone else?”

“I know my parabatai,” Jace shook his head, “He would never say this shit to me. Who are you?” He asked again, pointing his Blade at the man.

“My name is Alec Lightwood,” the imposer claimed. “And I’m the fool who’s stuck with you for the rest of his life.”

Jace closed his eyes for a sec, realizing there was no point in trying to figure out who this guy was. He was most likely one of Valentine’s men, glamoured as Alec in order to make Jace vulnerable. Jace should’ve realized sooner. That was one of his Father’s favorite ways to fuck with his head. He’d even sent people glamoured as Jocelyn, Clary, and Maryse to test Jace’s loyalty (which always ended with Jace being punished) but not this time. Not when it was Alec who was involved.

“There’s only one Alec Lightwood in this world,” Jace told the pretender. “And you can never hope to be him.”

“If you say so,” the imposer snorted, getting back on his feet. “Would you really risk it, though?” He wondered.

“What do you mean?” Jace asked, narrowing his eyes.

“You and me with our weapons of choice,” the stranger challenged. “A fight ‘till the last drop of blood. Only one of us will make it out alive.”

Jace paused for a second, staring at the man in front of him in a final attempt to figure out if he was Alec or not. He tried to connect with him, to look for his parabatai behind those dark cold eyes, but to no avail. It was almost as if Jace’s very soul was refusing to recognize him as Alec. To anyone else the change in ‘Alec’s’ eyes might have seemed like nothing, but Jace knew better. Alec’s eyes always told the truth. Even in their worst moments they looked at Jace with love and affection. The eyes staring at him now were full only of anger and hatred. This was not Alec.

“Bring it,” Jace accepted, rising his Blade, ready for a fight.

“You being taken is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” the stranger claimed as their Blades clashed.

Jace ignored him, refusing to take the bait. He couldn’t let this man get to his head. All that mattered now was defeating this pretender so he could go home to the real Alec.

“I don’t even remember what your whore mouth feels like,” the imposer told Jace, aiming expertly for his weaker points. “Magnus made all memories of you disappear.”

Ignoring this man’s never-ending tirade proved difficult since Jace agreed with most of what he was saying, but he found that remembering what the real Alec had told him helped a lot.

Don’t ever doubt me, Alec had asked of him once, and so Jace didn’t. Not anymore. Alec’s love was the only thing Jace knew he had in this life.

As true as this pretender’s words were, Jace knew his parabatai would never believe them, even if Jace himself did.

If there was one thing this stranger was right about, though, Alec was a fool. A fool in love. Sometimes Jace wanted to shake his parabatai and tell him to run and never look back, but he knew that wouldn’t help. What Jace also knew was that wherever Alec was right now, his love was as strong and as genuine as always.

The fight between Jace and the man who wore Alec’s face turned out to be more brutal than either of them had expected. Soon enough both of them were covered in cuts and bruises as a result of the ruthless fighting. There were no rules to the way they fought both of them often resulting to childish tricks such as pulling each other’s hair and even biting one another. Not that Jace minded, of course. It was sort of fun, actually. It had been awhile since he had met someone who could be his math on the battlefield. Whoever this man was, it was clear he wasn’t just a regular Circle member. Maybe he was yet another one of Valentine’s experiments. His skill set was phenomenal, and under any other circumstances, Jace would’ve asked him to be his permanent sparring partner. Now, though, Jace had to focus on defeating him.

“Getting tired already?” the stranger teased, swinging his sword.

“Not at all,” Jace lied, doing a backflip so he could get at least a few seconds of rest. His entire body ached, and all he really wanted was to go home.

The battle was going for what seemed like hours, and Jace knew if kept at it a little longer, he would eventually lose.

Since this wasn’t a fair fight, Jace decided to resort to something his opponent wouldn’t expect.

“Hey, parabatai,” he turned around, forcing a smile despite all the exhaustion. ”Where are your bow and arrows?” he asked, walking up to the pretender so they could resume the fight. “You could kill me with a single shot, you know.”

“Now, where’s the fun in that?” The fake Alec panted, and there was a mad grin that scared Jace more than he would’ve liked to admit. “I would much rather take my time and enjoy—“

The pretender couldn’t finish his sentence, because while his was raving about how much he wanted to kill Jace, Jace was channeling his magic, and now his opponent lay back on the ground, pinned to the pavement with magical binds.

“What’s wrong, parabatai?” Jace asked, his voice full of mock concern. “Can’t move?”

“Let me go, you freak!” the pretender yelled hysterically, trying to break away from the binds, but to no avail.

Jace knew that if this was indeed Alec, he would’ve freed himself already, because he had magic of his own, unlike the poor bastard, who could only scream and kick helplessly.

“This was fun,” Jace admitted, staring down at the other warrior, who had completely given up on pretending he was Alec Lightwood, and now looked like a frightened animal. “But my real parabatai is waiting for me.”  
Jace raised his Blade, preparing to kill the man al last when an unexpected hit on the back of his head knocked him out and he fell on the ground, unconscious.

 

 

“Get up,” Valentine ordered his son, giving Jonathan a hand, so the younger Nephilim could stand back up. Thank the Angel, now that Jace was unconscious, the binds were no longer in place.

“Thanks,” Jonathan got back on his feet, avoiding his Father’s gaze.

“I take it you’ve been unsuccessful in your mission,” Valentine concluded, looking down at Jace’s unconscious body. Even if he hadn’t used his magic tricks, Jace would’ve still ended up the same way he did now.

Jonathan nodded silently, feeling disappointed and ashamed of his own failure.

Their plan had not gone like they had wanted it to. Jace did not believe Alec hated him even when he heard it from the man himself.

“It seems Jace’s love for this man exceeds all else in his life,” Jonathan told his Father. “Even his own self-hatred.” he added, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Yes, indeed,’ Valentine agreed. “This issue must be dealt with,’ he said nonchalantly. “As well as the issue with Jonathan's magic.”

“I spoke to Dorothea,” Jonathan informed his Father. “She said the bracelet she made for him is going to contain Jace's powers, but in order to understand how his magic really works, she would have to see it in action,” he added. “As for Alexander,” the young Nephilim said, stepping closer to his Father. “ I can deal with him. All I need is your permission.”

“I am certain you can,” Valentine assured. “But you shouldn’t let your own jealousy and lust cloud your judgement, son,” Valentine warned. “Whether we like it or not, Alexander is a vital part of Jonathan's life,” he reminded. “At least for now. If he dies, your brother will be as good as dead as well.”

“What do you suggest we do then?” Jonathan wondered, intrigued.

“Oh, I think I have the perfect idea what to do with these lovebirds,” Valentine claimed, taking one last look at Jace before walking away.

 

Whatever, Sebastian thought as he watched his Father disappear into the night. He had a plan of his own in case Valentine's schemes failed again.

Sighing, Jonathan squatted down so he could admire Jace’s angelic face up close. Even like this, bruised and bloodied, Jace was still as stunning as always, and Sebastian was sure he’s never get enough of looking at him. He drew an Iratze on Jace’s wrist as he had done many times before, and watched as the wounds on his face slowly healed.

It was a shame they could only be this close when Jace was unconscious. According to Valentine, isolation was an important part of Jace’s training, so Sebastian couldn't introduce himself to his beloved just yet. It was okay, though. Simply looking at him was enough. When he had arrived, Jace had brought with him some sort of change with him, as if the Morning Star has suddenly become a warmer, brighter place, and Sebastian was content with just looking at him from afar.

Time didn't matter much to Sebastian. He knew he and Jace were fated. They were like yin and yang- two parts of the same whole. An Angel and a Demon. Made for one another by Raziel himself.

The only obstacle standing in their way was Alexander Lightwood. Sebastian could never understand what Jace saw on him. The man was skilled, yes, but he was awfully ordinary. There was nothing that set him apart from all the other Nephilim in his year. He did not posses the natural talents Jace Have and Sebastian were gifted with, and he certainly wasn’t worth risking your life over. And yet Jace did. No doubt Jace knew what the consequences of committing the sun sin of Eros were, and yet he still did it, and did it gladly and seemingly without any fear. He wore the not so subtle token of his parabatai’s love around his neck proudly as if daring the world to ask questions what the meaning was behind that lovely necklace. It was Alexander’s name Jace whispered over and over again when he was in the state of half-consciousness as Richard was beating him up relentlessly.

Alec, Alec, Alec, Jace would repeat over and over again between the countless assaults of Richard’s heavy fist, like some mantra, like the rest of the world didn’t exist.

Sebastian had no idea what that was like—to love and to be loved with one’s entire soul. No one has ever loved him that much.

 

Sebastian envied Alexander more than he hated him. Those first few moments he had spent as Alexander Lightwood had been perhaps the happiest of his life. The way Jace had looked at him. The warmth of his embrace. The constant battle between Angel and Demon going on inside Sebastian ever since he had been in his mother’s womb, had ceased in the moment when their lips had touched. Sebastian had never known he could feel so at peace. Sebastian has seriously considered keeping up the act, and he would have, if I’d be hadn’t found Jace wasn’t buying it.

 

There is only one Alec Lightwood in this world, Jace had stated, and it was true. Sebastian wanted everything Alexander had, and he knew he would get it. One way or another, he would get it.

Sebastian kissed Jace’s lips gently before gathering him in his arms and walking away.

 

 

By the time Alec got to the den, Jace was already long gone.

“Fuck,” the archer swore, hating his own stupidity. He shouldn’t have acted so obvious when he first felt Jace was back on land. Then again, he supposed it mattered little since Aldertree had his eyes on everyone and everything and he has already known Jace Have and Valentine were back in New York by the time Alec tried to leave the Institute.

Aldertree had sent a team to retrieve Jace, but only three of the ten Clave Nephilim, had reported back. Clearly that mission has been unsuccessful just like all the rest. In a way, Alec was glad that it had been. He knew the Clave didn't care about Jace. The only reason they were after him was so that they could punish him for what he’s done. To them his life was worth no more than that of a Downworlder. Most Shadowhunters in the Institute did nothing to hide their resentment towards him, and often made remarks about how many resources were being wasted pointlessly in the search for him. They didn’t want to risk their lives for a traitor with demon blood. And yet Aldertree still refused to let the Lightwoods take part in the investigation. Even Lydia had been denied access to information concerning Jace’s case. Alec had been locked up in his room like a petulant child while the squad had been sent to Brooklyn to find Jace.

These days Alec was running on anger and not much else, so he had quickly handled the situation by breaking down the door and disarming the guards, who were supposed to keep him inside. Alec didn’t care about the consequences that would follow his actions. He had ignored all warnings from him wide and sister, who had tried to stop him from leaving the Institute. The things that would used to keep him up at night, like what others would say about him, and how disobeying an order from the acting Head of the Institute would affect his record, seemed so insignificant now compared to the prospect of actually losing his parabatai.

Jace had been gone for no more than two weeks, but to Alec it already seemed like an eternity. Without Jace here, Alec felt like he had lost everything. Food had lost its taste and smell. He stopped going to bed, because to every second he wasn’t spending in search for Jace, seemed wasted to him. On the inside he was both empty and aching at the same time.

What hurt the most was that everyone around him seemed keen convincing him that they knew what he was going through, even though few really did.

The only person Alec had been able to confide in had been his Father.

“Never take the bond for granted,” Robert warned once when he’d found his son crying in Jace’s room. “Fight for it, because it can be taken from you before you even realize it.”

Alec has never been particularly close to his Father, but now he understood him. Now he knew why Robert always looked like a mere spectator to everything that was happening around him. From the moment he had felt the bond between him and Michael Wayland break, Robert had stopped living and now he was leading a miserable existence, waiting to reunite with his parabatai. Alec knew the same fate awaited him if he didn't do anything about it.

Alec closed his eyes, lightly touching the parabatai rune. There was only one thing left for him to do.

Dawn found Alec at Magnus Bane‘s doorstep. Normally, he wouldn't ask the Warlock for help, especially after what had happened between them, but he had literally ran out of options.

Alec had done everything in his power to find his parabatai. In his search for Jace, he had even resorted to using his own magic to track him, but to no avail.

The only thing he‘s got were little snippets of Jace‘s life on the ship, but they always lasted no more than a few seconds, and never have enough information about how to find him.

Alec was prepared to do everything and anything Magnus asked for as long as it would get him to agree to help. However, the archer could have never anticipated what was waiting for him there.

„Alec?“

For a moment Alec thought he had come to the wrong address by mistake, because in front of him stood not Magnus Bane but The Alpha of the New York pack.

„What are you doing here?“ Luke asked, yawning. He stood in front of Alec, wearing only a pair of pyjama pants and looking disoriented and confused like any normal person who had been woken up at five a.m would. Had he become Magnus's roommate?

„Is Magnus here?“ Alec questioned, shivering under his rain-soaked clothes. “I need to talk to him.”

“He's here,” Luke confirmed, ushering Alec inside. “I’ll—Alec, what happened?” the Werewolf asked bluntly, no doubt scandalized by the Nephilim's current appearance.

“I felt Jace,” the archer revealed, sounding broken even to his own ears. “But I was too late, and I lost him.”

“Oh, Alec,” Luke gave the Shadowhunter a look full of pity before forcing him to sit down. Alec tried protesting, because he didn’t want to ruin Magnus’s expensive leather couch, but Luke wasn’t having it. “Wait here,” he ordered. “I'll wake him up for you.”

Alec wasn’t sure what to do after he was left alone in Magnus’ living room. He looked around awkwardly and discovered the place had changed drastically since he had last seen it. The whole apartment seemed to radiate peace and calm, which was enchanted by the brighter colors of the walls and the stylish furniture. Even the overall atmosphere seemed somewhat different in a way Alec couldn’t quite explain. Something had changed here, and the evidence of that change was all over the place, from the two wine glasses on the coffee table to the clothes casually thrown all over the floor.

Alec must have looked terrible sulking there on the couch in his soaking wet clothes, because when Magnus gasped, rushing to the Nephilim’s side immediately.

“Alexander, what happened?” the Warlock asked, holding both sides of Alec’s face. “You're freezing,” he realized, snapping his fingers so that Alec was completely dry in an instant. Magnus was dressed in an elegant, cobalt blue robe, and he had no makeup on, which somehow made him appear even more youthful and gorgeous.

Alec took a deep breath, and trying to gather all the thoughts that were going through his mind in that moment. “I need your help,” he told the Downworlder.

“No,” Luke shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “Absolutely not, Magnus.”

As expected, he wasn’t on board with Alec’s plan to use the bond in order to track Jace.

“Why not, Lucian?” the Warlock asked, looking up at his friend. “If this is the only chance we've got, we should at least try it.”

“You have no idea what he's actually asking you to do,” Luke stated, moving closer to stand next to the Warlock. “Tracking Jace through the bond can have terrible consequences for both of them.”

“I only want Magnus to help me with the pain,” Alec reminded. “I'm the one taking the risk, not him.”

“You know damn well the Clave is just looking for a reason to accuse Downworlders of whatever crime they can think of,” Luke said, crossing his arms over his chest. “ If anything happens to you, Magnus will take the blame” He put a hand on Magnus’ shoulder, squeezing lightly.

“Lucian…” Magnus sighed, looking up at the Alpha. “Perhaps I could…”

“No, Magnus,” the Werewolf interrupted him. “I’m not risking you,” he said. “Not you, never you.”

They shared a long look, and then Magnus nodded, agreeing. And just like that Alec realized why he hadn’t been seeing Luke around Jocelyn as much lately.

“I need to find him,” Alec declared, getting back up on his feet. “If you won’t help me, I'll find someone who will!”

He headed towards the door, realizing what a waste of time coming here had been.  
“Alec, stop!” Luke ordered, gripping the archer’s arm to prevent him from walking away. To Alec’s surprise, Luke was way stronger than he looked, so there was no point in trying to move. “You won't achieve anything by acting like a petulant child,” the Werewolf told him.

“He’s my parabatai, Luke,” Alec reminded helplessly, unable to stop himself. “I—I need him.”

“I understand,” Luke assured. “But, Alec, even if you do manage to find Jace, you will most likely weaken the bond,” he added. “And as someone who has experience in there things, I'm telling you, it's not worth it. Nothing is worth risking the bond.”

Logically, Alec knew everything Luke was saying was true. They would find Jace sooner or later, but there was no way to repair the bond once it had been severed. Even so, Alec couldn’t help feeling like he would go mad and any minute now. This constant emptiness he felt ever since Jace had left was killing him, eating him away on the inside, and Alec suspected one day very soon there would be nothing left of him.

“I’m not whole without him,” he sobbed, finally allowing himself to say what he had been feeling ever since he saw his parabatai disappear through that portal. Alec burst into tears, but thankfully Magnus was there to catch him before he fell on the ground.

“Oh, Alexander,” the Warlock pulled him close, allowing the Nephilim to bury his face in his chest, and cry to his heart’s content.

If only his Mother Luke see him right now. She would probably scold him about showing weakness in front of Downworlders, but Alec didn’t care about that in the slightest. He found he didn’t care about what others thought about him anymorе, which was strangely liberating.

“You need help, Alexander,” Magnus said as he listened to Alec’s sobs with a heavy heart. “You cannot do this on your own.”

“Magnus is right,” the Alpha said, sitting down next to them on the couch. “This isn’t a one man fight.”

“W—What do you mean?” Alec sniffled, looking up at the Werewolf.

“This is more than just about a war between Nephilim and Downworlders,” Luke stated. “Or even about the Nephilim wanting to stop one of their own who went rogue. Valentine is a common enemy, and the only way to defeat him is to door together.”

 

“You’re quite good at inspiring speeches,” Magnus complimented with a chuckle. “Perhaps you should consider running for office once all of this is over.” He suggested teasingly, making the Alpha laugh out loud.

“Only if you agree to be my campaign manager,” Luke joked, winking.

It was strange for Alec to see this funny, relaxed side of him since so far he had only known Luke as the responsible and serious pack leader and detective. The man underneath was even more impressive, it seemed, if the starry look in Magnus' side was any4hing to go by.

“I’ll have my pack watch out for Jace at all times,” Luke promised. “And I'll back at the NYPD in case the city cameras caught something that might point us at their current location or at least why they were on land.”

“They're on a ship,” Alec shook his head. “If we want to find them, we'll have to wear the Hudson and East rivers, which we already did.”

“Makes sense,” Luke nodded. “Val has always liked his ships, plus it makes sure they can’t be tracked down.”

“Exactly,” Alec said. “But they can’t hide from us if we run straight into them.”

“What do you mean?” Magnus asked, narrowing his eyes.

“I mean we need a ship,” Alec revealed. “They can’t run from us if we march on them directly.”

“So if I understand correctly, you want us to hijack Valentine’s ship,” Luke concluded.

“Pretty much,” Alec confirmed with a nod. “That was my original plan, but Aldertree refused to give me a ship. Maybe you can conjure one for me, Magnus?”

“That could work,” the Warlock said. “I've seen it happen many times back in the old days when I travelled the seven seas with my good friend Anne Bonny.”

“We're not pirates, Magnus,” Luke reminded. “And does either of you know how to navigate a ship?”

Magnus and Alec both shook their heads, making Luke sigh.

“Look, even if we do find a ship and a captain, Valentine’s ship is still most likely glamoured,” he said. “In order for your plan to work, we would need someone on the inside to tell us the coordinates of the ship are, because otherwise it would be like we’re shooting in the darkness.”

Alec groaned loudly in frustration. This was a dead end street. In order to find Jace, they needed to locate the ship first, and they couldn’t do that unless they had someone from the inside to help them.

“Don't worry, we'll figure something out,” Luke assured. “We just need some time and…” he yawned. “…Patience.” He finished, rubbing his eyes.

“You’re welcome to stay here if you’d like, Alexander,” Magnus offered kindly. “I've always loved having a roommate.”

“Magnus, I'm not sure if that’s a good idea,” Alec said, looking at Luke for any sign of protest, but he found none.

“Nonsense,” Magnus dismissed. “You’ll love it here,” he stated. “I have to warn you, though: my kitties are sneaky, and the only way to their hearts is through food.”

“Kitties?” Alec gave Magnus a questioning look. “More than one?”

“More than ten,” Luke warned, shaking his head.

“Oh, come on, Lucian,” Magnus pouted. “I know you like them at least a little bit.”

“Well…” Luke tried to hide a fond smile before standing up. “I don’t know about you guys, but I'm heading back to bed,” he informed with a smile, though Alec was able to tell how tired he really was. “I could really use the extra two hours of sleep before I have to go to work.”

“I’ll make you a refreshing potion, darling,” Magnus promised before sending Luke off to bed with a sweet kiss on the cheek.

“I need some fresh air, Magnus,” Alec said before excusing himself and heading to the balcony.

 

Alec had been long overdue for a break down, it seemed, because after it was over he felt light and new again, as if the weight of the whole world had been taken off his back. It had been a while since he had allowed himself to cry as much as he had in Magnus' arms, but even that didn't lessen the constant ache in his heart, caused by the loss of Jace.

Where are you, parabatai? He asked out loud, looking up at the sky as if asking Raziel himself for an answer. By this point, Alec was sure only the Angel knew where they really were. They had searched all of New York, and nothing. Not even a trace of Jace or Valentine. Except for today's almost encounter. It seemed like Valentine was always one step in front of them. He wanted them to know that he could go where ever he wanted and do whatever he wanted undisturbed. Just the thought of that bastard orchestrating their lives the way he had, was enough to make Alex’s blood boil.

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply in attempt to calm down.

And just like that, all of a sudden, he wasn’t on Magnus’s balcony. Alec found himself in a dark room that reeked of sweat, blood and salt. He was on a ship. It was Valentine’s ship, Alec knew.

In front of him he saw Jace, naked from the waist up, standing up with his arms over his head while a man whose arms seemed to be the size of Jace's head, was beating him up mercilessly. Jace was groaning and screaming angrily, trying to break the chains that were holding him in place, but to no avail. His face was covered in blood, and Alec could feel the pain of every single broken bone in his own body.

“Jace!” Alec tried to reach out and help his parabatai, but before he could even move, the vision dissolved.

 

 

Being in his Father’s ‘care’ was just as terrible as Jace remembered it from when he was a child. His Father had not changed much over the years they had spent apart, because his training methods had stayed the same.

Only the thoughts of his parabatai got Jace through his Father’s torture. Ever since he had arrived on the ship, Alec had become somewhat of a safe heaven for him that Jace could resort to whenever the pain of reality was became too hard to bear. Jace knew that these ‘lessons' were meant to be a test more for his mind than for his body. An Iratze could easily mend the broken bones, and close the countless wounds all over his skin, but the mental strain that the daily beatings had on him would not be easy to ignore.

Valentine wanted him in pieces so Jace knew he had to remain whole.

Time moved at a different speed down here. Sometimes minutes seemed like an eternity while other times whole days passed with the blink of an eye.

The only sure way Jace knew to protect himself from going completely insane was to pretend he was somewhere else instead. The metallic taste of blood in his mouth was almost easy to ignore if only Jace replaced it with the taste of Alec’s lips instead, and of Jace focused hard enough he could even pretend he was back in his parabatai’s arms again.

The punishment resumed as soon as soon as Jace woke up. It took him a moment to realize that he was back on the ship, but there was not much he could do about it since he was still bound like a circus animal and he had nothing to defend himself with.

“VALENTINE!” He screamed in frustration, rubbing on the chains that were keeping his arms above his head. “COME HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN, YOU COWARD!”

As expected, there was no reply from Valentine, who had as always sent his people to do his job for him.

Jace had no idea how he'd ended up back here, but he did remember well what had happened beforehand. Valentine had sent an imposter to convince Jace that his parabatai hated him, but to his Father’s frustration, the young Nephilim had seen right through him.

The mere memory of the occurrence brought a smirk on Jace's half-mutilated face. Had Valentine actually thought it would work? Jace would recognize Alec amongst a thousand men, blindfolded and even in death. There was no mistaking him. It was a matter of his soul recognizing a part of itself in another person.

“Something funny, pretty boy?” Valentine’s goon, who Jace had heard being revered to as Richard asked, stopping for a second when he saw that young Nephilim was smiling, despite all the pain he was in.

“Just your face,” Jace replied, spitting blood in the man's face.

More and more punches followed after that and Jace knew it was time for him to immerse himself in his own private little world before he lost his mind.

 

He closed his eyes and suddenly he was back near that lake in Idris where he and Alec had spent a few precious hours in playing and lovemaking.

“Parabatai,” the archer greeted when he noticed Jace standing in front of him, both of them stark naked just as they had been back then. Alec was gorgeous, smiling and healthy, and Jace allowed himself to believe that it was all real.

“Come here,” Alec urged, making Jace sit next to him on the thin, old sheets that had been laid on the ground for them.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Jace whispered, resting his head on Alec’s broad chest. “Where have you been?”

“I'm here,” Alec assured, caressing Jace's parabatai rune gently. “I've always been here.”

“Why do I feel so alone then?” Jace wondered, referring to the constant ache in his soul that followed him everywhere ever since he had arrived on the ship. Sometimes he found himself losing hope that he would ever see his parabatai again.

“You’re never alone,” Alec told him softly. “Whither thou goest, I will go, remember?”

“I do,” Jace nodded before kissing Alec breathless. “I do, I do, I do,” he assured between kisses. It was so easy, so disturbingly easy for him to pretend that this was all real, and that they had found happiness at last, away from everyone and everything that ever tried to stand in their way. Jace never wanted it to end.

“Take me, parabatai,” Alec urged, laying down on his back before spreading his legs so Jace would be able to fit between them easily. “Don't wait,” the archer told him. “Do it now before it’s too late.”

Jace nodded, bending down so he could kiss Alec one more time. His heard was pounding like crazy in his chest as he took his cock in hand and pushed in…

It all came to an end only a moment later, however when a bucket of cold water thrown into his face brought Jace back into the brutal reality.

“ALEC!” He roared, furious that his fantasy had been so rudely interrupted.

“Not quite, pretty boy,” Richard smiled before punching Jace in the face again. “Don’t even try to escape,” he warned, gripping Jace by the hair. “ ‘Cause it'll only get worse.”

Jace wanted to ask how much worse it could get, but he didn’t get the chance, because Richard continued to use his face as a punching bag.

Jace was nothing if not defiant, though so he retreated back to his land of dreams almost challenging Richard to show him how worse it could get.

He wasn't afraid. He never had been, but the run in with Valentine’s fake Alec had given him his, which was something Jace had been severely lacking lately. Finally he felt like he'd gotten the upper hand with his Father. Valentine could beat him, starve him, torture him, but he could never change the fact that Jace was loved. He had someone eating for him. Someone who probably spent every second looking for him. Someone who made this horrible existence worth it. As long as their bond was strong, Jace knew nothing would keep them away from each other. Jace knew he had to return to Alec as soon as possible, but before that he had to get rid of Valentine first.

I'm alive, parabatai, Jace thought hoping Alec could great him wherever he was. I'm alive and I’m coming home to you. Wait for me.

“Enough,” Jace heard a familiar voice order suddenly and sure enough he saw his Father standing here in front of him, looking as pleased with himself as always. “Hello, son,” he greeted.

Jace spat blood in his Father’s face as greeting. “Bastard,” He cursed. “You wanna go for a round or are you gonna send your people to do your job as always?”

“Leave us,” Valentine ordered, and his lackeys obeyed immediately.

“What, no help from your boys today?” Jace sneered. “Don’t tell me you've grown some balls.”

“I see your sarcasm is intact,” Valentine commented, trying to sound casual, but Jace could hear the anger hidden in his voice. “You got that from your Mother,” he informed.

“Oh, you mean from the woman who left you for your own parabatai?” Jace reminded, knowing Jocelyn was a sore point for Valentine. He almost felt guilty for the momentary hurt look on his Father’s face.

“You know, Jonathan, you really remind me of myself when I was your age,” Valentine stated, stepping close to his son.

“You're here to insult me then,” Jace concluded, sounding bored. “I'd rather be beaten unconscious, thanks.” He really wasn’t in the mood for one of his Father’s speeches right now.

“Just like you I believed Nephilim and Downworlders could live in peace,” Valentine recalled, ignoring his son's snarky remark. “I wanted to change the system, believing Downworlders could be reasoned with, but they did their best to prove me wrong.”

“I think it's a bit too late for bedtime stories,” Jace sneered, wanting his Father to stop spewing bullshit already.

“The day my Father was killed I learned an important lesson,” Valentine claimed, and Jace was shocked to see tears in his Father’s eyes for the first time since he'd known him. “Life is a battlefield, son,” Valentine stated, staring at his son’s face intensely. ‘’And the only way to win is to be stronger and more ruthless than your enemies.”

“Spare me the bullshit,” Jace rolled his eyes. “I lost my parents too,” he reminded. “And so did millions of people all over the world, but most orphans don’t turn out to be mass murderers. You chose to let your grief make you the person you are today. Don’t blame it on anyone else.”

“When I sent you to the Lightwoods I hoped they’d help you become the warrior you were always meant to be,” Valentine revealed. “But now I realized how wrong I was, because what I see in front of me is a weak, pathetic little boy, who seems as lethal as a teddy bear.”

“Untie me, and I’ll show you how lethal I can be,” Jace challenged, trying to free himself from the bonds that were keeping him in place, but to no avail. “Say what you want about the Lightwoods, but they’re my real parents,” he declared proudly. “They took me in, they trained me, they loved me, which is !it’s than could be said about you.”

“Believe it or not, son, I do love you, son,” Valentine stated, sounding somewhat hurt by the implication that he didn’t love his son. “And it is because I love you that I’m doing all of this,” he claimed. “I want you to be the best, the most capable, the one everyone fears.”

“You’re insane!” Jace told him, outraged by his Father’s plans for him. “And you have no idea what love really is!”

“I know exactly love is,” Valentine stated, crossing his arms over his chest. “But it took me a while to realize that in has no place in the life of a Shadowhunter,” he shared. “We were sent here by Raziel to protect the world from demons, anything that distracts us from that mission is useless.”

“You should put that on a t-shirt,” Jace snorted, unimpressed by his Father’s speech.

“The more people you love, the more vulnerable you are,” Valentine told his son, stepping even closer to Jace. “You'll do things for your loved ones that you know you shouldn’t, just to keep them safe and happy, ” he added. “They're like holes in your armor that can be used against you at any given time.”

“You're safe then,” Jace rolled his eyes. “Since you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

“You’re almost correct, Jonathan,” Valentine said before drawing an Iratze on Jace's stomach and watching as his son's face healed quickly. “Your love for Alexander will destroy you from the inside out,” he warned, lifting Jace's chin up so they could look at each other. “I'm just trying to help you, son.”

“I don’t need your help!” Jace snarled. “Alec is my parabatai,” he reminded. “He's the last person I need to be protected from!”

“See, this is where you're wrong,” Valentine told him, holding Jace’s chin so their eyes would remain fixed. “We've been taught that having a parabatai is an honor, that it makes us better warriors and better people, but that’s all a lie,” he claimed.

“Not everyone’s like you,” Jace sneered. “Most people say those vows and mean every word! You chose to bond with Luke, and you chose to forsake the promises you'd made to him!”

As always, Valentine heard only what he wanted to hear, and so he completely disregarded everything Jace said and continued ranting.

“Binding your soul to another is suicide,” he stated shaking his head. “You are no longer your own person once you become a parabatai,” he added. “You become completely dependent on someone else. Their happiness becomes your happiness. Their pain becomes your pain. There are moments when they're the only thing keeping you alive,” he recalled. “No one should have that kind of power over you,” he said, lightly touching his right rib where Jace assumed his parabatai rune had been once.

“Is that what you tell yourself when you start missing Lucian?” Jace wondered. “That he was your weakness? That you’re better off without him?” he wondered. “Well, for me Alec has never been weakness,” Jace informed. “If anything, he's my strength!”

“Do you know what happens to parabatai who fall in love, son?” Valentine asked.

Jace stayed silent, because he was sure his Father knew the answer already. No one knew what happened to parabatai who fell in love, because there hadn't been such case in centuries, and if it had, it had remained a secret. A better-kept one than that of Alec and Jace, apparently. There were only rumors and speculations that Jace preferred to ignore, because he know how far the Clave was willing to go to stop parabatai from falling in love.

“You’ve experienced the benefits of it already,” Valentine said, referring to Jace’s magic, which the young Nephilim hadn’t been able to use since his arrival on the ship. “But have you thought of the downsides?”

“I don’t care about consequences,” Jace stated, shaking his head. “I love Alec and I can’t live without him or our bond!”

“You’ll be surprised by what you’ll be able to do once you're rid of this burden.”

Before Jace could question what exactly his Father meant, Valentine was already tracing his son's parabatai rune with his stele, and the young Nephilim instantly found himself in almost unbearable pain.

The parabatai rune wasn’t meant to be activated. Not this one. Never this one. Unlike other runes, it was supposed to be left in peace from the moment when it was drawn on a person’s body to the moment of their death. The only practical usage it had (besides linking two souls, of course) was the ability to track your parabatai through it. Tracking one’s parabatai with the help of the rune was a dangerous affair, though since it weakened the bond and if the tracking lasted for too long, it could even result in breaking it.

 

“What's going on?” Jace demanded, kicking his legs and trashing from side to side, but the chains that kept him bound remained firmly in place.

“I'm helping you, son,” Valentine replied, watching as Jace stubbornly tried to break free, but to no avail. “Soon enough you’ll be free.”

Of course Jace would try to break free even it seemed impossible. Valentine knew his son too well, and he had predicted that Jace wouldn’t just stand there and watch quietly as his bond with Alexander slowly dissolved, which is why Valentine had made sure to get magic-enhanced chains that were almost impossible to break.

“No!” Jace wailed, shaking his head as tears ran down his cheeks. “No, please, stop!” he begged desperately, and Valentine could tell he was trying to use his magic, but thanks to the bracelet made by Dorothea, he wasn’t able to.

Jonathan seemed to be excruciating pain, which was understandable, considering he was quite literally losing a part of his soul right now, but it was all for his own good. To Valentine’s regret he found that his son hadn’t changed much over the years they hadn’t seen each other. Jonathan might have grown in size, but on the inside he was still that little boy who, despite all the harsh training and the punishments, still curled up at his Father’s side at night, begging to be loved.

Had he really not understood yet that to love was to destroy and to be loved was to be destroyed? Judging by the mere fact that he was here proved that he hadn’t. Jonathan had joined his Father not because he believed in Valentine’s idea (not yet at least) but because he'd feared the consequences that his refusal would bring. He'd feared that he’d his friends. He'd feared that innocent people would be hurt, and most of all he'd feared what might happen to his parabatai, should their secret be revealed.

Alexander seemed to have even more influence on Jonathan than originally anticipated. Thanks to the Sin of Eros, their bond was stronger than normal. Just as Valentine knew his son would never be able to dedicate himself fully to the cause as long as his parabatai was on the other side of the barricade, he also knew that Alexander would never join them. He was too much of a Law-follower, which was ironic, since in the eyes of the Clave he was as much of a criminal as Valentine himself. That meant he had to go. The bond was holding Jonathan back, even if he refused to believe it, and Valentine knew that if he didn’t do something now, Jonathan’s love for Alexander would bring him to ruin.

 

Contrary to popular belief, Valentine did care about his children. They were actually the reason he was doing all of this, even if they didn’t understand it. He wanted to create a new world for them, a world that was free of demons where all of them could be happy and safe. Indeed, Valentine was a family man, even if he didn’t seem like it. He considered Jonathan his greatest creation—the ultimate warrior, a Shadowhunter with demon blood, and every day Valentine grew more and more proud of him. Clarissa was like a mirror to him. The more Valentine met his daughter, the more he recognized himself in her. And Jace....Well, Jace was a different matter entirely. Even though they weren’t related by blood, he was the one closest to Valentine’s heart out of the three of them. So much so that sometimes Valentine thought his love for Jace was the only thing that kept him human. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Jace was supposed to be nothing but an experiment, but somehow that boy had had managed to carve himself a spot in the heart of a man who believed love to be weakness, and there was nothing Valentine could have done to stop it.

Still though, Valentine knew he couldn’t afford any sentiments. Not now, when their world was in such danger thanks to the growing population of Downworlders while the number of Shadowhunter was decreasing with each passing year. Not now, when the Clave was growing more and more useless, and the possibility of a Downworlder revolt became more and more real.

Valentine knew they were running out of time, otherwise he wouldn’t have taken such radical actions.

Whether Jace liked it or not, he was a weapon. He had a mission to fulfil in this world, and his bond with Alexander was getting in the way of that. Love was useless in the time of war, and it was time for Jace to accept it.

 

“ALEC!” Jace screamed as images of his parabatai convulsing somewhere on a bed emerged in his mind. Even without the bond Jace would’ve been able to tell Alec was succeeding just by seeing him in this state, but now they were in the same hell, and their shared pain was almost unbearable.

Jace could literally feel the bond between them falling apart piece by piece, and there was almost nothing he could do about it. He tried grasping it with all he had, but still it grew weaker with each passing second, and Jace had no idea how long he would be able to hold on.

It all hurt so much, and Jace coiled tell he was reaching the end of his strength, so he made one final effort to break the chains, but it too proved unsuccessful.

“Parabatai,” Jace roared, channelling the last bit energy he had in his body in hopes that Alec would hear him and somehow respond. The sound was so loud that it made the ground beneath his feet shake. Jace didn't see it, but as he did that, his eyes were glowing golden and suddenly the Unlock rune was burning on his skin seemingly out of nowhere. The chains around his wrists instantly fell and Jace was finally free. He had no time to think how or why this had happened, because he knew he had to get to Alec as soon as possible. Without thinking twice about it, Jace made his way towards the portal room, ready to deal with anyone or anything that got in his way.

Unsurprisingly, Valentine had guards at every corner and due to his exhaustion, Jace was unable to deal with them. He suddenly found himself being chased by men who seemed ready to eat him whole. He knew there was nowhere for him to run since sooner or later that would find him. His only chance was to jump overboard.

“Jonathan!” he heard his Father call out as he made his way to the main deck, and three more men approached him as well. He was surrounded. Jace’s nose was bleeding and his side was aching where the parabatai rune was. Everything seemed lost until he saw Dot Rollins stand in front of him suddenly.

At first he thought she had been sent to capture him, but instead she opened a portal for him, and Jace jumped through it without even thinking twice about it.

 

 

The realization that he was floating aimlessly in the water came as soon as Jace opened his eyes and saw the seaweed that had somehow ended up on his nose. Memories of what had brought him here resurfaced his mind and he wasted no time swimming back to the shite, acutely aware of the fact that he was running out of time. The sun was already up, and if Jace's judgement was correct, which meant several hours had passed since he’d left Valentine's ship.

As soon as Jace set foot on solid ground again, he placed a hand over his parabatai rune in hopes that he would be able to sense his parabatai through it. The bond hadn't been broken that was for sure, but it wasn’t the same as before. It was there, but somehow it wasn’t. Jace's worst fear had come true. Thanks to Valentine’s actions, the bond between him and Alec had been strained and weakened, and Jace didn't know if there was a way to repair it.  
Jace looked around, trying to familiarize himself with his surroundings only to find out that he had ended up in Downworlder territory. He noticed a body lying on the shore, and rushed there quickly, in hopes that he coiled help. Unfortunately it was too late. The girl was already dead. Jace recognized her as one of the Werewolves his Father had brought to the ship for him to kill. Jace had refused to do it, of course, so he supposed Valentine had finally ran out of patience and done it himself.

Bastard.

Jace sighed, closing the girl's eyes as a final act of mercy.

“Oh my God!” he heard someone shriek, and when he looked up he saw a woman standing there, looking at him.

“It's not what you think!” he assured, though to be fair it was suspicious that he was covered in blood and there was a corpse near him.

“Stay away from me!” the woman ordered, taking a step back and pulling out her phone before calling 911.

That left Jace no choice but to run like the criminal everyone else thought him to be.

 

 

 

Jace could tell all eyes were on him as entered Hunter's Moon and made his way to the bar, where a cute bartender was making drinks. Honestly, he couldn’t even blame these people for staring. Anyone would be terrified at the sight of a bruised and bloodied man, who looked like he had Yen minutes to live.

“Can I use the phone?” he asked the bartender, holding on to the counter so be wouldn’t collapse down on the ground.

“No need,” the bartender told him. “I'll call the ambulance myself.”

“No, no ambulance,” Jace shook his head. “I need...Alec,” he said between coughs.

“Is Alec a medic or something?” She wondered. “Because that’s the only thing you need right now.”

“He's my parabatai,” Jace told her. “Please, I need to know he’s okay.”

“Fine,” the bartender sighed, handing him the phone.

“Thank you,” Jace breathed out, before dialling Alec's number.

The moments Jace spent waiting for Alec to answer the phone were amongst most torturous in his life. His mind couldn’t help but come up with all sorts of terrible scenarios as to why Alec wasn’t picking up. If Jace's own condition was anything to go by that meant Alec wasn’t doing great either.

“Hello?” Jace heard just as he was about to hang up. It wasn’t Alec, though.

“Iz, it's me,” Jace informed, happy to hear his sister’s voice. He closed his eyes, thanking Raziel she was the one who picked up, and not someone else.

“Jace, thank the Angel you're alright,” he heard her sigh in relief. “Where are you?”

“I'm coming home, Izzy,” Jace assured her, although he wasn't exactly sure if he would be allowed to come home or not. “W-where's Alec?” he asked, feeling almost afraid of what she would tell him. Although his mind refused to accept it, his heart already knew the answer.

“Jace, Alec's in a coma,” Izzy told him with a sigh. “We don’t know what exactly happened.

“Jace, Alec... he...” there was a short pause after that, and Jace could hear her take a deep breath in order to get control of herself. “Alec’s in a coma, Jace,” Izzy informed.

“W-What?” Jace asked, clutching the phone desperately so it wouldn't fall from his shaking hand. “How?”

“We're not sure,” Izzy admitted. “He went to bed after spending the whole night looking for you,” she recalled. “And then a few hours later, Clary and I heard him screaming in pain, even though there was nothing there,” his sister added. “After a while he just passed out, and he hasn’t woken up ever since.”

 

Jace closed his eyes, needing no further explanation. He knew those were the consequences of Valentine’s grant plan to break the bond, and in that moment be hated his Father more than ever.

“Magnus says this is the body's way of protecting itself from the shock Alec went though,” Izzy told her brother. “He's the only thing keeping Alec alive right now, but we don’t know how much time we have,” she sniffled. “We tried everything, but...”

“Izzy, it's not your fault,” Jace assured, but his heart breaking at the sound of his sister’s sobs. “Valentine did this, he...”

“I don't care who did it!” Izzy snapped finally, and Jace couldn’t fault her for blaming him for the whole ordeal. “I just want my brother back!”

“I want that too, Izzy,” Jace told her. “What can I do?’’ he wondered. ‘’Where are you guys?’’

“According to Magnus, whatever happened to Alec, it almost killed him,” Izzy replied. “But not quite. Now he's stuck between this world and the afterlife, and you’re the only one who can bring him back.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jace agreed immediately, not even thinking twice about it. “What about Aldertree, though?” Jace was aware that he probably wouldn’t be welcome in the Institute, but he didn’t care. His own life meant nothing to him. They could torture him or kill him for all he cared, but only after Alec was safe.

“We’re taking Alec to Magnus’ place,” Izzy told him. “You just make sure to show up,” she ordered. “Leave the rest to me.” Izzy said before hanging up.

 

Izzy put the phone back in her pocket and headed back to her brother’s room.

She found him just as she had left him: pale, unmoving, a little sweaty from the nightly heat, and wearing his favourite pyjamas, given to him by Jace as a Christmas gift. If she didn’t know better, she'd think he was merely asleep. He wasn’t though. Lydia was sitting by the bed patiently as if she was waiting for him to wake up any minute now.

“Hey,” she greeted, looking up at her sister-in-law. “Magnus went back to his apartment to fetch some ingredients for a potion that he thinks could help,” she informed. “Who was that on the phone?”

“It was Jace,” Izzy revealed with a sigh, sitting down on the chair next to Lydia. “He's coming to help us.”

“That’s great!” Lydia stated, looking hopeful, and for a moment Izzy wondered if she knew what the truth was about her husband’s relationship with his parabatai. If she did, she was good at hiding it, because at time she seemed so clueless, Izzy couldn’t help feeling sorry for her.

 

“What are we gonna do about Aldertree, though?” Lydia wondered. “You know wouldn’t let Jace past the front door.’’

“That’s why we're moving Alec to Magnus’ place,” Izzy told her. “So that nothing and no one will disturb his healing.”

“Would Aldertree let us do that?” Lydia asked, frowning.

Having worked with Aldertree before, Lydia knew better than anyone here what type of person that man was. He wouldn’t hesitate to throw his own mother under the bus, if that would help him get ahead. It was obvious Aldertree was after the position of Head of the Institute permanently, and what better way to win the Clave's approval than to catch the infamous Jace Wayland. Before leaving for Idris, Imogen Herondale had declared that she wanted Jace alive, and the Angel only knew what she was planning to do with him. Whatever the Inquisitor had in mind, Izzy knew it would be cruel beyond words so it would serve as a reminder of what happened to those who disobeyed the Clave.

“We will,” Izzy assured Lydia, squeezing her hand lightly. “I'll make sure that he does.”

Lydia looked like she was about to ask more questions, but Izzy didn’t give her a chance to, because she was already on her feet, heading to Aldertree's office.

As ridiculous as it sounded, Izzy couldn’t help feeling partially guilty for what had happened to Alec. She had had her suspicions about the affair between her brothers for a long time, and yet stayed quiet, because she'd figured it wasn't any of her business. Ever since Alec had called her in the middle of the night, asking that she turn the cameras in the Institute off, she had known something was going on between them. Now, as she made her way to the office that used to belong to her Mother, she wondered what could have happened if she had done something about it. If hadn't walked into Alec's office that evening that seemed centuries ago, begging him to bring her brother back, would they even be in this mess right now? As terrible as it sounded, maybe should’ve let Jace leave when he'd wanted to. Maybe the flame of their love would’ve slowly died out thanks to the distance between them, but who knew? Since Izzy didn't have a parabatai of her own, she couldn’t even imagine what they truly meant to one another. She had only heard the stories of what happened to parabatai who committed the sin of Eros, and the prospect of it happening to her brothers terrified her.

This love of theirs would sooner or later destroy them, and with them it would in turn destroy everyone else around them as well. Izzy couldn’t let this happen. She had always had a bit of a reputation of a rebel, of someone who followed their heart, rather than their mind, but not this time. Not when her future and the future of her chipset, and her children’s children was at stake here.

Izzy could tell that Alec was slowly losing control, and it was only a matter of time before he finally snapped. He, who had once prided himself on always acting with his head and not with his heart, seemed to completely forsake reason when it came to Jace. Izzy knew that if Alec ever had to choose between Jace and the rest of their family, he would choose Jace in an instant. It was all very romantic and touching, but it was dangerous all the same. Their minds were clouded by the love they had for one another so she had to think instead of them. Isabelle found it ironic that she was the pragmatic one now, but someone had to put everyone else first. As much as she loved her brothers, she knew that the happiness of a single individual wax never more important than the well-being of the whole family.

Izzy took a deep breath, trying to steady herself before knocking on the door.

“Isabelle?” Aldertree seemed surprised to see her, though a smile soon appeared on his face, and if Izzy was more naive, she would’ve believed he was actually happy to see her. “Can I help you?”

“You can,” Izzy replied. “Magnus figured out a way to help Alec,” she informed him. “But it can’t happen here. It’s better if he does it in his loft, where he has access to all of his resources. We need your permission to portal Alec there.”

“I’m sorry, Isabelle, but I can't let that happen,” Aldertree refused without hesitation. “I know better than to trust that Warlock, and as far as I'm concerned your brother is too weak to be portalled.’’

“All Magnus wants is to help Alec,” Izzy insisted. “You can't—“

“That’s what I want too,” Aldertree interrupted her without even letting her finish what she was saying. “That’s why I have allowed Magnus Bane in the Institute despite the Downworlder ban.”

“We both know all you want is to use Alec so you can arrest Jace,” Izzy rolled her eyes, unable to stop herself.

“I'm trying to capture a fugitive who handed the Mortal Cup over to Valentine,” Aldretree claimed, though he made no real attempt to hide his true intentions. “You know, now that I think about it, the possibility of Jace working for his Father this whole time seems more and more plausible.”

“Jace wasn’t Valentine’s spy!” Izzy cut Aldretree off before he'd had he chance to say anything else. She couldn’t stand he idea of Jace being a traitor. No, her brother wasn’t a spy. He couldn’t be.

“Even if he wasn’t on Valentine’s side before, it certainly does look like he is now,” Aldertree stated. “Jace has always been a bit of a rulebreaker, hasn't he?” he asked. “Maybe being around his Father has unlocked a side of him none of you has known existed.”

“Whatever Jace is doing, I’m sure he has a plan,” Izzy told the Clave representative. “I know where he is,” she revealed. “ If you let us portal to Magnus’ I'll bring you Jace myself after we’re done.”

If before Aldertree had seemed surprised, how he looked completely shocked as if his brain couldn’t process what he'd just heard.

“How do I know this isn't a trick?” Aldertree wondered. “I find it hard to believe you'd betray your own brother.”

“It's not a trick,” Izzy assured him. “You have my word. The Law is hard, but it is the Law,” she reminded. “If Jace is guilty of all those crimes you accuse him of, then he must be punished.”

Aldertree seemed pleased with the answer he'd gotten, because he didn’t feel the need to add anything or make any snarky remarks. Instead, he looked down at his IPad with a skill, before facing Izzy again.

“You better hurry, Ms. Lightwood,” He told her. Your portal is waiting for you. And I will be expecting you to report to me as soon as you can.”

“Understood,” Izzy nodded before leaving the office.

 

 

When Jace woke up for the second time today, he was once again alone in a strange place. Instead of floating, though this time be was lying on a bed in an unfamiliar room. Instead of his own soaked clothes, he was now wearing a hospital gown, and there was an annoying sound coming from all the machines he was strapped to.

 

“Damn it,” Jace groaned, sitting up.

He distantly remembered collapsing on the street after fleeing Hunter’s Moon, which was probably how he’d ended up where he was now. Unfortunately for Jace, his journey back to Alec had not been as smooth as he’d hoped it’d be. As it turns out, news in the Downworld travelled fast, and the rest of the Werewolves in her pack had already learned about that Grethel's murder by the time Jace had gotten there. They had refused to let Jace explain, and instead opted for beating the life out of him, and by that time Jace had been so exhausted, he hadn’t even had the strength to fight back properly.

Jace looked out the window and saw it was already dark outside. Once again he had wasted time instead of getting to Alec as soon as possible.

Wait for me, he begged, hoping that Alec would hear him. He wondered if his parabatai knew what was going on around him. Did Alec know Jace was coming? Did he feel his pain and longing? Or had he given up on life already as Jace had done while on Valentine’s ship. Please, don’t leave me, Alec, Jace pleaded finally before forcing himself to get his act together and get out of bed.

After freeing himself from all the machines that were holding him down, Jace searched for his clothes, but they were nowhere to be found, so he had to leave the room as he was, barefoot, with no underwear on, and wearing a very thing hospital gown that covered almost nothing.

 

Leaving the hospital proved to be more difficult than Jace had anticipated, because as soon as he tried to get out of bed, he felt dizzy and disoriented, like the whole world was spinning around him. His body felt weak and clumsy, as if it was too heavy for his body to carry. His legs were wobbly and tired, making him take small steps, and lean against the walls as he walked so he wouldn‘t collapse.

In his state of half-consciousness Jace barely felt it when a strange hand gripped his elbow, before leading him to one of the unoccupied rooms down the hall.

He only realized what was happening when he felt the familiar burn of an Iratze on his forearm, and saw his Father was standing in front of him. His initial shock was quickly replaced by fiery anger, and without even thinking twice about it, Jace wrapped his hands around Valentine, wanting to end the bastard for good.

Valentine‘s face quickly became red and he wheezed for breath, kicking his legs as Jace raised his body in the air without much of an effort. There was no doubt in Jace’s mind now that he shouldn’t kill his own father. The naïve hope that maybe Valentine loved him after all, despite everything he'd done had died when Valentine had tried to break his bond with Alec. This man was truly insane. He was past the point of being saved, and Jace had started doubting if there was even any humanity left in him. Valentine’s hatred knew no limits. He was willing to set the world ablaze if it would kill Downworlders without caring if he’d burn down too. It was about time someone stopped him.

“Jonathan…” Valentine tried, but the word barely made it past his lips, because Jace’s hand was squeezing him tight, preventing him from breathing, and it was only a matter of time before he was finally dead. “Run,” he urged, despite his current circumstances. “They want you dead,” he claimed in a final attempt to save his own life.

It worked, because Jace let go of him immediately. It was Alec’s life Jace was worried about, not his own. He couldn’t care less if he lived or died, but he couldn’t leave this world until he was sure that Alec was safe.

“What do you mean?” Jace demanded, holding Valentine by the collar so he wouldn’t even think about escaping.

“Werewolves,” Valentine revealed, panting. “They’re… they…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence, because a series of coughs followed his words, and if he wasn’t who he was, Jace would feel bad for him, because he sounded like he would cough out his lungs any minute now.

Werewolves. Of course. Jace should’ve known they wouldn’t give up so easily.

As reckless as he was, though, even Jace knew when to fight and when to run. He had no to e to deal with everyone who wanted him dead right now. If the Werewolves wanted to kill him, they would have to wait until Alec woke up.

“Fuck!” Jace swore loudly when he saw that the small closet in the room was empty, which meant he still had nothing to wear.

“Here,” Valentine spoke all of a sudden, handing Jace a pair of jeans and a sweater, as well as a pair of boots.

“You brought me clothes?” Jace frowned, finding his Father's act of kindness a little too hard to believe.

“Always wear a set of spare clothes in case your kid gets dirty,” Valentine told him, crossing his arms over his chest in a smug manner like Jace hadn't been chocking him just minutes prior. “It’s a lesson every parent learns sooner or later.”

“How fatherly,” Jace snorted as he put his pants on. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“I did this all the time when you were little,” Valentine recalled, sounding oddly fond. “You'd always get dirty whenever we'd go to the park so I had to be prepared,” he claimed, watching with a smile on his face as Jace got dressed.

“Now isn’t the time for a trip down memory lane,” Jace told him as he put on his sweater on, caressing his parabatai rune for a moment just to make sure it was still there. “What are you even doing here?”

“Saving your life,” Valentine replied, making Jace glare at him, because how could this man claim that he was saving Jace’s life when he was the one who’d put it in cancer in the fire place? “The Werewolves from Lucian Graymark's pack are looking for you,” Valentine informed, ignoring his son's murderous stare. “They want you dead.”

“Geez, I wonder why,” Jace rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t think you've gotten away with what you did,” he warned his Father before heading to the door. “I will deal with you later.”

“Jonathan, wait!” Valentine requested, gripping Jace’s arm to stop him from leaving. “My people are here, they’ll deal with the Werewolves,” he informed, staring at Jace’s like he was trying to figure out what his son was thinking. “I can get you out—“

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Jace told him, freeing himself from his Father’s grip effortlessly before heading out.

Instead of accepting his Father’s help that was bound to come with a price sooner or later, Jace decided to act on his own since there was no one else he could trust right now. He used the opportunity to sneak out of the hospital unnoticed while Werewolves and Circle members fought, and continued on his way back to Alec.

For a moment Jace was naïve enough to believe that he was finally free of his Father, but soon enough Valentine was sure to prove him wrong.

“Jonathan!” Jace heard him call out not long after they’d parted ways, so naturally Jace ignored him and kept walking while also wondering how exactly Valentine had managed to find him. Only Raziel truly knew what this man was hiding up his sleeve.

“Jonathan, stop!” Valentine begged sounding almost desperate. “I was wrong,” He admitted, making Jace stop abruptly in shock.

“Save it,” Jace told him, turning around so he could face his Father. “The damage has already been done.”

“I know,” Valentine assured, looking truly regretful, but Jace saw right through him. “I—“

‘’Can you get to the point already?’’ Jace requested, since he was sure it wasn’t fatherly love that had brought Valentine here. ‘’I have somewhere to be,’’ the young Nephilim reminded.

‘’You have to be careful, Jonathan,” Valentine warned. “This could be a trap.”

‘’What the hell are you talking about?’’ Jace demanded, though he’d never admit Valentine was merely voicing the thoughts he’d had eve since having that conversation with Izzy.

‘’The Clave is using Alexander as a bait to capture you,” Valentine stated. “You know it’s true, Jonathan.”

“No,” Jace shook his head, refusing to believe it, even though his mind knew that for once his Father was telling the truth. ‘’The Clave has nothing to do with this,” he tried to convince himself more than Valentine. ‘’Izzy is the one I talked to. She wouldn’t do this to me!”

‘’Maybe she wouldn’t,” Valentine nodded, but Jace could sense a ‘but’ coming, and sure enough it came. ‘’But maybe she was forced to do it,’’ he guessed. “Or maybe she’s just looking after herself and her family like everyone else.”

“I’m her brother,” Jace stated without a doubt that it was the truth. “We are a family, and family doesn’t betray each other,” he stated, believing every word. Even though it was Valentine he shared blood with, he saw the Lightwoods as his family and no one else. Despite the recent issues between him and Izzy, he knew she’d never do anything to intentionally hurt him.

“You’re so naïve, Jonathan,” Valentine told him, and the statement sounded more like an accusation than anything else. “You think that just because you wouldn’t do it, others wouldn’t either, but not everyone is as kind and as loyal as you, son.”

“What, torture didn’t work so now you’re trying to win me over with compliments?” he wondered, seeing right through his Father’s act. If Valentine thought his sweet words would turn his son against the Lightwoods, he was in for a surprise. “Save it,” Jace told him. “I know exactly what you’re trying to do. I’m not the little boy could manipulate so easily anymore.”

“I don’t have to manipulate you,” Valentine claimed. “You’ve been with the Clave long enough to know that’s exactly how they operate,” he stated, and as much as Jace hated admitting it, he was right. “They will stop at nothing to get what they want, and right now what they want is you.”

“I’m not like you,” Jace sneered. “I can’t stand by and do nothing while my parabatai is dying!”

“I’m not asking you to,” Valentine told him. “Just let me come with you, just in case something happens.”

“No!” Jace refused immediately. He wasn’t naive enough to let Valentine into Magnus’ home after the Warlock had been so kind and agreed to help Alec after everything. “I don’t care what happens to me,” he revealed. “Alec’s life is the only thing that matters.”

After that Jace started walking again, determined not to let Valentine get to him. He had lost enough time, and Alec was waiting. Raziel only knew what Alec was going through while Jace was out here, chatting with his Father.

Jace wasn’t the moron Valentine thought him to be. He knew exactly how big of a risk going to Magnus’ loft unharmed, but it was a risk he had to take for Alec’s sake. Jace would always choose Alec over himself. Always.

Valentine, however, was not one to give up easily, so he continued following his son, even after Jace had made it clear the conversation was over.

“You save Alexander and then what?” Valentine wondered, quickly catching up to his son. “What happens next?

What happens next? Was a question rarely asked during a war, mostly because solders lived each day as if it was their last, hoping to see the next sunrise, but also, because what followed after a war was always the same: a world left in ruins, orphans, widows, parents, who had outlived their children. Wars had been waged since the beginning of mankind, and only a fool would keep making the same mistake and expect different outcome. Jace, however, supposed that as someone who was so sure of their victory, Valentine had no problem dreaming of the world he was going to build after the war without caring about the consequences of his actions. As for Jace, he wanted only peace. It was ironic that someone who had been made into a weapon was craving peace, but it didn’t make it any less true. This war had already taken too much from him already, and even though it had barely started it felt like it had been going on for years. If only he could wake up one day without a weapon in hand, in a brighter, wiser world and share it all with the man he loved. If only.

 

“Jonathan!” Valentine called out when he figured out his taunting wasn’t working. Jace refused to stop no matter what. “I was wrong to try and break your bond with Alexander,” Valentine admitted once again, and this time he sounded sincere enough to make Jace believe he actually regretted what he’d done. “I had forgotten you two are as one, and stronger together than you are apart. I’m sorry.”

The shock from Valentine’s apology was almost too much to handle, and Jace was left speechless, standing there in the middle of the street with his mouth hanging open. Had it happened at any other time, Jace would’ve probably been pleased to see his Father so remorseful, but not now. Now that his deeds had caused so much damage, his words meant nothing.

“It’s too late,” Jace dismissed, still not fully convinced that his Father was telling the full truth. Valentine never did or said something that didn’t benefit him in some way. “Should’ve thought about that before you tried to break my bond with my parabatai! You broke your own bod, but you had no right to mess with mine!”

Valentine looked down a the ground, almost as if he actually ashamed of what he’d done. “I cannot turn back time and undo the mistake I made,” he admitted with a sigh. “But I can make amends for it.”

Jace frowned, confused by his Father’s statement. “What could you possible do to fix the damage you’ve already done?”

“I can give you what you want most,” Valentine claimed, his confidence and smugness suddenly back. “A life with Alexander,” he added when he noticed his son wasn’t getting it.

“H-How?” Jace gaped, still confused by his Father’s statement.

“We both know that as long as the Clave is in charge, you and Alexander will never be free to love each other as you want,” Valentine stated, and to his dismay, Jace found himself agreeing with him. “But if you join me and convince Alexander to do the same, I promise you, you will never have to hide ever again.”

Twice already Valentine had left Jace speechless tonight, and this time was no exception. Jace stared at his Father, for a moment unable to form an reply. A thousand thoughts swirled around in his mind, each one clashing with another. There was nothing Jace wanted more in this world than to be able to love Alec freely, but he was quick to remember Valentine never offered anything for free, especially not freedom.

“Are you insane or do you think I am?” Jace wondered, offended that his Father thought he would even take this offer into consideration. No, Jace shook his head, squishing down the voice in his head that kept insisting that Valentine was right. No matter how much Jace wanted to be with Alec, neither of them would ever accept to work for a man, who wanted millions of people dead.

“Think about it, Jonathan,” Valentine urged. “Even if you kill me now, and get pardoned by the Clave anything would change? Do you think your lives would be any different than they are now? Do you think the world will suddenly become a magical place after this war is over?”

No, Jace thought, but he did not say it. He would never admit his Father had a point on this.

“You can win their war for them, and they’ll still you as no more than a pawn, a means to an end,” Valentine added and Jace barely managed to hold himself from reminding that that was the way his own Father saw him as well.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t bring himself to deny it, because it was the truth. All Shadowhunters knew hat their duty was from as very young age, ad Jace as no exception. He was a soldier; a protector of the human world against demons, and for him there was no other reality but this one. Jace would never sit behind a desk and idly give out orders while there were battles to be fought. He would fight until his last breath and if he died, then so be it. All his victories were victories for the world, and all his losses— his own.

“The Clave’s tyranny has to end,” Valentine proclaimed. “Their hypocrisy and fear lead us nowhere, and their beloved Law keeps us stuck in the past.”

“The Law is harsh, but it is the Law,” Jace recited, even if the words tasted like poison in his mouth.

“Ah, sed lex, dura lex, right?” Valentine repeated, and by the smug look on his face, Jace could tell he was about to start one of his grand speeches. “No one, not even the most honourable Shadowhunter should follow the Law blindly and allow themselves to forget that the world is never black or white. People make Laws, and people can change them. If a Law does more harm than good, it’s useless. Ours is old and outdated. It doesn’t fit the world we currently live in, which means it no longer serves us. Therefore it has to change, because as the law of nature states, all things that don’t adapt, go extinct.”

“I guess for you adapting means killing all Downworlders,” Jace concluded, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It means control,” Valentine stated. “What happened to you was not an isolated case, Jonathan,” he claimed. “Raziel only knows what goes on in places where the Nephilim presence isn’t as strong as it is here, but the Clave lets it all slide, because they’re afraid of a revolt. Giant wolves walking though one of the biggest hospitals in New York, a Vampire den at every corner of Brooklyn and Harlem, hundreds of years old Downworlders preying on barely-legal mundanes. Tell me, son, how is any of that okay?”

“My hero,” Jace snorted, trying to appear unaffected, even though he could feel himself falling for his Father’s lies just like when he was a kid. “Don’t try to sell me that whole man of the people’ act,” he told Valentine. “I know you better than that.”

“I’m not trying to sell you anything,” Valentine claimed. “I’m just a man who wants to make sure that justice doesn’t get side-lined for Law. The punishment should fit the crime, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I know exactly what you want,” Jace told his Father, instead of replying. “So save it.”  
As right as Valentine was about the Law and the Clave, and eve if he was genuine in his statements, Jace could still see right through his act. It was not fatherly love that had made Valentine miraculously change his mind about Jace and Alec’s relationship, nor was he overly concerned with the unfairness in the Law when it came to the Sin of Eros. He simply wanted to take advantage of it. No doubt Valentine had heard of the added powers parabatai got when they committed the Sin of Eros together, and he’d seen it first hand whenever Jace would snap and use his magic during a training session. It was a well-known fact that when parabatai-in-love fought side by side they were unstoppable. Of course Valentine wouldn’t mind that Jace and Alec were in love when it was to his benefit. Just like the Clave he saw them as weapons and nothing more.

“Forget what I want,” Valentine told him. “What do you want?” he asked. “Do you want to be the Clave’s pawn for the rest of your life?” he wondered. “Or do you want to make the world a better place with me?”

Jace paused for a second before finally coming to a decision. “I want you to take it off,” he revealed, extending his arm out so Valentine could removed the braced he’d put on him to block his magic.

Valentine seemed annoyed, but still he obeyed.

“Give me your stele,” Jace ordered next, and once again, Valentine surprisingly did as he was told.

Without any further explanation, Jace grabbed the stele from his Father and drew the Teleporting rune on the ground.

He wasn’t willing to accept either of the options his Father had offered. The only thing he truly wanted was a life with Alec. No matter the allegiance.

“I’m keeping this,” Jace told his Father before disappearing through the rune.

 

Not even a minute later, Jace ended up in Magnus’ quite impressive hallway. He didn’t know the pace well but at least he knew Alec was here.

All eyes were instantly on Jace when he stepped into the living room where everyone was gathered. The room was quiet and grim as if death had been here already. There was barely any lighting and all the windows were shut with curtains over them so no one would know what was happening. Jace noticed the faces of his sisters as well as Lydia, all dressed in black, and saw that they were trying to tell him something, but all of that became white noise when he laid eyes on his parabatai.

Only when he saw Alec did Jace realize the true magnitude of Valentine’s doing.

Alec lay there on Magnus’ chaise lounge, wearing his favourite pyjamas, seemingly unaware of all the misery around him. He looked pale, as if all the blood had left his body already and sweat was rolling down his temple. His face that he normally kept clean shaven face was now covered with thick facial hair that somehow made him look even more regal even in this state. It was as if his soul had long departed, and now there was only a body left behind.

Hot tears blurred his vision as Jace walked up to his lover and sat down next to him.

“Parabatai,” Jace sobbed, holding Alec’s face gently. Being this close to Alec after such a long separation was almost surreal, especially since at time Jace had felt he’d never get here.

When he looked up, Jace saw four pairs of eyes full of tears staring at him.

“What happened?” he asked, his heart hurting for every single one of them.

“We’re not sure,” Izzy replied, sniffling. “He started having seizures all of a sudden and he passed out with no apparent reason,” she explained. “We were hoping you could tell us.”

“Valentine tried to break the bond,” Jace revealed, making the others gasp in shock.

“Is that even possible?” Cary asked, sounding completely stunned.  
“If the excruciating pain and the coma are anything to go by, I’d say it can happen,” Jace replied.

“Is the bond...?” Izzy questioned, sounding like she was afraid of the answer. “Are you guys still...?”

“Yeah,” Jace confirmed with a nod. “Valentine failed,” he told them. “He traced the rune as if he was gonna use parabatai tracking, but the bond turned out to be stronger than expected.”

And that’s probably thanks to the Sin of Eros , he didn’t add.

“I had my suspicions on what might had happened,” Magnus shared. “But I never thought Valentine would go this far.”

“What can I do?” Jace asked, looking up at the Warlock in hopes that he would have the solution.

“Jace, I...” Magnus paused for a second like he was trying to say something, but the words just wouldn’t come. “I think what Valentine did killed Alec,” he revealed and as soon as he said it, Jace could feel the world falling apart around him. “He’s gone.”

“No,” Izzy shook her head, refusing to believe that her brother was dead. “No, Magnus, you’re wrong!” she told the Warlock. “You’re wrong! He can’t be...”

“Izzy’s right,” Jace said as involuntary hot tears ran down his cheeks. “I feel him so that means he can’t be dead, right?”

“It’s the piece of his soul that lives within you that you’re feeling,” Magnus told him.

“That’s bullshit!” Izzy exploded all of a sudden. “Look at him!” she urged the Warlock. “He might be unconscious, but he’s still alive!”

“His body is alive, but his soul is long gone,” Magnus claimed, sniffling. “I’m sorry, Jace.”  
“NO!” Jace yelled, his whole being rejecting the idea that his parabatai might have left this world without him. “Alec isn’t dead!” he insisted without caring if he looked like a madman or not. “Alec isn’t gone! He’s still here! He claimed, lifting his sweater up to show Magnus the parabatai rune as evidence that Alec was still alive.

“If he was dead I would know!” Jace told the Warlock. Jace knew that just like every person he would feel it if a part of his soul was gone, so he couldn’t understand why Magnus was so reluctant to believe him.

“Well, in that case,” Magnus took a moment to respond, obviously thinking hard about what he wanted to say next. “I believe Alexander is literally on the border between life and death right now.”

“What?” Lydia, who had been quiet so far, spoke finally. “What do you mean?”

Even though her marriage with Alec was a scam, she still cared deeply for him. Besides, widowhood wouldn’t suit her.

“When a person dies, their soul gets a certain amount of time to say its goodbyes to our world and depart to the world of the dead,” The Warlock explained. “But if the person has some unfinished business here, the soul may refuse to leave. I believe Jace may be the thing that’s keeping Alec alive right now.”

“But that’s good news, right?” Jace asked as a tiny flicker of hope bloomed in his heart. He was keeping Alec alive. Finally he had done something right after all the mistakes he had made. Finally his life was worth something.

“Not necessarily,” Magnus replied. “If a soul stays in the air like that, it may not be able to find its place anymore,” he revealed. “If we don’t help him on time, Alexander may either become a ghost, which is basically a lost soul with that desperately roams the earth with no memories of its previous life, or he can quite literally get stuck between the two worlds, capable of seeing everything that’s going on around him, but unable to take part in it. He will literally watch life pass him by, but he won’t be able to do anything about it. Truth be told, I don’t know which one of these options is worse.”

“How can we know what happened to Alec?” Clary wondered.  
“Since Alexander has been in this state for a relatively short time, so I think there still might be a chance to bring him back to us,” Magnus replied. “But it all depends on you,” he said, looking at Jace.

“What can I do?” The young Nephilim asked, hoping that the centuries-old Warlock would have a answer to this question as well.

“I don’t know,” Magnus answered, much to Jace’s dismay. “He’s your parabatai, not mine. Look within you. Your soul should know the answer already.”

Jace closed his eyes, remembering the first few moments after their parabatai ceremony had finished. Back then he had found the feeling of his soul being connected to another strange, but now he knew he couldn’t live without it. Jace had grown up a lonely child. He hadn’t even met other children until after his Father’s death, so naturally it had been hard for him to build relationships at first. But Alec had been something else. With his never-ending kindness and his unconditional loyalty he had managed to break all of Jace’s walls down and leave him exposed and vulnerable in a way Jace would never even dream of being with anyone else. Looking back on it, Jace now realized that the reason he used to cling on to Valentine so desperately was, because he’d thought that his Father was the only person who would ever love him. Alec had quickly proven him wrong, though. Even before they had become parabatai, Alec had managed to find the child beneath the armour and make him feel like a normal person and not a weapon. Jace would have never gathered up the courage to go to Alec and ask him to become parabatai, had he not felt it in his heart that the archer would accept. Call it intuition, or maybe naivety, but Jace had always known they were meant to be. He hadn’t had the words to describe it as a child, but now he knew. They were soulmates. Every version of Jace had always loved every version of Alec and vice versa and it would be so until the end of time. In every world, in every reality despite all the hardships, they would always manage to find their way back to each other, and Jace knew the case wouldn’t be different now.

He took one look at his parabatai’s face and realized Magnus was right. He knew how to bring Alec back.

Entreat me not to leave thee,” he recited through tears while holding Alec’s hand in his own.

Or to return from following after thee—

For wither thou goest, I will go,  
And where though lodgest, I will lodge.

Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.

Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried.

The Angel do so to me, and more also,

If aught but death part thee and me.

The whole room went quiet, expecting something to happen, but nothing did. Alec remained as lifeless as when he had been when Jace had first walked in here.

Jace looked back at the others, knowing exactly what the tears running their face meant. He pulled Alec’s cold body into a hug, refusing to believe his parabatai was gone.

“Please don’t leave me Alec,” he begged, hoping his heart would stop in this very moment, because how dare it still pump blood when Alec was gone? “Please, come back or take me with you. I can’t...” he sobbed. “I can’t live without you, Alec.” Jace heard a sharp exhale, immediately concluded that was the part of his own soul leaving Alec’s body. “I love you, parabatai!” he told his beloved anyway. “Until my heart beats and—”

“And after that,” Jace heard his parabatai’s voice all of a sudden.

When Alec returned to the land of the living, he brought all things beautiful and kind and soft with him.

As Jace stared at his parabatai’s face, he noticed how everything around them had suddenly changed. The room seemed brighter as if light was coming out of nowhere and Jace’s own heart was beating steady in his chest, feeling like a huge amount of weight had been dropped off his shoulders.

He pulled Alec into another hug, and the two of them cried into each other’s arms, clinging on to one another. If anything, this incident had taught them to value the bond even more than they already had, and to never leave each other’s side again. Jace had been wrong to think that his departure would have no effect on his parabatai. He’d been selfish to think that he was doing Alec a favour by leaving him like that, and he consequences of this mistake were evident right away, because no matter which side they were on, Jace was never whole without Alec, and Alec was never whole without Jace.

They moved on instinct after that, their bodies aware of what they needed long before their minds had acknowledged it, and before Jace knew what was happening, they were kissing, uncaring of who saw, and to his surprise the world didn’t explode. He did hear a shocked gasp from Clary, who seemed to be the only one unaware of what was happening.

The kiss seemed to last a lifetime, as they savoured one another in attempt to make up for the time they’d lost. Like all their kisses, this one too was full of all the love their hearts contained, only this one was also a silent apology for all the mistakes that had led up to this situation. It was a lesson for them both. From now on, wherever one went the other would follow.

Jace’s tongue was itching to ask Alec what it was like on the other side, but he knew now was not the most appropriate time. They kept it light and simple, hugging and holding each other, and as well as chatting with the others, who were just as happy to see Alec alive and well. Nevertheless, both parabatai longed for the moment when they would be alone together. As Jace watched Alec laugh at something Clary had said (which was a surprise on its own) he could tell his parabatai was getting sleepy. It was sort of ironic, considering Alec had spent almost a day in a coma, but Jace supposed returning from the dead was bound to be exhausting. Alec was so tired in fact that he couldn’t even protest when Jace lifted him up in his arms and carried him to Magnus’ guest bedroom.

 

“Martini, anyone?” Magnus offered when they returned to the living room after they’d made sure Alec was stable and safe.

“One for me!” Lydia requested without hesitation as she took off her shoes and sat on Magnus’s expensive couch.

“You know how I like it, Magnus,” Izzy sighed tiredly as she sat down on one of Magnus’ armchair, while Jace took a seat on the one across from her.

“One for me too, Magnus!” Said Clary as she practically threw herself on the couch next to Lydia and sighed in relief.

“Under any other circumstances, I would’ve given you this,” Magnus said as he handed Clary the martini. “But I think tonight we all need it, biscuit.”

Clary hummed in agreement, before taking a sip of her drink and frowning at the taste.

“What about, you’ Jace?” Magnus asked, as he gave the girls their drinks. “What does the hero of the night want?”

“Just water, Magnus,” Jace replied with a sigh, relaxing back into his seat. He didn’t comment on the rest of Magnus’s words, because he wasn’t in the mood for one of those arguments where people argued who was a hero and who wasn’t. If anything, Jace’s act was one of selfishness, because by saving Alec, he had saved himself as well.

“Thanks, Magnus,” Jace said when the Warlock conjured a glass of water in front of him. “For everything you do for us,” the Nephilim added. “We’re lucky to have you on our side.”

“Yes, you are,” Magnus confirmed with a smirk. “Thank you for acknowledging it,” he said, before raising his glass. “To a happy ending of a horrible, terrible day!”

 

Just when Jace was thinking the worst had passed, he saw Izzy approaching him with a somewhat worried expression on her face.

“Come with me,” she ordered, making Jace obey immediately. The others were too lost in their own conversations to notice them retreating to the corner of the room.  
“What’s wrong, Iz?” Jace asked, growing more and more worried with each passing second.

“Jace, I...” Izzy sighed, pausing for a moment. “At first Aldertree wouldn’t let us take Alec’s body out of the Institute, so I promised him I’d bring you if he allowed us to portal Alec to Magnus’ place.”

Jace stared at his sister, blinking silently at her. Valentine had been right then. Somehow that annoyed him more than anything else. Jace found he couldn’t me mad at Izzy, nor could he blame her. Not when her actions had resulted in Alec returning to them. As Valentine had said, she was just looking out for her family.

“I did it to save Alec,” Izzy told Jace and he believed her, especially since he would have done the same. He would not hesitate to sacrifice himself if that meant Alec got to live. “I won’t let them hurt you,” she assured. “The Clave will see reason. We’ll make them see you’re not a traitor.”

“I’m not afraid,” Jace told her, because he wasn’t. He hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of. He hadn’t participated in any of his Father’s crimes against the Clave, and those Vampires he had ran into, deserved to die. Jace’s only sin was loving Alec, but love was never something to be ashamed of, he knew that now. Even if today was his last day in this world, he would leave gladly, knowing that he had lived honourably and loved ardently, even if his life had been full of tragedy in sorrow. He would stand in front of Raziel proudly and answer for his sins, whatever they may be. Jace didn’t care if he got sent to Heaven or Hell. The only thing he would ask of the Angel would be to meet Alec in the next life as well.

“Jace, I’m—”

Whatever Izzy was going to say, Jace didn’t get to hear it, because all of a sudden Luke walked into the apartment along with that bartender, Maia, followed by a bunch of Shadowhunters.

“Jace Wayland,” a man dressed in an elegant suit said, stepping forward. “You’re under arrest for High Treason.”

Nephilim and Werewolves had apparently decided to put their differences aside so they could catch their common enemy—Jace. Jace was their enemy now. Not Valentine, not a bunch of demons—Jace. He had never thought of himself as the Clave’s enemy or an enemy of the Werewolves, but apparently they all saw him as such. In that moment Jace realized he no longer had a place in the Shadow world. His demon blood made him a traitor to the Nephilim, and his angel blood made him an outsider amongst Downworlders. He belonged nowhere.

 

Magnus was on his feet in an instant, outraged, and so were Clary and Lydia. “What is the meaning of this, Lucian?” the Warlock demanded.

“We’re here for Jace,” Luke replied, replied, surprising no one. “He killed one of my Werewolves and now he has to pay for it.”

“Is that true?” Magnus asked, his cat eyes glowing when he turned around to face Jace.

“No!” the Nephilim replied immediately. “I swear on the Angel I didn’t!”

“And why should we believe you?” Maia wondered. “You were seen near her dead body and you ran away instead of explaining yourself.”

“I was on my way to Alec,” Jace replied. “If I had stopped to explain myself to every person who thought I was a criminal, my parabatai would’ve been dead by now.”

“If you’re innocent, you’ll have no problem going on trial with the Soul Sword,” Luke told him.

“How dare you?” Magnus snapped all of a sudden. “I gave you a key to my home, because I...” the Warlock not daring to say what everyone in the room knew to be true. “I trusted you! And you have the audacity to bring a mob here for a witch hunt?!”

“This isn’t a witch hunt!” Luke claimed, and maybe he even believed it, but not everyone seemed to share his opinion. Jace knew the people from the squad the new Head of the institute had brought. He recognized the fire in their eyes. They were here on a hunt, and to them it didn’t matter who the prey was.

“We just want—”

“A scapegoat,” Magnus finished the sentence before Luke could. “You want someone to take the blame for making you feel powerless, so you choose whoever’s most convenient. I thought you knew better,” the Warlock told his lover. “I didn’t think you were a man who would punish a son for his Father’s mistakes. It appears I was wrong.”

“Magnus,” Luke took a step towards the Magnus, making the Warlock take a step back.

“Mr. Bane, this isn’t personal,” spoke the new Head of the Institute. “Mr. Wayland must answer for crimes he has committed himself.”

“Magnus, it’s okay,” Jace assured, knowing he wouldn’t be put on trial for killing one Werewolf. His demon blood, however, it seemed he would be on trial for until his last day.

“Very well,” the Head of the Institute nodded, clearly pleased with the outcome of this arrest. “Escort Mr. Wayland to the Institute,” he ordered his men.

“No!” Clary cried out when he saw the other Nephilim grab her brother. “You can’t do this!” she said, shielding him from those who tried to take him away from her.

“Clary, it’s fine,” Jace told her, even though he knew it wasn’t. “I’ll be back before you know it, okay?”

“No way,” Clary shook her head, refusing to move and Jace knew she should stand there as long as she had to if it meant she would protect him.

Jace loo9ked at Izzy, who stood there frozen, no doubt feeling guilty, but also wondering what would happen to her and her family if Jace didn’t come with them.

“I’ll come with you,” Jace assured the Head of the Institute. “Just let me say goodbye to my parabatai, please,” he begged.

“I’m afraid that cannot happen, Mr. Wayland,” he Head of the Institute refused without even thinking about it.

“Please,” Jace begged again, sounding on the brink of desperation. “He’s my parabatai,” he reminded. “I almost lost him.”

“Aldertree,” Lydia stepped closer to the man, seemingly unafraid to challenge his authority, which was a surprise since she had always been one to follow the Law strictly. “You’ve waited so long for this, you can wait five more minutes.”

“I’ll wait outside the room to make sure he doesn’t try to escape,” Luke suggested, though Jace knew he was the only one here who knew what he was going through.

“Five minutes,” Aldertree agreed finally. “Do not make me regret my kindness, Mr. Wayland,” he warned.

“I won’t,” Jace promised, before heading to Magnus’ guest bedroom with Luke right behind him.

 

When Jace entered the guest bedroom, he was glad to see Alec was asleep, because he knew he wouldn’t have been able to walk away otherwise. Had Alec been awake, he would have surely asked Jace to stay, and Jace would have never been able to refuse. One word from Alec would have kept Jace rooted on the spot. The way Alec always looked at him, that look of utter adoration and trust and desire in his eyes, would have Jace deifying a thousand armies just to stay by his parabatai’s side. If only jace had realized what that look true meant, maybe they wouldn’t have been here now. Alec always looked at his parabatai as if Jace held the whole universe in his hands, because for Alec he did. Jace would never know what he had done to deserve someone like Alec in his life, but he was grateful to the Angel that he had him.

Jace spent a moment starting at and caressing his face, which was admittedly quite creepy, but he couldn’t help himself. Alec looked so peaceful in his sleep, so relaxed, so different from how Jace was used to seeing him lately. His face was back to its usual healthy colour, and when Jace bent down to kiss his forehead, he felt Alec’s warm skin with his lips.

Jace laid his head on Alec’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. Jace didn’t think he would ever love a sound as much as this one. Five minutes hadn’t passed yet, but to Jace it felt like he had been here for an eternity, frozen in this moment with Alec.

All of a sudden a gentle hand was caressing his head, and when he looked up, he saw Alec smiling down at him. “Hi!”

“Hey,” Jace greeted, sitting up. “How...how’re you feeling?” he asked hesitantly, looking down at their intertwined hands.

“Better,” Alec replied. He looked so calm and blissed out it actually made Jace worry. Pretty soon those five minutes they’ve been given would soon end, and Alec’s world would be shattered again when Jace was taken away from him once again. “Kinda weird, actually,” he admitted.

“Figured,” Jace said with a laugh. “What was it like...there?” he asked, unsure if that was an appropriate question, but he couldn’t contain his curiosity anymore.

“Vast,” Alec answered, evidently amused by his parabatai’s curiosity. “Cold and lonely,” he added, making Jace’s chest ache. “I don’t remember much, but I know I felt lost there without you.”

“Alec,” Jace sniffled, looking away in shame. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”

“Don’t apologize,” Alec told his parabatai, squeezing his hand. “It’s not your fault,” he assured. “And besides... being there, coming so close to death...it made me realize how much I’ve been wasting my life on insignificant things.”

“What do you mean?” Jace asked with a frown, his hear beating faster, because he knew soon enough Luke would knock on the door and they would have to be parted again.

“The Law, my family’s name, other people’s opinion about me, they all mean nothing there,” Alec revealed. “And neither of them brought be back from the dead,” he recalled. “You did, Jace, you and your love.”

“Alec, I...”

“No, let me finish,” Alec interrupted before Jace could say anything. “When I came back and saw your face again, I told myself I never wanted to spend another day without you,” he told his parabatai, and by this point, Jace was already in tears, because this was everything he’d ever wanted to hear.

“When the time comes for me to face Raziel for real,” Alec went on. “I want to do it after I’ve lived my life to the fullest, and with you by my side. I’d thank him for making us parabatai, and I’d ask him to make us meet in the next life again. Do you want that?” he wondered. “Do you want a life with me, Jace?”

“Yes!” Jace replied through tears, before kissing Alec repeatedly. “Yes, yes, yes!”

They kissed for what felt like an eternity, and Jace didn’t notice that the five minutes they’ve been given had ended a long time ago. They only broke apart when they heard loud noises coming from the living room, making them look at each other in confusion.

Jace was instantly alert and on his feet, ready to protect his parabatai. “Wait here!” he ordered, before heading out.

 

Jace was rendered speechless when he stepped into the living room and saw his Father standing there with his own team of Nephilim behind his back and Dot Rollins by his side. The tension in the room was impossible to ignore as both side waited for the other to make one wrong move so they could be at each other’s throats. Valentine had a portal opened in case he needed a quick escape.

“What the fuck are you dong here?” Jace demanded, glaring at Valentine.

“Oh, son,” Valentine shook his head, looking almost disappointed. “Didn’t I tell you this would happen? I warned you that the Clave would betray you, but you didn’t listen!”

“Are you really one to talk about betrayal, Val?!” Luke snarled, taking a step towards his former parabatai.

 

“Dot,” Clary took a step towards her friend without caring about the consequences as per usual. “What happened to you?” she wondered, staring at the Warlock’s disfigured face.

“How nice of you to ask,” Dot sneered, evidently untouched by Clary’s concern. “Did the thought of me even cross your mind until now?”

“Dot, I...” Clary tried to find an answer that wouldn’t hurt Dot, but there wasn’t one. The truth, as shameful it was to admit, was that all of them had just assumed Dot had died, and even Jocelyn, who was supposedly her best friend, hadn’t bothered to investigate further.

“You see, son?” Valentine turned to Jace. “Dorothea here served the Clave for centuries, but when she needed them, they turned their back on her. And you won’t be any different, Jonathan.”

“Why are you here?” Jace asked in exasperation. Didn’t this man understand what the word no meant?

“I’m here to offer you a chance,” Valentine replied bluntly, and Jace was grateful at least this time he didn’t go into an hour-long speech. “Come with me, and live the life you’ve always wanted, or stay here and rot in a prison cell for the rest of your days.”

Jace had expected the offer, but still it left him somehow shocked. Valentine really valued his experiment, didn’t he?

“Jace, no!” Clary begged, looking at her brother with eyes full of anger, but Jace knew on the inside she was feeling utterly helpless.

“Clary, it’s okay,” Jace assured her. “I wo—”

“Jace?” Alec’s voice came seemingly out of nowhere all of a sudden and when Jace turned around he saw his parabatai standing there, looking like he was seconds away from passing out. “What’s going on here?”

Instead of responding, Jace rushed to Alec’s side, catching him in his arms before the archer has collapsed. It was obvious he hadn’t recovered yet, but as Jace knew well he was too stubborn to accept it.

“It’s so lovely to see you, Alexander,” Valentine had the audacity to say with a smirk that made Jace want to punch him until his face was unrecognizable. “Get well soon.”

“Fuck you,” Alec responded, glaring. Jace wasn’t sure if he knew Valentine was responsible for this whole mess, or if this was just his regular hatred for him.

“Valentine Morgenstern,” Aldertree stepped forward, clearly feeling brave with the Warlock of Brooklyn, two Werewolves and a whole team of Nephilim behind his back. “You’re under arrest for crimes against the Clave.”

Valentine said nothing. He just glanced at Dot, giving her silent orders. She clearly understood him, because she aimed a ball of magic at the Head of the Institute, throwing him across the room.

That was all it took for the inevitable to happen. Blades were clashing all of a sudden and Jace saw Maia turn into a wolf and rip the heads off of two Circle members like it was nothing. Magnus and Dot, who had been friends for centuries no found themselves on opposite sides, and neither of them seemed to be holding back as they fought to the death. Diplomacy hadn’t worked, and now the parabatai found themselves in a middle of a fight neither of them wanted to be in.

They looked at each other, immediately figuring out what the other wanted. Jace picked up a Blade that lay on the floor, ready to defend them both. Thankfully, Alec didn’t protest.

The problem was, Jace wasn’t sure which side they were on. The Clave wanted him dead, and his Father only saw him as an experiment. The only person Jace fought for right now was Alec. The strange thing was, however, was that no one was attacking them. Circle members and Clave loyalists fought amongst each other, almost like they were blind to the parabatai, who stood there without doing anything. It was sort of weird, actually.

Jace wasn’t to worried about Clary, Izzy and Lydia, because they were all capable warriors, and besides it was obvious the Clave would was winning. Valentine had lost half of his team in this battle, and Dot didn’t look like she could keep Magnus busy for too long.

Knowing when he had been defeated, Valentine made his way to the portal while the others fought

Luke, however, didn’t seem willing to let him get away. He changed back to human, and grabbed a Seraph Blade, running towards his parabatai. He swung at Valentine, who was quick to block him. As they fought, it became obvious just how well they still knew each other, and Jace was reminded of the countless sparring sessions he’d had with Alec. Jace wondered if Luke could still tell what was going through Valentine’s mind when they fought. Jace himself was able to predict each move Alec was about to make just by looking at his face. Alec was easy to read once you learned to look past the stoic exterior and the layers of self-doubt and insecurities that prevented his from showing his true self to the world.

Luke was shaping up to be the clear winner of this fight. As a Werewolf he was faster, stronger and had faster reflexes than Valentine, and soon enough Jace saw his Father fall to the ground, defeated. He hadn’t lost yet, though.

“Go ahead,” Valentine urged, staring up and Luke, who stared right back, perhaps hesitating to make the move. “Finish it, parabatai,” he challenged, panting. “But know this: you will never find peace until we’re both together again, as one.”

The moment was incredibly intense and Jace found himself unable to take his eyes off both of them, completely blind and deaf to the battle that was going on around them. Was this what happened to parabatai who lost their bond? Both Valentine and Luke seemed on the brink of madness as Valentine lay on the ground, blood oozing out of his mouth and Luke pointed a Seraph Blade at the throat of the man he had once given part of his soul too.

“You bastard!” Luke snarled, his eyes flashing green, a sign of what his parabatai had done to him. “How dare you talk to me about being as one when you’re the one who broke our bond?! You gave me to the wolves!” He reminded angrily. “You left me alone in this world, Val!”

“You betrayed me first!” Valentine accused, sounding like a child. “You turned your back on me! And for what? For a woman. A woman, who you later betrayed as well! Pray tell, parabatai,” he challenged with an amused laugh. “Does the Warlock of Brooklyn give better head than my wife?”

Luke lost it after that, throwing away the Blade, and instead attacking Valentine with his fists. He was absolutely brutal, punching his former parabatai without mercy, but that only seemed to amuse Valentine even more.

“Don’t be shy, Lucian!” Valentine laughed, despite the terrible pain he was most likely in, “We used to always share these things! I always knew you had a fascination with these creatures, and now that you’re one of them, you can have all the Downworlder cunts you want and no one will tell you anything!”

This time Valentine had really crossed a line, and Jace was certain Luke would tear him apart with his teeth, but fortunately for Valentine one of his followers interfered before that happened. Jace had seen the tall, blond man, whole seemed to be one of Valentine’s most loyal followers, even if the man had obviously tried to hide from him, but this time Jace hadn’t even noticed as the Circle member had sneaked behind Luke, and by the time he’d realized what was happening, it was already too late. Jace watched in shock as Luke’s body collapsed onto the ground, a stab in the back from a Seraph Blade rendering him half-dead. Magnus had seen it too, apparently, because he let out a scream that shook the whole building.

Jace was suddenly very anxious, though he wasn’t sure exactly why. The battle was at it’s end as the remaining Clave Nephilim tried to fight the last Circle members left, while Magnus was holding Luke’s body and desperately trying to heal him.

It’s now or never, Jace told himself as he watched Valentine and his loyal follower retreated to the portal. In those precious few seconds, Jace’s mind went completely blank, with just Alec’s words playing on a loop in it.

Do you want a life with me?” Alec had asked as if he didn’t know the answer already. In that moment Jace had known that was all he needed to do what he’d always wanted to. Just like him, Alec wanted a life free of regrets and restrictions. A world for both of them where they would be the masters of their own fate. And even if that world ended up in ruins, they would build it up again, together.

“Wither thou goest, right?” Jace asked one last time, just to be sure.

“Right,” Alec confirmed with a nod.

The most important decisions in life always ended up being the ones a person had never even dreamed of making. Jace learned that as he ran towards the portal, holding his parabatai’s hand and both of them stepped into their new lives.

 

 

 

This was not what Alec had wanted. Of all the places they could’ve portaled to, Valentine’s ship would’ve been his last choice, and yet here they were now, on the Morning Star in a small, but clean room, locked like prisoners. The room was nice and sunny with new furniture and an en suite bathroom, but to Alec it was a cage all the same. What difference did it make if they were in a dungeon or in a room so generously provided for them, if they weren’t free to do as they pleased?

From the moment he’d opened his eyes, Alec had known something was wrong. He’d been in a warm bed with Jace in his arms and fuzzy memories of how exactly he had ended up here, but still he’d felt in his gut that something was wrong, and now he knew he’d been wrong. Now he knew he’d been right to doubt this seemingly perfect situation.

Of course Alec’s initial reaction to seeing his parabatai on the bed with him had been to wake Jace up and kiss him until they were both out of breath, but once the euphoria had subsidised, he had demanded an explanation.

By the time Jace had finished telling him what had happened, Alec was already fuming with anger. How dare Valentine think he could interfere with their bond? How could Izzy betray Jace like this? And how could Jace bring them to the Morning Star of all places?

Alec was a man of few words, but not many things could leave him speechless. However after he heard his parabatai suggest that they stay here just for the time being, Alec lost the ability to speak temporarily. He was in such a shock that no words made it out of his mouth, even though there was a lot he wanted to say.

“Alec?” Jace frowned when he had no response from his parabatai. “Alec did you hear me?” He had, but right now Alec wished that he hadn’t.

“Are you insane?” Alec exploded at last after he had managed to gather all the thoughts going through his mind. “How can you even consider staying here an option?!”

“What other choice do we have?!” Jace demanded, no less angry than Alec himself.

“You had a choice,” Alec told him. “You could’ve taken us anywhere in the world, but you chose your Father’s ship anyway.”

“I had no time to think!” Jace claimed. “I needed to get out of there or we would’ve missed our chance!”

“And now that we’re here, what?” Alec demanded. “What are we supposed to do?”  
“My Father...Valentine... he promised he’d let us be together if we joined him,” Jace revealed.

If Alec thought he was shocked before, now he was absolutely stunned. “What?” he stared at Jace, hoping he had heard him wrong. “Jace, you can’t be serious!”

“It doesn’t have to be permanent,” Jace stated, taking a step towards his parabatai. “We could stay here until we figure out what we wanna do.”

If it was anyone else standing before him, Alec would have slapped them for such naivety, but this was Jace, and Alec’s usual rules didn’t apply to him.

“Do you think Valentine would just let us walk away whenever we want to?” Alec wondered. “You’re Father is a lunatic, Jace!” he reminded. “He’s a murderer and a traitor, and he abused you for the first ten years of your life.”

“I know what he is,” Jace assured. “I know he’s wrong on many things, but you can’t deny he has a point about some things too. He wants to make changes in the Law. Good changes, Alec!”

Alec couldn’t believe his ears. Was Jace actually defending Valentine? It was like Alec was talking to an entirely different person.

“Do you even hear yourself?” Alec asked, feeling like he and Jace were speaking in different languages. “Have you forgotten who Valentine is?” he wondered. “This man broke his own parabatai bond, and tried to break ours!” his voice was a little louder than he’d intended it to be, but he couldn’t help himself.

“I was wrong, okay?!” Jace admitted at last. “I was wrong, is that what you wanted to hear?!” he wondered. “I shouldn’t have brought us here. I should’ve just surrendered myself and let you go on with your perfect life as a married man!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Alec snarled, angry beyond words now. “Quit putting words into my mouth, Jace!”

“You said you wanted a life with me!” Jace shouted. “So I gave it to you! No, it’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better than living a lie! At least here I won’t have to be afraid that he’d end up dead if I look at you for too long.”

“Is it really that easy for you to turn your back on your morals and ideals?” Alec wondered, genuinely curious. “All because of me?”

Alec shouldn’t have been so surprised by that revelation, but for some reason he was. Jace was one of the most honourable men Alec knew, and yet he’d chosen his parabatai over everything he believe it. Not even in his wildest dreams had Alec imagined that something like that would ever happen. Jace had chosen him over everything and everyone else in his life. Jace loved him. Jace was in love with him. Alec knew he should’ve gotten used to it, but he suspected he would never be.

“Yes,” Jace replied to his parabatai’s question through tears. “Would you do the same?”

Alec knew Jace was expecting an answer so he replied by pulling his parabatai into a kiss, hoping Jace understood him.

 

 

If someone had told Alec Lightwood that he would spend some of the happiest days of his life so far on board of Valentine Morgenstern’s ship, he would’ve probably laughed in their face, but right now that seemed to be his reality. The week following Jace and Alec’s arrival on the Morning Star was spent in peaceful bliss as the parabatai were left to do as they pleased, enjoying each other’s presence to the fullest and making up for the lost time. It was heaven, really. Most of the time they didn’t even leave their bed, preferring instead to spend every moment they could in each other’s arms. Deep down they knew they were both trying to make the best out of their time together out of fear it would end soon, but neither was willing to admit it. It was easier to pretend that they believed in the illusion that they could be this happy always, but they couldn’t. Sooner or later their happiness always came to an end. Alec knew it was only a matter of time before Valentine walked through that door and demanded payment for his hospitality, but he couldn’t bring himself to think about that as Jace kissed him breathless, reminding him why they were here in the first place.

Alec couldn’t take his eyes off his parabatai. This morning, like all the others they had spent on the Morning Star, he found himself unable to look away from Jace, who was sleeping peacefully next to him. Jace was so beautiful and angelic in his sleep that Alec couldn’t even feel guilty for staring at him like a creep. Alec had moments when he couldn’t believe this was real. It was like he had entered a parallel reality where he and Jace were members of the Circle, and they didn’t have to hide their love from anyone. If Alec got too deep into daydreaming, he could even see them having kids later on.

Alec stared at Jace some more before looking down at his cock to find it as flaccid as expected. He sighed in shame before covering himself with the blanket again. Alec had never been more embarrassed in his life than when he’d figured out he couldn’t get hard anymore. It had happened shortly after they’d gotten here, after they’d made up from their big fight and now, a week later, there was still no improvement. The worst part was, Jace had been standing there in front of him, hard and eager as always while Alec’s body had betrayed him by appearing uninterested even though he definitely had been.

According to Valentine’s Head physician, Alec’s body was still shocked from the sudden death and resurrection so it needed some time to adjust. He’d also warned Alec about potential heart failure and respiratory issues, but so far his cock was the only body part that was causing any problems. Not even the sight of Jace doing the kinkiest things they could think of, had enough to arouse Alec, and the archer was getting seriously worried.

 

A knock on the door distracted Alec from the thousands of grim thoughts that were going through the archer’s mind as he gazed upon his parabatai’s face. Alec got out of bed and put some pants on for modesty’s sake before opening the door.

“What is it?” Alec asked the guard, who stood in front of him.

“Leader Morgenstern requires your presence on the main deck, sir,” the Circle member replied.

“Jace is still asleep,” Alec informed. “We’ll come when he wakes up.”

“He wants to talk to you, sir,” the guard clarified.

Him? What would Valentine have to say to Alec? The archer doubted Valentine had fond memories from their last meeting. As a matter of fact, Alec was surprised Valentine so quickly from all his wounds. Alec had to give it to him, the bastard was tough. The archer remembered thinking Valentine was at death’s door during that fight with Luke at Magnus’ apartment. He had no idea how Luke was, though.

“Alright,” Alec agreed out of curiosity more than anything else. He grabbed a t-shirt and a hoodie as well as a pair of shoes before following the guard.

 

 

As promised, Alec found Valentine waiting for him on the main deck. The Head of the Circle was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even seem to notice that Alec had arrived at first. Valentine stood there with his hands behind his back, staring off into the horizon.

“Leave us,” Valentine ordered the guard, who stood a few steps behind him along with Alec, and like a good little soldier, the guard obeyed.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” Valentine spoke again after a short pause without even glancing at Alec, who was already regretting his decision to come here. “The sunrise,” the Head of the Circle clarified. “Isn’t it amazing how each new day can be a totally new beginning?”

Alec couldn’t resist rolling his eyes. Was this what Valentine had brought him here to talk about? The sunrise?

“Why don’t we skip the chit-chat and get straight to the point?” Alec suggested, taking a step forward so he and Valentine were side-by-side. “What do you want from me, Valentine?”

“I know that we do not share the same ideology, and Alec had to stop himself from pointing out the fact that that was an understatement. “And I know that you do not believe in my cause, but I also know that you love my son.”  
“What’s your point?” Alec wondered, crossing his arms over his chest. These word games were getting annoying.

“I was very impressed by the way you handled the case with Jonathan’s kidnapping,” Valentine told him without replying directly. “It’s not often that I meet men, who are strong to do what needs to be done.”

“I believe the punishment needs to fit the crime,” Alec stated. “Otherwise all laws and rules become useless.”

“Then I guess we’re not that different after all,” Valentine said. “I like how unapologetic you are about your actions,” he told Alec. “You did what you thought was right, and you didn’t let anyone or anything convince you otherwise. “That takes an amount of character strength most people can only dream of.”

“They almost killed Jace,” Alec reminded. “That’s not something I forgive or forget,” he said. “If anyone tries to take my parabatai away from me, I make sure they pay for it.” He added, hoping Valentine got the silent threat.

“We could really use a man with your qualities and talents in the Circle,” Valentine stated, seemingly unbothered by Alec’s bluntness.

“Are you offering me a job?” Alec wondered, even though he already knew the answer. Valentine wasn’t going to keep them here as guests forever.

“In a way,” Valentine replied with a smirk, genuinely amused. “I believe Jonathan has told you about the conversation we had prior to your arrival here?”

“And?” Valentine asked. “What’s your answer.

Alec took a minute to think about it, before finally replying. “I’m not one of your boys,” He told Valentine. “I won’t do your dirty work for you,” he added. “Jace and I reserve the right to decline any mission we see as unacceptable, as well as the right to leave whenever we want to.”  
Valentine didn’t seem overly happy with Alec’s terms, but since he had already ran out of things to threaten Alec with, he found himself forced to accept.

“Deal,” he agreed with a nod. “I will stay out of your business and let you do as you see fit,” he promised. “You will have total freedom to do as you please. I will give you the life you want with my son as long as you give me the loyalty I need.”

“And how do you understand loyalty?” Alec wondered.

“From now on all of your connections with the Clave are done,” Valentine replied. “Your only alliance is with the Circle. You will not see anyone from your previous life— not your Mother, not your sister, your Father, your brother— they’re all dead to you.”

“Deal,” Alec agreed without hesitation. “Just one more thing,” he said, wanting to make something clear before they’d shook hands. “If you ever raise a hand to Jace again, I will bring that whole ship down on your head,” he warned without taking his eyes off Valentine’s face for a second so that the other Nephilim would know just how serious he was.

Valentine nodded wordlessly, and by the look on his face, Alec could tell he had been understood correctly.

And just like that, Jace and Alec became members of the Circle of Raziel.

 

 

Secrets could sometimes become an addiction and take over a person’s life without them even knowing it. No one knew the dangers of keeping secrets better the Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern—a man whose life had been built on lies. Ever since Jonathan had found out about his demon blood and what it meant, he’d learn to hide it, and now secrets were a part of his life. He had to hide his powers, his love that was sometimes more of an obsession with his siblings, and even his true identity. It was sometimes insulting to witness Jace claim everything that belonged to him as a Morgenstern as Valentine’s son, but Jonathan had learned to live with it. Pretending to be just a regular Circle member made Jonathan practically invisible to his Father’s enemies, giving him an advantage.

Yes, Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern was a man plagued by many secrets, but Alexander Lightwood was supposed to be better than that. Alexander Lightwood was the kind of a man Jonathan knew he could have been had his Father not fucked him up so badly. Alexander Lightwood was the sort of man who was perfect at everything without even trying and that made him insufferable. He was pragmatic yet ruthless when he needed to be, which made him a perfect leader, and Jonathan knew Valentine was considering Alexander as a potential successor as Head of the Circle. Ever since he had arrived on the Morning Star, Alexander had made changes in the Circle’s strategies and overall inner workings, and to everyone’s surprise Valentine had accepted it all. If Jonathan cared about things like that, he would’ve probably been angry at his Father for trusting a man who had joined them three months ago more than his own son, but he didn’t so he wasn’t. Alexander could have the Circle if he wanted to as far as Jonathan was concerned, and the whole Morgenstern legacy too as long as Jonathan got to have Jace instead, but alas. As good of a bargain as that sounded, Jonathan doubted it would ever become a reality.

Having both Jace and Alexander on the ship turned out to be a blessing and a curse for Jonathan. On one hand, he got to introduce himself to Jace, albeit under the false name Sebastian Verlac he had chosen, and form somewhat of a friendship with the other Nephilim, but on the other hand, Jonathan got to watch them be all happy together and in love. Jonathan despised the way Jace looked at his parabatai as if his parabatai had the moon and the stars in his eyes. That was the way Jace was supposed to be looking at him, at Jonathan. If only Valentine hadn’t sent Jace to the Lightwoods all those years ago. Jonathan knew that if they’d gotten to meet earlier, Jace would’ve asked to be his parabatai instead, and Alexander would have been no one.

However in the reality they were all stuck in right now, Jonathan would often run into the parabatai while they were sparring, and he would have to leave the gym, out of fear they’d end up fucking in front of him. Normally Jonathan loved watching people fuck, but seeing those two making love more than anything else, would most likely make him feel like his was being pulled out of his chest.

The worst part about this whole situation was the fact the Alexander didn’t even seem to appreciate everything fate had so generously gifted him with. It was no secret that Alexander had stayed on the ship, because of Jace. He didn’t share the Circle’s belief system and he wasn’t willing to compromise with his morals in order to appease Valentine. Alexander avoided interacting with the rest of the rest of the Circle unless it was strictly necessary, and his arrogant behaviour was starting to anger everyone around him. Jace and Alec lived in their own bubble where no one else seemed to exist,, and if Jonathan was being totally honest, he was more jealous than angry about it.  
Nevertheless, despite everything, Alexander kept up the appearance of being loyal to Valentine, giving no one a reason to suspect him of anything. No one except Jonathan, of course.

It was late when Alexander and Jace finished their mission and Jonathan watched as they kissed to celebrate their victory.

I love you, Jace told his parabatai, and Johnathan was able to hear him clearly thanks to the Hearing rune he had activated.

I love you too, Alec replied with a smile, before giving Jace another kiss. Careful not to get lost on your way back, he warned, winking.

After they parted ways Jonathan stayed with Alexander, wanting to see where the archer would go. Normally the parabatai were joint by the hip, but sometimes they would spent some apart, which Jonathan supposed was healthy for both of them.

For several weeks now, Jonathan had been following Alexander closely, suspecting that the archer might be in contact with the Clave. Even though Alexander had promised Valentine his loyalty, Jonathan knew no one was capable of turning their back on everything they believed in. Who knew? Maybe Alexander had been a mole all along and he’d agreed to join the Circle only to feed the Clave information. Oh, how Jonathan wished that were the case. He could think of a thousand-and-one ways of punishing Alexander for his betrayal and all of them involved Jace watching. Jonathan would bet Alexander wouldn’t looks so pretty with all of his teeth missing or with face half-burned.

To his credit, Alexander did pretty regular stuff most of the time. He liked to drink beer and discuss basketball with random guys at random bars around town. Sometimes he’d climb on the roof of a building and shoot his arrows until he was exhausted. But there were also times when he’d rent a car so he drive to a house outside of the city. This was one of those times. Jonathan would take Alexander’s nervous expression as he looked around to make sure he hadn’t been seen as a confirmation of his theory: Alexander was meeting with someone from the Clave in there. Either that, or he was having an affair, which was admittedly unlikely, but Jonathan really didn’t care which one it was, if it helped him get rid of Alexander.

It was late when Alexander reached his familiar destination and Jonathan was right behind him. There was already someone in the house, as per usual since Alexander always seemed to arrive after his guest. Jonathan had decided do some research and to his surprise he’d found out that the house belonged to the Lightwood family, which was only further evidence that he was siding with the Clave. Who else w  
ould Alexander invite in a house that was de facto a property of the Clave if not a Clave member? Unfortunately for Jonathan the house was protected with powerful wards so it was impossible for him to see or hear what was going on inside, but he could guess. And even if it turned out he was wrong about that, it would still be good to warn his Father not to trust Alexander too much.

Alexander spent about an hour in the house before finally leaving. The same distressed expression was still present on his face, and Jonathan made sure to take quite photos of him as evidence. This was it. Tonight was the night he would expose Alexander as the traitor he was.

 

To Jonathan’s surprise, Valentine took the news of Alexander’s betrayal in a more balanced manner than expected. He didn’t throw a tantrum or destroy everything in his sight, nor did he send for Alexander’s head. Instead he simply ordered one of his guards to tell Alexander that he was needed, before sitting down in his chair and waiting calmly. Was it possible he’d known all along?

 

“What is it?” Alexander demanded, entering the office as if he owned the damn place with Jace right behind him like a puppy.

“We had an agreement, you and I, didn’t we, Alexander?” Valentine asked, and Jonathan was glad that for once his Father had decided not to drag the conversation out with pointless speeches. “I gave you the life you’ve always wanted and it exchange your promised me your loyalty.”

“I remember our deal,” Alexander assured as he and Jace took their seats across from Valentine. “What about it?”

“You swore you’d cut off all your ties with the Clave,” Valentine recalled. “And yet today I learned you’ve been meeting with a Clave member in your family’s old villa.”

Alexander glared at Valentine, looking furious. “You’ve had people follow me?!” he snapped, getting out of his seat.

“Do you deny these accusations?” Valentine questioned, looking rather calm, but Jonathan knew better.

“Yes!” Alec replied, heading towards the door. “Jace, let’s go!” he urged his parabatai.

Jonathan saw about to suggest they bring the Soul Sword to find out if Alexander was really telling the truth or not, but his Father was quicker.

“You are not going anywhere until you’ve explained yourself!” Valentine shouted, standing up abruptly.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you!” Alexander stated angrily. “My personal life is none of your damn business! That was the deal!”

“It doesn’t count if it’s something that affects the Circle!” Valentine told him.

“That’s the thing, though,” Alexander said. “It’s not affecting the Circle. It has nothing to do with the Circle or you! It’s personal!” he claimed.

Jace sighed, shaking his head. “Alec, just tell him,” he offered, obviously tired of all the arguing.

“No,” Alexander refused immediately without even thinking about it. “I don’t want to.”

Jace looked up at his parabatai before waking up to him and kissing his cheek. “Just say it,” he urged. “It doesn’t matter what they think. I just want them to leave us alone.”

“Jace, no” Alexander refused, shaking his head. “Just drop it!”

“He went to see a hooker,” Jace revealed finally, staring straight at Valentine. “Happy now?”

Both men were left speechless by the revelation, since neither had obviously expected to hear that.

“What?” Jonathan finally managed to utter. Had Alexander grown tired of Jace?

“Oh, fuck it,” Jace groaned, hugging close to Alexander. “We’re all guys here, so I’ll just say: Alec’s having trouble getting it up,” he clarified. “It’s been like that ever since we got here, so we decided to consult a professional. He’s having sessions with an elite prostitute four times a month. Something like therapy, but with sex,” Jace explained in further detail. “If you don’t believe us, ask Dr. Randall. He knows all about it.

“It appears there’s been a misunderstanding here,” Valentine admitted after a long pause.

“You think?” Alec snorted, sitting back down.

“My apologies,” Valentine sighed. “This whole argument was pointless.”

“Can we go now?” Jace wondered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yes,” Valentine nodded. “Yes, you may,” he allowed. “Good night, gentleman.”

“This better not leave this room or you’ll regret it,” Jace warned Jonathan, before heading out with Alexander following suit.

 

It was really fascinating how the Angel had a way of arranging everything in life so it all come together in perfect symbiosis. Never in his life had Alec expected his impotence would come in handy some day, but apparently it did.

“Do you think they bought it?” Jace wondered, smiling down at his parabatai, before kissing him. He was sitting in Alec’s lap, both of them naked in bed as they made out since that was all Alec was capable of at the moment.

 

“Pretty sure they did,” Alec replied, moaning as Jace kissed his Deflect rune. That little minx knew all his weak spots.

Renting a room in an old, dirty motel so they could make out like a couple of high schoolers really hadn’t been in Alec’s and Jace’s plans for the night, but as it turns out it’s why they’d both needed. And besides, they had to celebrate their victory. The knowledge that they’d embarrassed that bastard Sebastian, and possibly made Valentine fire him, was enough to make Alec forget about his issue.

 

He couldn’t get it up, that much was true. They were still struggling to figure out what was wrong with him, and with each passing day, Alec lost more and more hope that he would ever be able to get hard again. He wasn’t seeing a prostitute, though. Jace made that part up all on his own. And on the spot too. Alec was sure Jace had been an actor in a past life, or maybe a genius, because Jace’s act had been so convincing that it made him believe it was real. Real or not, Alec was glad it had been enough to get Sebastian off his back once and for all.

When Alec had figured out was being followed a few weeks ago, he’d wanted to kill Sebastian and Valentine with his own hands, but thankfully Jace had stopped him from doing that on time, because the house turned out to be the perfect alibi.

You see, Alec had fully intended to keep his promise to Valentine and turn his back on the Clave forever, but after Valentine had gotten his hands on the Soul Sword, Alec had realize that he couldn’t stand by idly while there was a war going on. This was more than just a matter of alliances and politics. The survival of their world was at stake here.

“Hey,” Jace whispered when he noticed Alec had lost himself in his thoughts. “It’s gonna be okay,” he assured, lifting Alec’s chin up so they could look each other in the eye. “I know it will,” he claimed, before kissing Alec’s forehead.

“Yeah,” Alec nodded, smiling at his parabatai, who seemed happier than Alec had seen him in a long time.

The lively spark was back in Jace’s eyes, and Alec knew that was because he was finally doing what he thought was right. Even though he wouldn’t admit it (out of spite more than anything else) Jace regretted bringing them to the Morning Star, but it was too late to back down now. Jace had been completely horrified when Valentine had taken them to his ‘lab’ that was full of people, mostly Downworlders, who had been experimented on. The sight had been terrifying for sure, but it had hit Jace hard, because he’d realized he could have very easily ended up in one of those cages a well.

From that point on, Jace had been absolutely certain they couldn’t stay with the Circle, but just like Alec, he had known they it would be better to do something in order to put an end to this war than to just run away.

“Three more days,” Jace reminded. “Just three more days and then we’ll be free.”

Alec felt guilty for being so relived that this was all coming to an end since what he’d done seemed like a walk in the park compared to what Jace had gone trough. Alec served only as a distraction while Jace did all the real work. Their plan had been simple at first: Alec had earned Valentine’s trust and become a part of his inner circle and gather all the useful information he could, and meet up with Magnus, who would deliver it to the Clave.

Alec hadn’t wanted Jace to take an active role in this plan, but after figuring out he was being followed, Alec had realized that he had no choice.

Since Alec was already under suspicion, he’d decided that directing all of Sebastian’s attention towards himself was the best course of action he could take. As long as Sebastian’s eyes on Alec, Jace could meet with Magnus undisturbed.

Jace always made sure to go on his meetings with Magnus after he had been on a mission with Alec so both of them would have an alibi.

Four times a month, Alec would drive to his family’s villa, oftentimes followed by Sebastian. The archer would spend about an hour there before glamouring as Jace and using the permanent portal Magnus had installed there to return to New York. That way Jace wasn’t way from the Morning Star for too long and no one doubted him.

When Jace’s meetings with Magnus ended, the Nephilim would portal to the villa and in turn glamour as his parabatai before heading back to the ship. No one was the wiser when the parabatai posed as one another, which was why they hadn’t gotten caught. They knew each other so well that they might as well have been the same person.

 

 

After she’d learned about the plan, Izzy had started leaving some of Alec’s favorited books and movies to keep him entertained while he waited for Jace.

Today she had brought him his beloved silver arrows. As silly as it sounded, Alec truly loved those seven arrows he had made for himself, and having them back with him made him feel whole again.

Sometimes Izzy would leave letters that never failed to leave Alec emotional. He had already forgiven his sister for her betrayal, and he longed to see her, but the letters were enough for now. At least Alec had to tell himself that it was. No matter how hard he’d tried, Alec hadn’t managed to cut off all his ties with the Clave. He couldn’t stop thinking about his family even if he wanted to. He was constantly wondering how they were, where they were, and most of all, how were his actions affecting them. Were they treated differently now that Alec was a traitor? They most likely were. Alec could imagine how devastated his parents had been when they’d learned that history had repeated itself, and their sons had joined Valentine just as they ad done themselves all those years ago. Alec wondered if they knew why exactly they had done it. Did they know Jace and Alec were in love? Did everyone else? Alec hoped to get answers to all these questions once this was over.

According to Magnus, the Clave would be willing to negotiate after the war was over or even pardon them without a trial if the plan ended up being successful as long as they managed to sell the story that their plan all along had been to infiltrate the Circle so they could destroy it from the inside. Given today’s performance, Alec didn’t think that would be problem. The thing was, he wasn’t sure returning to the Institute would be a good idea. Alec had promised Jace a new life, and going back to how things used to be, really wasn’t the what new life was supposed to be.

“What do you wanna do after all this is over?” Alec wondered, smiling as Jace caressed his cheek.

“I don’t know,” Jace admitted, shrugging. “Right now I’m just hoping we survive the whole thing,” he confessed. “If anything happens to you...” he looked down, unable to utter the words.

“Nothing will happen to me,” Alec assured. “I come back from the dead,” he reminded. “I’m kinda tough, you know.”

Jace laughed. “I know,” he said. “But if the Clave or Valentine capture us...” he took a deep breath, trying to get himself under control. “If they take you away from me... I won’t be able to live after that.” Jace warned, and Alec knew he wasn’t being dramatic. That was the truth, and Alec felt the same way.

“Not even death could keep us apart,” he reminded his parabatai. “So what makes you think anyone else could? Alec wondered. “Look at me!” he ordered when he saw Jace was looking away. “The Clave, the Circle, none of them matter,” he claimed. “You and I are the only ones who matter. Do you believe me?”

“Yes!” Jace replied, before giving Alec a series of kisses that left them both breathless. “Yes, yes, yes!”

Alec had been so focused on getting Jace go calm down that he hadn’t even been able to acknowledge the pressure that had appeared in his cock while he had been talking. He only realized what was happening when Jace’s cock brushed against his own, sending shivers down the archer’s back.

“Alec...” Jace spoke, gaping as he stared down at Alec’s cock. “You’re...”

Hard. He was hard. After all this time he had gotten hard, and when he had least expected it. Alec had never felt more like a man more than in this moment.

Jace was about to say something else, but before the words could leave his mouth, Alec shut him up with a kiss. Alec was done with words. From now on he would let his actions speak for him. He flipped Jace onto his back and the two of them spent the rest of the night celebrating.

 

For once everything went according to plan. When the time came for the attack to take place, everything just fell into place and it happened he way it was supposed to happen. The Nephilim took that as a sign from the Angel that they were doing the right thing. The sudden attack had definitely taken the Circle by surprise, but they were always prepared so they put up a good fight even if it was obvious they would lose. The Clave had the Werewolves, the Warlocks, the Vampires and the Seelies on their side so they the numbers and the forces, so the victory was clearly theirs.

Thanks to all the information they’d gotten from the parabatai, the Clave was able to hijack the Morning Star in a record time.

There was just one thing they had forgotten. Even when Valentine was losing, he still found a way to fuck other people over.  
bnnn  
The battle was in full swing when Alec heard someone yell, The ship’s sinking! Apparently Valentine had had a back up plan for this scenario too.

As soon as Alec heard those words, he abandoned all else and went to warn his parabatai so they could leave the ship as soon as possible.

It didn’t take long for Alec to find Jace, was fighting his Father yet again. It was not a surprise that Jace would want to be the one to put an end to Valentine, but Alec knew they didn’t have time for that.  
“Jace!” Alec called out as loudly as he could. “Let’s go!” he urged. “The ship’s sinking!”

“I don’t care!” Jace told him, never letting his guard down even for a second. “I have to...”

As much as Alec would have liked to see the look on Jace’s face once he had finally gotten rid of Valentine, survival was more important to him than revenge. He took one of his silver arrows out and aimed at the Head of the Circle.

When the arrow hit his back, Valentine collapsed, gurgling blood as he struggled to breathe.

Jace definitely wasn’t happy with his parabatai had done. “What the fuck did you do that for?!” he demanded, walking up towards Alec, looking murderous.

“It’s not the time for that now,” Alec told him. “Just trust me,” he requested before taking Jace’s hand in his own and the two of them jumped from the ship into the water.

 

There’s some truth to the notion that the things you wanted most in life would come to you only when you let them go. Jace learned that after he fled the Morning Star for the second time. This time around he had his parabatai by his side so it turned out to be a considerably more pleasant experience with an unexpected outcome. Plus, there was no one around so there was no risk of him being accused of a murder he hadn’t committed.

Alec had stopped him when Jace had tried to swim to shore so they could head back to the Institute. So here they were now: both of them soaking wet, knee-deep in Hudson’s polluted waters and freezing.

“What is it?” Jace wondered, growing worried. “What’s wrong? Did anything happen? We’re supposed to report back to the Institute, right?”

“We don’t have to,” Alec told him, staring at Jace with a soft expression on his face.

“What do you mean?” Jace asked, still clueless.

Alec took a deep breath before replying. “Jace,” he stared, trying to gather his thoughts. “When we started this you said we should just pack our bags and leave,” he reminded as if Jace could ever forget. “Do you still want that?”

Jace stared at him for a moment, unable to process what he had just heard. Was this real? Was Alec suggesting what Jace thought he was?

Jace had spent so long dreaming of this moment, and now when it was finally here, he couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

“Jace?” Alec tried to keep his parabatai grounded so Jace wouldn’t go into a catatonic state again. “Jace, you okay?” he asked, squeezing his parabatai’s shoulder lightly.

“Y—Yeah,” Jace replied after he regained his ability to speak. “I’m fine,” he assured.

“Well?” Alec prompted. “Do you want that?” he questioned again, sounding somewhat fearful as if he thought Jace would say no.

“Of course I want it,” Jace replied without a doubt in his mind that that was what he wanted. “But, Alec, you shouldn’t—”

Alec interrupted him even before Jace could finish his sentence. “I’m not rushing into this, Jace!” he stated, sounding sure in his words. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time,” he revealed. “Listen, Jace,” the archer sighed. “Ever since we started this, you found out your Father was alive and that he had been experimenting on you, I died, and came back to life, not to mention all the other crazy stuff that happened in between, and plus the war that may or may not have ended,” he recalled, and Jace wasn’t sure if he he’d even been breathing during this whole rant.

“And after all of it,” Alec added after a short pause. “I now know you’re the only thing I need, but I need peace, Jace!” he revealed finally. “I don’t want to spend every day for the rest of my life wondering if any given moment would be my last! Or worrying that I might be beheaded if I look at you in a suspicious way—”

“Stop!” Jace ordered, interrupting Alec by throwing himself in his arms. “Stop, I don’t want that either!” he sobbed, hugging his parabatai tight, and thanking the Angel they were finally on the same page. “I wanna leave and never look back, but we both know the Clave will never leave us alone.”

“They will, if they think we’re dead,” Alec told him as they broke the hug.

“But how?” Jace wondered, then he realized why Alec had insisted that they stay in the water. It was to prevent them from being tracked.

“I have a few ideas,” Alec told him with a smug smirk on his face.

“Tell me,” Jace urged him, getting impatient, mainly because the Clave was most likely looking for them, and if they didn’t hurry it was only a matter of time before they’d be found. “I’m listening, parabatai.”

Alec nodded and then proceeded to tell Jace all about his plan.

 

It was over. The war was finally at its end. Valentine had been captured along with his most loyal followers, and the Circle had quickly been dismantled after that. Peace had been declared, but Isabelle had never seen their world was in a state of complete mayhem. No one was in the mood for celebrating after so many people had lost their lives in the Morning battle as they had called it. Sobs an wails could be heard from everywhere as people were being informed of the passing of their loved ones. Isabelle’s ears were ringing, and she couldn’t close her eyes without seeing the thousands of corpses that had been left behind. What scared her the post was the fact that they hadn’t been able to find Jace and Alec. No one knew where they were, but she prayed to the Angel thy were okay.

This was not how Isabelle had imagine victory would look like. In her dreams, life after the war would always be bright and idyllic with people smiling and regarding each other as brothers, because they had realized how wrong war was. Alas, reality was much different.

There was no smile on Izzy’s face as she entered the Head of the Institute’s office.

“Ms. Lightwood,” the Inquisitor greeted her with a curt nod. “Please, sit down,” he ordered. “Report on the situation.”

“The Mortal Cup and the Soul Sword have been retrieved, and are now back in Idris,” Izzy told her. “We’re still counting the dead, but we should have an estimated number by tomorrow.”

“And your brothers?” the Inquisitor wondered. “Any news on them?”

“No, Ma’am,” Izzy replied, shaking her head. “We’re still looking, so it’s early to say if they’re dead or if they’re just missing.”

“And which option do you think is more likely, Ms. Lightwood?” Imogen Herondale asked her bluntly.

“I can’t be sure, Ma’am,” Izzy answered honestly. “It’s really not something that I can say for sure,” she admitted. “They were trained to survive similar situations, yes, but there was a storm last night, and they could’ve drowned like many others did.”

“So you do believe they’re dead,” Imogen Herondale concluded.

“It’s very likely, Ma’am,” Izzy replied. “But I wouldn’t want to jump to conclusions without evidence.”

“That’s very pragmatic of you, Ms. Lightwood,” Imogen Herondale complimented. “Did you try tracking them down?”

“Yes, but they most likely have their Anti-tracking runes activated,” Izzy told her, avoiding the Inquisitor’s cold gaze.

“Then contact a Warlock!” Imogen Herondale suggested.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Izzy, nodded, rising to her feet, eager to leave before the Inquisitor had asked her anything else about Jace and Alec. “I’ll call Magnus Bane and get him here as soon as possible so he can try tracking them down.”

“Do keep me updated, Ms. Lightwood,” the Inquisitor ordered before dismissing Izzy.

 

Only when Izzy got back to her room did she allow herself to relax. Ever since Alec and Jace had joined Valentine, Izzy had been living in constant fear that she’d be arrested for covering them up since everyone else had already figured out the real reason they’d left. Plus, there had been rumours of them being seen kissing so their love wasn’t much of a secret anymore.

Izzy leaned back against her door, closing her eyes. It wasn’t over. Now she’d have to call Magnus and ask him to track Jace and Alec down as if the Warlock wasn’t busy enough already with taking care of Luke.

In her hear Izzy felt- she knew Jace and Alec were alive, but as horrible as it sounded, she hoped Magnus wouldn’t manage to track them down. It was obvious they didn’t want to be found and they seemed to be doing better on their own, so it would be best if everyone thought they wee dead and left them alone.

Izzy leaned back against the door, closing her eyes. Wherever her brothers were, she hoped they’d find the happiness they’d been looking for.

 

Jace’s heart was hammering in his chest, and yet he couldn’t stop smiling.

“You ready, parabatai?” Alec asked, smiling as well.

“Yep,” Jace confirmed with a nod. He had never been ready for anything in his life.

“Put your seatbelt on, then,” Alec ordered. “Safety first,” he said, smirking as he watched his parabatai obey immediately.

“Last chance,” Jace warned him. “If you’re thinking of backing down, better do it now.”

“No way,” Alec shook his head, squeezing Jace’s hand. “You?”

Jace rolled his eyes. “Like that’s ever gonna happen,” he put his hand on Alec’s knee for reassurance. “Take me somewhere else, parabatai.”

“As you wish,” Alec started the car, unable to hide his excitement.

They had no idea where they were going. All they was that this was the start of their new lives. They were leaving the old world behind, and entering a different one—a new world for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo! They're finally free! Can you believe it?! 
> 
> #freetheparbatai
> 
> I've been planning this ever since I stared writing the story so it's very exciting to finally get to this point.
> 
> This is not the end so stay tuned for more.
> 
> Don't forget to let me know your thoughts on this and until next time, Angels!

**Author's Note:**

> WOW! You read of of that? Good job!
> 
> I sincerely hope you've enjoyed this.I'd LOVE to hear thoughts so don't be shy.I'm on Tumblr @smol-jace.I'm always a slut for comments and reviews, so please talk to me.I wanna know how you feel about this little thing I've started here.
> 
> Also, I apologize if there are any mistakes, as I said English is not my native language.
> 
> I hope you liked reading it as much as I loved writing it
> 
> I'll see you next time, Angels and remember:Love will always prevail in the end.


End file.
